AN: ::crawls on the floor begging forgiveness from all the people who have been going nuts over the cliffhanger:: I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry!!!!!! I'm sorry I haven't updated for such a long time but I really haven't had a possibility. First of all, there's simply been so much RL stuff driving me crazy that I haven't actually even gotten my hands on a compy but occasionally. Second, and the actual reason is just that....eh.....something happened........I've been under so much mental drain that I've had a total writer's block and not even the *will* to write......Everything's still mixed up, but the most important thing is okay now......it's kinda like that it took me three months to figure out the stuff Houjun says in this chapter. I've been doing a really lot of thinking, so this chapter wound up being somewhat different from the usual ffn-stuff. I don't know if you'll like it, for those whom it comes as a disappointment, the next chapters will be more or less back to normal style, but the stuff that is said in this chapter is something I really wanted to say.
Krissie, this is more or less one of those things I've been saying I've been trying to tell but never got the chance........And guess what? ^_~ I still love you.........
And your fortune for the day:
It's short, it sucks, but at least it's an update.
AN2: Sorry for all the people I've not written to, I kinda hardy checked my mail at all for a couple of months for certain reasons......I miss all you people.....
Yeah, and didn't bother spell-checking this chapter.....^^;;;;;;; Anyway, the next chapter will be out once I get back, that being about three days from this day on.
Double Reflections
Part 14
Everything was dead-still. Houjun was sitting on the chair, conscious of the fact that Genrou had stopped breathing, aware of everything in the deserted classroom yet at the same time feeling strangely detached from it all. Everything seemed as if he was just observing it through a glass window that separated him from the universe. He knew that this time no-one would bring down the walls for him. He would have to do it all by himself.
***
Genrou was frantic. There was no way out of this one and he was panicking so badly he couldn't even rush out of the room. Well, at least this gave him extremely good first-hand experience for coming up with creative synonyms for the metaphor 'a deer caught in the headlights'. Would Houjun slap him, yell at him, tell him to go away or would he just stare at him, looking hurt, and say nothing at all?
And then, tentatively, Houjun's quiet voice filled the emptyness around them.
"This feels...weird."
***
Houjun had always thought that in situations like this things would just somehow start proceeding by themselves once he had got the first sentence out. He found out, however, that it was still just as hard as before trying to find the correct words to express what he was trying to say. Slowly he spoke on:
"Subconsciously...sometimes even knowingly, I guess...I have been thinking...that the whole story is just a dream; and now you are suddenly there...But you know, what is the weirdest thing is that I don't actually care about whether it is real or not...Sometimes it is enough just having a dream you can believe in..."
The words didn't come out quite as he had hoped for, but he was quite sure he had nailed down the basic core of what he was trying to say. Now he only needed to explain it to Genrou and himself.
"I often wonder whether anything really is 'real'. Like love, for example. It's just about saying simple words, doing simple things that are supposed to show that you care. There is no way of knowing that that one special person is the right one for you, or that love even exist. There's no proof about love. It's not some magical thing with neon signs pointing 'This is love.' You just have to believe in it."
Houjun was completely concentrating on words now, and all the things he had been thinking about recently started popping into his mind. On a normal occasion he would have just ignored them, but somehow it felt really important to tell Genrou just everything that bounced into his head at the moment.
"Have you ever read anything by Nietzsche? The basic thing about his theories is that there is no such thing as reality, just mindless chaos. The reason we think that the world actually makes sense is that people have the ability to give meanings to things. We reflect our own mind to the reality and observe everything as we see fit."
***
Genrou almost smirked. He was pretty sure that it wasn't even one guy in a billion who started lecturing philosophy on a moment like that. But that was yet another reason that made Houjun so damn cute. Genrou was still scared, and couldn't quite see where Houjun was going, but despite the severity of the situation he just had to allow himself a small smile. Fortunately Houjun couldn't see it as Genrou was still standing behind his chair.
Until then neither of them had moved as much as an inch, but now Houjun slowly rose up. Genrou's mind was racing out of control. Would Houjun walk out on him, tell him that he'd had his dream and didn't need him any longer? Genrou took a deep breath, readying himself for the worst.
***
"So, it doesn't really matter whether love exists or not. All that matters is that you can believe in it, and in the person you love."
Houjun turned around to face the red-head, his one eye fuzzy with emotion. Genrou looked so adorable when he was confused and uncertain instead his usual boastful self. All his emotions were clearly visible on his face.
"And you know what, Genrou?"
Very slowly Houjun let a smile spread on his face.
"I believe in you."
AN: From now on I should start updating more regularly again, but RL's still hectic so it's not an actual promise, but at least I'll try...::hides under a table when a chibi Yoda pops up saying: "Do it or do not. There is no try."::....yeah, so thanks to Yoda, I'll do it....unless I get burned to crisp from all the flames I'll get for this one......just hang in there guys.....the next chapters will have more fun stuff again.......I might try getting the next chapter out within a week or so if I get enough reviews, but if not....well, I guess it doesn't really matter that much if I just drop the whole thing.......cuz people are gonna hate this chapter......I wonder if anyone's even reading this anymore................?
I better shut up now...........bye............
Krissie, this is more or less one of those things I've been saying I've been trying to tell but never got the chance........And guess what? ^_~ I still love you.........
And your fortune for the day:
It's short, it sucks, but at least it's an update.
AN2: Sorry for all the people I've not written to, I kinda hardy checked my mail at all for a couple of months for certain reasons......I miss all you people.....
Yeah, and didn't bother spell-checking this chapter.....^^;;;;;;; Anyway, the next chapter will be out once I get back, that being about three days from this day on.
Double Reflections
Part 14
Everything was dead-still. Houjun was sitting on the chair, conscious of the fact that Genrou had stopped breathing, aware of everything in the deserted classroom yet at the same time feeling strangely detached from it all. Everything seemed as if he was just observing it through a glass window that separated him from the universe. He knew that this time no-one would bring down the walls for him. He would have to do it all by himself.
***
Genrou was frantic. There was no way out of this one and he was panicking so badly he couldn't even rush out of the room. Well, at least this gave him extremely good first-hand experience for coming up with creative synonyms for the metaphor 'a deer caught in the headlights'. Would Houjun slap him, yell at him, tell him to go away or would he just stare at him, looking hurt, and say nothing at all?
And then, tentatively, Houjun's quiet voice filled the emptyness around them.
"This feels...weird."
***
Houjun had always thought that in situations like this things would just somehow start proceeding by themselves once he had got the first sentence out. He found out, however, that it was still just as hard as before trying to find the correct words to express what he was trying to say. Slowly he spoke on:
"Subconsciously...sometimes even knowingly, I guess...I have been thinking...that the whole story is just a dream; and now you are suddenly there...But you know, what is the weirdest thing is that I don't actually care about whether it is real or not...Sometimes it is enough just having a dream you can believe in..."
The words didn't come out quite as he had hoped for, but he was quite sure he had nailed down the basic core of what he was trying to say. Now he only needed to explain it to Genrou and himself.
"I often wonder whether anything really is 'real'. Like love, for example. It's just about saying simple words, doing simple things that are supposed to show that you care. There is no way of knowing that that one special person is the right one for you, or that love even exist. There's no proof about love. It's not some magical thing with neon signs pointing 'This is love.' You just have to believe in it."
Houjun was completely concentrating on words now, and all the things he had been thinking about recently started popping into his mind. On a normal occasion he would have just ignored them, but somehow it felt really important to tell Genrou just everything that bounced into his head at the moment.
"Have you ever read anything by Nietzsche? The basic thing about his theories is that there is no such thing as reality, just mindless chaos. The reason we think that the world actually makes sense is that people have the ability to give meanings to things. We reflect our own mind to the reality and observe everything as we see fit."
***
Genrou almost smirked. He was pretty sure that it wasn't even one guy in a billion who started lecturing philosophy on a moment like that. But that was yet another reason that made Houjun so damn cute. Genrou was still scared, and couldn't quite see where Houjun was going, but despite the severity of the situation he just had to allow himself a small smile. Fortunately Houjun couldn't see it as Genrou was still standing behind his chair.
Until then neither of them had moved as much as an inch, but now Houjun slowly rose up. Genrou's mind was racing out of control. Would Houjun walk out on him, tell him that he'd had his dream and didn't need him any longer? Genrou took a deep breath, readying himself for the worst.
***
"So, it doesn't really matter whether love exists or not. All that matters is that you can believe in it, and in the person you love."
Houjun turned around to face the red-head, his one eye fuzzy with emotion. Genrou looked so adorable when he was confused and uncertain instead his usual boastful self. All his emotions were clearly visible on his face.
"And you know what, Genrou?"
Very slowly Houjun let a smile spread on his face.
"I believe in you."
AN: From now on I should start updating more regularly again, but RL's still hectic so it's not an actual promise, but at least I'll try...::hides under a table when a chibi Yoda pops up saying: "Do it or do not. There is no try."::....yeah, so thanks to Yoda, I'll do it....unless I get burned to crisp from all the flames I'll get for this one......just hang in there guys.....the next chapters will have more fun stuff again.......I might try getting the next chapter out within a week or so if I get enough reviews, but if not....well, I guess it doesn't really matter that much if I just drop the whole thing.......cuz people are gonna hate this chapter......I wonder if anyone's even reading this anymore................?
I better shut up now...........bye............