"One Last Roll of a Loaded Dice" by Luke's Dragon

Part I 'The Secret Diary of Hikari Kamiya aged 15 ¾'

Disclaimer

I don't own Digimon in any way shape or form

Author Notes

Lately I've really been into Yakari pairings, and although I've done a few before I wanted to do another one, so her it is. This first chapter features a slightly older Kari now 20 years old reflecting on her relationship with Yamato. It is in a diary form, so I'm not too sure how it is going to turn out to read, so let me know what you think. This part is all Kari's view on the events. As for Kari's birthday falling on the 26th of April, that just happened to be when I wrote that passage, if any one knows Kari's 'official' birthday and feels upset I've made such a glaring error, then I'm very sorry indeed. The next part will be Matt's view on events so stay turned to Digimon, Digital Monsters. J

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Kari took one last look around her old bedroom; today she was moving out, leaving home to become her own woman. It was not, she reflected the biggest move ever, she was only going to be a short car trip from her parents, and her brother was also one the same street as her new place. Coupled with the fact that her housemates were all former digi-destined it hardly seemed as if she was going anywhere at all. Sorting through several boxes to find stuff to take with her it amazed Kari that in her life she had collected so much junk, she, like her brother never threw anything away. Old clothes, broken cameras, stuffed toys, now missing most of their fur, all memories, memories she packed away in boxes to take with her. It struck her that so far she had found nothing except for a broken mug and a solitary sock that she wanted to get rid off. Looking through a collection of books Kari smiled; when she had been growing up, reading tales of heroism and true love, she would have never excepted her own experience would eclipse those she had read about. In her life she had saved both the digital world and the real world on several occasions, but true love that was… Kari stooped herself, half excepting to burst into a cheery song she was not in the mood to think of true love, that was another memory she could pack up into a box and keep for a rainy day. Fortune however was not playing by the same rules as her, as she picked up a pile of books a small one with a read leather case fell out, on it in her own hand-writing was the inscription, 'The Secret Diary of Hikari Kamiya aged 15 ¾ Hands Off! This means you Taichi!!!'. She was about to put it back with the rest of the books but decided to have a trip down memory lane, it was however quite deliberate that she turned to the page she did. It all started then, with any luck it could finish there too. With slightly trembling hands Kari turned to the pages where she had fallen in love.

Thursday April 24

I hate Thursdays! Double math's to end the day, still me and Yolie were able to plan some great ideas for my birthday, we've got some great games planned, although I think it's all a plan to get Izzy to kiss her. I swear for a genius that boy is really thick, he still doesn't notice her no matter what she does. Anyway, I don't see why she's so into him, I'd much rather have someone cute like TK, even Davis would be better, what did I just say. Diary never, ever tell anyone I even thought for a moment about Davis. I hope TK can make it on Saturday, I've started having such strange feelings lately for him, I just hope that he feels the same way, he said he thinks he's busy on Saturday though, I'm his best friend, what could be more important than my birthday? I might have to get Tai and Matt to 'talk' to him, I'm sure they'd enjoy that.

Friday April 25-ANZAC Day (Australia, New Zealand)

I'm not even sure I should be writing this, if Tai were to read this…But I'm in love with Matt! Stupid I know, I don't even know how it happened, but I've just realized today that I don't want TK, I want Matt.

Me, Yolie and Sora were all discussing our ideal boyfriends, Yolie, predictably said Izzy and Sora said Tai, when they asked me they said, 'it has to be TK'. But it struck me that no I didn't want TK, much as I like him, he'll never be anything more than my best friend, but the qualities in him that I like so much are all there, and more in his brother. I don't know who was the most shocked, me or my friends. I've sworn them to secrecy, even though they're both plotting as we speak, I know I should be shaking, but they were very successful in getting Mimi and Joe together, so if I don't say anything, who knows? Of course Sora's plans do fail as often as they succeed… I'd better sign off for tonight, I hear Tai coming.

Saturday April 26-Arbor Day (US)

It's currently midday, and I thought I'd write this early, since tonight is my party. So far I've had a really great day, my parents got me a scooter, I could hardly believe it, I thought they were so much against me riding one, it was so nice to hear them say that they thought I was grown up now. To be honest though I was even more surprised with Tai, he got me a really nice top, although it's far to revealing for him to have chosen it he still treats me like a kid…Ah ha, Sora must have chose it for him. I'm really looking forward to tonight, mom and dad are going out and all my friends are coming over, as well as the 'party games' me and Yolie planned, I heard Tai telling Matt that he was not, under any circumstances allowed to bring his 'special drink'. I know he will, Matt would do pretty much anything to annoy Tai. Anyway what is 'Arbor Day'? I've often wondered, but no-one seems to know, even Ken, who is a genius said he didn't know, but he thought it might be to do with the French 'le arbor' meaning tree, so does my birthday fall on the day Americans celebrate trees in France? Although my diary tells my all these dates it never explains them.

11:48PM

Why am I writing this when the past few hours have been the most action packed of my life? (that didn't involve Digimon) Well in case in years to come I forget what happened tonight, well here goes…

I had decided to wear my new top, Tai said I looked really nice, which I was pleased about, but I couldn't help wishing that a certain other digi-destined had said that.

Everyone came round at about 8:00, apart from Matt, which I was pretty disappointed about, we were all about to eat the cake, on Davis and Tai's request that cake was good so should be eaten first, when Matt turned up, 'fashionably late' as he puts it. We all sat about, doing the usual party things, eating snack food, listening to music, throwing snack foods at people, trying to stop certain people from putting their choice of music on. Anyway it would have been around an hour later when I noticed the 'special drink' Tai had been warning Matt about, it consisted of everything alcoholic Matt and TK had been able to find, all poured into a bottle. The very smell of it made me feel sick, but most of the boys were having a competition to see who could drink the most, this left all of them a little worse for wear. Actually that's a horrific lie, Tai wisely refused to drink any, and Matt and Davis were 'worse for wear'. The rest of them were by now passed out or in Izzy's case talking to a plant, and laughing to himself, I noticed Yolie was looking angry with him, but a few moments later she had taken him off somewhere, I've no idea what happened to either of them. Me and Sora decided to have a game of 'Spin the Bottle' between the six remaining people, this was as she put it phase one of operation 'get Tai and Matt with Sora and Kari'. I know it's a lame operation name, I wanted 'operation phoenix' but never mind that. Sora managed to fix the first spin so she had too snog Tai, which was slightly, no very gross, but the next spin was Matt, and she had assured me that it would land on me. Sora's plan, although having a stupid name worked like a charm, and probably even better than she would have hoped for,. As me and Matt locked lips and I heard Davis offer his customary protest he whispered to me 'I can't believe it took this to make me realize' I was so happy and I now have a boyfriend.

Something went horribly wrong though, I caught Tai and Matt talking about me, Tai was hassling Matt about kissing me, asking if he'd enjoyed kissing 'my kid sister' and Matt…he said no. He said that he wasn't interested, I felt so upset, so vulnerable that when a slightly drunk Davis asked me, for the sixth time that night if I wanted a birthday kiss, I said yes, and maybe to spite Matt and my brother, I agreed to be 'his girl'. I suppose I could do worse, I mean he's cute, in a puppy sort of way or perhaps that's the effects of Matt's special drink working on me, I only had one sip, I suddenly feel really worried for Izzy.

By the way Ken looked it up on the Internet and he says Arbor Day is a day for planting trees, well at least that's sorted.

Even now it gave her a shiver running down her spine, the memory of that first kiss, that first love seemed so real. Even after everything that had happened since it still felt as if it was only yesterday, still she though, I suppose everyone feels that way about his or her first love, well that's what his songs say anyway.

Sunday April 27- Freedom Day (South Africa)

I woke up feeling so confused about last night, I felt so sad about what Matt had said, I don't want to just be his best friend's little sister, and that kiss, the emotion I felt had to be real didn't it? I want to be with him so much, but I guess that won't ever happen since he doesn't feel the same way about me.

I called Yolie to see what happen to her last night, and she went really quiet on me, then laughed and said her plan worked perfectly, her and Izzy were a real couple. Combine that with Sora eating my brother's face all night and Mimi and Joe practically being married leave me being the only girl without her ideal man.

Which brings me onto the Davis issue, I know most people think he's a total jerk but… Oh I don't know what I think about him, Yolie said I should make a list of good points versus bad points, so her goes.

Good Bad

He's quite cute He's not Matt

He's devoted to me He's not even TK

He makes me laugh He's a little possessive

He's a really good cook Those goggles have to go

He's popular He likes football

Tai likes him He has no fashion sense

He's my age Sora thinks he's gay

The girls like him I don't think I do

Sorry Dai but that makes my mind up, I think we could end up having one of the shortest relationships ever. The first and last bad points made up my mind, I can't have a boyfriend who I'm wishing is someone else, it's not fair on me or him.

Ken said they have arbor days in Australia too, maybe we should have one too.

Monday April 28

I couldn't tell him! I'm hopeless I know, but he was so pleased that I just couldn't break his heart, I guess I'm going to have to handle this gently. We're going on a date tomorrow, to the Teenage Wolves, strange coincidence? Anyway I hope there's more people this time, last time there was just the Digi-destined and some of the band's friends. Matt was so disappointed. To make matters worse I've got exams all this week too, I hate exams!

Tuesday April 29

Well today was… interesting school was fine, apart from the three hour math exam, but never mind that, what was really important was the gig, me and Matt kissed again! It was strange, I thought he didn't really care about me that much but I think I might have been wrong before he started Matt asked me to wish him luck and I did, then he said 'what about a kiss for luck' so I kissed his cheek. He laughed and said that wasn't what he really meant, and then we kissed this wasn't like some spin the bottle thing, this was real, intense, the sort of thing people write poems about. Now I'm really confused, does he like me too? Still it's made up my mind about Davis, I'll tell him tomorrow. There were a few more people tonight as well; I counted nine that I didn't know, so it looks like their popularity is on the rise.

Wednesday April 30 Valborg (Sweden)

Today was either a great day, or a dreadful day, it all depends on how you look at it. I broke up with Davis, which is the bad thing, I explained everything, that I loved someone else, that it wasn't fair on him, what really got me though was how he took it, he just looked at me, gave me a little smile and left. I feel awful I felt sure he'd shout, scream, be all Davis about it but no, it looks like his whole world collapsed. It takes the shine off what happened this evening a little.

Matt came round and he said he'd heard about what happened, and that he hoped I was all right. I told him I was fine, he then asked if it was anything to do with him that we'd split up. I confessed that it was, I wasn't sure what to expect, but it was all worth it. Matt told me he'd only told Tai it meant nothing to throw him of the scent, then he got down on one knee and asked me to be his girlfriend, it was so romantic, just like a movie or something, of course I told him I would. The moment was spoiled by Tai showing up, we've got to be a little careful I guess.

Thursday May 1 May Day (UK) Workers Day (South Africa) Fete du Travil (France) Dia Del Trabajo (Mexico)

It struck me how many people across the world think today is worth celebrating, and now I do too, today marks the first day of Matt and me being an official couple. It also marked the occasion of my science exam, which is probably not such a cause for celebration.

Although me and Matt are together, me and Matt, Kari and Matt, Yamato and Hikari, they all sound good don't they? Anyway the point is although we're together we still have one major problem, Tai. I said a few days ago he was treating me like a grown up, but no, He had a go at Davis today for splitting up with me, poor Dai didn't even say a word but then again he's been quiet all day. I wonder if perhaps he's more sensitive than people think. Still me and Matt have to be careful not to be caught, it's so exciting, just like Romeo and Juliet.

Kari skipped through the next few pages, they were all filled with the same things, her and Matt's secret love, little passages about stolen kisses while Tai was out of the room, her and there a love poem or a quote from Shakespeare. Kari sighed at her enthusiasm and youth, in truth she had never fully got over Matt, but prided herself on not needing a man in her life, on being tough. If that were true though, why couldn't she bring herself to concentrate on happy memories? She reached a point in her old diary that brought back a memory so sharply she could not just glaze it over.

Thursday June 21 Summer Solstice

Well, today was a weird day, me and Matt were up on the school soccer pitch sharing our lunches as we've taken to doing on nice days like today, when Matt gave me a present, it was a necklace, with the crest of light on it, it's so beautiful I can hardly believe it. Then he said he wanted us to promise something that we'd always be there for each other, to fight for each other, and to always live for the moment. I thought it was really sweet and promised him that I would. I wonder if perhaps he knew what was coming because on my way home I was told that Tai was in a fight, I was in for a shock when I saw who he was fighting. I suppose somehow he'd found out about us, and now Matt and Tai were fighting each other as though they were champion boxers. I managed to separate the two of them and somehow persuade them to sit down and talk. Tai told me that there was no way he was letting us stay together, but I told him that I loved Matt, and that he would never hurt me. I don't know what Tai made of this but he seemed to accept it, but said if Matt ever hurt me, he'd 'lay the smackdown on his candy ass!'. This cause Matt to shout 'What?' and the two to engage in another wrestling bout, although this time they seemed to be doing it for fun, so I hope they're still friends. Today was the first time anyone but Tai had ever fought for me, it made me so happy to see that Matt cared enough to do that for me.

Kari smiled; it was perhaps the best day of her life at that point. No she told herself, it was the best ever. Although her brother and boyfriend had cuts, blooded lips and bruises everywhere she couldn't have been happier, the two most important men in her life had cared so much. Kari sighed thinking of the passage she knew was coming up in a few months time. She skipped past June, July and August and the happy times she and Matt had spent, she knew them all without reading them. She skipped past September, ignoring the amount of concerts she went too, and how few references to her friends there were. She went straight to a date in October she remembered all too well.

Saturday October 27 Daylight savings ends (US & Canada)

Well, it is done the fairy tale romance is over, but I'm not going to be all soppy and cry about it, I know it has to be this way. It has to be this way for both of us. This way Matt can go with his band on this tour, I know he's got the talent to make it big, but he's so stupid he'd rather stay with me than follow his dreams. I've been wondering lately why he ever fell for me in the first place; I don't deserve someone like him.

His expression when I told him we were over was just like Davis; I'm starting to think that I'm good at hurting people I care about. Still at least Matt talked to me, he said that it was probably for the best and that no matter what happened he'd keep his promise to me. That meant so much, but not enough to make me change my mind we always were two very different people, and lately he's grown even more distant, so grown up, I don't think he wants a kid like me anymore. When I got back Tai said that if Matt had hurt me he kill him, but I told him that I'd hurt Matt, not the other way around. Strange I half wanted him to get cross so Matt would have to come and save me. But he didn't it reminds me of something from our song "there ain't no luck in these loaded dice". Goodbye Matt…

Even now she was unsure why they had done it, her friends all had their own theories, but she didn't care to her them, all she knew was that it was the only call she could have made. A week later Matt had left for good, without even telling her. The Teenage Wolves had gone on to have huge success, and she guessed that by now Matt had probably married some super model, after all with his looks and money practically every girl wanted to be with him. There was only a little part of Kari that felt pleased to have been his first girlfriend, the rest of her couldn't think about him without wishing that he were still with her. Where had that come from? No way was she going to get all emotional about something that happened years ago. She was in no mood for the irony of the situation when Yolie called her she had won two tickets to the hottest gig in town and as 'a welcome to your new house' gift she was taking Kari. The very last thing Kari wanted was to see the Teenage Wolves, and not just because of Matt, she hated their music, every song seemed to be about lost love and despair, but hadn't Matt always been gloomy? Still if it meant so much to her best friend Kari would go along, she packed away her diary and loaded the boxes of stuff into her car. Kari didn't notice a necklace with an engraving that looked a little bit like a sun that was tucked into an old cardboard box, buried under old clothes as if it didn't really matter very much.