Author's Note: You guys are too much! You give me such lovely reviews that I cry just about every time I read one. But please, keep them coming! They are a darn good motivator (even if you do move me to tears). Do I really need to give you all the spiel about how the characters aren't mine, and how there is no money being made off my borrowing them? Didn't think so.
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It had been three days since that horrible afternoon in Pandarus Point. Three days since they had uncovered the truth about the skeletal remains, three days since Rachel had stabbed Nick, and three days since he had last had touch with the world of the living. Now he lay in the ICU, surrounded by machines. He was hovering somewhere between life and death, in a place where no one could reach him. He was trapped in a chasm between survival and demise. His soul was still strong but his body grew weaker by the day. He was at the gates of Heaven, yet there was no one there to open them up to him. It was not his time, not yet. But Nick's time on Earth was growing shorter. Each blip on the heart monitor, each breath from the respirator brought him one step closer to crossing over the threshold from life to death. It is fascinating how the mind, an instrument with so much capacity for learning and knowledge, can be turned off so easily. Nick's mind was silent now. There were no thoughts about the past, the present or the future. His mind rested, waiting patiently to see if it would be called into service once again, or whether it would simply be dismissed as unnecessary once his soul silently evacuated its vessel. The mind, once so sharp, was a void of nothingness.
Gil Grissom could not understand this. He didn't understand how the mind could not be working. He was a man who had made his life out of using his mind to fit the pieces of seemingly unsolvable puzzles together. He couldn't understand how the mind could not process what was happening. He wondered why Nick's mind didn't just tell him to wake up, that it was time to pull himself out of the darkness that had engulfed him. What Grissom fails to understand was the distinction between the brain and the mind. The brain is capable of all spatial and logical thought. The mind is what is allowed to think in abstracts. The mind can go far beyond the realm of ordinary science or knowledge. The mind can travel to the ends of the imagination and back again. The mind can create and destroy concepts. The brain is what holds the intellect that one absorbs through books and education, but the mind is what makes us individuals. One's mind is their own personal tool for conceptualization. It allows people to explore their own personal dreams and desires. Where brains can possess the same information, minds are unique to each person. It is for this reason that the old saying "Great minds think alike" is not entirely true. Great brains think alike, but it is very rare that minds share the same capacity for imagination. It is this distinction that Grissom overlooked. He, like so many other academics, equates the term "brain" with "mind". He does not see how different the two really are. He doesn't understand that Nick's brain is still functioning, albeit barely. However, Nick's mind is in a sort of mental no-man's land, and there is no machine that can pull the mind out of the darkness in which it rests. The mind can only return to its owner if the owner is able to overcome the darkness on a physical level first. The mental and the physical are deeply enmeshed with one another, and the body must be stronger before the mind can pull itself out of the recesses of the soul. Grissom doesn't understand this. He probably never will.
Within the depths of the ICU, Nick does not lack any stream of visitors. There is always someone by his bedside, talking to him, holding his hand or just being with him. The team is afraid that if they leave for an instant that Nick would perceive that as an act of surrender. If they quit, he will undoubtedly quit too. They have been told that a person in a coma can hear what is said to them, so they make sure to give Nick every reassurance that he will be okay. No one is sure if he can actually hear them or not. The sound is certainly traveling the auditory channels that it must in order to scientifically be classified as a sound. The words lodge themselves in his mind, even if he doesn't realize it yet. He will remember some of these words if he awakes, but some will be lost to him. Because his mind is burrowed so deep into the darkness, some words simply cannot reach him. They get lost in the depths of his soul but even though he cannot hear them, they are a reassurance to everyone else nonetheless. Whenever the team talks to one another, they make sure to sound upbeat and positive about Nick's recovery. They never mention that the doctor's speculate that the attack may have done irreparable damage to his system. The team never mentions how there have been absolutely no responses to stimulus in the three days since Nick has arrived. And the team certainly never discusses the doctor's solemn explanation that Nick is, for all intents and purposes, dead to them. He is living on machines now. His body should just give up, but there is still just a bit of fight left in it. The team knows this. They all know how stubborn Nick can be. They know that he is a fighter. If he has held on this long, then perhaps he can pull through. They refuse to see that the deck is stacked against them. They cling stubbornly to the belief that Nick will be okay.
By now (Day 3) they are starting to truly understand how devastatingly lonesome it is within the ICU. Because of Nick's highly unstable condition, they are only allowed in to see him one at a time. That means for their ten minutes or so that they get with him, they are all alone in their thoughts. Without anyone around to tell them otherwise, they start to be consumed by their fears. It is only when they are alone that they are honest with themselves. In these moments of isolation they realize how futile the fight really is. Nick's coma came as an unexpected shock, on a day when they swore nothing could shock them anymore. When he slipped away into the darkness, they thought he was gone forever. Instead, he is forced to cling to life, aided only by machines and the prayers of his friends. It is a cruel sort of game that the evil is playing with them. The evil which Rachel imposed upon Nick has made it so that there can be no closure for those closest to him. The evil taunts them every time they step through those doors. The evil taunts them every time they look down at his bloodless face. The evil is ever-present and its wrath is unrelenting. They cannot rid themselves of the evil, and more than once they have told themselves that the evil will emerge the victor. They all wanted to believe that good would triumph in the end, but it seems now that evil is the stronger force. If it is strong enough to take down someone as good as Nick, then it must be immensely powerful. The presence of evil combined with the hopelessness of the ICU make a team that is struggling just to keep the faith. Trying to keep the faith is difficult but they have created a routine. They take turns staying with Nick and when it is not their turn they go to the hospital chapel. There they sit, sometimes together, sometimes apart, and they pray. They pray to God and they pray to Nick. They hope against hope that these prayers will get to at least one of their intended recipients. Their prayers sound very different from one another, but the message is always the same: Live.
* * *
Sara's Prayer
Um…okay, here it goes. God, if there even is a God, because I mean, I don't even know anymore....What I am trying to say is that, if there is anyone, anywhere that can hear this, please let Nick wake up. He is a good person and we all really miss him....I really miss him. I can't stand seeing him like this. He looks so small up there, with all those tubes and wires coming out all over the place. He can't stay like this, he really can't. I am begging you, please help him now. If anyone deserves a good miracle, it's Nick. He is a good guy....well, I guess you already knew that. He cares about the people around him, and we all care about him in return. You must know that by now. I mean, that's why I am here right now, kneeling down and praying. You must know that this isn't my style. I would much rather be using something tangible to try help him, but I can't do that. Science can't save him now. For whatever reason, his life has been placed into your hands, and I don't know if you get to decide whether or not he lives, or what happens. But if you do have that power, please let him live. Because the team just wouldn't be the same without him.....I don't think we could survive without Nick. You don't have to do it for me, in fact, you probably shouldn't.....I don't think it's a good idea to do it for someone else's selfish reasons......but if you can, do it for Nick. Because he will shine his light onto the world if he wakes up. That is the kind of person he is. The world needs him....we need him...I need him. So, God, or whoever, if you can, please help him out. He deserves it.....I gotta go. It's almost my turn to visit him. Just please……think about what I said.
Sara rose from her pew and silently left the chapel. She wasn't entirely comfortable turning to prayer, not because she didn't believe, but because it felt like she wasn't doing enough to help Nick. She wasn't sure her prayers carried any real validity, seeing as she hadn't been to Church in a long time. She turned to science, not God when she needed answers. But now she felt like prayer was the only thing that she could do. So, difficult as it was for her to do, she dutifully went to the chapel and prayed everyday. If anyone was worth the effort, Nick was.
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Catherine's Prayer
God, please, please, please let Nicky be okay. I know I come in here everyday and ask you the same thing, but I keep hoping that maybe it will help. I know that it is selfish of me to be monopolizing your time with my prayers, especially when everyone else is in here doing the same thing, but I really want Nick to be okay. I need him to wake up. I need to tell him all the things I meant to say. I want to tell him that he is a wonderful friend. I want to tell him how much I appreciate his concern for Lindsey. I want to tell him that if I could be half the person that he is, then I would be pretty darn fantastic. I want to tell him how much I love him. I want to say these things, because I never told him before. I know that you have the power to save him. I also know that there is some great master plan, and I have no right to intrude upon it. But I need to tell him how I feel. He needs to be okay, not just for my sake, but for the sake of everyone that knows him. He needs to be okay because I need to know that good can triumph over evil. He can't die; not like this. So please God, let him live. You won't ever regret it. Amen
Catherine blessed herself and sat back in her seat. She didn't want to rush back upstairs. She hated the waiting room more than anything. It was like the anteroom of death. It was horrible. Just sitting and waiting. Waiting to go in and see Nick lying there comatose. Waiting to go in and feel nothing but grief. Waiting to go see him, not knowing if that time would be her last to see him still alive. The waiting room was awful. She would rather sit in the chapel. At least her thoughts her were less ominous than they were within the ICU. However, here her mind turned to all of her regrets. She regretted not telling Nick how much she cared about him when she had the chance. She had taken for granted that he would always be there. She had just assumed that he knew how special he was to her. But she knew better now. She knew that she couldn't take one single moment for granted. And if Nick got a second chance at life, she knew she would do everything right, so that there would be no more regrets.
* * *
Greg's Prayer
Oh man, I don't know where to start. I keep coming in here every day, bugging you, but I don't know what else to do. I guess what I am trying not say is that please let Nick live. I mean, don't get me wrong; I want everyone in that ICU to be okay, but right now I am praying for Nick in particular. Everyone up there has a good reason why they should live. I guess I should tell you why Nick should....not that I am trying to convince you to help him over someone else. You see, Nick is a really good person. Oh, sure everyone says that, but in his case it's true. Nick is like the one constant in the world. No matter how much everything changes, Nick will stay the same. He will be there for you when you need him, he will do anything he can to help you and he is just a really good friend. He….well he's been like a brother to me. I always wanted siblings, and I guess that Nick has sort of become one. I would never tell him this of course...it would just embarrass him. But he is always looking out for me, and he the most supportive, caring friend you could ask for. So, that is why I want him to live. If you can save him, please do because the world really is a better place with him in it. And please bless all the other people who are in the ICU as well. They need to be taken care of as well. Amen.
Greg remained kneeling for a while afterwards. He was lost in thought as he looked around the chapel. There were other people in there doing the same thing as he was. He wondered what their prayers would sound like if he could here them. One woman was crying silently as she prayed, the tears streaming down her face like rain. A couple sat with their hands tightly intertwined. They were leaning on each other, each looking like they would fall if the other moved. An old woman held a rosary in her hand, and her lips moved in silent prayer as she rubbed the well-worn beads with her gnarled old fingers. Everyone here had their own prayers. They all had somebody they wanted to be kept safe. Greg's heart went out to all of them. He knew exactly how they felt.
* * *
Sara arrived at the doors of the ICU, but before she could even get through a nurse told her that there was someone in with Nick right now, and that she would have to wait a few more minutes. The nurse told Sara that she would come get her when it was her turn. It must be Warrick or Grissom, she thought. They seemed to feel particularly guilty about what had happened, despite constant reassurances that they had no reason to be. Still, neither one of them left Nick's side for long periods of time. Between the two of them, Sara estimated that they had slept no more then twelve hours in the past three days. She really wished they would just take a break for a few hours. They needed to rest. She sighed inwardly and began thumbing through a magazine. She was looking at it, but she didn't see a single image from any of the pages, Her mind was elsewhere. She hadn't been sitting there more than five minutes when the nurse came back to get her. Nick's visitor was leaving, she said. Sara went through the doors and looked into the face of Nick's most recent guest. She froze in shock.
"Ecklie?" She knew she sounded stunned, she couldn't help it. What on earth was Ecklie doing here?
"You're wondering why I came." His voice was a sharp as it ever was. She nodded numbly, still shocked that the day shift supervisor would be here. He motioned for her to follow him back into the waiting room. She really wanted to go see Nick, but her curiosity got the better of her and she obliged.
He sighed and sank into one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs that are a mainstay of any hospital waiting room.
"Look, let's be honest: I don't like the people on the night shift much, and you guys don't like me. That hasn't changed. But I do have immense respect for the work you guys do, and I have a lot of respect for Stokes. Despite all of our differences, he is a decent guy. He got a raw deal and he shouldn't be lying in there like that. I feel really terrible for him and I decided to come by and bring him a little something that I hope will help speed up his recovery"
"What did you…?" Before Sara could finish her question, Ecklie spoke again.
"I just want all of you guys to know that everyone back at headquarters is praying for Nick. Everyone is wishing him a speedy recovery, myself included. He is one of the good ones. It should never have happened to him. It should never have happened to anybody. Stokes is a good person, and I hope he pulls through. He'll be in my prayers." With that, Ecklie excused himself and made a beeline towards the elevator. No doubt he wanted to escape before anyone else from the night shift had a chance to see him. Sara smiled to herself at Ecklie's concern and went in to see Nick. He was as still as ever. Sara immediately noticed what it was that Ecklie had brought. On the windowsill near Nick's bed, was a miniature Texas flag. The base was made of pewter and it was in the shape of the state of Texas. There was a tiny note taped to the underside of the base. Carefully picking it up, Sara read the note. Her eyes filled with tears as she read the words that had clearly come from the heart.
"Nick, I know how proud you are to be a Texan, so here you go. Texas should be proud to have you. You are one of the best people on God's green earth. Get well soon Cowboy". It was unsigned.
"Oh how cute!" one of the nurses glanced over Sara's shoulder at the gift. "Who gave that to him?"
Sara smiled and simply replied: "An angel".
Then she pulled up a chair and settled in for a quiet visit with her friend. Ecklie's gift had given her a new sense of hope. Nick was going to be okay after all, she was sure of it.
* * *
Catherine and Greg were still sitting in the chapel ten minutes later. They didn't speak, but Catherine had silently reached over and grabbed Greg's hand. They sat there, silently comforting each other. No words needed to be spoken; they each knew what the other was thinking. They probably would have sat there for hours had Sara not burst into the chapel. Her face was flushed; she had just come down from the ICU, her visit with Nick cut short.
"Sara, what?-" Catherine looked at the young woman in shock.
"It's Nick…. I was just with him and……his heart stopped. I think we lost him Catherine!"