A/N/Disclaimer: Well, well. This is my GREATEST fic! People LIKE it! *sigh* I'm too much of a people pleaser! So... I don't anyone here, but I'm gonna write about 'em anyways.
Note: I stole a few scenes from various movies. Guess which ones they are!
So, another day ended. Cloud, who seems to be the hero now, was trying to jump out a window due to the horrific sounds coming from Vivi's room, which was right next door.
Cloud: @_@ HOLY SHIT! He's only supposed to be a really short 9 year old!
From Other Room: Oh, Tifa! Aeris! Dagger! Yuna!
Cloud: @_@" OPEN, YOU GODDAMNED WINDOW! *bashes window with buster sword* WAIT! He's with MY WOMEN!
So Cloud, evidently pissed off, woke up Zidane and Tidus, and they listened to the sounds.
Yuna: *from beyond the door* Oh, Vivi! I didn't know that was possible!
Tidus: O.o I'M GONNA KILL -
Zidane & Cloud: SHHHH!
And then, came the final straw.
Dagger: *from beyond the door* Oh, Sephiroth, Sephiroth! I love you!
The Guys: HOLY SHIT!!!! *they bust down the door*
Cloud: @_@ You're...
Tidus: @_@ Doing...
ZIdane: @_@ Hairstyles!
Tifa, Aeris, Dagger, Vivi, Sephiroth and Yuna looked up. They all had funky hairdos.
Sephiroth: O.O *hides his plaits*
Aeris: Hi, guys! Wanna join us?
Cloud: I thought - We thought...
Vivi: What?
Zidane: Nothing! Sure, I'll join you!
So for the rest of the night, they all had funky hairstyles, swapped manly stories (O.O) and in the morning...
Vivi: ^_^ I'm making WAFFLES! *holds up spatula*
Others: *clap and cheer*
Zidane: I want extra maple syrup!
Vivi: *throws maple syrup and a waffle at Zidane*
Zidane: AHHH! MY FACE! IT BURRRNNNS!
Dagger: Vivi, what did you put in those things?
Vivi: *quickly hides varnish* Nothing!
Quina: *picks up varnish* Quina want varnish! ^_^
Others: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Zidane: O.O Quina, where in tarnation did you come from!?
Cloud: Dude... You just said TARNATION!
Zidane: *hides copy of FF6*
Yuna: O.O Hey, that's MY copy!
FFX crew: #_#
Yuna: Edgar is SUCH a TOTAL hottie!
Wakka: And that Terra's something, ya?
All FF males: *drool*
Tifa: @_@ What the hell?
Aeris: They just ate varnish-infested waffles! Forgive them!
Tifa: Yes, yes... *nods*
Suddenly the varnish turns into see-through Shadow/Heartless/thingys.
Shadow/Heartless/thingys: *dissapear*
Sephiroth: *too high on sniffing varnish to notice anything*
Cloud: *also too high on sniffing varnish to notice anything*
Irvine: *too busy reading a porno to notice anything*
Selphie: AHHH! Irvine, I told you to stop reading those!
Lulu: *uses Fire on Irvine's porno*
Selphie: Ah... Thanks!
Suddenly a roar of laughter comes from the other room. Everyone runs in to see Cid and Squall playing Cloud's "recollection" on FFVII.
Tifa: What's so funny?
Cid: *laugh*Watch*laugh*this!*laugh*
They watch...
*on the TV*
(We are now in a military truck, on a bumpy ride along an old, almost-forgotten road. The windshield wipers do little to defend against the pounding rain. Boxes and crates are strewn about. Cloud stands near the back of the truck. Two Shinra soldiers sit on crates. Sephiroth sits on another.)
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "It sure is raining hard."
(He walks over to one of the guards. He isn't looking well.)
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Hey, how are you doing?"
(The soldier makes a dismissive gesture, then sinks down lower.)
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I'm all right."
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I wouldn't know..."
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I've never had motion sickness."
(He walks to the other guard.)
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Everything okay?"
(He walks to the middle of the truck. Sephiroth looks up.)
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Hey."
(Cloud turns.)
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Settle down."
(Cloud starts doing his squat thrusts.)
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "They gave me new Materia."
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I can't wait to use it."
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "...just like a kid."
(Cloud stops.)
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "You going to brief us about this mission?"
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "...this isn't a typical mission."
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Good!"
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Why do you say that?"
(Cloud walks to the back of the truck and looks out.)
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I joined SOLDIER so I could be like you."
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "But by the time I made First Class, the war was already over."
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "My big hopes of becoming a hero like you ended with the war."
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "That's why I always sign up whenever there's a big mission. Kind of a way to prove myself."
(He turns.)
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Say, how do you feel, MISTER Sephiroth?"
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "...I thought you wanted a briefing?"
(Cloud smooths his hair and walks to Sephiroth.)
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Our mission is to investigate an old Fart reactor."
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "There have been reports of it malfunctioning, and producing talk show hosts."
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "First, we will dispose of those hosts, Then, we'll locate the problem and neutralize it."
(Cloud taps his foot.)
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Talk show hosts... Where?"
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "The Fart Reactor at Nibelheim."
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Nibelheim..."
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "That's where I'm from."
(Sephiroth nods.)
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Hmm... hometown..."
(A loud crash rattles the whole truck. The driver turns to the back.)
Ê "Sir...s, something strange just crashed into our truck!"
(Sephiroth stands.)
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "That would be our Talk show host..."
(Battle sequence in which Sephiroth and Cloud fight a massive Sally J. Raphael. We see that Sephiroth has 30 times Cloud's HP, and can do about 300 times the damage. Sephiroth never loses any HP to Sally's attacks. The scene changes, back to the inn at Kalm.)
*In the room*
Cloud: What the hell?
Squall: *grin* Keep watching!
*On the TV*
(We are now at the front gate of Nibelheim, Cloud's hometown. Sephiroth approaches the gate, then stops and turns.)
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "How does it feel?"
(He looks around.)
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "It's your first time back to your hometown in a long time, right?"
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "So how does it feel?"
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I wouldn't know because I don't have a hometown..."
Cloud (offscreen)
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Umm.... how 'bout your parents?"
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "My mother is Jenova. She died right after she gave birth to me. My father..."
(He laughs, then chokes.)
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "What does it matter...?"
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "All right, let's go."
(He walks into Nibelheim. Cloud and the two guards follow.)
(He speaks with Sephiroth.)
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "The fart smell is pretty bad here."
(Cloud continues into Nibleheim. The screen fades to black.)
*In the room*
Tifa: *giggle* You edited it!
Cid: And our version is DAMN better!
*On the TV*
Cloud goes to the second floor of the inn. Sephiroth stands on the landing, looking out the window.
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "What are you looking at?"
A guard comes upstairs and goes into the bedroom.
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "...This scenery.......I feel like I know this place."
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "..........."
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "We have an early start tomorrow. You should get some sleep soon."
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ"It's still early."
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "...I'm not going to wake you up tomorrow."
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "WOOOT! PAR-TAY!" *runs down the stairs*
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Get your whiney ass into bed! NOW!"
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Yes..." *goes to bed*
*In the room*
Sephiroth: Whiney ass? I'd never say that!
Squall: Your point being?
*On the TV*
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I've hired a guide to the Fart reactor."
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I've heard she's young. I hope we can rely on her..."
They sleep.
*In the room*
Cloud: That is NOT funny!
Cid: But it hasn't even gotten to the real good bits yet!
*On the TV*
Tifa
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Heya, I'm your guide!"
Sephiroth intently stares.
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Dude, that's my best friend!"
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Uh... Let's go, or whatever the hell I'm supposed to say..."
*In the room*
Lulu: You boys have far too much free time.
Squall: You HAVE to see this bit!
*On the TV*
The bridge falls.
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ *helps Tifa up*
Voice
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "AH, ^$*&%*^!"
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Looks like Sephiroth's ok!"
*In the room*
Sephiroth: You really hate me, don't you?
Squall & Cid: Yep.
*On the TV*
Cloud, Tifa, Sephiroth, and the one remaining guard travel along the path, reaching a cave, dimly lit but with brightly colored, sparkling walls.
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "What's this?"
Tifa
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "A mysteriously colored cave, dumbass!"
*In the room*
Tifa: So, so true... He IS a dumbass!
Cloud: Hey!
*On the TV*
Sephiroth turns to the guard.
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Take care of the lady."
Cloud and Sephiroth climb up the stairs and enter the reactor. The guard blocks Tifa's path in.
Tifa
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Mm, man! Better take real good care of me then!" *wink, wink*
*In the room*
Tifa: O.O
*On the TV*
Cloud hops up, peers into the pod and sees... a hideous, unnatural monster. He lets go of his handhold below the portal and lands sitting on the floor.
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Wh... what is this!?"
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Jerry Springer."
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "AHHHHH!"
*In the room*
Aeris: *laughing*
*On the TV*
Sephiroth clutches his head, trembling.
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "H... hey, Sephiroth!"
He puts out his hand.
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "N... no...."
Sephiroth stops trembling.
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "...Was I?"
He draws his sword and begins furiously attacking the pods. Cloud jumps away.
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "...Was I created this way too?"
He slashes at the first pod.
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Am I... Am I a talk show host!?"
*In the room*
Cid: *laughing so hard milk's coming out of his nose* And it's not even finished yet!
*On the TV*
A pod opens and Ricki Lake falls out, lying there on the overturned dome of metal, not fully formed, twitching..... repulsive. The screen fades to black.
*In the room*
Zell: *eating popcorn along with everyone else apart from Sephiroth and Cloud*
*On the TV*
Sephiroth walks off after calling Cloud a traitor. Cloud runs to the main hall of ShinRa Mansion, and sniffs.
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Hmmm.... I smell bacon!" *runs out*
The town is on fire. Cloud checks his house and then sees Sephiroth kill some random dude.
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Ahahahahahaha!"
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Whaaaat?!"
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Your... *laugh* Hair... *laugh* Is on... *laugh* Fire!!!"
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" *runs around screaming*
*In the room*
Squall: Ehehehe... *notices a homicidal looking Sephiroth*
*On the TV*
The camera pans downward. We see Tifa, wielding Sephiroth's sword and assuming a fighting stance, at the bottom of the stairs.
Tifa
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "How could you do that to the strip club?!" *attacks him, and is slashed back into Cloud*
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "MY BACK! GET OFF!" *dumps Tifa at the bottom of the stairs and runs up to the door, which is now locked* "OPEN THIS GODDAMNED DOOR! *pulls, and the door springs open, sending him flying back* "Oww..." *runs up through the door*
Jenova's room. We see Jenova, a bizarre female being hidden beneath oddly angelic armor, connected to a mass of machines and electrical equipment. The camera pans down to show Sephiroth, standing facing his mother with his arms raised.
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Mother, let's take this planet back together."
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I've thought of a killer holiday! Let's go to the promised land!"
Jenova
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Lovely, son!"
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "WHAT ON EARTH!?" *turns around to see Cloud* "You little..."
*In the room*
Cloud: Yep, I'm damn good at throwing my voice!
*On the TV*
Sephiroth in verdana
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "so don't worry..." *falls off* WHO THE ^&^$* PUT OIL ON THERE!?!
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ *hides can of oil*
*In the room*
Lulu: We better turn this off before anyone gets hurt...
Sephiroth is trying to strangle Squall, the same for Cid and Cloud. For some strange reason, the screen is now showing the final fight between Sephiroth and Cloud. Needless to say, the women are pleased.
Sephiroth: TURN. IT. OFF. NOW.
Cloud: *looking almighty pleased as he watches the Omnislash* He, he, he... Now THAT'S how you deal with a villan! No relations, no growing up together, just plain old-fashioned WHOOPASS!
Zidane, Tidus & Squall: Showoff...
Suddenly, almost every guy cries when Aeris's face is shown at the end...
Aeris: *grin* I'm a natural actress!
Then, every guy cries when the 500 years later thing shows up.
Red: My beautiful tail... *wails*
ANYWAY, enough of FF7 stuff!
Rinoa: The narrator's right! *changes TV channel* O.O
*On TV*
Announcer: Welcome to the Doctor Kadowaki hour, where Doctor Kadowaki consumes your SOUL! On today is -
Rikku: DAMN this is boring! *turns off TV*
Cloud: *gazes at ceiling*
Vivi: Watcha doin'?
Cloud: I'm waiting for the roof to cave in because of how DAMN POINTLESS all that was!
Vivi: Oh.
So, they waited... And waited... And waited... And another wasted day. The next morning, however...
Cloud: *banging on bathroom door* SEYMOUR, GET THE *^$*^ OUTTA THE SHOWER!
Singing is heard from inside.
Squall: Dammit! He's painting his toenails again!
Seifer: And with our luck, he's using the slow-dry stuff!
All: *sigh*
A/N: *asking an 8 ball questions* Crappy? YES. Pointless? DEFINITELY SO. Another chapter? IT SEEMS POSSIBLE. ^_^
Note: I stole a few scenes from various movies. Guess which ones they are!
So, another day ended. Cloud, who seems to be the hero now, was trying to jump out a window due to the horrific sounds coming from Vivi's room, which was right next door.
Cloud: @_@ HOLY SHIT! He's only supposed to be a really short 9 year old!
From Other Room: Oh, Tifa! Aeris! Dagger! Yuna!
Cloud: @_@" OPEN, YOU GODDAMNED WINDOW! *bashes window with buster sword* WAIT! He's with MY WOMEN!
So Cloud, evidently pissed off, woke up Zidane and Tidus, and they listened to the sounds.
Yuna: *from beyond the door* Oh, Vivi! I didn't know that was possible!
Tidus: O.o I'M GONNA KILL -
Zidane & Cloud: SHHHH!
And then, came the final straw.
Dagger: *from beyond the door* Oh, Sephiroth, Sephiroth! I love you!
The Guys: HOLY SHIT!!!! *they bust down the door*
Cloud: @_@ You're...
Tidus: @_@ Doing...
ZIdane: @_@ Hairstyles!
Tifa, Aeris, Dagger, Vivi, Sephiroth and Yuna looked up. They all had funky hairdos.
Sephiroth: O.O *hides his plaits*
Aeris: Hi, guys! Wanna join us?
Cloud: I thought - We thought...
Vivi: What?
Zidane: Nothing! Sure, I'll join you!
So for the rest of the night, they all had funky hairstyles, swapped manly stories (O.O) and in the morning...
Vivi: ^_^ I'm making WAFFLES! *holds up spatula*
Others: *clap and cheer*
Zidane: I want extra maple syrup!
Vivi: *throws maple syrup and a waffle at Zidane*
Zidane: AHHH! MY FACE! IT BURRRNNNS!
Dagger: Vivi, what did you put in those things?
Vivi: *quickly hides varnish* Nothing!
Quina: *picks up varnish* Quina want varnish! ^_^
Others: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Zidane: O.O Quina, where in tarnation did you come from!?
Cloud: Dude... You just said TARNATION!
Zidane: *hides copy of FF6*
Yuna: O.O Hey, that's MY copy!
FFX crew: #_#
Yuna: Edgar is SUCH a TOTAL hottie!
Wakka: And that Terra's something, ya?
All FF males: *drool*
Tifa: @_@ What the hell?
Aeris: They just ate varnish-infested waffles! Forgive them!
Tifa: Yes, yes... *nods*
Suddenly the varnish turns into see-through Shadow/Heartless/thingys.
Shadow/Heartless/thingys: *dissapear*
Sephiroth: *too high on sniffing varnish to notice anything*
Cloud: *also too high on sniffing varnish to notice anything*
Irvine: *too busy reading a porno to notice anything*
Selphie: AHHH! Irvine, I told you to stop reading those!
Lulu: *uses Fire on Irvine's porno*
Selphie: Ah... Thanks!
Suddenly a roar of laughter comes from the other room. Everyone runs in to see Cid and Squall playing Cloud's "recollection" on FFVII.
Tifa: What's so funny?
Cid: *laugh*Watch*laugh*this!*laugh*
They watch...
*on the TV*
(We are now in a military truck, on a bumpy ride along an old, almost-forgotten road. The windshield wipers do little to defend against the pounding rain. Boxes and crates are strewn about. Cloud stands near the back of the truck. Two Shinra soldiers sit on crates. Sephiroth sits on another.)
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "It sure is raining hard."
(He walks over to one of the guards. He isn't looking well.)
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Hey, how are you doing?"
(The soldier makes a dismissive gesture, then sinks down lower.)
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I'm all right."
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I wouldn't know..."
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I've never had motion sickness."
(He walks to the other guard.)
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Everything okay?"
(He walks to the middle of the truck. Sephiroth looks up.)
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Hey."
(Cloud turns.)
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Settle down."
(Cloud starts doing his squat thrusts.)
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "They gave me new Materia."
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I can't wait to use it."
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "...just like a kid."
(Cloud stops.)
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "You going to brief us about this mission?"
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "...this isn't a typical mission."
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Good!"
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Why do you say that?"
(Cloud walks to the back of the truck and looks out.)
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I joined SOLDIER so I could be like you."
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "But by the time I made First Class, the war was already over."
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "My big hopes of becoming a hero like you ended with the war."
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "That's why I always sign up whenever there's a big mission. Kind of a way to prove myself."
(He turns.)
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Say, how do you feel, MISTER Sephiroth?"
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "...I thought you wanted a briefing?"
(Cloud smooths his hair and walks to Sephiroth.)
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Our mission is to investigate an old Fart reactor."
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "There have been reports of it malfunctioning, and producing talk show hosts."
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "First, we will dispose of those hosts, Then, we'll locate the problem and neutralize it."
(Cloud taps his foot.)
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Talk show hosts... Where?"
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "The Fart Reactor at Nibelheim."
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Nibelheim..."
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "That's where I'm from."
(Sephiroth nods.)
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Hmm... hometown..."
(A loud crash rattles the whole truck. The driver turns to the back.)
Ê "Sir...s, something strange just crashed into our truck!"
(Sephiroth stands.)
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "That would be our Talk show host..."
(Battle sequence in which Sephiroth and Cloud fight a massive Sally J. Raphael. We see that Sephiroth has 30 times Cloud's HP, and can do about 300 times the damage. Sephiroth never loses any HP to Sally's attacks. The scene changes, back to the inn at Kalm.)
*In the room*
Cloud: What the hell?
Squall: *grin* Keep watching!
*On the TV*
(We are now at the front gate of Nibelheim, Cloud's hometown. Sephiroth approaches the gate, then stops and turns.)
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "How does it feel?"
(He looks around.)
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "It's your first time back to your hometown in a long time, right?"
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "So how does it feel?"
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I wouldn't know because I don't have a hometown..."
Cloud (offscreen)
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Umm.... how 'bout your parents?"
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "My mother is Jenova. She died right after she gave birth to me. My father..."
(He laughs, then chokes.)
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "What does it matter...?"
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "All right, let's go."
(He walks into Nibelheim. Cloud and the two guards follow.)
(He speaks with Sephiroth.)
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "The fart smell is pretty bad here."
(Cloud continues into Nibleheim. The screen fades to black.)
*In the room*
Tifa: *giggle* You edited it!
Cid: And our version is DAMN better!
*On the TV*
Cloud goes to the second floor of the inn. Sephiroth stands on the landing, looking out the window.
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "What are you looking at?"
A guard comes upstairs and goes into the bedroom.
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "...This scenery.......I feel like I know this place."
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "..........."
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "We have an early start tomorrow. You should get some sleep soon."
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ"It's still early."
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "...I'm not going to wake you up tomorrow."
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "WOOOT! PAR-TAY!" *runs down the stairs*
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Get your whiney ass into bed! NOW!"
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Yes..." *goes to bed*
*In the room*
Sephiroth: Whiney ass? I'd never say that!
Squall: Your point being?
*On the TV*
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I've hired a guide to the Fart reactor."
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I've heard she's young. I hope we can rely on her..."
They sleep.
*In the room*
Cloud: That is NOT funny!
Cid: But it hasn't even gotten to the real good bits yet!
*On the TV*
Tifa
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Heya, I'm your guide!"
Sephiroth intently stares.
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Dude, that's my best friend!"
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Uh... Let's go, or whatever the hell I'm supposed to say..."
*In the room*
Lulu: You boys have far too much free time.
Squall: You HAVE to see this bit!
*On the TV*
The bridge falls.
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ *helps Tifa up*
Voice
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "AH, ^$*&%*^!"
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Looks like Sephiroth's ok!"
*In the room*
Sephiroth: You really hate me, don't you?
Squall & Cid: Yep.
*On the TV*
Cloud, Tifa, Sephiroth, and the one remaining guard travel along the path, reaching a cave, dimly lit but with brightly colored, sparkling walls.
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "What's this?"
Tifa
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "A mysteriously colored cave, dumbass!"
*In the room*
Tifa: So, so true... He IS a dumbass!
Cloud: Hey!
*On the TV*
Sephiroth turns to the guard.
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Take care of the lady."
Cloud and Sephiroth climb up the stairs and enter the reactor. The guard blocks Tifa's path in.
Tifa
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Mm, man! Better take real good care of me then!" *wink, wink*
*In the room*
Tifa: O.O
*On the TV*
Cloud hops up, peers into the pod and sees... a hideous, unnatural monster. He lets go of his handhold below the portal and lands sitting on the floor.
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Wh... what is this!?"
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Jerry Springer."
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "AHHHHH!"
*In the room*
Aeris: *laughing*
*On the TV*
Sephiroth clutches his head, trembling.
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "H... hey, Sephiroth!"
He puts out his hand.
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "N... no...."
Sephiroth stops trembling.
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "...Was I?"
He draws his sword and begins furiously attacking the pods. Cloud jumps away.
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "...Was I created this way too?"
He slashes at the first pod.
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Am I... Am I a talk show host!?"
*In the room*
Cid: *laughing so hard milk's coming out of his nose* And it's not even finished yet!
*On the TV*
A pod opens and Ricki Lake falls out, lying there on the overturned dome of metal, not fully formed, twitching..... repulsive. The screen fades to black.
*In the room*
Zell: *eating popcorn along with everyone else apart from Sephiroth and Cloud*
*On the TV*
Sephiroth walks off after calling Cloud a traitor. Cloud runs to the main hall of ShinRa Mansion, and sniffs.
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Hmmm.... I smell bacon!" *runs out*
The town is on fire. Cloud checks his house and then sees Sephiroth kill some random dude.
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Ahahahahahaha!"
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Whaaaat?!"
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Your... *laugh* Hair... *laugh* Is on... *laugh* Fire!!!"
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" *runs around screaming*
*In the room*
Squall: Ehehehe... *notices a homicidal looking Sephiroth*
*On the TV*
The camera pans downward. We see Tifa, wielding Sephiroth's sword and assuming a fighting stance, at the bottom of the stairs.
Tifa
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "How could you do that to the strip club?!" *attacks him, and is slashed back into Cloud*
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "MY BACK! GET OFF!" *dumps Tifa at the bottom of the stairs and runs up to the door, which is now locked* "OPEN THIS GODDAMNED DOOR! *pulls, and the door springs open, sending him flying back* "Oww..." *runs up through the door*
Jenova's room. We see Jenova, a bizarre female being hidden beneath oddly angelic armor, connected to a mass of machines and electrical equipment. The camera pans down to show Sephiroth, standing facing his mother with his arms raised.
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Mother, let's take this planet back together."
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "I've thought of a killer holiday! Let's go to the promised land!"
Jenova
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "Lovely, son!"
Sephiroth
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "WHAT ON EARTH!?" *turns around to see Cloud* "You little..."
*In the room*
Cloud: Yep, I'm damn good at throwing my voice!
*On the TV*
Sephiroth in verdana
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ "so don't worry..." *falls off* WHO THE ^&^$* PUT OIL ON THERE!?!
Cloud
ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊ *hides can of oil*
*In the room*
Lulu: We better turn this off before anyone gets hurt...
Sephiroth is trying to strangle Squall, the same for Cid and Cloud. For some strange reason, the screen is now showing the final fight between Sephiroth and Cloud. Needless to say, the women are pleased.
Sephiroth: TURN. IT. OFF. NOW.
Cloud: *looking almighty pleased as he watches the Omnislash* He, he, he... Now THAT'S how you deal with a villan! No relations, no growing up together, just plain old-fashioned WHOOPASS!
Zidane, Tidus & Squall: Showoff...
Suddenly, almost every guy cries when Aeris's face is shown at the end...
Aeris: *grin* I'm a natural actress!
Then, every guy cries when the 500 years later thing shows up.
Red: My beautiful tail... *wails*
ANYWAY, enough of FF7 stuff!
Rinoa: The narrator's right! *changes TV channel* O.O
*On TV*
Announcer: Welcome to the Doctor Kadowaki hour, where Doctor Kadowaki consumes your SOUL! On today is -
Rikku: DAMN this is boring! *turns off TV*
Cloud: *gazes at ceiling*
Vivi: Watcha doin'?
Cloud: I'm waiting for the roof to cave in because of how DAMN POINTLESS all that was!
Vivi: Oh.
So, they waited... And waited... And waited... And another wasted day. The next morning, however...
Cloud: *banging on bathroom door* SEYMOUR, GET THE *^$*^ OUTTA THE SHOWER!
Singing is heard from inside.
Squall: Dammit! He's painting his toenails again!
Seifer: And with our luck, he's using the slow-dry stuff!
All: *sigh*
A/N: *asking an 8 ball questions* Crappy? YES. Pointless? DEFINITELY SO. Another chapter? IT SEEMS POSSIBLE. ^_^