Title: CGI Pairing more than a pair surely General/ Humor

Clark was doing slave duty at the Torch on the holiday issue when the phone rang. Chloe picked it up, directing a quelling look his way as he tried to make the phone an instrument of release from the cloying tentacles of Yuletide prose. He slumped back behind the Mac trying to work out a probability equation for a white Christmas based on past meteorological data. Superweatherman. Chloe would not be pleased he mused. 'Good' he thought - this slave-driving in celebration of the holiday spirit was spiritually and morally antithetical to it -it was killing the very thing it was trying to extol. Yes that sounded good - he turned to Chloe to present this gem of logical reasoning to her when he found her regarding him with an odd expression, the telephone mouthpiece covered by one hand.

'Mr. Luthor for you Clark ! And tell him I apologize for keeping the free world from running smoothly by keeping you here.' Clark ignored the snark and took the phone -it merely meant that Chloe Sullivan, ace reporter was intrigued. 'Hi! Lex 'he smiled into the plastic.

'Good to know the national work ethic is being maintained somewhere' said the voice at the other end.

'Suppression of human rights, more like' said Clark smiling benignly at Chloe -who was compulsively cropping images as she tried her best to make out the meaning of a conversation by hearing just one end of it -tough when the side she could hear was deliberately and provocatively designed to mislead and er-provoke! Another image of the track team was hacked to premature death by PhotoShop, as the boy behind her continued in his wanton Chloe-baiting.

'So its Zonda! Wow Lex! That's the best present ever. When does she arrive? Christmas Eve? She'll have to be specially flown over won't she?'

'Nooo! She does not look like a schoolboy's fantasy -I mean, she does, but she is waayy classy. Just coz she isn't Italian.'

'Now, I know you like her too or you wouldn't have listened to me.'

'Wouldn' t miss it for the world. Bye'

And he put down the phone. Grinning -veritably blinding the remaining occupant of the room with dental radiance.

'What?' he asked Chloe's back -as rigid and affronted a back as he'd ever seen in his life.

'I do not believe I asked you a question' said she of the unyielding spine.

'No, but you are dying to.'

'Well, if you think I am interested in your bald friend or his foreign flames -you are mistaken -and a very tardy and sloppy mistaken, I may add as your editor!'

'Lex's flame - yes,' said Clark '-they really aren't your concern Chloe' and he turned back to the keyboard smiling even harder.

___________________________

'And then he went on and on about how she was a schoolboy dream of Pamela Anderson Farah Fawcett Carmen Electra- can't think of any more-, all rolled in one.. I mean if certain people want to spend Christmas flying in expensive call girls, why they have to involve should- have- been- innocent -but -alas -fully -complicit farm-boys in their debauched, decadent, orgiastic practices- I don't know! God how I wish I could put that into the editorial. Instead I have to wax lyrical on the snow carnival and the spirit of giving and forgiving.

Lana should have become used to the Chloe rant -what with living with her - but even she almost made the mistake of offering a glass of water as a separator. 'Umm' she said as Chloe subsided on a stool nearby with a coffee at the Talon that same evening after having battled and defeated the copy monster.

'I don't know Chloe, they are as thick as thieves nowadays and boys will always be a mystery. And knowing Clark, he would be attracted to the wild experienced woman anyway -remember Jesse?'

'She with the kwashiorkor? Amphetamines are not a good substitute for protein. Yes I do see what you mean - but what is this? Let's corrupt the youth that saved my life- a rite of passage into the sophisticated set? I shall give him a whoring session as a Christmas present - all expenses paid, hand picked -all in the best taste. You think I should spill on him and tell Mrs. Kent?'

'I don't know, Chloe. Its Clark's decision and really, it may not be what you think.'

'May not be!!!- Why they were literally discussing their fantasies in front of me - or I'm sure Clark forgot I was even there, which as you know is the general state of affairs, unless I bat him on the head with a thesaurus and the latest copy deadline.' She scrunched up her face and looked up from the remains of her latte. 'Pathetic aren't I -living vicariously as the wicked editor just to get some of his time.'

Lana stood by her friend in her time of need, ignoring the fact that her shift just came on. Being manager meant that she could choose her priorities. 'Chloe, you are his editor! So you get the right to put his nose to the grindstone -it is your perquisite. And all of us fade in comparison to the effulgence of my employer-so you are in the same state as the rest of humanity.'

'Do you think Pete knows of this. of this- Zonda?'

'Wow man! Seems the whole town knows and I thought it was a secret!' 'You know?' Both girls gaped at Pete as he dropped himself opposite Chloe.

'Sure. Clark's so excited, he's in danger of hyperventilating -so am I, you know its not everyday you see one of those in town. I mean, sure Lex has other exotic beauties but this one he's getting especially for Clark- it's his choice.'

'I thought you did not like Lex' said Chloe and looked as if her universe had come unanchored.

'Well nobody else could get a "Zonda" could they?' And he drew the quotation marks in their shocked faces. 'Take it when it comes, I say and Clark did say he would like to share the experience with me.' He grinned some more and then came back to earth.

'Its gonna be some ride man!' said Pete and he punched the air.

Chloe did a good imitation of a goldfish and then 'Urgh! Leave Pete! I do not want to picture you and Clark. Clark and you - you're in high school!' she yelped. Lana merely covered her ears.

'Nobody will know if we break a few rules and we'll do it up at the castle - really let go. Clark tells me Lex has some experience in the matter.'

'What experience am I supposed to have?' said a familiar purring voice as Lex sauntered in.

Lana had uncovered her ears and as she rushed behind the counter, Lex draped himself in all his glory on it. 'The usual please, Lana'

Lex exchanged greetings with Pete and then turned to Chloe. 'Good afternoon Ms Sullivan. I trust all is well with the holiday issue?'

Chloe grinned. It felt more like a grimace to herself but she continued anyway. 'Thank you Mr. Luthor, it should be out on time despite er.. the preoccupations of the staff.'

'Why, do you find yourself distracted by the festive season?' asked Lex as blandly as was possible by a billionaire in Paul Smith.

'I was referring to the rest of the contributing staff actually.' This through the same grin which had assumed the general appearance of risus sardonicus due to all the suppressed snark.

'I really must get the layout done now if you'll excuse me . Bye Lana! See you later. Bye Pete.' And Chloe hurried out of the Talon.

'A very talented young lady' said Lex to no one in particular. He looked up from his coffee to find Clark before him, dazzling grin in place. 'Hi! Thanks once again -I already told Pete'

'It's a good thing my father is away till the New Year - I shudder to think what his reaction would be to my succumbing to the temptations of the fantastic ramblings of a 15 year old.'

'No way!' cried both Clark and Pete in unison.

Lex continued as if he hadn't heard. 'How I was persuaded to choose something that belongs to the realm of Lara Croft is mildly baffling.'

'And she isn't a bad piece of work, is she Pete?' said Clark

'Ah! I fear I shall always be a minority in this gathering.' said Lex as he returned his cup to the counter.

Lana pretended to be busy wiping the already sparkling espresso machine as she saw him coming to the counter. She could not wait to tell Chloe this latest scoop- and she could not meet the eye of the evil corrupter of youth -she could not trust her features to retain their bovine impassivity. She'd got the phrase from Chloe -during a mutual baring of initial impressions of each other, one chocolate and Clooney night. She had replied with cat on hot tin roof and that had gotten them even. And then Batman and Robin started so the subject was replaced by discussions of pudgy girls in tights.

But to the present and here she was frenetically rubbing the nozzle of the espresso machine- phallic projection-much? She turned around to find Clark looking at her strangely .

'Hhi! Clark' she said 'looking forward to Christmas?'

'Yeah! Are you sure you' re ok, Lana?'

'Yes ,thanks. Just busy you know- holiday rush' and she gave her patented wholesome -but- laced -with -tragedy smile. Responding flash of canines - Clark was satisfied with her reply - for the moment 'See you around' 'Sure.' Some incisor baring from Lana and the awkward moment had passed. To be recreated with word and gesture in the Sullivan sitting room that night.

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