"One Last Roll of a Loaded Dice" by Luke's Dragon

Part III "Tears of a Goggle Head"

Disclaimer

I'm just holding it for a friend; it's not really mine!

Author Notes

The last two parts have been Yamato and Kari (which if you've read them you'll already know) feeling upset about the way things ended. This part offers a slightly different view from the view of someone who got hurt. This was going end up as a Yakari with them getting back together, but now I feel really sorry for poor Dai, hmm do I smell a Daiken coming on, or maybe I could get Davis and Kari back together…?

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A lone figure sat by a grave in the rain, he wore on his head a set of swimming goggles, and the rain was coming down with such force that anyone with the sense of humor amused by such things would have said 'at least you can swim home'. He shook his head at the thought, these were the people who would have said 'nice weather today…for ducks' and laughed. Although the goggle boy was usually a cheerful soul that was not the case today, this was a day that even without the rain would have not seen him smile. Anyone walking past would have felt a sense of sympathy to see the goggle headed youth out in the storm, but there was no one, unlike this young man most other people were somewhere warm and dry. The soaking figure did not want to be warm or dry, he felt that today only sitting by his friends final resting-place in the rain, freezing cold would do. Fighting off a chill he was asking himself one question, on that he could not find an answer to. He wanted to know why the world seemed to hate him so much? It just didn't seem fair, after all he was a nice guy, he was kind to fluffy animals and small children, and he gave to charities, well actually he'd bought a pair of jeans from a charity shop once, but it was the same sort of thing. Still though the world seemed determined to make his life miserable. It had all started close on five years ago, when he had been fifteen, and Kari had just turned sixteen, no it goes back further, it started the first day I ever saw her, I really thought she was the one for me. It was true, the first time he laid eyes of Hikari Kamiya he'd fallen in love with her back then he'd thought nothing would ever change that. This had turned out to be wrong, but not that far off the mark, he had once thought that not even death could stop him loving her, I never thought you off all people would stop me loving her though. Growing up Hikari had always been there for all of her friends, that was just the sort of girl she was, kind, generous, a heart breaker. Well she sure broken yours, and mine too I guess. Well, he thought it's true all throughout our adventures everyone thought that she was so perfect and I guess I did too, everyone certainly thought I wanted to be with her maybe I did, once upon a time. The sad thing is, there's no happily ever after for any of us in this fairy tale.
It made him feel sad to think of all the nights spent wishing that they could be more than friends, and watching as he noticed all the little signs telling him she wanted someone else. He'd always known that for all her suitors there was one boy he could never compete with, someone he had always looked up to, someone he had once called 'friend'. Even now it hurt so much that she had chosen Yamato Ishida and how because of him he'd lost two of his best friends. People had often compared the two of them, there were of course obvious similarities between the two, it was only to be expected really, but he'd never hurt her like that idiot had done. Crest of friendship, that was a sick sort of joke, he hadn't been much of a friend back then. Looking he hated Yamato, that jerk had lost Tai as a friend, not because of the fact Yamato had dated his sister, but because of the lies. The fact he'd told Tai and me he didn't love Kari and we both believed him, well that really stings Matt, and even now it still hurts. As the rain washed over him, the boy was glad of his goggle, the rain was making his hair gel run into his eyes, and that stung so he put his goggles down to protect his eyes. I just wish they would have worked back then, maybe I wouldn't be here now, if it weren't for my stupid tears…

The goggle boy thought back, now he was standing in Hikari's house, it was her sixteenth birthday, and a memory he had tried to block out, but it was important, that's where it all started to go wrong. It had been a great night and then the news had been all around school on Monday 'Hikari Kamiya is dating Davis Motomiya'. It didn't last though, in less than a week it was all over and she was with him. It hurt him to recall the next few months were all wondrous for the happy couple, and he had to bite his tongue and pretend to be happy for them, what else could he do? I could have done something, told Matt what he was doing to you and me too. Maybe, maybe if I had said something you'd still be alive. I used to blame my self but now I know it's all his fault, but I can't blame Kari though, even after everything I still have some stupid feelings for her.

It seemed bizarre that after everything she had put everyone he cared about through he still had some shred of emotion left for her; some tiny hopeful part of him wanted to be with her again. Stupid really I haven't seen her since you died, and I know she still loves Matt, but I'd like to at least give us a try, but maybe I'd just be doing it for you.

The reason the boy was standing here today was it marked the anniversary of the death of his best friend, strange that he now considered Takeru to be his friend, they used to be rivals because of Kari, and then she had brought them together. It hurt him that no one else had come today, but it wasn't really surprising, after all TK, no one knew you like I did. Tai had put some money towards the flowers but had said he couldn't face coming, it just made him angry thinking about it. I'm angry too, that jerk Matt too wrapped up in his big shot career to come to the funeral. He's never even visited you has he TK? Still if I saw him here, I'd do the same as Tai and punch his lights out. It always stuck me as odd how you were so ambivalent about him. I could never understand how you could be so angry with him, but still care about him; still I guess he was your brother after all. And Kari, I thought she might show herself but she's probably still moping that the love of her life left her. Davis still found it strange that after Kari had left him, and then started dating Matt all on the same day TK had become his closest friend. Davis had gone in on himself and hated going out or even talking to his friends, but TK had stood by him and always been there. TK had been the one who was even more hurt by Matt's actions than Davis himself, his belief and respect for his brother had been undermined when he took up with Kari, TK had said he should respect his friends feelings, but it hadn't worked. Both TK and Tai fell out with Matt over it, Tai had at least tried to seem happy for Kari's sake but TK had just stopped talking to his brother entirely. You didn't even know he'd gone until I told you, and even then you didn't care much. Well that's what you wanted us to think but I knew differently, I saw those tears you cried, and you didn't mind, I'm glad I could help you through the tough times too. After Matt had left the two former rivals had become close friends, and although they gradually lost touch with most of the other digi-destined they always stayed close friends. And I think I fell in love with you TK, I never told you, and I'm not sure if I'd have ever done anything about it, my heart never healed after Kari broke it, but I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you when we sat together watching your stupid kung-fu movies, I wanted to tell you when we played soccer, and you never liked soccer did you? But you always played for me. I wanted to tell you as you lay on the street dying in my arms, I wanted to tell you as the ambulance took you away from me. I wanted to tell you as they put you in the ground, and I want to tell you now, but it's too late. Too late for you my Takeru, too late for us and too late for me as well, when you died my heart did too.

Three years ago Takeru had died, Davis remembered it, but it hurt so much when he forced himself to think about what happened that he tried not to, but today, well it seemed only right he remembered his friend. The intense heat of the flames, the child trapped and terrified, the desperate woman pleading for them to save her baby, the fear that stopped him moving. Now he could see it clearly, Takeru fighting his way out of the inferno holding the child safely in him arms, then collapsing into his arms coughing from the smoke and still smoldering. Davis knew deep inside even as he heard the sirens approaching that there was nothing anyone could do. He remembered what Takeru had said, 'stay strong Dai, because I'll always care about you'. They were the last words he said. Takeru Takaishi died in the ambulance at the age of seventeen, and although many people came to the funeral of the 'tragic hero' there was no sign of his brother the rock star, or his childhood friend Hikari. Even now he didn't know what to do, TK had told him to move on and fall in love, but the two people he had wanted to fall in love with hurt him so much. So why did he want to see Kari again, o tell her how much he hated her for how she had treated him and TK, or did he want her for something more? Davis shook his head, it was starting to get late and the rain seemed to be letting up as he turned and walked away. He paused and turned back and deliberately took the goggles off his head, he knew Kari had never liked them very much, but TK had said he liked them. Anyway he'd always wore them for this trip, they reminded him of a far easier time, when all he had to worry about was getting eaten by evil Digimon. Looking sadly at the epitaph on the grave he placed his goggles down next to two other pairs, one for each year since TK had died. Three years already, I never thought I'd miss you so much TK, I never knew how much you meant to me until you left me. Daisuke Motomiya left the graveyard to face his demons alone as a rainbow started to form in the sky above him.