A/N: I know Aya and Tooya's child's name is really Miku (actually, I just found out after I posted the first chapter), but it doesn't bother me because I like the name Chiaki better. I'm not pretty sure of what its literal meaning is, but I've given my own meaning and reason for choosing that name. And besides, it just sounds so cute. Chiaki, Chiaki, Chiaki, Chiaki…shutting up…
Disclaimer: Remmirath does not own pretty much of anything. Only a few special friends, a wide imagination and a freaking escape from reality. Ayashi no Ceres belongs to Yuu Watase-sensei, Flower Comics, Emotion Pictures, and all those other darned legal stuff.
…
Some things are just not meant to be; but once people put their hearts into what they believe in, those impossible things come into being…
Chapter Two: Two of Us
"Otanjoubi Omedetou! Ruru-ruru-rururu… Furusato, aoi soraaaaaaaaaaaa—"
"URUSAI!!" Yuuhi growled at a little Q-san-beside-the-karaoke-box who was damaging everybody's eardrums with her freaking birthday songs and her deafening voice.
"Hai." And she sat at one corner, without a word, or any sound at all.
"Happy birthday, Chiaki-chan. How old are you now?" Mrs. Mikage turned to her little granddaughter as she played with her intently.
"Chiaki wa gosai desu!" the little girl answered gleefully.
"Wow, five years old. That means, you're a big girl now."
"Un. Chiaki's a big girl. And a good girl, too."
"Haai." She stroked her hair gently, and smiled.
Aya's mom seemed very happy spending time her adorable little granddaughter, and often hinted that she wanted more. She played with Chiaki all through out the day, so she was very tired, and is now resting on the couch with her daughter and the rest of the group. Aya was chatting with Alex, Dr Kurozuka and Tomonori were talking playfully with each other about all the women they had, as they both stared at Suzumi lusciously. Suzumi stayed at one side of the room, away from the threatening doctor and her husband's perverted brother, praying for Kazuma's protection. Yuuhi, after having nothing else to do, sat with them.
Then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, they heard a screaming tantrum:
"MOMMY! YUUHI-CHAN! I WANT A BABY BROTHER!!" a bored and dissatisfied Chiaki bustled out.
"EEeeEEEeeeeEEEEEeEeEeeEEEEeeeeeEEeeEEeEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Aya and Yuuhi looked at each other, shocked at what they've just heard. The same moment their eyes met, they turned their heads away quickly, and buried their faces by staring at the floor.
"Oi, you kids better hurry up and get married right away," Dr Kurozuka chortled jokingly. "You don't want to make Chiaki wait too long. It might cause some emotional and psychological traumas." Everyone else was laughing along with him, except Yuuhi and Aya, whose faces are both burning up as if they were racing to see who could make it blush the brightest.
"Sensei! We're not…we're not even…" Aya reacted immediately; her cheeks still red from embarrassment.
"What? You mean to say, after all these years this guy still hasn't proposed to you?"
"Why would he? We're… We're not even going out…not with just the two of us at least," she answered.
"Nani?! He hasn't taken you out yet? You haven't gone on even a single date? What's taking you so long? You should hurry up while you're still young. You don't want to be a bachelor for the rest of your life, do you?" the doctor turned to Yuuhi.
"Well I…"
"Man, you're slow! You need a lot of learning to do. Take it from me. I'm a lady's man," he boasted self-assuredly, streaking his eyes straight to Suzumi, who suddenly felt a major seizure in her organs.
"Sensei…you're not even married yourself," Yuuhi muffled skeptically.
This cut off the older man's speech. He turned his eyes on everyone, who was staring at him the way Yuuhi was. "Uh-yeah," he replied humiliated, but then recovered instantly. "However, I still have lots of women fawning over me. I could teach you some things about LOVE Yuuhi-kun. In my opinion, you still have a long way to go and lots to learn. You shouldn't waste that handsome face of yours. Shit! You almost remind me of myself when I was a young lad."
Yuuhi's face changed from bright red to pale blue at hearing this. He looked as if he was going to throw up.
"Sensei, I think you better go home now!" Aya stood up and pushed Kurozuka to the door.
"Oh, I guess we better go," the doctor called out to Mrs. Mikage and Alex. "They might be getting ready to, you know, satisfy everyone's requests. We don't want to bother them, don't we?" he winked jokily. "They've finally figured out what else they're going to give Chiaki-chan for her birthday."
"SENSEI!!"
Aya sat beside her little five-year-old daughter. All the guests were gone now, except for Aya's mom, who decided to sleep at the Aogiri residence with them for the night. "Chiaki-chan," she started.
"Mommy, I want a baby brother," Chiaki said to her smilingly.
"I'm sorry baby, but that's something very hard to do."
"But Mommy! Mommy, Yuuhi-chan will help you give me a baby brother. You can make it together."
"?!"
"Chiaki-chan, what made you say that?" Yuuhi exclaimed.
"I can't have a baby with Yuuhi," Aya told her calmly.
"Why not? Q-chan said that when people love each other, they go and get married. Then, they'll have a baby. Yuuhi-chan loves Mommy, right? And Mommy loves Yuuhi-chan," explained the little girl. "So… get married already, and make me a baby brother!" she cried out.
"Q-SAN!!!"
"ODAGIRI!!!"
They both dashed furiously towards Q-san's room; fuming blows and enraged screams echoed all throughout the room, and after that, the odd woman went around with two big lumps on her head…maybe even more.
"I'm going to sleep with grandma!" Chiaki hugged Mrs. Mikage lovingly.
Aya's mom felt very pleased with being called "grandma" though it doesn't suit her very much. But she was still happy that she was able to experience the love of a grandchild earlier than most grandparents.
"Come on, Chiaki-chan, it's time for bed," she said to the little girl invitingly.
"Hai!" and she ran off to her grandmother's room.
Mrs. Mikage turned to her daughter, "Now don't you worry yourself. I'll be putting her to sleep this time. Take some rest, okay?"
"Yes mom," Aya replied with a deep smile. "Thanks." She was overjoyed to see both her mother and daughter happy. She never thought she could've restored such feelings especially on her mother's face, ever since that incident, when she thought everything has fallen into abyss, and she has been left without anything. But now, as she looked at her mother walking peacefully and calm, she has found a way out of the darkness.
"Grandma! Hayaku! Hayaku!" Chiaki yelled out, waving her hands into the air.
Mrs. Mikage walked towards Chiaki, faster this time. "Honey, aren't you going to say goodnight to Mommy first?" she smiled at the girl.
Chiaki tiptoed and cried out to Aya, "Night-night Mommy! I love you!"
"I love you too sweetie!" Aya replied, and then she went inside her room. She didn't sleep right away after that. She just sat on her futon, looking around, refreshing all the memories she had. Then, she stood up again and walked around her room for a while. She caught sight of Chiaki's baby album. She little smile grew on her face as she turned the pages. Yes, Chiaki was another proof that everything was all right now. Seeing her round eyes filled with excitement, and her teeth shining brightly with a big smile on her plump little cheeks has made her feel all better, even after that incident… she thought as she set her eyes on a certain picture… after he left them.
Oh right, it's Tooya's death anniversary tomorrow. She has never forgotten about that. That day when she thought everything couldn't get any better, it got worse. She knew of course, but could not accept it. And yet, it had to happen, he left her. Once again, her world has fallen. She was filled with darkness. She had been all alone, until she realized that there were still people all around her, the ones who cared. She was never alone, right from the start. She always had someone. And right now, that most important someone is Chiaki…
She closed the album and looked at another. The first picture that caught her attention was her little girl boosted up on a young man's shoulders.
…and Yuuhi.
Gazing at the photograph, she traced her fingers on it. The sight of Yuuhi carrying Chiaki on his shoulders and having fun, not caring if she pulls on his hair, pinches his cheeks so hard that it swells, or if she slabs her hands on his eyes, sometimes even poking them—Yuuhi's huge indefinite smile made it hard for Aya to stop herself from grinning. He looked so silly, and it was hard to determine whether he's laughing happily or if he's just trying to hide the pain caused by the little 'angel' he was carrying.
She looked at more of the pictures, seeing more of Chiaki and Yuuhi's pictures together, and some with her in them. She smiled at one where the three of them were walking around the park, as she and Yuuhi taught Chiaki how to walk. They were holding the child's hands from both sides, guiding her along the pathway. Chiaki's smile was considerably wide. Aya could still hear her laughter from that moment. And Yuuhi, Yuuhi's smile, her smile, their smiles… We sure look like a lovely couple. And we were like a family.
She felt her heart throb faster and harder against her chest. She couldn't help but to keep on smiling at that image. 'Wait a sec- what am I thinking? Lovely couple? Family? I'm being silly.' Even after saying that, her heart kept on beating loudly. It kept on going faster and faster, and louder and harder. She immediately closed the album, and sat back. What's this suppose to mean? She clasped onto her chest. It wasn't the first time this happened. She has felt this before, a lot of times. Does this mean I'm…with Yuuhi… Is this…? No. No, it's not. Of course it's not. It can't be. It shouldn't be.
Why? Chiaki would accept him, she was pretty sure of that. She treats him like he was her big brother and best friend, not impossible to develop into seeing him as a father. Ever since Chiaki was very little, Yuuhi has been with her. She grew up with Yuuhi being by her side. She even called him 'Papa' once when she was still learning to talk. Actually they had to spend half a year of countless failures to persuade the little one-year-old that Yuuhi wasn't her 'Papa' and that he was just her Uncle Yuuhi, or better yet 'Yuuhi-chan'.
One time, when she brought Chiaki to Tooya, the little girl kept asking questions like what were they doing there, and why they had to be there, ... Aya had to explain to her what happened, and that they were there to remember her daddy who went to another place, and is now looking over them. She spent a few minutes telling her how great her dad was, and how he loved them both so much. But after that, Chiaki, who seems to be even more confused, asked, "But isn't Yuuhi-chan my daddy?"—A sequel to their arduous frustration. Fortunately, Chiaki, being a smart little girl, concluded the topic into "Wow Mommy, I must be very lucky! I get to have two daddies who both love me and my mommy very much."
Chiaki loves Yuuhi. She knows it. But that's not the point. She loves him, too. But she didn't want to love him. She felt that it might be wrong. She was afraid that loving someone else would be betraying Tooya's love and trust. But what could she do? It's already happened, and is still there—no, she doesn't have to. Tooya's the only one, he should be.
"It's getting late. You should go get to sleep," she suddenly heard someone whisper beside her.
"Your mum told you to rest, didn't she?" he continued. "What are you still doing awake? Can't you sleep?"
"Uh- Not really. I just wanted some time to think," she said, looking at the ceiling.
"About what? Aren't you supposed to wake up early tomorrow?" Yuuhi raised his voice a little to get her to look at him. "I know it's a regular day, and there aren't really going to be crowds, but, don't you want to visit him first thing?"
Aya finally looked at him, quite surprised at what he said. "I never thought you cared about that," she told Yuuhi.
"Huh?! Who said I did? You know I don't," he replied immediately and anxiously.
After that, there was only silence in the room. The only thing you could hear is the sound of crickets chirping in the middle of the night, until Yuuhi stood up and finally, his light footsteps were heard. He was walking to his room when Aya suddenly spoke up.
"Hey Yuuhi, you wouldn't mind, would you? I don't think I could still sleep just yet. Maybe we could…um, talk for a while," she smiled.
Yuuhi turned back and crouched over to one corner of the room. "What d'you want to talk about?"
"Anything. Anything would do," Aya went closer to him. "I just want to talk, that's all."
Silence again.
"Hey, I said I wanted to talk. Why aren't you saying anything?"
"Well, what do you expect me to say?"
Yet another cold silence.
"Yuuhi… you're coming with us, right?" Aya finally said. "To visit Chidori, I mean—that's what you always do. Are you still going tomorrow?"
"Hn? Yeah, I guess so."
"Yuuhi… do you…" she hesitated, paused, and then continued. "Do you still love Chidori? I-I know that's a dumb question to ask, but, I just wanted to know, and—"
"I don't."
"Not anymore?"
"I never did."
"E?"
Yuuhi looked at her then up at the ceiling. He took in a deep breath and swallowed, then looked back to her again. "You know that usual instance when people realize how important somebody is or how much they love someone only when they're already gone?" his eyes narrowed across the other side of the room. "Well, that happened to me too…sort of. When Chidori died, I found out how much she really means to me. But, it didn't occur to me that I love, or loved her. There was guilt within me; I blamed myself for what happened. I felt so stupid. I even damned my self for not being able to see her completely, for not being able to show her how much I cared about her." He faced back towards Aya, but still looking away from her. "And you know why I had to feel sorry for not being able to do those things?" His eyes were fixed on the floor. "It was because, all this time, I only thought of you. All this time, I've only loved you." His eyes met hers, and then looked down again. "I hated my self so much, for being so callous, so selfish, for what I've done to Chidori. I never loved her. Not even once. I didn't love her even after it was too late. I'm such a jerk." He pressed his face in his arms rested on his bent knees, forced his eyes shut, trying hard to stop himself from crying.
"Yuuhi.."
"I feel so pathetic… I'm so pathetic…" tears began to squeeze out of his tightly shut eyes. "I knew you didn't love me. I knew that I couldn't make you mine. I had no chance against him. I knew all these things." Tears continued to roll down his cheeks, dripping on the floor. "I also knew how much Chidori cared. I knew I could've loved her instead. I knew I could've made her happy. But what did I do?" He slightly opened his eyes, his teeth gritted so hard against each other. "I rejected her. Even though I knew all these damn things, I wasn't able to do what I wished I could've, because I just can't… I just can't stop loving you Aya. I love you."
He pressed his lips tight, then he wiped his eyes on his shirt. A small curve was evident on the side of his face; he started to laugh silently to himself, trying to hide his shaking. As soon as he was sober again, he pushed him self upwards and held on the screen, looking at Aya. "You'd better go to sleep," he said to her. "See what this conversation has gone into? It's not good. Well, not for me at least. I guess I'm not a very good companion—hn, Aya?"
She was crying. Her arms were wrapped around her knees where her face was buried.
"A-aya? Aya, what's wrong?" he asked from where he was standing, slightly bending over.
Aya just stayed quiet, letting all the tears escape from her. Then she looked up at Yuuhi with her wavering eyes; she ran to him and swathed her arms around his waist, and she soon toned down from crying. Yuuhi stayed still, his arms placed faintly above her shoulders, not knowing what else to do.
"Aya?"
"Atashi wa…atashi wa Yuuhi wo…aishite…" She stopped, and then she raised her self closer to him. One hand was placed on his chest, the other on his sleeve, and her eyes were gently closed. She held him tighter. Yuuhi lowered his head, and soon afterwards, their faces drew nearer and nearer. Their noses slightly touched, and their lips were seconds away from an intimate kiss.
A grasp of air, blowing through your hair
Have you not felt this before?
A ring of laughter whispers through your lips
What is this feeling for?
*
Breathtaking height of the old man's tree;
Wondering what we'll find there.
Feel the air flushing all your feelings thru,
Its soft gentle breeze,
The warmth it gives you
Its satisfying serenity
Relish the salty taste that goes along with it
Feel it touching your lips
Filling your mouth with excitement
Filling you with joy
Look down and all around you
A most wonderful sight
Run down and race across the grounds
Swim into the ocean
Stand by the shore
Feel the sand beneath your feet
Feel those tiny particles tickle you
As it slips in between you toes
Look across
The cascade that mirrors the sky,
Turning the sun
Into bits of sparkles on its plain
Look across
That faraway horizon,
Giving you that strange yet peaceful feeling
Engrossing you into the demarcation
Look right beside you
See that someone standing there,
Holding you in arms, so safe and full of comfort,
Touching your face with hands so warm
Look into the eyes
Looking into you
Understand the meaning deep within,
Find the depths of the ocean
Look at those eyes
Now you can't see anything once more
But do not fret
Someone's still there…will always be
Look straight
And wait
You'll soon realize
What is standing right before you
Close your eyes,
Look inside your heart
Feel it…
"Too…ya…"
Aya felt her heart stop. The kiss was sojourned. Yuuhi's eyes were focused on her, trembling. He stepped backward, his head now tilted down so his bangs covered his eyes. Aya's eyes widened in shock from what just happened. She clasped her hands over her mouth and felt heavy tears building up in her eyes. Her heart was pounding furiously and heavily. Yuuhi turned away from her, and to his room, without saying a word, not one word. Aya just followed him with her eyes, her hands still on her mouth, as he reached out to his back, on the door, shutting it close. Tears were fighting to burst out of her eyes; she wasn't stopping it, but it still found it hard to flow out. "Oyasumi," Yuuhi finally said. The last thing he said to her, before a forceful and breath-piercing "K'so!" and a crashing sound from the next room, which triggered the bursting from her eyes. The tears completely flowed out, so hard that Aya could barely see anything. Everything was a blur. Her knees quivered, and she fell down to the floor. Her whole body was numb, she couldn't move at all. The only thing she could do was clinch onto her lips, as hard as she could, as painful as it could get. She was curled up on her futon, her thoughts all rumbling about. What just happened? One word, one word did it all. That name, that name that was supposed to make her feel light and comfortable, that name that used to bring smiles on her face—it used to, until now. Now, it was only a faded memory that brings a burden to her recovering soul. She felt so stupid. She hated it. She hated herself for falling in love again, with someone else, despite the fact that she still loves him.
Aya woke up the next day, tears all dried up on her eyes and the side of her face. Actually, it's not appropriate to say she woke up. She wasn't really able to sleep. She usually wasn't able to because of Chiaki's tantrums, but she's been over that a long time ago. Now was different. Her eyes were sore and she could still feel her body shaking strenuously. She raised herself from the futon, and rubbed the stuff off her eyes. She walked slowly to the door, thinking whether she should stay inside her room or just face this day, be it horrible or just like the ordinary—Ordinary? How could this day possibly turn out that way? She looked at the screen dividing her room from Yuuhi's at the corner of her eyes. There was a small dent at the corner of the door, probably from how hard Yuuhi slammed it. She looked back to the other door, and just looked at it.
After a while, a while of just staring at that darned door, she decided to go and free herself from this confinement. Besides, she was getting hungry. She walked to the dining room and, seeing that no one else was there yet—or they might have had their meal without her, she sat on her usual place in front of Yuuhi's chair, looking at the table where a plate with two pieces of fried eggs and another with a few strips of bacon on it lie in front of her. Seems like a very ordinary breakfast this time. Nothing very special like the ones she used to have. She supposed Yuuhi must've not been in the mood to cook today. 'Why would he be? You just turned him down remember?' she thought to herself. She picked up a fork and took an egg and some bacon, and she started eating. Right now, an ordinary meal tasted better than a genius cook's recipe. To say why this is so is quite unnecessary.
"Good morning, sleepy-head." Moments later, her mom went inside the room and sat with her. "You must've really missed sleeping for long extra hours. I was like that with you and your brother too. You were such sleep deprivers, and not to mention terrors," she giggled.
But Aya had no reply whatsoever. She just continued to eat idly, just staring at the food, paying no attention to her mother who was laughing so enjoyably.
"Darling, are you okay?" her mom asked, finally noticing her lack of interest. "You don't look so good." She placed her hand on Aya's forehead. "You're not sick, are you? I remember Yuuhi-kun looked that way too, when we were having breakfast a while ago. He finished way ahead before we did. Is something wrong? Do you kids have a problem?"
"…"
"Aya?"
Aya looked up. "Hm? Oh, mom. How long have you been there?"
"I've been trying to talk to you all this time, but you didn't seem to notice me. What's wrong?"
"Oh, it's nothing mom. You don't have to worry about me. I'm fine," she replied, trying to hide her sentiments with a fake smile.
"I don't think so," her mother answered sternly. "Aya, I'm your mother. I know you're not feeling fine. Now, tell me," she said, this time less demanding, and it seemed more of the understanding type.
"It's… It's Yuuhi. He… I'm sorry mom, I can't. I just can't tell you." She stood up and walked out of the room, without even finishing her food, leaving her mother behind.
Yuuhi was sitting on the porch, looking across the fishpond, staring indolently at it. He couldn't get his mind off what happened the last night. He was going to try cooking but thought better of it and decided not to. He didn't want his experience a long time ago to happen again. So, he just chose the option of staring perplexedly at nothing until everything is erased from his memory—a useless option.
He has already spent an hour in his routine, and it was reaching two, when he was interrupted by incoming footsteps. He stood up to find another peaceful, or rather, boring position, not minding whoever that distraction was… it was Aya.
"Yuuhi…"
Yuuhi just walked away.
"Matte Yuuhi!"
He stopped. "What do you want?" he said coldly.
"Yuuhi, I'm…" she went closer.
"What?"
She wrapped her arms around his waist. "I…I…"
"If you don't have anything useful to say, then don't waste my time."
"No…I…"
"I'm sorry. But I'm not Tooya." He removed her arms from their grasp, and he went to his room.
Aya stayed there, standing still, as if her brain has stopped functioning. She stared blankly as Yuuhi got farther and farther away, until he was completely out of sight; a droplet of tear rolled out of her eye.
Yuuhi stayed inside his room, but kept the door open. Not long, Aya was, again, standing there. "Look, I'm really sorry okay," she said flatly. "I just can't… I can't stand you being mad at me, so I'm sorry."
"Who said I was mad at you?"
"Oh, come on. I know you too well to be mistaken," she retorted, in an abrupt tone of voice. "Well? Will you forgive me?"
"You don't know me that well," he sneered. "I'm not mad at you. I just wanted some time to forget about…that, whatever it was. And besides, even if I was, I can never stay mad at you. You should have known that," he smiled.
Aya smiled back. She sat beside him and rested her head on his shoulder.
"Know what?" Yuuhi spoke up again, back to his previous mood. "I thought, after all these years, maybe I had a chance. I thought you could learn to love me. I guess I was stupid, wasn't I? You could never love me."
Aya moved away a little. "No. No Yuuhi, you're wrong," she shook her head in disagreement. "You're not impossible to love. In fact, if there's anyone who's just so easy to love, that's you, Yuuhi. The truth is…
"I love you, Yuuhi." She paused. "But I still love Tooya too."
"You can't love both of us, Aya. Not at the same time."
"I know," Aya replied. "But I don't understand." She placed her head on Yuuhi's back, and buried her face as she cried. "Why does it have to be this way? I'm so confused. My mind's all messed up. I don't understand…" She clasped onto the side of his shirt, sobbing even harder.
Yuuhi held her hand to stop her from crying. "I'm not forcing you to choose between us," he said. "Don't bother about it so much. It won't matter to me if you choose him instead. After all, he has more right to have you than I do… even if he's not here anymore. If you love him that much, then I guess…" he stopped. "I better shut up. I'm starting to become too talkative again."
…
Thanks for all those who reviewed the last chapter, and even the ones who reviewed my other fics.
I was going to write something about Aya going to school for this chapter, but my writer's block attacked me so I wasn't able to finish it (it wasn't even three pages long). It was getting stupid anyway. Wasn't even angst.
About the opening song—that 'Otanjoubi Omedetou' Q-san was singing (?)—it's a birthday song (obviously—for those who know Japanese) that was taught to us a long time ago.
What d'you think of the poem? Nothing to be proud of, in my opinion. I'm not really good at poetry. It turned out better than I expected though. Let me know what you think. Just make sure you send me a review. Dammit, please!