Disclaimer: It's amazing what Squaresoft will give ya if you dig up enough dirt about them! If only I could find something... Until then, they own all. Even WWF. And there's a wee scene I stole from Jay and Silent Bob strike back.
But *S.I.C.K. is MINE! BUAHAHAHA!
The members of *S.I.C.K. were trying to decide on a song.
Kuja: Sweet Transvestite!
Others: O.O
Sephiroth: NO.
Cloud: Elevation?
Irvine: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT BONO! (based on my brother)
Sephiroth: If I'm voiced by an Nsyncer, then we'll sing a song by them!
Kuja: Did they even write their own songs?
Sephiroth: *eye twitches* ...
Cloud: Uhm... Anyway...
Sephiroth: We'll sing It's Gonna Be Me.
Others: WHAT!? Why?
Sephiroth: Who started this band? ME! Now let's get to work!
Meanwhile, in the streets of Alexandria...
Vivi: CHOCOLATE! GET YOUR CREAMY CHOCOLATE HERE! *thinking* I will make them ALL eat carob! Hahahaha!
Person: Can I have some chocolate?
Vivi: *giggle* 100 gil please.
Person: *hands over gil and gets carob* Thanks! *goes off and eats it somewhere else*
So Vivi got lots of customers, all buying "chocolate"... Let's see where Zidane and Lulu are...
Zidane: Lulu, wanna work for me?
Lulu: Where will I work?
Zidane: Outside Kiddie Studios!
Lulu: -.-' Isn't that where they film Teletubbies?
Zidane: Exactly! The creators of that show must be so stupid they can't get any! With you there, our profits will be booming!
Lulu: Ok, sure!
O.O''' Is there ANYONE who has a decent job here? Oh, look! It's Auron and Tidus in Besaid!
Auron: I'm going to be a psychic!
Tidus: O.o A psychic? Why?
Auron: I've wanted to be a psychic since I was a child! And YOU will help me!
Tidus: Eh?
Auron: I can't predict stuff for donkeys! You'll be my accessory!
Tidus: And my cash?
Auron: 80/20?
Tidus: 80/20?!
Auron: Or 70/30 -
Tidus: NO WAY, man! You already said 80/20, so stick with it!
Auron: *grin* Sure!
If I don't find someone with a decent, honest job soon I'll freak! Hey, why is Seymour going to Kiddie Studios?
Man at desk: Ah, Mr Seymour! You've come for your first day!
Seymour: ^-^ Yup! I just LOVE this show!
Man at desk: Great! The changing rooms are over there!
Seymour walks off... Meanwhile, back to Vivi, who seems to have gotten into a spot of trouble...
Policeman: Sir, I am ALLERGIC to carob!
Vivi: *gulp* How was I supposed to know that?!
Policeman: SIR, YOU WILL COME WITH ME DOWN TO THE STATION!
Vivi: O.O! But I'm only 9! And I helped save the world!
Policeman: Sure, and let me guess! You know Queen Garnet, RIGHT?
Vivi: Actually, I do! AHA! *uses Firaga on Policeman*
Policeman: AHHH! My ass is on fire!
Vivi: Now I can run away!
Policeman: *sits in well-placed bucket of water* Ahhh... OI! Come back here! HOOLIGAN! *catches Vivi*
Vivi: Bugger...
So Vivi was taken to Alexandria prison. I wonder where Rikku is, anyway?
Rikku: *to old man* Rao, suja! E fyhhy ced drana!
Old Man: Crid oan dnyb, oy bihg!
Rikku: O.O Lnyb... Oui cbayg Al Bhed?!
Old Man: ^_^ Ramm oayr! E nih yh Al Bhed cdneb zuehd tufhdufh!
Rikku: Fuf, luum! Lyh E pa eh ed?
Old Man: o.o; Famm, so knyhtcuh'c dygehk ujan dra picehacc, cu fro tuh'd E dyga oui du res vun y bnejyda cruf?
Rikku: Yfacusa!
Old Man: ... E drehg cusa baubma yna luhvicat, mad'c dymg eh ahkmecr huf...
Rikku: *pouts* Fine...
So they head off to the Old Man's stripjoint... Btw, go here -- http://www.pixelscapes.com/twoflower/albhed.html if you didn't understand any of that.
Anyway, at Balamb Garden...
Zell: HOT DOGS! GET YOUR HOT DOGS HERE!
Voice from under table: MY TAILLLL!!! AHHHHH!
Zell: Red XIII, SHUT UP!
Red: YOU CHOPPED OFF MY TAIL!!!!
Zell: O.o... So I did!
Fujin: GIVE. ME. FOOD.
Zell: Alrighty! *gives her a hotdog*
Fujin: FUR. ON. FOOD.
Zell: oo; Whoops! I didnÕt shave that one enough! Here, take this one! *hands her a different one*
Fujin: *takes a bite* MEDICAL. HELP. NEEDED. *collapses*
Raijin: O.O! Fujin had a bad hotdog, ya know?
Zell: Uh... Red XIII, letÕs get out of here!
Red XIII: MY TAIL! SHE ATE MY TAIL!
While Zell gets thrown into prison as well for Animal Cruelty and Food Poisoning, letÕs see how RikkuÕs stripping jobÕs going...
Rikku: *goes inside* O.O Yuna, Selphie, what are you doing here?
Yuna and Selphie: We work here!
Rikku: Coolio! IÕm gonna have an interview!
Selphie: Oooh! The guyÕs cute!
Yuna: Yeah! ^-^
Rikku: Wish me luck!A few, censored moments later...
Cute Grandson: YouÕre HIRED!
Rikku: Yay!
O.O; That I did not need to know of... Anyway, letÕs check on Auron and Tidus...
Auron: Hello, sir!
Tidus: Can you read my mind?
A big crowd gathers.
Auron: Sure! YouÕre thinking... That Yuna looks damn hot in the strip club poster!
Tidus: O.O I WAS thinking that!
Crowd: *cheers*
Auron: Thankyou, sir!
O-K... LetÕs check on Zidane and Lulu again.
Zidane: *wearing an outfit just like Austin PowersÕs 50Õs outfit from Goldmember* ^_^ This is going well! Good work, Lulu!
Lulu: Here, some more! *hands him 100, 005 gil*
Zidane: Shibby!
Anyway, letÕs go back to the strip joint, where Kimahiri is auditioning...
Cute Grandson: *in other room* AHHHHHHHHHHHH! MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ehhhh, the mental image! LetÕs check on Kiddie Studios... WhatÕs Vincent doing here?
Man: Mr Vincent! The movie studios are down the hall.
Vincent: *goes*
Director: Ah! YouÕre here! The movie will be starting shortly... But since weÕre short of money, weÕre making a porno instead.
Vincent: O.O
Director: And hereÕs our stand-in for the female character!
Yuffie walks in.
Yuffie: Hi! *sees Vincent, who is gaping* O.O
Vincent: O.o
I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THIS!!!! LetÕs check on *S.I.C.K..
Cloud: *off-tune* YouÕre just tooooo fine, you seeeeee....
Others: AHHHH!
Sephiroth: STOP SINGING!
Cloud: ThereÕs no need to yell!
Irvine: Can I sing?
Sephiroth: ThatÕd be even WORSE! *shudder*
A/N: Finally.... 1000 words!!! Wheee!
But *S.I.C.K. is MINE! BUAHAHAHA!
The members of *S.I.C.K. were trying to decide on a song.
Kuja: Sweet Transvestite!
Others: O.O
Sephiroth: NO.
Cloud: Elevation?
Irvine: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT BONO! (based on my brother)
Sephiroth: If I'm voiced by an Nsyncer, then we'll sing a song by them!
Kuja: Did they even write their own songs?
Sephiroth: *eye twitches* ...
Cloud: Uhm... Anyway...
Sephiroth: We'll sing It's Gonna Be Me.
Others: WHAT!? Why?
Sephiroth: Who started this band? ME! Now let's get to work!
Meanwhile, in the streets of Alexandria...
Vivi: CHOCOLATE! GET YOUR CREAMY CHOCOLATE HERE! *thinking* I will make them ALL eat carob! Hahahaha!
Person: Can I have some chocolate?
Vivi: *giggle* 100 gil please.
Person: *hands over gil and gets carob* Thanks! *goes off and eats it somewhere else*
So Vivi got lots of customers, all buying "chocolate"... Let's see where Zidane and Lulu are...
Zidane: Lulu, wanna work for me?
Lulu: Where will I work?
Zidane: Outside Kiddie Studios!
Lulu: -.-' Isn't that where they film Teletubbies?
Zidane: Exactly! The creators of that show must be so stupid they can't get any! With you there, our profits will be booming!
Lulu: Ok, sure!
O.O''' Is there ANYONE who has a decent job here? Oh, look! It's Auron and Tidus in Besaid!
Auron: I'm going to be a psychic!
Tidus: O.o A psychic? Why?
Auron: I've wanted to be a psychic since I was a child! And YOU will help me!
Tidus: Eh?
Auron: I can't predict stuff for donkeys! You'll be my accessory!
Tidus: And my cash?
Auron: 80/20?
Tidus: 80/20?!
Auron: Or 70/30 -
Tidus: NO WAY, man! You already said 80/20, so stick with it!
Auron: *grin* Sure!
If I don't find someone with a decent, honest job soon I'll freak! Hey, why is Seymour going to Kiddie Studios?
Man at desk: Ah, Mr Seymour! You've come for your first day!
Seymour: ^-^ Yup! I just LOVE this show!
Man at desk: Great! The changing rooms are over there!
Seymour walks off... Meanwhile, back to Vivi, who seems to have gotten into a spot of trouble...
Policeman: Sir, I am ALLERGIC to carob!
Vivi: *gulp* How was I supposed to know that?!
Policeman: SIR, YOU WILL COME WITH ME DOWN TO THE STATION!
Vivi: O.O! But I'm only 9! And I helped save the world!
Policeman: Sure, and let me guess! You know Queen Garnet, RIGHT?
Vivi: Actually, I do! AHA! *uses Firaga on Policeman*
Policeman: AHHH! My ass is on fire!
Vivi: Now I can run away!
Policeman: *sits in well-placed bucket of water* Ahhh... OI! Come back here! HOOLIGAN! *catches Vivi*
Vivi: Bugger...
So Vivi was taken to Alexandria prison. I wonder where Rikku is, anyway?
Rikku: *to old man* Rao, suja! E fyhhy ced drana!
Old Man: Crid oan dnyb, oy bihg!
Rikku: O.O Lnyb... Oui cbayg Al Bhed?!
Old Man: ^_^ Ramm oayr! E nih yh Al Bhed cdneb zuehd tufhdufh!
Rikku: Fuf, luum! Lyh E pa eh ed?
Old Man: o.o; Famm, so knyhtcuh'c dygehk ujan dra picehacc, cu fro tuh'd E dyga oui du res vun y bnejyda cruf?
Rikku: Yfacusa!
Old Man: ... E drehg cusa baubma yna luhvicat, mad'c dymg eh ahkmecr huf...
Rikku: *pouts* Fine...
So they head off to the Old Man's stripjoint... Btw, go here -- http://www.pixelscapes.com/twoflower/albhed.html if you didn't understand any of that.
Anyway, at Balamb Garden...
Zell: HOT DOGS! GET YOUR HOT DOGS HERE!
Voice from under table: MY TAILLLL!!! AHHHHH!
Zell: Red XIII, SHUT UP!
Red: YOU CHOPPED OFF MY TAIL!!!!
Zell: O.o... So I did!
Fujin: GIVE. ME. FOOD.
Zell: Alrighty! *gives her a hotdog*
Fujin: FUR. ON. FOOD.
Zell: oo; Whoops! I didnÕt shave that one enough! Here, take this one! *hands her a different one*
Fujin: *takes a bite* MEDICAL. HELP. NEEDED. *collapses*
Raijin: O.O! Fujin had a bad hotdog, ya know?
Zell: Uh... Red XIII, letÕs get out of here!
Red XIII: MY TAIL! SHE ATE MY TAIL!
While Zell gets thrown into prison as well for Animal Cruelty and Food Poisoning, letÕs see how RikkuÕs stripping jobÕs going...
Rikku: *goes inside* O.O Yuna, Selphie, what are you doing here?
Yuna and Selphie: We work here!
Rikku: Coolio! IÕm gonna have an interview!
Selphie: Oooh! The guyÕs cute!
Yuna: Yeah! ^-^
Rikku: Wish me luck!A few, censored moments later...
Cute Grandson: YouÕre HIRED!
Rikku: Yay!
O.O; That I did not need to know of... Anyway, letÕs check on Auron and Tidus...
Auron: Hello, sir!
Tidus: Can you read my mind?
A big crowd gathers.
Auron: Sure! YouÕre thinking... That Yuna looks damn hot in the strip club poster!
Tidus: O.O I WAS thinking that!
Crowd: *cheers*
Auron: Thankyou, sir!
O-K... LetÕs check on Zidane and Lulu again.
Zidane: *wearing an outfit just like Austin PowersÕs 50Õs outfit from Goldmember* ^_^ This is going well! Good work, Lulu!
Lulu: Here, some more! *hands him 100, 005 gil*
Zidane: Shibby!
Anyway, letÕs go back to the strip joint, where Kimahiri is auditioning...
Cute Grandson: *in other room* AHHHHHHHHHHHH! MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ehhhh, the mental image! LetÕs check on Kiddie Studios... WhatÕs Vincent doing here?
Man: Mr Vincent! The movie studios are down the hall.
Vincent: *goes*
Director: Ah! YouÕre here! The movie will be starting shortly... But since weÕre short of money, weÕre making a porno instead.
Vincent: O.O
Director: And hereÕs our stand-in for the female character!
Yuffie walks in.
Yuffie: Hi! *sees Vincent, who is gaping* O.O
Vincent: O.o
I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THIS!!!! LetÕs check on *S.I.C.K..
Cloud: *off-tune* YouÕre just tooooo fine, you seeeeee....
Others: AHHHH!
Sephiroth: STOP SINGING!
Cloud: ThereÕs no need to yell!
Irvine: Can I sing?
Sephiroth: ThatÕd be even WORSE! *shudder*
A/N: Finally.... 1000 words!!! Wheee!