Chapter Nine
The next twenty-four hours was torture for me.
I stared down at the heap on the concrete below the balcony. I could see my mother's white nightgown when lightning flashed. I couldn't see Derek and I prayed that he was okay. I prayed that he had gotten up and was on his way back up here. He had to be. I couldn't lose another person I loved.
Tears and rain ran down my cheeks. Finally it became obvious that Derek was not coming back up here. He was down there under my mother where I couldn't see him.
I collapsed on the ground and screamed in agony. I pounded the ground with my fists in fury. What had I done to deserve this? I wondered.
"WHAT DID I DO?" I screamed at the dark sky. The rain was subsiding now. The thunder claps were quieter and less frequent now.
I heard a siren getting closer and all I could think of was a stretcher taking away my husband's body with a white sheet covering it. Just like Gregory.
This was the same balcony that Gregory had jumped off of that night so many years ago. My mother had caused his death that is what I always believed. She had taken his son away from him and when he finally was returned to his rightful family, he had changed. Gregory had been so fragile. Now my mother had done it again. She had killed again.
I saw a blue and red light flashing against the brick wall of the house. Who had called the police? I got up slowly and went down the stairs. I longed for Derek to hug me and keep me standing. I had to see if he was really dead. I sprinted to the back of the house where they had fallen. There were two paramedics loading my mother's body onto a stretcher. The front of her nightgown was covered in blood. I looked at my husband's unmoving form. He was not moving.
I ran to the paramedics.
"Miss, you can't be here," the older one said.
"This is my mother and that is my husband I saw everything that happened," I said quickly. They were not going to get me away from Derek. I would never leave him.
"The police are on their way," the paramedic said.
I knelt beside Derek's broken body. The body that used to be so beautiful. He was face down on the pavement. His blond hair matted to the back of his head from the rain. I longed to look into his hazel eyes again.
"Hope!" I suddenly remembered. The police were just pulling into the yard. I ran to them screaming.
"Calm down miss," the man said, "What is it?"
"My daughter is missing, my mother took her somewhere, and you have to find her!" I cried. New tears were running down my swollen cheeks. I couldn't lose my daughter and husband in the same night.
The police officers left to search the grounds. I sat inside the police car with the door open. I watched as the paramedics lifted Derek's body onto a stretcher and put the white sheet over his head. I wished I could go back in time and stop all this from happening. I knew coming back to La Vie was a bad idea. I walked over to the ambulance.
"Can I just sit with him for a minute?" I asked quietly. The younger paramedic looked at my sympathetically and nodded.
I climbed into the back of the ambulance and sat beside Derek's stretcher. My mother was on the other side of the ambulance. I could make out the form of her nose and lips through the sheet. Something bittersweet went through me then. I hadn't seen my mother for so many years and now she was dead. Right now I thought she deserved to die for what she had done to everyone I loved. But she was my mother it was still hard.
I lifted the sheet off Derek's handsome face. I cried harder when I saw what he looked like. His nose looked broken and the rest of his face was black and blue. I pictured him before we left to come here. He had been excited to come back to the city where he had grown up. He was going to take Hope to visit his parents during the week we were staying for.
"Derek," I sobbed, "I'm so sorry," I found his hand under the sheet and squeezed it tightly. I lay my head down on his chest. How many times had a done this before? I always felt so safe with Derek. I knew he would always protect me. He died because of me. I should never of dragged him into my messed up life. I should have left Toronto and made sure he would never find me. He would be alive now if I hadn't been so selfish. Now I knew that when you left a place you could never look back. I left here for a reason; I never should have come back.
"Mommy!" I heard Hope yell. I quickly covered Derek's face for he last time. I knew I would never see him again. He was gone forever.
"Hope!" I cried in joy. My stomach dropped out of my throat as I ran out of the ambulance to catch her up in my arms. She was okay. Tyler was standing behind her a little. He looked scared and sad. I saw by the look on his face that he knew who was under the sheets in the ambulance.
He looked up at me, "What did you do?" he asked. His face changed into a look of anger and he ran back towards the house.
"Tyler!" I yelled after him.
"Tyler will be okay Mommy," Hope said. I hugged her tightly, envious of her sweet, innocent oblivion. I wished I didn't know what was going on. Hope didn't know that she would never see her father again. She was just happy to be away from wherever she had been.
"We found them in the pool house, the door was padlocked," the female officer told me.
"Thank you so much," I said.
She just nodded.
As I stood in the middle of the crime scene hugging my daughter I couldn't help wondering if I was just ruining everyone's life. I was bad luck for everyone that I met. I watched another pair of paramedics carry another stretcher with a white sheet out the door of the house. Maxine was under there.
"Where's Daddy?" Hope asked.
I looked at her little face and swallowed a sob. How would I explain this to her?
"He's watching us right now, don't worry about him," I said to her. She glanced around at all the people rushing around us. She had a confused look on her face when she couldn't find him.
I hoped that Derek was looking down on us and that he would help me get through this.
We went to a motel that night. The police officers found it for us and told me they would need me to come to the station tomorrow to give them my statement. They were nice enough to let me do it the next day instead of tonight.
Tyler had trudged behind us to the police car. He sat as far away from me as he could. He crossed his arms and stared out the window for the whole trip.
When we got to the hotel I put Hope in bed. Tyler had already climbed into his bed and lay facing away from me.
"Tyler," I said.
He didn't answer me.
I climbed into bed next to Hope and lay there not trying to fall asleep. It had been a long time since I had slept in a bed without Derek beside me. I knew I wouldn't fall asleep without his arm around me so I didn't try.
I stared up at the ceiling and remember the days when I was still in high school. The day I was accepted to Western University. I remembered how happy we had been that we wouldn't be going to different schools. WE had everything planned out then. But things don't always go as planned. If they did, I wouldn't be here with my daughter and my brother, but still feel all alone.
The next twenty-four hours was torture for me.
I stared down at the heap on the concrete below the balcony. I could see my mother's white nightgown when lightning flashed. I couldn't see Derek and I prayed that he was okay. I prayed that he had gotten up and was on his way back up here. He had to be. I couldn't lose another person I loved.
Tears and rain ran down my cheeks. Finally it became obvious that Derek was not coming back up here. He was down there under my mother where I couldn't see him.
I collapsed on the ground and screamed in agony. I pounded the ground with my fists in fury. What had I done to deserve this? I wondered.
"WHAT DID I DO?" I screamed at the dark sky. The rain was subsiding now. The thunder claps were quieter and less frequent now.
I heard a siren getting closer and all I could think of was a stretcher taking away my husband's body with a white sheet covering it. Just like Gregory.
This was the same balcony that Gregory had jumped off of that night so many years ago. My mother had caused his death that is what I always believed. She had taken his son away from him and when he finally was returned to his rightful family, he had changed. Gregory had been so fragile. Now my mother had done it again. She had killed again.
I saw a blue and red light flashing against the brick wall of the house. Who had called the police? I got up slowly and went down the stairs. I longed for Derek to hug me and keep me standing. I had to see if he was really dead. I sprinted to the back of the house where they had fallen. There were two paramedics loading my mother's body onto a stretcher. The front of her nightgown was covered in blood. I looked at my husband's unmoving form. He was not moving.
I ran to the paramedics.
"Miss, you can't be here," the older one said.
"This is my mother and that is my husband I saw everything that happened," I said quickly. They were not going to get me away from Derek. I would never leave him.
"The police are on their way," the paramedic said.
I knelt beside Derek's broken body. The body that used to be so beautiful. He was face down on the pavement. His blond hair matted to the back of his head from the rain. I longed to look into his hazel eyes again.
"Hope!" I suddenly remembered. The police were just pulling into the yard. I ran to them screaming.
"Calm down miss," the man said, "What is it?"
"My daughter is missing, my mother took her somewhere, and you have to find her!" I cried. New tears were running down my swollen cheeks. I couldn't lose my daughter and husband in the same night.
The police officers left to search the grounds. I sat inside the police car with the door open. I watched as the paramedics lifted Derek's body onto a stretcher and put the white sheet over his head. I wished I could go back in time and stop all this from happening. I knew coming back to La Vie was a bad idea. I walked over to the ambulance.
"Can I just sit with him for a minute?" I asked quietly. The younger paramedic looked at my sympathetically and nodded.
I climbed into the back of the ambulance and sat beside Derek's stretcher. My mother was on the other side of the ambulance. I could make out the form of her nose and lips through the sheet. Something bittersweet went through me then. I hadn't seen my mother for so many years and now she was dead. Right now I thought she deserved to die for what she had done to everyone I loved. But she was my mother it was still hard.
I lifted the sheet off Derek's handsome face. I cried harder when I saw what he looked like. His nose looked broken and the rest of his face was black and blue. I pictured him before we left to come here. He had been excited to come back to the city where he had grown up. He was going to take Hope to visit his parents during the week we were staying for.
"Derek," I sobbed, "I'm so sorry," I found his hand under the sheet and squeezed it tightly. I lay my head down on his chest. How many times had a done this before? I always felt so safe with Derek. I knew he would always protect me. He died because of me. I should never of dragged him into my messed up life. I should have left Toronto and made sure he would never find me. He would be alive now if I hadn't been so selfish. Now I knew that when you left a place you could never look back. I left here for a reason; I never should have come back.
"Mommy!" I heard Hope yell. I quickly covered Derek's face for he last time. I knew I would never see him again. He was gone forever.
"Hope!" I cried in joy. My stomach dropped out of my throat as I ran out of the ambulance to catch her up in my arms. She was okay. Tyler was standing behind her a little. He looked scared and sad. I saw by the look on his face that he knew who was under the sheets in the ambulance.
He looked up at me, "What did you do?" he asked. His face changed into a look of anger and he ran back towards the house.
"Tyler!" I yelled after him.
"Tyler will be okay Mommy," Hope said. I hugged her tightly, envious of her sweet, innocent oblivion. I wished I didn't know what was going on. Hope didn't know that she would never see her father again. She was just happy to be away from wherever she had been.
"We found them in the pool house, the door was padlocked," the female officer told me.
"Thank you so much," I said.
She just nodded.
As I stood in the middle of the crime scene hugging my daughter I couldn't help wondering if I was just ruining everyone's life. I was bad luck for everyone that I met. I watched another pair of paramedics carry another stretcher with a white sheet out the door of the house. Maxine was under there.
"Where's Daddy?" Hope asked.
I looked at her little face and swallowed a sob. How would I explain this to her?
"He's watching us right now, don't worry about him," I said to her. She glanced around at all the people rushing around us. She had a confused look on her face when she couldn't find him.
I hoped that Derek was looking down on us and that he would help me get through this.
We went to a motel that night. The police officers found it for us and told me they would need me to come to the station tomorrow to give them my statement. They were nice enough to let me do it the next day instead of tonight.
Tyler had trudged behind us to the police car. He sat as far away from me as he could. He crossed his arms and stared out the window for the whole trip.
When we got to the hotel I put Hope in bed. Tyler had already climbed into his bed and lay facing away from me.
"Tyler," I said.
He didn't answer me.
I climbed into bed next to Hope and lay there not trying to fall asleep. It had been a long time since I had slept in a bed without Derek beside me. I knew I wouldn't fall asleep without his arm around me so I didn't try.
I stared up at the ceiling and remember the days when I was still in high school. The day I was accepted to Western University. I remembered how happy we had been that we wouldn't be going to different schools. WE had everything planned out then. But things don't always go as planned. If they did, I wouldn't be here with my daughter and my brother, but still feel all alone.