"One Last Roll of a Loaded Dice" by Luke's Dragon

Part V Some Things Aren't Meant To Be

Disclaimer

This is silly, I'm not going to say I don't own Digimon, since everyone knows…I just said it didn't I? Oh well.

Author Notes

Okay this chapter is from TK's view, and I feel a little disappointed that I didn't make fun of his hat it just didn't seem to fit with the spirit of the chapter. I was struck with inspiration for this chapter when I heard the song on the radio. It is If Tomorrow Never Comes by Ronan Keating, although in the story it's Matt's band who are singing it. Anyway the parts in Italics are TK's thoughts, and the song lyrics are inside those little symbols that look like 'noughts and crosses' boards, like this # do re mi ti so fa la! # It's not great as an example, but then again, I'm no Yamato Ishida

Takeru Takaishi collapsed into a warm bath, hoping that the claims of his bath bubbles that they would 'help relax and ease those tired muscles' would prove true, but somehow he doubted that anything would help him now. Today, he had let Davis talk him into playing football in the park; this had been fine, until the game had ended up a final score of 98 Vs 100, after three and a half hours of play. TK groaned he didn't mind football in small doses but this was too much for him.

Although it didn't really take much persuasion, I'm happy just to be with him lately. I wish I knew what was going on in my head. This was something that was playing on TK's mind more and more recently, and he had a growing suspicion that he was falling in love with Daisuke Motomiya. It had been coming for a while though, ever since then. Ah yes 'then' a space, which TK tried to forget, a space around about six months long, two years ago in which he'd lost his best friend and his brother. But I don't mind because it led me to you. No that's a bit of a lie I do mind, I miss Matt…No, what am I saying, I don't miss that jerk, he just upped and left without even saying goodbye. That memory hurt even now, the fact that Matt had just gone one day, it reminded TK of his parent's divorce, and how suddenly Matt had been ripped out of his life. Back then it had been down to his parents, and it had hurt them both, but this time there had been no-one to blame apart from Matt, his brother, his friend, his Goddamn idol. Of all people, I'd have thought you'd have known how much that hurt, even now I still can't believe you'd have left me without a reason.

There was a reason though; his former best friend Hikari Kamiya. If her and Matt hadn't split up TK was certain that Matt would have stayed, he hadn't talked to Matt about the event, he'd tried but his brother had never been much of a talker, he'd always liked to keep everything inside. Guess we're more alike than I'd care to admit. The Davis issue was a case in point, he didn't want to say anything not because he was afraid of rejection, the problem he was fairly sure that Davis felt the same way about him and TK did not want to fall in love. After loosing Kari and then seeing how Matt had hurt everyone because of her, TK had sworn never to fall in love. If I did I'd end up hurting him, I'm just so afraid I'll end up like Matt. He said once that the same blood runs through our veins, back then it comforted me, but now it's the stuff of nightmares. Knowing this TK was still left with one question, why couldn't he get Davis out of his head?

TK lay in the bath, hoping that his bubbles would start working soon. He turned on the radio and listened to it for a while, then came the next track, and he was shocked to hear a familiar voice singing back at him. It was apparently the new 'Teenage Wolves' single, TK was about to turn it off when he realized his hands were to wet to do much, deciding that death by electrocution wasn't a great plan he left the song playing, and try as he might he could not ignore it.

# Sometimes late at night I lie awake and watch her sleeping

She is lost in peaceful dreams so I turn out the lights lay there in the dark

And the thought crosses my mind if I never wake in the morning

Would she ever doubt the way I feel about her in my heart?

If tomorrow never comes will she know how much I love her?

Did I try in every way to show her everyday she's my only one

And if my time on earth were through she must face the world without me

Is the love I gave her in the past going to be enough to last?

If tomorrow never comes

'Cos I've lost a love once in my life who never knew how much I loved them

Now I live with the regret that my true feelings for them never were revealed

So I made a promise to myself to say each day how much she means to me

And avoid that circumstance when there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

If tomorrow never comes will she know how much I love her?

Did I try in every way to show her everyday she's my only one?

And if my time on earth were through she must face the world without me

Is the love I gave her in the past going to be enough to last?

If tomorrow never comes

So tell that someone that you love just what you're thinking of

If tomorrow never comes #

Despite the warmth of his bath water the song gave TK a chill and it made him think. If he was to die tonight then Davis wouldn't know how much TK cared for him, and after everything Davis had been through recently TK didn't want to put him through anymore pain and hurt. It was still strange that the once hyper goggle boy had changed so much. After Kari had shattered his heart Davis had lost all of the exuberance of his youth; he had become withdrawn and depressed. The rest of their group had all been busy with their own love lives or didn't seem to care, so it had fallen to TK to be there for his rival. It had been strange for them both at first but they both had something in common, they had both lost Kari. Yes Kari, I know we both cared for each other, and we both agreed that we'd always be friends, but I only ever agreed for her. Back then I loved her as much as Davis or Matt ever did. During the time that Matt and Kari were together TK was always there for Davis, whenever the goggle boy was down TK would be there for him to pick him right back up again. Back then he used to say I deserved the crest of Hope, but soon he showed me how much he deserved his crest of friendship too. It had been a few days after Matt and Kari had split up, TK had gone over to Matt's place to see how his brother was doing. But his brother was not there, he'd just left a letter addressed to Takeru and it simply said 'You'll be much better off without me' Yamato. Maybe it was the formality, or the simplicity, or maybe it was the way a floodgate of pain opened up and washed over him as all his childhood hurt came flooding back to him. TK could still remember Davis finding him crying in the park in the place he and Davis had first promised to be friends forever. Davis had told him that he knew exactly where to find him, and on a cold October evening Davis had been there for TK, just as TK had been there for Davis when he needed a friend too. From that day onwards the two had been as close as brothers, why did I choose that term, perhaps because after everything I still want my big brother to come back to me. TK had been there when Jun had gone away to university and when Matt got his first number one single Davis had been there for him as well. Now they were here, TK laying in a bath, listening to Matt, once again advising him. Even after everything, I'm still going to listen to you big brother, tomorrow I'll tell Dai how I feel about him and to hell with the consequences…Just like you would do, damn it Matt, why can't I forget you?

TK spent the night working on a plan; today he would tell Davis how he felt about him, so he wanted it to be perfect. As luck would have it there was a fun fair not too far from them, so TK had called Davis and asked him if he wanted to go. Of course he said yes, Davis and fun fairs seem to go together, and maybe it's not a candlelight meal, but that's what you'd do isn't it Matt? The trip was short, though not uneventful; TK was starting to regret taking his usually bouncy friend to somewhere that he'd be even more hyper than usual. I know it's good that he's back to being cheerful, but note to self; do not let Dai eat any candyfloss we want a serious talk later, not him bouncing off the walls with excitement. With it being a weekend the place was packed full of people, TK couldn't help feeling a pang of jealously as he watched couples walking around arm in arm, and wishing that he could have something similar too.

As the day was drawing to a close TK decided that now was the time to speak up.

"Hey Dai, can I talk to you about something?"
"Sure"

"It's kind off tricky, I should just come out and say it"

"Hold on, we haven't been on that ride yet!" Great, I'm about to pour my heart out and he sees a ride to go on, hold on, he's isn't pointing where I think he is, is he?

"TK come on, we have to go on all of them, it's a tradition"

With that Davis grabbed TK and pulled him towards 'the tunnel of love'. TK couldn't help noticing it was only male and female couples that were in the queue, and felt his cheeks turning a bright red as people started looking at them. I can't believe this, I'm just about to tell him and he takes me here. Wait could this mean he feels the same way about me too? No way, like he said, he just wants to go on all the rides. But then why is he holding my arm, it must be for a joke, yeah, that's got to be it, hasn't it? Okay, stop blushing Takeru, you wanted this, if you and Dai get together, you're going to have to put up with some people staring. Davis telling him, to get in the plastic swan since it was their turn interrupted his thoughts. Well, perhaps I can tell him here how I feel.

"Hey Dai I've got something to tell you"
"Yeah, so have I, can I go first?"
"Sure"

"Well, it's like this, I erm, well I've…I've had a great time today"

"…Yeah, me too we should do it again sometime" Huh? Did he want to say something else, or is my mind playing tricks on me?

"Thanks TK, you know for always being there for me"

"Well you're always there for me too"

"No matter what, we'll always be friends, right?"

"Right, I promise" Is that relief in his eyes? Could he perhaps feel the same way too? Please let him, I'm going to tell him…no I'm not, the ride is coming to an end. And once again I do a Matt, making promises I can't keep…But I think I could keep it, and maybe you used to feel that way too, I still can't believe that you'd say something you didn't mean.

Since they had now gone on all the rides, and it was starting to get late the two left the fairground and began to walk home. It seemed to TK that both of them were trying to tell each other something, but neither seemed to be able to find the right words. This was starting to get to him, that he was as guilty of it as Davis, and decided to take action, at the same time fate had a nasty trick ready to thwart this attempt too.

"Dai, you know what I said earlier?"

"That we were never ever going on the spinning teacup ride after a meal ever again?"

"No, about having something to tell you"

"I remember, what is it then"

"Well it's like this I…That house is on fire"
Once again neither could have the chance to say what they were feeling, TK and Davis ran over to see what was going on, the building. It was once a large five bedroomed detached house was now little more than an inferno, flames licked around the roof, and inside the windows all that could be seen was smoke. TK was taking in the scene when he caught sight of a woman coughing from the fumes screaming that her child was still trapped upstairs. TK called for Davis to come with him; his friend seemed to be unable to move. TK had no time to think as he race through the flames and into the house.

The word 'Conflagration' came to TK's mind as he battled his way through the hall and up the stairs. TK didn't know quite what 'conflagration' meant, but this certainly deserved to be called one. He continued to struggle through a thick haze of smoke as he continued up the stairs, coughing furiously he looked around for where ever this child might be hidden, his mind racing, a combination of adrenaline and fear, and somehow he ended up once again thinking of Matt. Once all I wanted to do was impress you, to make you see that I was grown up and as brave as you. I hope this impresses you Matt. Hell maybe I might even get a birthday card. But if I died Matt, would you know, would you even care? I bet you wouldn't strange how things changed so much between us, I always though you'd always be there for me.

He scanned the upstairs hall, the noxious cloud of smoke choking him and making his eyes water, finally he saw a door with a colorful picture of some sort of collectable monster, whatever the kids of today were into. Forcing his way onwards he opened the door, to see a small boy of about five or six sitting paralyzed with fear in one corner. TK ran up to him and threw him over his shoulder and began to battle his way out of the house. The flames and smoke seemed to have consumed the whole house now and he could hear loud noises from other rooms as electrical equipment exploded causing the blaze to become even more ferocious. Coughing again as more smoke got into his lungs TK charged down the stairs, his clothes ablaze and his chest filled with toxic fumes. He ran out onto the street, placing the child down gently and then staggered over to where Davis was still standing, with a stunned expression on his face.

Takreu Takashi who had less than an hour ago been having fun on a coconut shy tried to focus every ounce of energy he had left, using all of his strength to let him stand up and at least say something, anything to his friend. He tried to fix his gaze on Davis, but the smoke had gone to his head and he staggered and fell almost in slow motion, allowing a few embers from him to singe the lawn around him. Davis knelt down and held his fallen friend in his arms, tears escaping from his eyes as if they could put out the flames and heal him. Through his bleary eyes TK felt sad to see the remains of his hat reduced to ash. It had been a good hat, and more importantly it had been a present from his brother. Perhaps then it deserves to end like this.

He could hear voices, telling him to 'hold on', and he could hear tears falling and the faint sound of a siren rapidly approaching, but in his heart he knew that it would not matter. He vaguely recalled the times in the past that Angemon sacrificed his life to protect him, or when Matt would have gladly given his life to protect him. TK's mind was racing with a million different thoughts, but still everything seemed to happening slowly. Perhaps this is what it feels like to die, but I don't want to die, I want to stay here with Dai, forever.

But it's too late. Too late for you my Daisuke, too late for us and too late for me as well. There's so much I want to do and still so much I've wanted to say. Please Matt, help me…I feel like I'm dying, if this is the end for me, I have to say it.

"Davis…"

"TK, please don't go, please I…I…" His voice trailed off into tears

"Davis…I…stay strong Dai…because I'll…"

He tried to continue, but he couldn't finish, try as he might. He opened his mouth to tell his best friend that he loved him more than anything in the whole world, but only smoke came out, then he closed his eyes and let the darkness claim him, his body ached all over and his throat was too dry to speak. TK had always hated the darkness, the darkness of evil and the dark of the night, this was something else though, darkness he couldn't fight. His mind racing slower and slower he wished just for a second that his brother could be here, and tell him everything was going to be all right.

Damn it Matt, get out of my head, I don't want my last thoughts to be of you, if this is the end I want to spend with him. He's holding me now, if only this could last forever. It reminds me of you though, you used to hold me when I was scared. And now I'm going to end up just like you, I'm going to hurt the people I love and leave them behind. Damn it Matt, why did you have to go? Please don't let this be…the end…Hell I can't think straight…I don't want to leave you Dai…please don't let me turn out like him…

# So tell that someone that you love just what you're thinking of,

If tomorrow never comes #

The following day the death of rock star Yamato Ishida's brother made the front pages. They all said that it was tragic that young Takeru Takaishi died a heroes death at the age of seventeen, and how it overshadowed the Teenage Wolves latest album 'Brotherly Love' going triple platinum. All the papers said Yamato was 'devastated' by the news, they all said that the two brothers were always really close and that they had 'a special bond'. They never reported that his funeral was held on a wet Wednesday afternoon attended only by a heart broken boy in goggles, and an older boy who looked like he might have been the older brother of the goggle boy. He was in actual fact the older brother of the deceased's childhood friend, and former best friend of 'devastated' rock star Yamato Ishida. But then again, that didn't sell papers or records.

Three years later the spirit of Takeru Takaishi looked down onto a rain swept grave yard, there was only one person there today, hardly surprising given the rain, the figure was once again wearing a pair of goggles and knelt in silence at a grave side. TK watched him for what seemed like forever, wishing, praying that there was something he could do, wishing that he could say three words to him, wishing he could touch him, let him know everything was alright. Everything was not alright though, Takeru knew he was out of Davis's life, no matter how much either of them would wish things were different, it was over.

Davis had once remarked that the saddest thing was, there's no happily ever after for any of them in this fairy tale life. How true it seemed now. Tai, Davis, Kari, even Matt all would never have the chance for the happiness they all wanted. And neither will I, perhaps if I'd have told him I would still be there for him. Dai…I hope you know I loved you then and I love you still, not even death can stop that.
TK watched from above as Davis shook his head and started to walk away then Davis paused and turned back and deliberately took the goggles off his head and placed them at TK's grave. The pitiful sight, the melancholy, another word he didn't quite understand, but knew it fitted, and the sheer gloom of the situation even effected TK, despite the fact that he knew the dead shouldn't feel emotions. Every year Davis did this little ritual, even death didn't stop Davis being there for him. He watched as Davis read his epitaph, it simply said 'Takeru Takaishi died too young. A friend, a son and a brother to be proud of'. And at the bottom a simple engraving, the word 'Hope'. As the most important person in his life walked away from him TK wanted to call out, to let him know that he would always be there for him too. But it was no use; all the words he wanted to say would never come now. He could never tell Kari that he wished they could have had something special, he'd never tell Matt that he forgave him, and no matter what, he would always love his brother. Love, he would never get that chance to tell his beloved Dai that he loved him so much, and that he wanted to spend his life with him, and now Davis would have to face this world without him. A rainbow in the sky indicated that his time was once again up, and there were so many words still left unspoken.