Chapter 2:
Scully unlocked the door to her apartment and stepped in. It was already dark outside, but she didn't bother to turn the lights on. Darkness had become something of a comfort to her, especially now that she had no one for whom she needed to light a room.
She made her way to the kitchen where she put the kettle on. Scully felt rather tired, and decided a cup of coffee was necessary for her to make it through the night without too much sleep. Sleep brought nightmares, which brought new feelings of pain and emptiness in the morning. She was beginning to tire of starting each day with these feelings.
As she waited for the water to boil she glanced around the room until her eyes rested on a picture of Mulder and William together. The photo showed Mulder trying in vain to get a bubbly William to go to sleep, and loving every minute of it. She had taken the picture rather hurriedly, just before Mulder had walked through the door and gone into hiding for what continued to feel like an eternity. It seemed that even then, she knew that father and son's time together would be limited.
As she considered the photo in the pale moonlight, a knock sounded on her door.
"Who is it?" she asked suspiciously. No one usually came calling on a weeknight.
"It's John Doggett," came the muffled reply from the other side.
Scully let out a breath and made her way to the living room. Why was he here? She opened the door and stood aside to let him in.
"Hi Da… is your power out?" he asked.
"No," replied Scully shortly before hitting the light switch.
Doggett looked at her for a moment before deciding to move on.
"Ok. I, uh…" he started.
Scully looked at him without any emotion, and he started to feel bad for coming and disturbing her from her solitude. Then he realised that was exactly why he had come in the first place- to offer her some company and hopefully take her mind off things.
Scully breathed a small sigh that was mainly directed at herself. She mentally shook herself for her continued abruptness towards Doggett.
"Would you like a drink? I'm just brewing some coffee now."
Doggett nodded. "Sure, that sounds good," he replied.
As he watched her, Scully smiled slightly and turned towards the kitchen. She took a few steps before she stopped. Straightening her shoulders as she seemed to find her nerve, she turned around again to face him.
"Was there something specific you wanted John?" she asked with a crinkle in her brow.
"Uh yeah, I just wanted to tell you that…" that I love you and can't stand to see you like this. That I want to take you away from everything bad in your life, and give you the happiness you deserve.
"That we need another signature from you on one of the death certificates you brought in today."
Was it just his imagination or did Scully look briefly disappointed?
"Oh I see. Well do you have the paper with you? I could do it now," she replied curtly.
Crap. "Uh, no I left it at work. Next Monday will uh, be fine." Was that him stammering his lines to her? He felt like a fool.
"Ok, sure," nodded Scully.
They both stood in silence for a minute longer, neither of them sure on how to proceed. Fortunately, a whistle from the kitchen saved either of them the trouble to find a conversational point that would not elict too much pain.
"Take a seat- I'll just get the coffee," said Scully as she retreated into the kitchen.
Doggett nodded and waited until she reappeared with two steaming cups.
"Thank you," he murmured as he took one from her.
"Is Agent Reyes still at the office?" asked Scully sitting next to him on the couch. She felt a little strange in such a relaxed setting with Doggett, but as she took her first mouthful of coffee, she soon felt used to his close presence.
"She was when I left. She'd probably at home herself now. Why do you ask?"
"I was just wondering…" Scully trailed off before she glanced down at her drink.
She took a deep breath, "You could have called me about the signature. I was just wondering why you chose to come to my place instead of hers?"
Doggett looked at her, somewhat surprised at her bluntness.
"Dana, Monica and I are just partners. We socialise in the basement of the J. Edgar Hoover building. We're friends, that's all," he reassured her.
"Mulder and I were partners," said Scully making a point.
John frowned at the implications of that sentence, especially as it drew the image of Mulder into his mind.
"Monica and I are just friends," he said firmly. He paused and looked at Scully.
She sat with her legs tucked under herself, as she gently rested her cup on her knee. The soft lamp light accented her fair features, which did not go unnoticed by Doggett.
Sitting next to each other on a couch, they could have been a normal couple, leading a normal life with each other. It was a nice thought. A comforting thought.
Something of this sentiment allowed Doggett to gather up all of his courage, as he blurted out what had been on his mind all afternoon.
"When is he coming back Dana?"
If Scully was surprised at this question, she didn't show it.
"I don't know John," she took a breath, "I just don't know."
Doggett watched her carefully before proceeding, "I'm only asking Dana, because I want to know for how much longer you're going to be alone. How much longer are you going to keep everything within you and carry this pain everyday. How much longer are you going to go on blaming yourself for things that can't be helped; because I gotta tell you, I just can't watch you do that to yourself any more."
"You can't…?" she trailed off frowning slightly at him.
"I can't, because it hurts me to see you hurt," he stopped talking and a brief moment of silence ensued.
"So, how much longer is it going to be Dana?" Doggett paused and waited for a reaction.
It took a few moments before one was forth-coming.
Closing her eyes briefly, Scully opened them before replying tightly; "I'm sorry I'm causing such an inconvenience in your life. You really do not need to trouble yourself about me John."
She was becoming slowly angry. Anger about her mislead life with Mulder, her loss and separation from her loved ones, and anger at her situation in general had built up within her, and was now being misdirected at Doggett. Now that someone was finally asking the right questions and allowing her to open up, all of the frustration in her started to pour out.
Doggett knew what a frightfully private person Scully was and he realised his questions and observations may have been hitting too close to home.
Despite his good heart though, he started to feel a little annoyed himself at her wilful misunderstanding of his intentions.
"Dana, you know that's not what I meant."
"Oh, well please enlighten me. You come here and ask me for how much longer I'm to be alone, and give me some sense of hope that it won't be for much longer… then you tell me you only worry because it affects yourself! God, this is just like something Mulder would say!" she said angrily at him.
At the mention of Mulder's name Doggett stood up, and walked to the other side of the coffee table, without fully comprehending what Scully had just said.
"Mulder again! The square root of any problem is Mulder! Where is he Dana, and what is he to you?" he asked loudly in an attempt to finally get some answers about him.
"He's the father of my son," said Scully after a pause.
"The father of your son. That's the first thing that you think about when you think of Mulder?"
"I… yes."
"Well where is he Dana, and what has he done to protect his son? He gives you the idea of a normal life with him, and gives you a child only to see those things taken away from you again," Doggett said in a broken voice.
He didn't want to bring up what was hurting Scully so brashly, but she had to hear this from someone. He knew she didn't speak to anyone about Mulder. Doggett had initially wanted to discuss the topic of Mulder in a friendly way, so she could have the chance to open up about him to someone. Now it had escalated into a bitter discussion because of Doggett's own feelings. God, he felt so selfish.
Scully meanwhile was considering her position. How could she deny Doggett when he was standing here in front of her? Yet how could she betray Mulder? She loved Mulder. She had to love Mulder.
"I love him," said Scully weakly.
Doggett couldn't help himself, "Then you're a fool."
Scully didn't reply. She didn't defend herself or Mulder. Instead, she sat on the couch with her head up, but eyes downcast as she thought about what Doggett had said. She had known for some time that what he was saying had a certain level of truth to it, but she also knew that there were two sides to a story, and the other side was Mulder's side.
Scully trusted that Mulder would return, but what and to whom would he return to? How could he expect her to have remained unchanged during their painful time of separation? How could he expect things between them to always be the same?
Doggett sighed as he let the silence once again envelop them. He hadn't meant to criticise her for loving Mulder. Hell, what woman wouldn't? He knew he couldn't tell her who and who not to love. The only reason he had snapped back so, was out of pure jealousy. This woman was the most incredible woman John Doggett had ever met, and here she was waiting- always waiting- for a man who never seemed to return to her and give her what she needed and deserved in life.
Despite his anger at Mulder, Doggett knew that this was Scully's choice. He could stand there and preach at her until he was out of breath but in the end, who she wanted to spend her life with was up to her. Doggett was as jealous of her choices as he was of Mulder himself.
He looked at her as she lifted her head to meet his. Her clear, blue eyes pierced his own, and she started speaking in an even, level tone.
"You tell me what Mulder can't give me," she paused before she continued, "but what about you? What can you give?"
Doggett's eyes focused tenderly on her as he began to chew on his lower lip. It was a habit that emerged when he began to feel hope. During the search for his son many years ago, he had almost worn his bottom lip off. Doggett ran a hand through his hair as he kept his eyes on hers and decided to go for broke.
In a voice that was barely audible but full of emotion, he started to speak.
"I can't go on with life sitting on the sidelines where you're concerned. That's why I came over tonight. I love you Dana."
Doggett stopped talking as he tried to gauge a reaction from her. Upon receiving no sign of discouragement, he continued to speak.
"I can give you all you ask of me. I can give you whatever life you want. I can give you my heart Dana."
He smiled shakily as he saw a flash of life in her eyes. Something that had been missing for what seemed like years now.
"John, I… For so long, I've been in love with Mulder. Even though we are so different, perfect opposites even, I loved him." Scully waited for a sign from Doggett before continuing.
"I never thought I could want another. I still think I love him John, but my love is much cooler that it ever has been… and I don't know if he can ever get back what I once felt for him. I… I've changed."
She took a deep breath before she started nodding slightly as if to confirm this realisation.
"I changed… when you came along and, and where Mulder had faults you had none. Where Mulder didn't seem to care, you always did. You've treated me with respect at all times; even when I tried so hard to push you away. That's why I pushed you away; I was afraid. Afraid of you."
She paused again and Doggett looked away. He was glad and relieved from what she was saying, but he stung slightly from her last words: she was afraid of him.
Scully noted his action and calmly clarified herself; "Afraid of us."
She saw the corner of his mouth pull up, and she couldn't stop the full forced smile that played her own face.
"You're a wonderful man John. Any woman would be a fool not to love you."
She stopped talking as she stood up, and stepped over to him. He continued to turn his head away from her, but she could still see his eyes soften with every step she took. Touching his cheek gently, she raised his face to look at her. The air between them was charged as she spoke.
"I am no fool John."
And then she kissed him.
Scully unlocked the door to her apartment and stepped in. It was already dark outside, but she didn't bother to turn the lights on. Darkness had become something of a comfort to her, especially now that she had no one for whom she needed to light a room.
She made her way to the kitchen where she put the kettle on. Scully felt rather tired, and decided a cup of coffee was necessary for her to make it through the night without too much sleep. Sleep brought nightmares, which brought new feelings of pain and emptiness in the morning. She was beginning to tire of starting each day with these feelings.
As she waited for the water to boil she glanced around the room until her eyes rested on a picture of Mulder and William together. The photo showed Mulder trying in vain to get a bubbly William to go to sleep, and loving every minute of it. She had taken the picture rather hurriedly, just before Mulder had walked through the door and gone into hiding for what continued to feel like an eternity. It seemed that even then, she knew that father and son's time together would be limited.
As she considered the photo in the pale moonlight, a knock sounded on her door.
"Who is it?" she asked suspiciously. No one usually came calling on a weeknight.
"It's John Doggett," came the muffled reply from the other side.
Scully let out a breath and made her way to the living room. Why was he here? She opened the door and stood aside to let him in.
"Hi Da… is your power out?" he asked.
"No," replied Scully shortly before hitting the light switch.
Doggett looked at her for a moment before deciding to move on.
"Ok. I, uh…" he started.
Scully looked at him without any emotion, and he started to feel bad for coming and disturbing her from her solitude. Then he realised that was exactly why he had come in the first place- to offer her some company and hopefully take her mind off things.
Scully breathed a small sigh that was mainly directed at herself. She mentally shook herself for her continued abruptness towards Doggett.
"Would you like a drink? I'm just brewing some coffee now."
Doggett nodded. "Sure, that sounds good," he replied.
As he watched her, Scully smiled slightly and turned towards the kitchen. She took a few steps before she stopped. Straightening her shoulders as she seemed to find her nerve, she turned around again to face him.
"Was there something specific you wanted John?" she asked with a crinkle in her brow.
"Uh yeah, I just wanted to tell you that…" that I love you and can't stand to see you like this. That I want to take you away from everything bad in your life, and give you the happiness you deserve.
"That we need another signature from you on one of the death certificates you brought in today."
Was it just his imagination or did Scully look briefly disappointed?
"Oh I see. Well do you have the paper with you? I could do it now," she replied curtly.
Crap. "Uh, no I left it at work. Next Monday will uh, be fine." Was that him stammering his lines to her? He felt like a fool.
"Ok, sure," nodded Scully.
They both stood in silence for a minute longer, neither of them sure on how to proceed. Fortunately, a whistle from the kitchen saved either of them the trouble to find a conversational point that would not elict too much pain.
"Take a seat- I'll just get the coffee," said Scully as she retreated into the kitchen.
Doggett nodded and waited until she reappeared with two steaming cups.
"Thank you," he murmured as he took one from her.
"Is Agent Reyes still at the office?" asked Scully sitting next to him on the couch. She felt a little strange in such a relaxed setting with Doggett, but as she took her first mouthful of coffee, she soon felt used to his close presence.
"She was when I left. She'd probably at home herself now. Why do you ask?"
"I was just wondering…" Scully trailed off before she glanced down at her drink.
She took a deep breath, "You could have called me about the signature. I was just wondering why you chose to come to my place instead of hers?"
Doggett looked at her, somewhat surprised at her bluntness.
"Dana, Monica and I are just partners. We socialise in the basement of the J. Edgar Hoover building. We're friends, that's all," he reassured her.
"Mulder and I were partners," said Scully making a point.
John frowned at the implications of that sentence, especially as it drew the image of Mulder into his mind.
"Monica and I are just friends," he said firmly. He paused and looked at Scully.
She sat with her legs tucked under herself, as she gently rested her cup on her knee. The soft lamp light accented her fair features, which did not go unnoticed by Doggett.
Sitting next to each other on a couch, they could have been a normal couple, leading a normal life with each other. It was a nice thought. A comforting thought.
Something of this sentiment allowed Doggett to gather up all of his courage, as he blurted out what had been on his mind all afternoon.
"When is he coming back Dana?"
If Scully was surprised at this question, she didn't show it.
"I don't know John," she took a breath, "I just don't know."
Doggett watched her carefully before proceeding, "I'm only asking Dana, because I want to know for how much longer you're going to be alone. How much longer are you going to keep everything within you and carry this pain everyday. How much longer are you going to go on blaming yourself for things that can't be helped; because I gotta tell you, I just can't watch you do that to yourself any more."
"You can't…?" she trailed off frowning slightly at him.
"I can't, because it hurts me to see you hurt," he stopped talking and a brief moment of silence ensued.
"So, how much longer is it going to be Dana?" Doggett paused and waited for a reaction.
It took a few moments before one was forth-coming.
Closing her eyes briefly, Scully opened them before replying tightly; "I'm sorry I'm causing such an inconvenience in your life. You really do not need to trouble yourself about me John."
She was becoming slowly angry. Anger about her mislead life with Mulder, her loss and separation from her loved ones, and anger at her situation in general had built up within her, and was now being misdirected at Doggett. Now that someone was finally asking the right questions and allowing her to open up, all of the frustration in her started to pour out.
Doggett knew what a frightfully private person Scully was and he realised his questions and observations may have been hitting too close to home.
Despite his good heart though, he started to feel a little annoyed himself at her wilful misunderstanding of his intentions.
"Dana, you know that's not what I meant."
"Oh, well please enlighten me. You come here and ask me for how much longer I'm to be alone, and give me some sense of hope that it won't be for much longer… then you tell me you only worry because it affects yourself! God, this is just like something Mulder would say!" she said angrily at him.
At the mention of Mulder's name Doggett stood up, and walked to the other side of the coffee table, without fully comprehending what Scully had just said.
"Mulder again! The square root of any problem is Mulder! Where is he Dana, and what is he to you?" he asked loudly in an attempt to finally get some answers about him.
"He's the father of my son," said Scully after a pause.
"The father of your son. That's the first thing that you think about when you think of Mulder?"
"I… yes."
"Well where is he Dana, and what has he done to protect his son? He gives you the idea of a normal life with him, and gives you a child only to see those things taken away from you again," Doggett said in a broken voice.
He didn't want to bring up what was hurting Scully so brashly, but she had to hear this from someone. He knew she didn't speak to anyone about Mulder. Doggett had initially wanted to discuss the topic of Mulder in a friendly way, so she could have the chance to open up about him to someone. Now it had escalated into a bitter discussion because of Doggett's own feelings. God, he felt so selfish.
Scully meanwhile was considering her position. How could she deny Doggett when he was standing here in front of her? Yet how could she betray Mulder? She loved Mulder. She had to love Mulder.
"I love him," said Scully weakly.
Doggett couldn't help himself, "Then you're a fool."
Scully didn't reply. She didn't defend herself or Mulder. Instead, she sat on the couch with her head up, but eyes downcast as she thought about what Doggett had said. She had known for some time that what he was saying had a certain level of truth to it, but she also knew that there were two sides to a story, and the other side was Mulder's side.
Scully trusted that Mulder would return, but what and to whom would he return to? How could he expect her to have remained unchanged during their painful time of separation? How could he expect things between them to always be the same?
Doggett sighed as he let the silence once again envelop them. He hadn't meant to criticise her for loving Mulder. Hell, what woman wouldn't? He knew he couldn't tell her who and who not to love. The only reason he had snapped back so, was out of pure jealousy. This woman was the most incredible woman John Doggett had ever met, and here she was waiting- always waiting- for a man who never seemed to return to her and give her what she needed and deserved in life.
Despite his anger at Mulder, Doggett knew that this was Scully's choice. He could stand there and preach at her until he was out of breath but in the end, who she wanted to spend her life with was up to her. Doggett was as jealous of her choices as he was of Mulder himself.
He looked at her as she lifted her head to meet his. Her clear, blue eyes pierced his own, and she started speaking in an even, level tone.
"You tell me what Mulder can't give me," she paused before she continued, "but what about you? What can you give?"
Doggett's eyes focused tenderly on her as he began to chew on his lower lip. It was a habit that emerged when he began to feel hope. During the search for his son many years ago, he had almost worn his bottom lip off. Doggett ran a hand through his hair as he kept his eyes on hers and decided to go for broke.
In a voice that was barely audible but full of emotion, he started to speak.
"I can't go on with life sitting on the sidelines where you're concerned. That's why I came over tonight. I love you Dana."
Doggett stopped talking as he tried to gauge a reaction from her. Upon receiving no sign of discouragement, he continued to speak.
"I can give you all you ask of me. I can give you whatever life you want. I can give you my heart Dana."
He smiled shakily as he saw a flash of life in her eyes. Something that had been missing for what seemed like years now.
"John, I… For so long, I've been in love with Mulder. Even though we are so different, perfect opposites even, I loved him." Scully waited for a sign from Doggett before continuing.
"I never thought I could want another. I still think I love him John, but my love is much cooler that it ever has been… and I don't know if he can ever get back what I once felt for him. I… I've changed."
She took a deep breath before she started nodding slightly as if to confirm this realisation.
"I changed… when you came along and, and where Mulder had faults you had none. Where Mulder didn't seem to care, you always did. You've treated me with respect at all times; even when I tried so hard to push you away. That's why I pushed you away; I was afraid. Afraid of you."
She paused again and Doggett looked away. He was glad and relieved from what she was saying, but he stung slightly from her last words: she was afraid of him.
Scully noted his action and calmly clarified herself; "Afraid of us."
She saw the corner of his mouth pull up, and she couldn't stop the full forced smile that played her own face.
"You're a wonderful man John. Any woman would be a fool not to love you."
She stopped talking as she stood up, and stepped over to him. He continued to turn his head away from her, but she could still see his eyes soften with every step she took. Touching his cheek gently, she raised his face to look at her. The air between them was charged as she spoke.
"I am no fool John."
And then she kissed him.