Warning: Oi, confusion, depleting writing skills, swearing.
Disclaimer: I think if I laid claim to Inu-Yasha, masses upon masses of fans would be after my hide for delayed updates on the manga. Bless Rumiko Takahashi for her skill and dedication to her stories.
Feedback: I'm expecting some hate-mail for not updating in so long, if even that.
I am eternally sorry for the long delay. It's been...a month? I really give no excuse for my absense, only that I've been suffering what I call "writer's null". Not exactly like Writer's block, but the results are similar. And to all the author's who's stories I usually read and review, I'm very sorry for missing your updates. Don't take it as I don't like your fics, because I truly do. I've just been kinda out of it lately.
This chapter could probably do with some re-writing, but I really don't have the time or energy. I apologize ahead of time if it's crappier than usual. Deepest regrets, and any other way you say "sorry".
Oh, important note at the bottom.
~ ~ ~
"Lady Kagome is back! Lady Kagome is back!"
"She's not wearing those strange garbs of hers."
"I bet it was that houshi-sama..."
Inu-yasha suppressed the growl that threatened to rise in the back of his throat as he passed the giggling girls. Damned gossips. He felt himself stepping a little closer to Kikyo, as if to protect her from the shock that would surely come when the villagers figure out she wasn't who they thought she was. She didn't protest, but remained quiet as she had on the entire trip back. Her apprehension rolled off her like the morning fog, faint yet still there. He could feel the tension within himself as well, the way he bristled at the slightly sound.
It was that damned Miroku's fault.
Ever since he had slammed his staff on the ground, cutting him off, there had been nothing friendly between him and the rest of his so-called friends. Ever since Sango came back with a whimpering Shippo in her arms, there had been an air of hostility permeating from the exterminator, and he could almost feel her accusing eyes burning into his back. He had given up trying to force an answer out of either of them, for when he had exploded at them on the second day walking back to the village, Shippo had flinched violently, and he could smell the fresh tears. Miroku had stepped in front of Sango as a form of restraint, leaving her to murmur softly to the little kitsune. There had been no good cheer in the houshi's eyes as he stared at him, saying not a word. They had glared at each other for some time, before he felt someone place a hand on his arm, and he knew it had been Kikyo. With a snarl, he had spun around and kept walking, Kikyo following slightly behind him.
What the hell was so important that they had to trek all the way back here to talk about it? Why was that damned monk keeping him from looking for Kagome? Why did he care? Why hadn't he just taken off to find that wench on his own?
Quietly, he snuck a glance at the woman besides him.
Because he had to protect Kikyo.
He wasn't so stupid as to not know why his friends were upset. While they were connected by their joint hatred of Nark and some semblance of respect for each other, it had really been Kagome who kept them together. And now that bond was gone, replaced by someone they had always initially thought of as a threat to the group, in most cases more emotionally than physically.
["What am I to you?"]
What the hell was that girl's problem anyway?
["STAY AWAY!!!"]
What was wrong this time?
He didn't even have to think about it to know. It was him. He wasn't so blind as to not notice that he was always the source of her anger, her tears, her pain. And it had to have been about Kikyo, because nothing else set her off this badly.
[Before he even got a step, the energy barrier slammed into his chest, knocking the wind out of him. A shock ran through his bones, striking treacherously close to his heart. He felt his lungs constrict, and he couldn't get enough air.
And he stared at the one who had lashed so viciously at him, the one he least suspected to have such strength.
Kagome...]
There had been so much anger in that attack. She had tried so hard to keep him away, for reasons he didn't understand. He thought she hated Kikyo...
["I'm alive, Inu-yasha. I'm alive."]
A sharp gasp drew him out of his thoughts, and he noticed they had arrived. The old lady herself was standing at the door, her one visible eye wide open.
"...Kikyo?"
~ ~ ~
"So what do you make of this Lady Kaede?"
It was nighttime, and Kikyo had retired, with Inu-yasha accompanying her of course. Sango scowled at the thought, but was glad to be rid of both. Shippo hadn't left the haven of her kimono the entire time they were present, and shivered every time the hotheaded dog demon raised his voice. Finally, when they had left, she was able to coax him out, and he finally fell into a peaceful sleep.
She looked sadly at the tiny kitsune curled up in the blankets in front of the fire with Kirara, and she slowly petted his glowing auburn hair. He hadn't left her side once, sleeping with her at night, even bathing with her. She didn't protest, because she couldn't. Ever since finding him crying in the forest, she had adopted the motherly role that Kagome usually played, trying to soothe the broken child.
But even that wasn't entirely enough.
Miroku and she had had to throw Kagome's pack and "bicycle" away for fear it would remind Shippo of her. And finally, they had to throw away her sleeping bag too, because he would burrow himself in it, in her scent, and cry himself to sleep.
"I'm afraid I have seen nothing like this before, sir monk." Lady Kaede slowly stirred the tealeaves in her cup. "It is a most unexpected situation."
"It is apparent that my sister's soul is back in her body, but it was shown before that simply having her soul did not move her from her hatred of Inu-yasha when she died. But now...it seems that hatred is gone."
"Can it be that she has exchanged that hatred for her soul with Lady Kagome?"
"Can such a spell be done?" Miroku frowned.
"Apparently so. I have never heard of such things, but..." The wrinkles on the old priestess' face increased as conflict and confusion crossed her features.
"It would seem to me, sir monk, that such a spell would have to be performed on mutual agreement."
"Are you saying Kagome agreed to exchange her soul?!" Sango struggled to keep her voice and anger in check as Shippo stirred slightly, before turning over and returned back to his much needed sleep.
"I too do not understand it, Lady Sango, but it seems to be, if what Sister Kikyo said is true."
Sango flinched.
Sister.
That was right. Kikyo was her sister. Was a real person.
She was no longer a clay doll walking around bent on taking Inu-yasha to Hell. She was no longer someone to fight. She was no longer an enemy.
Nor will she be a friend.
Her nails bit into her palm as her fists tightened until her knuckles were white. All she wanted to do was to kill something. Inu-yasha was out of the question; he was needed to beat Naraku, she grudgingly admitted. And she would not touch Kikyo, out of respect for Lady Kaede. So that left...no one. There was nothing to vent her frustration on. That just made her even angrier.
But she will not break, nor will she let her rage control her. Shippo needed her right now, to be his strength, his comfort. And she will not fail one who had virtually become a little brother. Not again.
There was silence in the hut, as each was surrounded by their own thoughts on their situation. Finally, Sango voiced what had to be on their minds.
"So what do we do now?"
Miroku sighed deeply. The recent events had taken toll on the usually cheerful houshi, as he hadn't made a pass or attempted grope ever since their trip back to the village, only staying close to her and Shippo as a sort of group support. Sango almost missed his carefree smile; she didn't miss the gropes at all.
"There is nothing we can do, Lady Sango. There is no way for us to track Lady Kagome down, and for all we know, she could already have passed through the well."
"So we're just giving up?" Her face contorted in disgust. "I don't know about you, houshi-sama, but that damned Inu-yasha and that..."
She stopped as she glanced at Lady Kaede, the weariness on her face, and sighed. She wouldn't let her anger words hurt those not involved.
"I understand your feelings Sango. But we must think logically." A grimace crossed his face, as if he were saying something disgusting. "Lady Kikyo has the Shikon Jewel now. The search will continue, whether we're present or not. The quickest way we'll find Naraku is if we continue to follow the holder of the Shikon Jewel. Do you not want to..."
Miroku stopped himself before he could finish, but the damage was already done. The exterminator knew what he was going to say.
Do you not want to avenge your village?
It had been a dirty blow, but he couldn't take it back. The guilt ate away at him too, from the desire to save his own life and avenge his father. It was selfish, yet such a strong force that drove him, and most likely Sango, forward to keep following Inu-yasha, because that was the only way their vengeance would be truly carried out.
But was vengeance worth the price of a friend?
Slowly, he leaned over to the silent woman, the defeat evident in her slumped shoulders. Miroku had seen her struggle to remain strong for Shippo's sake. But now, even with the kitsune asleep and unaware, she couldn't bring herself to let down the walls. He didn't want that. He didn't want her to bottle everything inside until she burned out. He wanted her to let out her anguish, her torment. He wanted to be strong for her.
She was unresisting as he pulled her into an embrace, her head under his chin. And he held her innocently, with no intent than to give her solace when no one else could.
"I'm sorry, Sango."
And she cried.
~ ~ ~
Lady Kaede stared deeply into the fire, gaze never straying to the other two. It was a private moment, and not for her to witness.
Not that her mind was not filled with questions.
Kagome...happy, animated, unpredictable Kagome...had given up. She would never have imagined it and did not understand it.
And we may never know. She held the teacup in her hand without taking a sip, the contents long gone cold. A breeze blew in through the straw door cover, and a chill ran through the room. It felt foreboding as she placed more sticks into the fire, trying to drive out the coldness in her bones. She hadn't dared voice her fear to the others, even as it consumed her thoughts.
If Kagome is filled by hate...will she come after Inu-yasha too?
~ ~ ~
"Inu-yasha, I'm sorry."
He was surprised. He knew they would have to talk about their predicament, about his teammates. But he never expected her to apologize. In life, she had never apologized for anything, because she was the priestess and he was the demon. She was pure and always right.
"What for?"
She gave a small, almost bitter laugh.
"What for? For everything." She looked up at him, a hand tracing the curve of his face. "For not trusting you, for trying to kill you on more than one occasion..."
The hand moved down to grip his haori and she leaned her head on his chest. "For hating her for being the one to melt your heart, for condemning her to a cursed hell in a moment of weakness..."
"...For taking away someone obviously cared about."
She lifted her head up, desperation and a glint of fear reflected in her eyes. "You understand, don't you Inu-yasha? The burning hatred that ate away at my body and mind every day, filling my thoughts until it was all I could focus on...I never meant to give her that. No one deserves to suffer that."
"I was weak, wasn't myself. But then, I was just a dead shell, wasn't I? A shell that only desired to be a normal woman, to be with someone she loved so she wouldn't be alone."
"I had wanted to be with you so much, and I hurt someone because of that."
"Kikyo..." He didn't know what else to say. He wasn't used to such emotion from the former priestess. Threat of demons taking the Shikon Jewel prevented that. But now...would it be any different?
"Kikyo, what about the Shikon Jewel?"
He could feel her stiffen, could feel the responsibility falling back on her shoulders, the walls erecting themselves again. And he knew.
"I'm sorry."
He felt panic overwhelm him as she started to move away, the pure protective power that had guarded her and the jewel growing around her form. He didn't want to lose her again, didn't want to be separated because of the same thing that had pulled them apart 50 years ago. He grabbed her hand, wincing only slightly at the burning as her purity touched his demon blood. She looked at him in surprise.
"You won't be alone this time, Kikyo."
~ ~ ~
Eyes.
Who's there?
Eyes of liquid gold.
Is it...you?
A gentle touch.
What are you doing?
A protecting warmth.
Why?
A loving smile.
Why do you do this to me?
A harsh laugh.
What?
A lonely coldness.
Where are you going?
An echoing shatter.
Is it...her?
A soft sigh of a name.
Are you going to her?
Mocking eyes.
What am I?
Eyes of liquid gold.
How dare you...
Gold.
How DARE you!!
"INU-YASHA!"
~ ~ ~
Her scream was beautiful.
He smiled.
Soon...
~ TBC ~
Author's Note: Ugh...that was...bad.
Again, I am very sorry for delays and crappy writing. I offer no excuses, and if anyone still reads my stuff, you are a truly tolerant and wonderful person.
Next, I'm afraid that Left in the Dark is going to be put on hold. It used to be sort of a humor outlet for me, but I haven't been feeling very funny lately. Sorry to all those who were looking forward for the next chapter. Maybe sometime in the future. You are free to hate me as you so desire.
Finally, I am NOT writing Kikyo OOC. At least I don't view it that way. The point of me starting this fic was for me to try and shed some light on Kikyo's character. I read all these fics where she's portrayed as a bitch, and well, I feel there's more to her than that. Yes, I hate her in her dead form. But I think she would have been a nice person had she lived. I look in the manga at all the nice things she does, how she loves children and cares for the wounded. This fic is to delve into that nicer side, where she is not blinded by her hatred for Inu-yasha. I realize I probably did a bad job trying to portay that in a believable fashion in the chapter, and I'm severely disappointed in myself for that. I'll try to do better in future chapters.
I really hope someone does continue to read this, because I feel it will give a different viewpoint on some if not all its characters.
To the Reviewers: I don't know who many times I can say sorry, but it won't be enough. I can't express my guilt, but I do you you'll keep reading. If it gives you any pleasure, my friend at school has been badgering me nonstop to update. I promise to try and make the next chapters better, and maybe uploaded a little sooner.
Twin Star of Suzaku: This chapter was probably even more rushed. Gomen. I just never really planned this part that well, so filling it was kinda hard. When we get to the better parts it'll get...well...better. ^^;
Itadakimasu: So sorry for the month absence. Hope you still like, even though I kinda messed up on this chapter. Oi, fatigue is bad.
Duke of Spades and Stars of Siren: I thank you greatly. Hopefully, you'll love my story, even on my off days, which today happens to be one. -.-
JustAnotherPerson: Sore wa himitsu desu. No, you'll find out...mm...next chapter I think.
notaningen: You're probably right, and maybe I clarified his reasons in this chapter. Maybe not, or it's not IC. Sorry. Maybe if you tell me what's more likely how he'd react?
ChaosCat: I know, I can't really hate her...that much. I dunno. My view on Kikyo is kinda complicated, like everything I do. ^^
Emmi-chan: Yeah, I just realized how much Shippo angst I'm putting in this. It intensifies the story though, I think.
Sailor Silver Moon: I apologize for the poor quality of this chapter. And I'm pretty sure each chapter is more than a page and a half. On Word, it shows the last chapter to be around three and half pages. Maybe it's just all the spaces. Well, I know this chapter is longer, so I hope you enjoyed, even a little.
Inez: You really flatter me. I'm very mad at myself for letting this chapter slip in quality, but I didn't want to prolong the wait. I promise it'll get better. And I got into Inu-Yasha when a friend of mine summarized the plot, and I saved up to the buy the mangas. Yep, I treasure my mangas very much. ^^
nyc-pwyncess: Thank you. I'll try to keep up on the updates and such. And why does Amer. Gov't have to be required? Argh.
Trel: Well, there's certainly a lot of angst. And a lot of confusion. Yay.
animegirl1234: Sorry that you still had to wait. Hope you still like!
Dark VisioN: Heh...I love the Meow Mix song.