I tremor in sweet eagerness like a restless child on Christmas morning. I
feel my eyes strain through the shadowy white smoke and like a curtain
being drawn back, the torturing layers of mist segregate and I see the
figure clearly. The monster unleashed inside of me as I stared into .......
not Cole's eyes but Leos.
I felt the rage detonate inside of me as I hear voices echo around me but I dismiss them. The voices seem to be drifting further and further away until all I could hear was the throbbing of my own caged heart and I feel the thorns of pain piercing deep into me and the next thing I know, my arms are flailing out everywhere like an insane person. They try to hold me back but I tap into the numb pain inside of me and I hit Leo over and over again. I finally succumb to the yearning in my body as I listen to it patiently. As patient as a loving mother can be with her child and I surrender to every vibe of my body, every joint and muscle cries out to hurt someone, to take revenge on someone because my Cole was dead.
My dreams had been shattered and I wanted everyone else to suffer, I wanted the shattered pieces to stab into them just as they had hurt me. I wanted my sisters to feel the tantalizing emotions I was feeling at that moment. I wanted them to be my fellow prisoners and to weep with me, to suffer with me and to be encaged in that barren tarnished prison.
I can hear their voices crying out to me, saying that it was ok. The nauseating sweetness to their voices, like viscous honey, it oozes down my throat and I feel suffocated. I feel like vomiting all my insides out. But their voices are too sweet to be trusted, too solacing to convict. The ground looms up to me, its strong magnets wrench me down to the floor as I sink slowly onto the cold hard ground. My hands shake and I feel a river of blood drench my hands, saturating it.
The blood of Cole; My husband whom I had built my world around and who had wrapped me up in warm fluffy layers of bliss and joy. His blood now stained my hands, blood that was invisible to all but me. Crimson red, it drips a silent song that only my ears will hear. I feel arms around me, trying to reassure me but I flinch away as if stung by a wasp. I sense the icy atmosphere envelop around me. I want to be left alone, that's what I want to shout and yell out to my sisters. But it comes out as a pathetic stutter, my voice barely audible. Instead, a hoarse whisper escapes my throat so softly a slight breeze could have carried it away to nothingness.
I feel hesitation around me as I hear footsteps vibrate the ground as it delicately fades away into the far distance. I sit there on the bitterly hard floor and my face contorts into an ugly expression of pain. My skin feels too tight and suddenly, I feel so tired as if I have fought too many battles, too many wars to which I have lost Tired of my life being pulled into a hurricane of pain and hurt all the time. Tired of life and all the waves of pain it washes over me again and again. Life seemed to have taken a sick pleasure in entrapping me within my own suffering.
My dreams had distorted themselves into inescapable sorrow. A nightmare, a hell dripping full of guilt and bereavement. My mouth twists into a contemptuous smile, how life knows how to break my soul and devastate it is beyond my every knowledge, I thought sarcastically. A mystery still waiting to be solved and rediscovered, life is a cruel heartless monster that wrenches love away from me. As helpless as a lost traveller at sea hanging onto his last splinters of wood, I have become the star contestant in life's sick games. I find love and what does life do? It pours all its evil and cruelness into every crevasse of it. It forces the source into Cole and leaves me abandoned and discarded like a meaningless piece of debris on the dirty sidewalk.
Lost of a sister and a husband, my heart cannot endure anymore, the scars are invisible but will never heal. I have worn the fake mask of happiness on my face for too long, now it feels too tight. For too long have I fought every battle, scars concealed deep within me will never go away. My lungs fill with the last scorching perfume of the air around me as I conjure up all my energy and a fireball finds its way into my palms.
I felt the rage detonate inside of me as I hear voices echo around me but I dismiss them. The voices seem to be drifting further and further away until all I could hear was the throbbing of my own caged heart and I feel the thorns of pain piercing deep into me and the next thing I know, my arms are flailing out everywhere like an insane person. They try to hold me back but I tap into the numb pain inside of me and I hit Leo over and over again. I finally succumb to the yearning in my body as I listen to it patiently. As patient as a loving mother can be with her child and I surrender to every vibe of my body, every joint and muscle cries out to hurt someone, to take revenge on someone because my Cole was dead.
My dreams had been shattered and I wanted everyone else to suffer, I wanted the shattered pieces to stab into them just as they had hurt me. I wanted my sisters to feel the tantalizing emotions I was feeling at that moment. I wanted them to be my fellow prisoners and to weep with me, to suffer with me and to be encaged in that barren tarnished prison.
I can hear their voices crying out to me, saying that it was ok. The nauseating sweetness to their voices, like viscous honey, it oozes down my throat and I feel suffocated. I feel like vomiting all my insides out. But their voices are too sweet to be trusted, too solacing to convict. The ground looms up to me, its strong magnets wrench me down to the floor as I sink slowly onto the cold hard ground. My hands shake and I feel a river of blood drench my hands, saturating it.
The blood of Cole; My husband whom I had built my world around and who had wrapped me up in warm fluffy layers of bliss and joy. His blood now stained my hands, blood that was invisible to all but me. Crimson red, it drips a silent song that only my ears will hear. I feel arms around me, trying to reassure me but I flinch away as if stung by a wasp. I sense the icy atmosphere envelop around me. I want to be left alone, that's what I want to shout and yell out to my sisters. But it comes out as a pathetic stutter, my voice barely audible. Instead, a hoarse whisper escapes my throat so softly a slight breeze could have carried it away to nothingness.
I feel hesitation around me as I hear footsteps vibrate the ground as it delicately fades away into the far distance. I sit there on the bitterly hard floor and my face contorts into an ugly expression of pain. My skin feels too tight and suddenly, I feel so tired as if I have fought too many battles, too many wars to which I have lost Tired of my life being pulled into a hurricane of pain and hurt all the time. Tired of life and all the waves of pain it washes over me again and again. Life seemed to have taken a sick pleasure in entrapping me within my own suffering.
My dreams had distorted themselves into inescapable sorrow. A nightmare, a hell dripping full of guilt and bereavement. My mouth twists into a contemptuous smile, how life knows how to break my soul and devastate it is beyond my every knowledge, I thought sarcastically. A mystery still waiting to be solved and rediscovered, life is a cruel heartless monster that wrenches love away from me. As helpless as a lost traveller at sea hanging onto his last splinters of wood, I have become the star contestant in life's sick games. I find love and what does life do? It pours all its evil and cruelness into every crevasse of it. It forces the source into Cole and leaves me abandoned and discarded like a meaningless piece of debris on the dirty sidewalk.
Lost of a sister and a husband, my heart cannot endure anymore, the scars are invisible but will never heal. I have worn the fake mask of happiness on my face for too long, now it feels too tight. For too long have I fought every battle, scars concealed deep within me will never go away. My lungs fill with the last scorching perfume of the air around me as I conjure up all my energy and a fireball finds its way into my palms.