Title: When I Talk To You
Author: Lady of the Ink
Pairing: V/H
Category: Suspense/Romance, with some good angst thrown in for flavor.
Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne, but you knew that. I hope. But I do own this story and all the plot twists it contains.
Dedication: To all the reviewers who have taken the time to read this, and tell me what they thought.

Chapter Eleven
Maybe It Just Doesn't Matter

Hitomi felt herself slowly becoming aware of her surroundings. Surprise was an understatement when she realized she was standing in the middle of her bedroom. At first glance, the room looked the same as always, but something seemed off. It was too neat, too orderly. The bed was made to perfection, every corner tucked, the pillows on top fluffed and lined up.

Turning, she saw the closet was exactly halfway open, revealing the rows of neatly hung clothing. At the bottom was a procession of shoes, lined up like soldiers, two by two. The dresser that held her brush, comb, and other knickknacks was dusted, and her desk looked liked a store's display for the perfect teenage workspace. She furrowed her brow, sure that something else was wrong. This wasn't where she should be. There was something . . . something she should remember . . .

Moving across the room to the window, she slowly pulled back the curtains. A startled gasp caught in her throat as she saw what the fabric had concealed. A forest made a magnificent backdrop as the bright emerald green leaves of the trees caught the afternoon sunlight. A small town unfolded directly beneath her, spreading out to touch the fringes of the wooded area. The buildings were unusual, and yet, at the same time, strangely familiar. A luminous blue sky presided over it all, strewn with wispy clouds of pure white.

She had seen this landscape before. Had stood beneath that sky, felt the shade from those trees, walked between those buildings. But all that had happened on . . . Gaea.

Hitomi pulled back from the window quickly, one hand fluttering to her throat. She kept retreating until the backs of her knees came into contact with her bed. Dropping onto the mattress with a little bounce, she bowed her head. There was no way she could have seen what she thought she'd just seen.

What felt like a long moment passed as she pondered her situation. The more she thought about it, the more clear it became. What she had just seen couldn't be real. Gaea and Fanelia were hundreds of miles from her home. The two places were incompatible. That left only two possible explanations, and since everything was too calm for this to be a vision, it had to be a dream.

Grateful that she had gotten that sorted out, Hitomi stood again. Knowing that she was dreaming should have allowed her to relax, but something still hovered in the back of her mind. She concentrated, trying to bring it forward, but it remained just out of reach. Holding a hand to her head, she strove to think through the thick pounding that had begun at the base of her skull. She could feel the pressure thumping against her ears, pulsing behind her eyes. Taking a few deep breaths, she thought back to the last time she was in this room.

She remembered the vision, the horrible images that came night and day, showing her the danger her friends were in. The feelings she had felt when she realized she couldn't help them crashed over her again, making her feel weak. Pushing them away, she kept going, mentally moving forward in time.

As the reality of her helplessness had set in, she had begun to feel pathetic, useless. What point was there in seeing a future she couldn't change? No matter how hard she tried, there was no way to reach anyone who could help. Her friends were going to be hurt, she knew it, and there was nothing she could do.

It was then that the doubts had begun to set in. Maybe it was all her fault. Maybe this was her punishment for going back home. She knew that she could help the people on Gaea, could help her friends. But she had let her fear of the unknown and her homesickness take precedence. Perhaps the link between herself and Van was gone for the same reason. Why had she allowed herself to ignore the feeling of rightness that Gaea gave her? The sense of being where she belonged that had begun to grow inside her from the day she had arrived?

If only she had stayed . . .

Jerking herself from her depressing thoughts, Hitomi closed her eyes, then opened them again. Standing here yelling at herself about things she couldn't change wouldn't benefit anyone. What was done was done, and that was all there was to it. It was the present and the future that mattered.

She kept concentrating, digging through her memories. The depression had taken hold, leaving her feeling weighted. There was no reason for her to get up in the morning, no reason to continue on. She just laid in bed, mentally calling herself every kind of fool. Her parents had tried talking to her, but their voices just floated around her, meaningless sounds that she ignored.

Corey had been there, too. He had pleaded with her to get up, warned her about what their parents planned to do. The day before they had taken her away, she remembered the feel of his tears on her cheeks, the words he whispered burning in her ears.

"Don't leave me alone."

But she had, she thought to herself, feeling a tightness in her throat. She had left him, and in doing that, had passed her burden on to him.

The days had merged together in an endless swirl of waking and sleeping, her disjointed dreams often following her back to reality to haunt her confused thoughts. Everything was hazy, but she had known that her brother was there. Had felt his presence more than anything else, and been comforted by it. No matter that she had abandoned him, he wasn't going to desert her.

The selfish side of her had reveled in his dedication, refusing to acknowledge what it would mean to him. He never should have been expected to give up so much of his time for her. In the small part of her that remained aware, she ached for him. She should have been the one who was there for him, not the other way around. What kind of person was she to ask so much when she had nothing to give in return?

From then on, she tried to wake up, she truly did. But whether it was the time that had passed or the pills the doctors gave as they tried to help, she had no control over herself. She knew when he was there, but couldn't speak to him. Her determination to get better began to fade with her hope.

Until the night before her birthday.

She knew what day it was because Corey had told her. He had spoken of finding the perfect gift, and being sure it was something the doctors would let her keep with her. She had almost felt anticipation as he left that day.

Then the night had come, and with it, the vision. She had had it a few times since going to the Institute, but this time was different. The other times she had been awake; this time, she was positive she was asleep. As the scenes began to change, she noted that she was no longer visible in it. Instead of her, Corey stood amidst the thick flames and flying ashes as the building in Fanelia burned. It was Corey who drifted after the running Merle as she fled for her life.

She had spoken their names as he watched them meet their fates, amazed when he seemed able to hear her. Willing him to her, she found herself in a thick fog, unseen, but heard. Even as she begged for his help, she knew she shouldn't pull him deeper into her mess. But she hadn't brought him into her dream; something else had. Was it true fate? Destiny? She didn't know. Whatever it was told her that this was the way things were meant to be.

When he returned the next day and stared into her eyes, asking if she had been there with him, she had tried her hardest to answer. Nothing came out, until he had pulled out the necklace. The thin strands of silver caught the dim light, each flash made her heart beat faster. She had felt something change inside her. A force had begun to build, growing with each passing moment.

Hope.

When the cool chain had touched her neck, it felt as if she were breaking free from a block of cement. Grabbing his hand, she looked at her brother, really looked at him, for the first time in weeks. Trying to show him her pain with her eyes, she managed three words.

"He needs me."

That had been all it took for Corey to accept her mission as his own. A determined look had crossed his face, and for the first time, Hitomi recognized the fact that he was no longer a child. In that moment, she caught a glimpse of the man he would become.

When he returned with Yukari, both of them giving his plan their all, she found she could do no less. Pushing her body and mind farther than she thought she could, she manage to get out of the bed. Sheer strength of mind forced her legs to move, her neck to support the weight of her head. The first touch of the cool night air on her skin had filled her with joy. Laughter spilled from her lips, and she felt like nothing could stand in their way. All they had to do was reach Gaea, and everything would be fine.

After that, things were a little unclear. She remembered hard, cold ground, the sounds of birds, and a face . . . A very important face. The pounding in her head grew worse as she tried to dredge up the memory. Who had been there?

She shook her head. It had to have something to do with why being in this room felt so wrong. Her eyes drifted back to the window as she recalled what she had seen there. Fanelia out the window . . . Fanelia . . . Van!

She stiffened as the memory came back to her. The feeling of someone's arms around her, a voice muttering her name, begging her to open her eyes. When she had complied, her vision was blurry at first. All she could make out was a indistinct figure leaning over her. Blinking had helped, not much, but enough.

Van had looked so eager when she opened her eyes. She had noted the dark circles under his once brilliant eyes, the way the skin over his cheekbones was drawn tight. Concern for him had flooded through her, and she whispered his name. The last thing she saw was the smile that graced his face before she drifted off again.

If she had seen Van, then she must have made it to Gaea. He had held her in his arms, so the vision had yet to come true. There was still time!

The feeling of relief that had wrapped around her at that thought fled when she heard voices coming towards her from the hallway. Startled, she whipped around just in time to see her parents enter the room. An odd sense of weightless assailed her, giving her the feeling of being nothing more than air.

That idea intensified as both adults passed by her without a word. Her mother went to the dresser and began dusting, while her father leaned against the doorframe. As Hitomi watched them, she knew that if this had been a dream, it no longer was. This felt more like a vision, only different from that, as well. Some small voice from the depths of her mind whispered that she was watching what was happening back on Earth at that moment. That this little presentation was for her benefit, to tell her something she needed to know.

"I don't know why you're getting so worked up. You knew this was going to happen." Her father's voice was very clear as he spoke. Mrs. Kanzaki wiped harder at the nonexistent dust.

"That's not the point, and you know it."

He sighed. "You know more about all of this than I do. You're the one who told me not to worry, that everything was going to work out in the end. So why are you so upset now that it has?"

"Upset? Upset?" Hitomi was surprised when her mother whirled around. "Upset does not even begin to define the way I feel right now. My children are gone, and I can't get to them. I may never see them again, and I don't even know for sure that they're okay. And if, for some reason, I do get to see them again, they'll probably hate me." She turned back to the dresser, both hands braced on its surface, her head hanging. A stifled sob broke free, and Hitomi stood frozen as her father crossed the room.

As she watched her parents, something occurred to her. It had less to do with what her mother had said than what she didn't say. The room, obviously cleaned everyday, and yet kept exactly the same. Those were not the actions of someone determined to erase all clues of her daughter's existence, it was more like a tribute to someone . . .

Her father had said that her mother knew what was going to happen . . .

Corey had the same gift as she did, which meant it probably ran in the family. Had it come from her mother's side? Did it come from her mother?

Barely paying attention to her parents, Hitomi let her mind drift over all the fights about Gaea. Her mother had never liked it when it was mentioned, especially when Corey or herself brought it up. If her mom had known she would visit Gaea . . . Maybe she had also known of Hitomi's desire to remain there.

Maybe her mother had known all along she would have to go back. The psychiatrist, the fights, everything that had gone on after her return, maybe they were all last tries at keeping her home. The actions of any mother who didn't want to lose her daughter.

Mrs. Kanzaki spoke again, and Hitomi found herself listening with a new perspective. "My mother chose dreams of Gaea over me, and now my children will do the same. How am I supposed to deal with that? I won't know how they're doing, won't be able to see them, and they'll never know . . ."

As she watched her father wrap his arms around her mother, Hitomi smiled sadly. "Yes, Mom. We will."

Next Chapter: There Were Times In The Beginning