PART TWELVE
A change of heart
Tokiya's eyes flew open, and he immediately covered them with his hands to shield them from the blinding sunlight flowing through his window. He just had the worst night of his life. All night long the words Domon had told him kept digging into his head, and he was lucky enough to fall asleep at 4 am. Waking up the next day at 1:30 pm made no difference.
Kuso, he cursed, recalling everything that Domon had said the night before...about his feelings…about Fuuko. It wasn't fair. Why couldn't he just forget about her? Fuuko was always making his life more complicated than it already was…
…but then, she did make it even a little bit easier for him to live through after the tournament. After learning about Meguri-sama's plot during his battle with Kai, he didn't really know what to do next. He was a mess, without a single hint of how his life would be from that day on. He'd gone through a whole lot: he had a major dispute with Recca and quit Hokage; fought with and became a fifth assassin of the Weib Kreuz; had his Ensui hunted down; developed a liking for the Deity of Death; met up and fought with his long-hated cousin Kurama; killed a fellow school mate who happened to be the sister of his so-called brother, Kai. His college life was a mess, too…and if it weren't for Fuuko, who forced him out of Weib and back into Hokage, persuaded him to make peace with Kurama and Hanabishi, encouraged him all throughout his college life, changed a part of his anti-sociality, showered his coldness with her warmth, made him fall in love, and saved his life…
It was funny how only Fuuko could make him smile…how only Fuuko could give a little cheerful side to each of his days…and how only Fuuko could give light and comfort to the darkness of his emotions…
As if a film was automatically played back into his mind, every single memory of her came flooding into him, over and over, bringing confusion to his already confused heart.
He shut his eyes tight, trying to block out the times they've shared, laughing, crying, together…
All of a sudden he sat bolt up straight on his bed, panting, his hand on his forehead, beads of sweat trickling down his temples. Damn it, he clenched his other fist. His mind was whirling. What the heck was he trying to tell himself? A part of him was denying every memory of her, shielding himself away from any joy he might've experienced with her. But still another part of him was desperately trying to pull back every emotion she had taught him to feel, especially that one emotion he had never felt for anyone but his sister all his life…
Days ago before she came to China, he could've easily said he didn't love her anymore, not even a little bit. Last night was easy to say it, but he said what he said without consulting himself. He wanted the words to spring out before he could have time to realize what he'd just said.
That was last night. Now it was totally different. He never knew for sure anymore.
He had completely no idea if he still loved her or not.
Oh god…He pressed his hand to his closed eyes so much that he could see stars in the back of his eyes. As if that would help him figure out his feelings.
He felt like his heart was being torn apart into two, one side willing to preserve the loneliness he had welcomed years ago, and one side willing to embrace the new personality he was growing to learn. It was hard…so hard…for him to just suddenly change the emotions he had been showing all his life into something else…something new…something she made him learn…
It was hard to love again after having lost over and over again…
But…
Wasn't that what Fuuko was doing…? Loving him again after all the times he'd hurt her…let her down…broken her heart…
'She was always ready to give you all the chances you can ever ask for…'
A chance…another chance…that was what Fuuko was giving him…a second chance to show her that he appreciated all the joy that she'd brought him long ago…a chance to give her the joy she never got, but deserved…the joy that Domon would've given her…the joy that Tokiya was entitled to fulfill for her…
A second chance…to love her…like she loved him…
Fuuko…
And it came back. All the moments they'd cherished together and all the moments he'd failed to make her cherish…he had another chance…because…
Fuuko has faith in me…
Immediately he shoved the covers off himself and got out of bed, a new feeling arising inside of him…he couldn't quite describe it, but it felt so much better than any other feeling he'd been having for the past year of denying his true emotions for her.
The ring…
All of a sudden he knew what he had to do. He looked up to check his clock. It was 2 pm…they were leaving in 3 hours…
He only hoped he wouldn't be too late…