In Its Time and Place
Chapter 8
About eleven and a half hours later, her door chimed. T'Pol didn't need to inquire who was out there.
He stood in front of her door, his cheerfulness a bright flame against her mind. "Ready to go visit Phlox?"
"Yes." She exited her quarters and they walked side-by-side, completely formal in both manner and expression, towards the lift.
But she didn't need to ask him what his decision was. When he had come to his decision several hours ago, fully embracing the idea of their bond while acknowledging the difficulties their relationship was going to present, she had known. She also knew that he had spent the past couple of hours investigating the theories behind telepathy and various practice techniques. Given that she too had been reviewing what little information the Enterprise main computer contained on telepathy, she had sent links to the various pieces of information and articles to his console. She had also requested a data burst of some more detailed information from Vulcan, and was expecting a transmission demanding explanations for why she wanted such access from a human ship.
She hadn't quite figured out exactly how to explain her request. Although Vulcans practiced honesty, especially within their own interactions, she had come to understand the value of the white lie. Especially in situations she couldn't even explain to herself.
About half-way to the deck where sickbay was located, Jonathan tapped the control panel and stopped the lift. He was still cheerful--she could feel that--but it was tempered by another emotion that she could not identify.
"It doesn't solve everything, does it?" He asked.
"What do you mean?" She patiently waited for him to further explain himself.
"This bond of ours. When this type of connection appears in human fiction, it is often offered as the ultimate goal, the way for two people to have the perfect, ever-loving, conflict-free relationship. That's not true, is it."
She processed his description for a moment, recalling what she had been taught, and what she had seen in relationships between other Vulcans. "It does not guarantee that there will not be conflict, or mean that there will not be disagreement. In fact, the bond only serves to expose disagreements, thus making them problematic if they are not resolved.
"There is still the need to talk about situations, to compromise on differing opinions. In fact, because it allows each of us to know when the other's opinion is different, it forces those situations to be explored rather than ignored. I could see that being uncomfortable, at times." She had not been aware that human literature had a habit of exploring concepts that humans themselves did not experience. Although it seemed rather strange to her that they might embrace fanciful ideas about these concepts, and ignore the fairly logical downsides.
"That's the conclusion I had reached." He paused. "There's nothing in my past that prepares me for this. It will be difficult. Not just personally, but professionally. You're still my subordinate."
"I know." To admit the truth, there was little in her past that prepared her for this either. She had been prepared to bond to a Vulcan, to someone that shared a culture and history with her. To a male chosen by her parents as a good match, a male with whom her previous relationship would have been simple, and one-dimensional. Not someone with whom she already had a complex history, or a complex relationship defined by more than their marriage-relationship and telepathic bond.
"We will have to be exceptionally discreet, for now. I'm not even sure how the rest of the crew will react; although they've accepted you, overcome prejudices and recognized you for what you are, I don't know if they'll be able to accept this. It's pushing the boundaries further than they've anticipated. And I'm not sure that I want to think about the general reaction back on Earth, should word get out ..."
"Nor I am looking forward to the reaction on Vulcan. A few Vulcans have entered into long term relationships with members of other species before. Although their decisions are accepted, they tend to become estranged from their position in society."
"Well, we're both in the same boat then." His gaze was steady upon her, and she could feel his emotions changing to something softer, more sexual in nature. "God damn, I've underestimated you, T'Pol."
"What do you mean?"
"It feels like I've been blind. That I've only been letting myself see one facet, while there are thousands more waiting for me to recognize them. And the thing is, I look back over our relationship, and I recognize the times when you tried to show me the depths behind that logical surface. When you helped me figure out the meanings behind things, determine the best course of action in complex and confusing situations. But it's like I disregarded what those represented until now. And it makes me feel guilty."
"There is no reason to feel guilty." She thought that she understood what he was trying to say, and that he was flooded by an experience that he had no framework to process. Humans were so dependent upon their analysis of body language and expression to determine the truth behind words, that they did not always accept the words themselves. Her body language, especially early in their voyage, had not properly conveyed what he had expected to read, thus in many ways contributing to this 'underestimation' he referred to. Now, he was being overwhelmed by everything he had misunderstood before. He was not to blame for that.
"And you mean that, too."
She realized that he wanted to kiss her, but that being her superior he would not do anything in public areas of the ship that would endanger the appearance of their professional relationship. Even while locked into a lift stopped between decks. It was up to her to make the move, if she wanted to.
Although she had experienced two sexual encounters with this man over the past thirty-six hours, she suddenly felt uncertain. She barely knew how two Vulcans might express affection in a bonded relationship, much less two humans. But pulling together what little she knew about both species, she moved closer to him and lifted her face up towards his.
He lowered his head to brush his lips against hers. She raised her arms, embracing his shoulders, and he pulled her tightly against his chest, intensifying their kiss.
When they broke apart, his face was flushed and his eyes slightly glazed. "Damn." He muttered. Then his emotions performed one of those whirlwind transitions that she had only before witnessed from the outside, and he grinned at her, bringing his body's reactions under control with a speed that astonished her. "But we are keeping the Doctor waiting."
He tapped the control panel, and the lift continued on its way. She smoothed her hands over her hair, brushing the disturbed strands back into place. She was coming to believe that she had underestimated humans, as well.