Chapter 9
Super
Lex was in a sad state.
Explaining is a difficult thing for a reclusive, clinically depressed person to do. He's lucky he has Hayley. She cares for him so much.
'tell me mommy,' she says to him.
tell me, i think to myself.
he sighs and realizes that this is it.
'clark, hayley is yours and my daughter. I know that might seem strange and that it doesn't make sense, and that's because it doesn't. I assume that 'super sperm' has made its way into this sad little picture.'
it was so strange yet seemed so true. i could see it when i looked at her closely. she was the two of us all rolled into one. i cried, she cried, Lex cried. It was so weird to think of it as a family thing.
when hayley finally fell asleep and was put to bed, it was time to figure some things out.
firstly, 'why did you run away?' i asked him.
'i didn't want to put something like that on you. you were young and i assumed confused. i guess i was wrong.'
'why did you come back?'
he put his head in his hands. 'i wanted you Clark, but i didn't want to drag you into my life again. not fully, just a little bit. up til that point where i thought i had you. but you went with her Clark. you went with her...' he stared at the floor and didn't meet my glance.
aimlessly i plucked loose threads on my pant legs.
i had another interresting question.
'Why does Hayley call you mommy?'
Lex laughed.
'It's kinda funny isn't it? she was little and used to have dreams and she'd call out for mommy. there was no mommy. i don't know why she did that, she must have picked it up somewhere. saying daddy's here to soothe her just didn't cut it. It was mommy's here, mommy's here, and it just stuck. it really makes the most sense.'
'but you fucked me. how come i'm not pregnant?'
'i wouldn't know. but i can tell you that that's our kid, one way or another. what you choose to do about that is none of my concern.' he looked away.
this was my life. Lex, me and Hayley. This is where everything had come to after so much fucking controversy.
we had a little confused girl that was all ours.
he loved me.
i love him.
i love him.
i take his face in my hand and kiss him deeply with passion and desire not only the latter.
it slow and wanted, corsing to the bedroom, dismissing clothes along the way. we fell on the bed together and i looked down deep into his eyes. i knew who he was.
'i love you Clark.' he told me.
i could'nt speak on that. it was slow pleasure and wantless gain. touch, sound, taste. i took in every heartbeat of a slow desirable progression.
slow, moving.
we began to sweat moving together with such passion in the dark. the groans and names were distinct. Hungry for more, and more and more.
then deep deep down together. extraordinary feelings that only he can give me. and together we feel them all, one in each other, and each in one motion, colapse in a heep amongst silk sheets.
that perfect moment summed up all i ever wanted in my life. to be loved and to be shown love from acceptance of my true being.
but perfect is a word with many exceptions,
and this road hasn't been travelled yet. i still have an obstacle at my feet.
Super
Lex was in a sad state.
Explaining is a difficult thing for a reclusive, clinically depressed person to do. He's lucky he has Hayley. She cares for him so much.
'tell me mommy,' she says to him.
tell me, i think to myself.
he sighs and realizes that this is it.
'clark, hayley is yours and my daughter. I know that might seem strange and that it doesn't make sense, and that's because it doesn't. I assume that 'super sperm' has made its way into this sad little picture.'
it was so strange yet seemed so true. i could see it when i looked at her closely. she was the two of us all rolled into one. i cried, she cried, Lex cried. It was so weird to think of it as a family thing.
when hayley finally fell asleep and was put to bed, it was time to figure some things out.
firstly, 'why did you run away?' i asked him.
'i didn't want to put something like that on you. you were young and i assumed confused. i guess i was wrong.'
'why did you come back?'
he put his head in his hands. 'i wanted you Clark, but i didn't want to drag you into my life again. not fully, just a little bit. up til that point where i thought i had you. but you went with her Clark. you went with her...' he stared at the floor and didn't meet my glance.
aimlessly i plucked loose threads on my pant legs.
i had another interresting question.
'Why does Hayley call you mommy?'
Lex laughed.
'It's kinda funny isn't it? she was little and used to have dreams and she'd call out for mommy. there was no mommy. i don't know why she did that, she must have picked it up somewhere. saying daddy's here to soothe her just didn't cut it. It was mommy's here, mommy's here, and it just stuck. it really makes the most sense.'
'but you fucked me. how come i'm not pregnant?'
'i wouldn't know. but i can tell you that that's our kid, one way or another. what you choose to do about that is none of my concern.' he looked away.
this was my life. Lex, me and Hayley. This is where everything had come to after so much fucking controversy.
we had a little confused girl that was all ours.
he loved me.
i love him.
i love him.
i take his face in my hand and kiss him deeply with passion and desire not only the latter.
it slow and wanted, corsing to the bedroom, dismissing clothes along the way. we fell on the bed together and i looked down deep into his eyes. i knew who he was.
'i love you Clark.' he told me.
i could'nt speak on that. it was slow pleasure and wantless gain. touch, sound, taste. i took in every heartbeat of a slow desirable progression.
slow, moving.
we began to sweat moving together with such passion in the dark. the groans and names were distinct. Hungry for more, and more and more.
then deep deep down together. extraordinary feelings that only he can give me. and together we feel them all, one in each other, and each in one motion, colapse in a heep amongst silk sheets.
that perfect moment summed up all i ever wanted in my life. to be loved and to be shown love from acceptance of my true being.
but perfect is a word with many exceptions,
and this road hasn't been travelled yet. i still have an obstacle at my feet.