TITLE: Running CHAPTER 19 of many chapters
AUTHOR: Daaasl
RATING: R for language, violence and some sex
DISCLAIMER: The characters of Dominic, Leon, Vincent, Mia,
Brian, Jessie and Letty belong the film company. All the
other characters are mine all mine, though. Any copyright
infringement is unintended.
ARCHIVE: You can find previous chapters at:
http://www.realmofvindiesel.homestead.com Anyone else
wanting to post my fanfic on their site, please check with me.
FEEDBACK: Please. I like to know what you think. But be
gentle with me.
Chapter 19
SARAH
Before my eyes had even opened, I felt the pain . It ran straight through my chest and shot down the whole left side of my body as a tube lodged in my throat forced me to take strong, deep breaths, making me feel like my insides were being stretched apart.
I tried to slow down the breathing on my own, but a tortuous, throbbing pain uncurled in me as I tried to defy the machines I was hooked up to. Fresh, hot tears cascaded from the corners of my eyes and wet the top of my ears. I wasn't crying though -- was I? Slowly, I opened my eyes. My vision blurred at the seething pain that rolled through my body and I closed my eyes again.
Why was I so weak? I opened my eyes again, determined to know where I was, and saw a pristine, white drop-ceiling, that every hospital in America uses. I used what felt like all of my strength to slide my eyes sideways and look over at all the monitors near my bed. A bank of machines displayed contrasting red and green lights dancing around on multiple screens. Different wires and tubes dangled from the machines, running up to the bed and attaching themselves to me everywhere. I heard the air pressure pumps forcing the air in and out of my lungs combined with the incessant, slow beeping of different tones from the machines. The beeping was actually soothing. It reminded me that no matter how horrible I was feeling, I was still alive! I tried to gaze down at my arm, and vaguely saw that it was covered in bandages, with an IV sticking out of the crook of my elbow. I tried to lift my head, but the pain.oh God the pain! Every breath that was forced into me felt like it could be my last. I tried desperately to hang on to consciousness, battling to work through the pain and rise above it. But it was too much -- just too much this time. I closed my eyes again and tried to shut out the messages of pain that my body was sending me. I tried not to think about everything that might be broken or wrong with me and focus on something else but the seething pain was too much for me to focus on anything else. I couldn't even clearly identify the parts of my body that were injured, the pain seemed to come form everywhere. My eyes danced back and forth as I tried to recall the last thing that had happened to me before I had lost consciousness and then re-awoke in this misery. Nothing. Nothing. I couldn't force my poor battered mind to bring my memories to me. I floated in a red haze of pain and despair.
I felt like I was losing my mind. I had no control, and my mind wasn't able to concentrate on anything except the pain. I felt myself become dizzy with it. Then I heard soft footsteps coming into the room. I had no strength left to raise my eyelids again, but I heard the footsteps stop at the bank of machines briefly and then step quickly to my side. After a brief moment, I began to feel a sweet, cool relief filtering through my world of pain as the dizziness became a whirlwind of motion behind my eyes, and I succumbed to the darkness and heavy sleep that embraced me again.
Much later, pain returned with consciousness again, but there was a soft, cotton blanket of pain killer of some sort between me and the red haze, so I was able to open my eyes slowly to take stock of my situation. I felt completely out of it, but grateful that I was able to function somewhat, thanks to the pain being pushed into the background. I wondered what in hell they had given me, and decided that it must be something powerful, cause I still couldn't quite focus my eyes yet, and my head was still spinning. I tried once again to turn my head just a little, but the slightest twitch caused the stabbing pains throughout my chest and side to freeze me into stillness. A fresh rain of tears was the reward for my stubborn desire to move.
Just as I was about to give up on myself again, I heard footsteps and slowly focused my eyes on someone dressed in whites, walking over towards my bed. Another human! Thank God! The figure came close to the bed, carrying a tray of what looked like medications. It was a pleasant-looking black man, wearing glasses. I tried to focus on his features, but everything was still semi-blurry. He set the supplies down on a nearby table and glanced over the different tubes, and wires leading from my bed to the bank of monitors. All I could do was stare at him through the tape and bandages that covered my face and mouth. I thought I might try to get his attention by moving, but the thought of the resulting pain stopped me. Instead I closely followed him with my eyes, watching him check everything. I willed him to look at me. Finally his attention reached my face and he saw my open eyes.
"Hey there! You're awake! I knew you would come out of it soon." he said, as I watched him check my IV and drip bag, along with the monitors hooked up to me in different spots. I tried to speak, but only caused myself to gag because of the tubes down my throat.
"Whoa there slugger! Don't talk. You'll only choke on the tubes. Blink once if you understand me."
I slowly blinked once.
The man's dark face creased in a kindly smile, showing evenly white teeth. Then he picked up the controls to my bed. He leaned closer to me and pointed at his name tag.
"My name is Tom and I'm a nurse here. I know that's a little unusual, but there are more of us every day, so I hope you are o.k. with that. Shall I raise the head of your bed some so you can look around a little?" he asked.
I blinked once in agreement and he pressed the controls, slowly raising the head of the bed a few inches so that I could more easily survey my room without having to shift my head so much, careful not to cause any more pain to myself.
"It is nice to see you awake. I bet you have a bunch of questions, don't you?" he said to me.
Again I blinked once, and tried to return his smile.
"Good! I'll let our head nurse and the doctor know you are up. There's quite a few of your friends waiting around here who are worried about you."
My brow furrowed in confusion.
"There is quite a bunch of them. Your fiancé has been worried sick." he said as he turned, leaving the room.
I stared in dismay at the Tom's retreating back. Then, in the next moment, memories began to return, slamming my heart into overdrive. "Oh my God. Did he say fiancé?" I thought. How the hell did Anthony find me? My mind raced back to remember. Was it Anthony in the Escalade, trying to run me off the highway? Oh dear God! The highway. The black Escalade following me. That curve! Random memories of the accident came flooding scattershot into my mind. My body involuntarily trembled with fear, sparking waves of pain again. I felt panic building and tears began to leak from my eyes again. I felt helpless, lost and afraid.
"Hey, now. No crying after such a successful surgery." I heard a man's voice saying gently as someone new entered my room. I opened my eyes again to see a doctor, crossing the room to my bedside. I am safe here. I am in a hospital and they will help me. I forced myself to think as I watched the doctor give me a quick check-up.
"My name is Dr. Solomon. I'm your attending physician." he said, squeezing my hand gently. Taking a tissue from a box beside my bed, the doctor dabbed gently at my cheeks and smiled. He was a tall man who looked like he could be about 60 or so. His smile was kind and he said, "I've taken a special interest in your situation. I have been waiting for you to regain consciousness so I can see what kind of progress you are making. Eventually I also want for us to discuss your injuries and the surgery so I can make sure you are ok, but that can wait until tomorrow. You have been doing well in recovery so I have been hanging around a little bit longer today because I had a good feeling that this would be the one where you would rejoin us!" He smiled again and then his face took on a more serious look.
"I have some questions for you. They will be pretty simple -- all yes, or no-type, questions -- ok? You can just blink once for yes, two for no." He raised his eyebrows in question.
I blinked once.
"Do you know your name?"
One blink.
"Do you know what year it is?"
One blink.
"Do you know you were in a car accident?"
One blink.
"Good! I am pleased that the basics are working!" he said approvingly. "Your fiancé, Leon, has been camped out in our waiting area a long time, anxious to see you. Shall I send him in now?"
Leon? My fiancé? Thank God it isn't Anthony! But why does the doctor think Leon is my I fiancé? Why would Leon tell him that? Why was he lying? Lying. Scattered images of my clouded mind flashed in front of me. The closet in Leon's room. The file, all the papers.I don't want to see Leon either!
"Did you hear me Sarah? Would you like to see Leon?"
Two firm blinks. A brief pause -- and two blinks again. No!
"Are you sure?" asked the doctor, hesitating with a confused look on his face. "He's been pretty upset and wants to know you're all right." Are you positive you don't want to see him right now?"
One blink.
"O.K. You're the best judge of your strength right now . Maybe you'll change your mind after you have had a little bit more rest." He stopped for a moment and looked at me before continuing "What about the man who saved you? He asked if he could see you for a minute too. He's the one who pulled you out of your car to safety. He's anxious to know how you are recovering.
I thought about it for a moment. One blink.
"Good!" said the doctor. "I'll go get him. After you have had a couple of minutes to talk, I'll have one of the nurses come in to adjust your medications for you. I want you to get plenty of rest and to recover completely. These injuries are serious and you need time to heal." The doctor gave me another smile and a pat on my hand in assurance. "I'll be back to check on you again this evening." he said to me, and then he turned and left my room.
The man who had saved me? I tried so hard to remember details of the accident, but my mind was still cloudy, and the pain was distracting, even with the cottony blanket of drugs. I had just barely been able to concentrate on the doctor's words to me.
"Hey beautiful." I heard a familiar raspy voice, come form the doorway. I waited until the steps I heard came close so I could see the voice's owner in my line of sight. My vision continued to be a bit blurred so I squinted slightly and finally focused on Vince standing beside my bed. Vince! It was Vince who pulled me out! Vince was here now to see me. I tried to smile the best I could through the tape and tubes and raised the fingers of my hand slowly in greeting. Vince took my hand and squeezed it softly, while looking me over and shaking his head.
"Well, you sure look like shit woman." he said with an evil grin. I smiled again, happy to hear him teasing me.
"Man, we are all so glad you made it girl. You had us scared bad there for a while." he said as he reached up and stroked my head. It felt so good to have Vince here with me
"I know you can't talk yet, but your doctor said the tube should be out by tomorrow, or the following day" He said lightly tapping on the tube down my throat. "Depending on how good you do. I have a feeling you'll be getting it out sooner than you think." he said, with a wink. I lightly squeezed his hand back. God, I owed Vince my life! A tear slid down my cheek.
"Now don't you go getting all mushy on me woman." he grinned, while brushing away my tear. "Leon would have a fit, if he seen us getting so close. The man is obsessed with you."
I squinted my eyes in anger and hatred at the sound of Leon's name.
"Aww, Sarah honey. I can't get into the details now, but I swear to you -- Leon had his reasons. Just let him see you girl. He's been going insane these past few days, waiting for you to wake up. We've all been scared and worried, but Leon's been a fucking wreck! Please just let him come in to see you, for one minute..for me?" Vince begged.
I squeezed my eyes shut tightly for a long moment, and tried to think. Then I opened them slowly and carefully nodded my head yes. For Vince, I would do anything, even see the one person I loathed
"All right!" Vince, grinned with relief. He leaned forward, kissed my forehead quickly and left me to go get Leon. I carefully and slowly turned my face towards the window on the other side of my bed and saw that it was turning dark outside. I had no idea what time it was exactly. I wondered how long I had been there. Vince had said the past few days. God, how long have I been here? I owed Vince everything. He pulled me out of that wreck. The wreck! Oh God, that wreck was my car! My baby! Miss T. My poor beautiful girl must already be at the junkyard by now, getting stripped for parts. My heart sank. I would miss that car so much. We had so many good times together. She had gotten me out of more then a few sticky situations. She was such a part of my identity. Everyone back home knew my ride. That bright cherry-red fireball racing down the street was part of me. She was more of a home to me than Antho---
"Sarah?" I heard a Leon's low voice whisper from the doorway, breaking my train of thought. Slowly I turned my head, to see Leon standing quietly; waiting. I stared at him, trying to see his face clearly. There were so many things -- so many emotions I was feeling. The medication made everything slightly unreal and I felt like I was dreaming. Leon slowly walked into the room with his head down, over to my side. He looked tired. He looked thinner and as if he hadn't shaved in days. I could see exhaustion in the lines of his face. His eyes searched mine, and in spite of the tears welling up in my eyes again, I refused to break my gaze. I had to look into his eyes to see whether or not there was anything for me to hold onto with him. I had to know whether or not the past 3 weeks were a waste. I stared into his eyes, searching for an answer. I watched Leon sit down in the chair next to my bed. He turned his head away from me briefly to look at all the monitors, staring at each one in turn; trying to determine what they all meant. Frowning with frustration, he returned his attention to me again and raised his hand to my face. As I continued to search Leon's eyes, I felt his fingers gently and hesitantly tracing my brow and cheekbone, stopping only briefly when he touched the tape covering my temple, nose and mouth. Looking into my eyes, Leon lifted my hand and turned it over gently. He closed his eyes and kissed my palm for a long moment. Then he moved my hand to cup his cheek. When he looked into my eyes again, I could see that they were filling with tears too.
"Oh. baby." Leon sighed, his voice breaking. He released my hand and leaned forward to cradle my head carefully as he lay his cheek alongside mine; his scratchy chin in the crook of my neck and shoulder and his forehead on my pillows. At first I wanted to yank my head away from him. The anger and hurt was still in my heart. But when I felt his skin on mine, all rational thought left me, and I pressed my face against his the best I could. For a moment we were both silent, and then I heard a muffled moan escape him. I felt Leon's tears against my cheek as his shoulders shook. I used all the strength I could find left to raise my right hand to touch the back of his head and neck, winding my fingers into his thick hair. I felt his heat on my fingertips, and closed my eyes to take in his scent. We held onto each other tightly. It was in that moment that I knew I loved him. No matter haw hard I tried to betray the feelings in my heart and stay focused on the anger, I knew deep down he was sincere. I just prayed I wasn't wrong.
Finally, with a sigh, Leon slowly raised his head to look into my face. "I swear to GOD, I will never hurt you again. I will never lie to you again. I will never betray you again Sarah. I am so sorry for what happened. I was wrong." His voice broke with emotion and his hand shook as he gently caressed my face again. I closed my eyes slowly in acceptance. I began to let my heart forgive. I knew Leon still had a lot of explaining to do to me. I knew that I needed the team to tell me why they did what they did too. But for right now, I needed Leon's love more than I had ever known before. If I was going to make it through, I would need all of them on my side. Leon took my hand and laid his head next to mine again, holding me awkwardly, yet as delicately as possible. He gently kissed our tears from my cheek.
A woman's voice said gently, "I'm sorry sir, but you're going to have to leave now. The patient needs her rest."
Leon reluctantly pulled away from me and we both saw that a pleasant- looking nurse had come into the room. He nodded and began to rise from the chair, but I wouldn't let go of his hand. I wanted to scream, NO!! Don't leave me! Stay here with me. Please keep talking to me. Tell jokes. Dance. Do anything you like, but don't go! I need you! My frightened eyes, begged Leon to stay. I felt panic set in. I didn't want him to go. I needed his protection, tenderness and caring touch.
"If there is a way, I'll be the first person you see in the morning when you wake up. I will be here tomorrow morning, I swear." Leon said to me, squeezing my hand. "I will be here before you wake." he said reassuringly. Leon kissed my forehead and my palm again once more and left me, walking backwards slowly to the door and raising his hand in farewell as he went. I watched the nurse close the door behind him.
Suddenly a small face popped into the little window of the door! It was Mia, peeking in to see me! I saw her eyes taking me in and her hand covering her mouth at the sight of all the tubes and bandages covering me. Mia's sweet face crumpled in tears and I tried to smile for her, hoping she could see me and tell that I was going to be o.k. Her face disappeared from the window frame and the nurse came over to my bed.
"The rest of your friends and family will be allowed to see you tomorrow, but the doctor left orders that we are to keep you resting and comfortable right now." she said kindly. Then she turned to one of the machines and made some sort of adjustments. When she finished, she returned to my side and carefully readjusted my bedding and checked me over. I vaguely felt her take my hand and give it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. Then in the next moment soft darkness crept over me. I was pulled deeply down and lost to sleep once more.
************************************************************************ LEON
It had been 5 days since Sarah's surgery. We all took shifts in the hospital, waiting for when Sarah would wake up. Actually everyone else took shifts. I couldn't make myself leave. Vince brought me some clothes each day, and I would wash up in the bathroom and shave once in awhile. But I refused to leave the hospital until she woke up. I spent the hours going over how I should have done everything different and kicking myself for being such a fool.
When Vince came out and said Sarah would let me see her, I ran all the way to her room. At her doorway, I came to a dead stop though. As much as I wanted to know Sarah was o.k., I was afraid to see the hatred in her eyes for what I had done to her. I swallowed hard and went inside.
Poor Sarah had a damned tube down her throat and it was taped over her nose, mouth and chin to hold it in place. She had a bandage on her temple, and her arm had IV tubes coming out of it. Her pretty hair was messed up by more bandaging, and her beautiful eyes had deep circles under them. It was like a blow to my gut to see her that way; hurt like that.
I walked over quietly and sat in a chair by her bed. There was a wall of monitors and machines next to it with wires and tubes everywhere with some kind of beeping in the background going on. When I turned back to Sarah, I saw her eyes stayed on me, never leaving me. I searched them for the hatred and loathing that I feared, but I only saw her watching and waiting. She was looking for something and I looked back hoping she could see how much she meant to me.
I reached out and traced her sweet face with my fingers, cherishing her. I had missed her so bad! I reached for her hand and kissed the palm of it, breathing in the scent of her skin and feeling the warmth of her hand on my mouth. I moved her hand to my cheek and realized that I ached so bad that I couldn't stop the tears from coming to my eyes. With a painful sigh, I leaned in as close as I could to Sarah and laid my cheek alongside hers and gently held her head with my other hand. I didn't have any words. Just the shame and regret of what I did to her. I began to cry and my feelings shook me. Then I felt a blessing. Sarah ran her fingers of her hand into my hair and tenderly held my head. We stayed that way for a long while, holding each other.
When I finally raised my head to look at Sarah, I saw her looking back at me in question. I realized that Vince knew what he was talking about and that I really loved this woman for everything she was, good or bad. I swore to Sarah that I would never lie to her, betray her or hurt her again. I told her how sorry I was and that I had been wrong to do what I did. She looked at me a long moment and I watched as she closed her eyes slowly and her face relaxed in peacefulness and acceptance.
Her expression moved me deeply and I thanked God that Sarah was alive and recovering. I knew I would do everything I could to always keep her in my life. I took Sarah's hand once more and leaned over again to carefully kiss our tears from her cheek.
Behind us, I heard a woman's voice say gently, "I'm sorry sir, but you're going to have to leave now. The patient needs her rest."
I hated to leave, but I knew that the nurse was right. Although I could see the fear and panic in Sarah's eyes and I thought seriously about begging the nurse to let me stay, I knew that it wouldn't be right. Instead I promised Sarah on my life that I would be the first person she saw when she woke up the next day.
It tore me up to leave her, so I took my time and I reluctantly backed out of her room, trying to sound more brave and confident about the situation than I actually was. It was all I could do to get out of the room before I tried to find some way to chain myself to her bed to be near her and know she was safe!
As I closed the door, I discovered that Mia had managed to sneak into the wing, hoping to see Sarah. When the door closed, she quickly stepped up on tip-toes to look into Sarah's room. I saw her hand fly up to her mouth in dismay, and a whimper escaped her as she burst into tears and turned away from the window. I took Mia by the shoulders and gave her a fierce hug. "She is really going to be o.k. Mia. Sarah is a hell of a fighter and you can see in her eyes that she is going to recover soon. C'mon sis. Honest. It looks bad with all the tubes and wires, but a lot of that comes off tomorrow the doctor says." I reassured her. Mia pulled back and looked up at me. "You promise, you aren't lying to make me feel better? She looks so sad and hurt. All those bandages and tubes! I may be a nursing student Leon, but that is Sarah in there and I really care about her! I want to know if she is going to be o.k. and it is such a shock to see her in that condition." she said.
I told Mia that I really believed that Sarah was on the road to recovery. Mia admitted that Doctor Solomon had an excellent reputation and decided that Sarah was in very good hands. We both agreed that we would see Sarah first thing in the morning.
When we left the hospital, no matter how much I wanted to leave by myself, Mia wouldn't let me ride alone. She grabbed Sarah's silver case that I had kept stashed, and hopped into Jesse's car with me. Vince had left for home in his car, before we did.
"Are you hungry Leon? You want to stop somewhere?" Mia asked me.
"I still don't really have an appetite Mia" I replied.
She just nodded her head and after a moment she began, "You think Dom --- she caught herself, and frowned. Then she looked at me questioningly.
I shrugged and said "I hope he won his race Mia. I'm sure everyone was asking about the rest of the team anyway." I said, half smiling at her.
"Leon, I'm really sorry. I didn't know that Dom was.digging so deep. If you had---"
"I was digging too Mia. I got crazy with it. I let it get way out of control, and look what happened." I said, turning the corner into our 'hood'.
"She made it alive Leon. I know she'll be ok. I know the Doctor said she should be able to make a full recovery. She just needs lots of rest." I just have to keep reminding myself that she's going to make and she will be o.k. This was too close a call. It really freaked all of us out." After a minute's pause Mia asked, "Do you know exactly what they did to her?"
"Do I really want to?" I said off-handedly as I turned onto our street and pulled up into the driveway and parked.
"Well, I don't know. I mean it was major surgery. Yeah. They worked some miracles on her in there." Mia said smiling, before leaning over and hugging me. "We're all here for you honey." she whispered in my ear.
"I know Mia, and I thank you for that."
We got out of the car and saw that the team was all home. This time there was no party going on as usual. We walked in and saw Dom, Letty and Jesse waiting in the living room, They were sitting around, waiting nervously to hear from us. As soon as we walked in, all eyes were on us. I looked at Jesse sitting on the floor, with his legs curled up, biting his bottom lip. He looked like a scared little kid. Letty and Dom just stared at Mia and I, waiting. Vince had made it back to the house before us, and I could hear him clanking around in the kitchen doing something. Before any of us could say anything though, Brian walked through the door with some McDonald's bags and announced "Eats!"
I nodded hello to him, before walking on into the living room. Dom started to move over on the couch to let me sit down.
"I ain't sitting Dawg. I have to get up early tomorrow. I want to be back at the hospital before she wakes up."
"Is she-?" Dom asked.
"Yeah. She woke up tonight." Mia answered, as she happily accepted a wrapped burger from Brian. Vince joined us in the living room and Brian handed him one of the bags and the other to Letty after grabbing a burger for himself. Vince took a couple more burgers out and offered me the bag, but I shook my head. Jesse got to his feet and walked over to get a burgers from Vince and reached into the bag. I looked around at my team chowing down. This was the same team that I had been with for years. My family. I had loved them like they were my own blood, but looking at them that night, I felt like things were different. I couldn't explain it, but somehow I felt like we had all been changed. I just hoped it was for the better.
Dom looked at me like he wanted to say something, but before he could get it out I decided that since tonight would be the first night I would be sleeping in my bed, in 5 days, I didn't want to hear anything from him yet. The anger was still, hovering and waiting. "I'm going to bed." I stated flatly and walked upstairs to my room.
When I opened the door, I saw all of Sarah's bags scattered across the floor. My closet was in shambles, and I could see how she found the file we had put together about her. It looked like everything from my top shelf had landed on the floor. The shelf itself was half hanging from the wall too. There was a small empty space on the right side of my closet, where a few of her sundresses were hanging. I walked over to them and lightly touched them, letting the fabric run through my fingers. Finally, I walked around the shopping bags, and began stripping off all my clothes. When I finished, I climbed into bed naked and grabbed the pillow that Sarah had been using. I inhaled her sweet scent deeply. The memories that returned with her scent burned me as the remnants of my shame and guilt at hurting Sarah, still twisted inside.
I closed my eyes and imagined her back at the IHOP, the day I first saw her. I could see Sarah in my mind's eye walking up to the door again. Her soft, wavy hair curled around her face and she wore a pair of sunglasses. She was wearing a baggy ECKO tee shirt, matching blue jeans, and Timberland Boots. Definitely a tomboy kind of a girl, but she couldn't hide those fine hips or that sweet ass. Yeah, I checked out what she was hiding under her baggy tee, and it looked pretty good to me too. After all, I'm a guy who has always admired the female form in it's many shapes and sizes, so although Sarah had done her best to conceal her form, what I saw that day still looked particularly appealing.
When Sarah sat down at the table next to me and Jesse and took off her glasses, I saw her silver-blue eyes with their long, dark lashes. I remembered being amazed at the color and thinking to myself, "I could actually swim in eyes that beautiful!"
I remembered how I wanted to see her smile, so I and teased and flirted obviously with her until she laughed. The moment she laughed was when she caught me. She surprised me with a throaty, musical laugh -- a sensual, womanly laugh. Her eyes crinkled up in amusement and her smile could have lit up a room. When she relaxed into her laughter, Sarah didn't hold back. She didn't know it, but that was the moment I decided that I was determined to have her.
As I laid in my bed remembering the first time I saw Sarah and thinking about how much she had come to mean to me, I finally understood that I would willingly pay any price to have her in my life forever.
Reaching over, I turned out the lamp next to my bed. "See you tomorrow baby-girl." I whispered into the darkness before my exhaustion took over and I surrendered to the welcoming arms of sleep. *****************************************************************
Chapter 19
SARAH
Before my eyes had even opened, I felt the pain . It ran straight through my chest and shot down the whole left side of my body as a tube lodged in my throat forced me to take strong, deep breaths, making me feel like my insides were being stretched apart.
I tried to slow down the breathing on my own, but a tortuous, throbbing pain uncurled in me as I tried to defy the machines I was hooked up to. Fresh, hot tears cascaded from the corners of my eyes and wet the top of my ears. I wasn't crying though -- was I? Slowly, I opened my eyes. My vision blurred at the seething pain that rolled through my body and I closed my eyes again.
Why was I so weak? I opened my eyes again, determined to know where I was, and saw a pristine, white drop-ceiling, that every hospital in America uses. I used what felt like all of my strength to slide my eyes sideways and look over at all the monitors near my bed. A bank of machines displayed contrasting red and green lights dancing around on multiple screens. Different wires and tubes dangled from the machines, running up to the bed and attaching themselves to me everywhere. I heard the air pressure pumps forcing the air in and out of my lungs combined with the incessant, slow beeping of different tones from the machines. The beeping was actually soothing. It reminded me that no matter how horrible I was feeling, I was still alive! I tried to gaze down at my arm, and vaguely saw that it was covered in bandages, with an IV sticking out of the crook of my elbow. I tried to lift my head, but the pain.oh God the pain! Every breath that was forced into me felt like it could be my last. I tried desperately to hang on to consciousness, battling to work through the pain and rise above it. But it was too much -- just too much this time. I closed my eyes again and tried to shut out the messages of pain that my body was sending me. I tried not to think about everything that might be broken or wrong with me and focus on something else but the seething pain was too much for me to focus on anything else. I couldn't even clearly identify the parts of my body that were injured, the pain seemed to come form everywhere. My eyes danced back and forth as I tried to recall the last thing that had happened to me before I had lost consciousness and then re-awoke in this misery. Nothing. Nothing. I couldn't force my poor battered mind to bring my memories to me. I floated in a red haze of pain and despair.
I felt like I was losing my mind. I had no control, and my mind wasn't able to concentrate on anything except the pain. I felt myself become dizzy with it. Then I heard soft footsteps coming into the room. I had no strength left to raise my eyelids again, but I heard the footsteps stop at the bank of machines briefly and then step quickly to my side. After a brief moment, I began to feel a sweet, cool relief filtering through my world of pain as the dizziness became a whirlwind of motion behind my eyes, and I succumbed to the darkness and heavy sleep that embraced me again.
Much later, pain returned with consciousness again, but there was a soft, cotton blanket of pain killer of some sort between me and the red haze, so I was able to open my eyes slowly to take stock of my situation. I felt completely out of it, but grateful that I was able to function somewhat, thanks to the pain being pushed into the background. I wondered what in hell they had given me, and decided that it must be something powerful, cause I still couldn't quite focus my eyes yet, and my head was still spinning. I tried once again to turn my head just a little, but the slightest twitch caused the stabbing pains throughout my chest and side to freeze me into stillness. A fresh rain of tears was the reward for my stubborn desire to move.
Just as I was about to give up on myself again, I heard footsteps and slowly focused my eyes on someone dressed in whites, walking over towards my bed. Another human! Thank God! The figure came close to the bed, carrying a tray of what looked like medications. It was a pleasant-looking black man, wearing glasses. I tried to focus on his features, but everything was still semi-blurry. He set the supplies down on a nearby table and glanced over the different tubes, and wires leading from my bed to the bank of monitors. All I could do was stare at him through the tape and bandages that covered my face and mouth. I thought I might try to get his attention by moving, but the thought of the resulting pain stopped me. Instead I closely followed him with my eyes, watching him check everything. I willed him to look at me. Finally his attention reached my face and he saw my open eyes.
"Hey there! You're awake! I knew you would come out of it soon." he said, as I watched him check my IV and drip bag, along with the monitors hooked up to me in different spots. I tried to speak, but only caused myself to gag because of the tubes down my throat.
"Whoa there slugger! Don't talk. You'll only choke on the tubes. Blink once if you understand me."
I slowly blinked once.
The man's dark face creased in a kindly smile, showing evenly white teeth. Then he picked up the controls to my bed. He leaned closer to me and pointed at his name tag.
"My name is Tom and I'm a nurse here. I know that's a little unusual, but there are more of us every day, so I hope you are o.k. with that. Shall I raise the head of your bed some so you can look around a little?" he asked.
I blinked once in agreement and he pressed the controls, slowly raising the head of the bed a few inches so that I could more easily survey my room without having to shift my head so much, careful not to cause any more pain to myself.
"It is nice to see you awake. I bet you have a bunch of questions, don't you?" he said to me.
Again I blinked once, and tried to return his smile.
"Good! I'll let our head nurse and the doctor know you are up. There's quite a few of your friends waiting around here who are worried about you."
My brow furrowed in confusion.
"There is quite a bunch of them. Your fiancé has been worried sick." he said as he turned, leaving the room.
I stared in dismay at the Tom's retreating back. Then, in the next moment, memories began to return, slamming my heart into overdrive. "Oh my God. Did he say fiancé?" I thought. How the hell did Anthony find me? My mind raced back to remember. Was it Anthony in the Escalade, trying to run me off the highway? Oh dear God! The highway. The black Escalade following me. That curve! Random memories of the accident came flooding scattershot into my mind. My body involuntarily trembled with fear, sparking waves of pain again. I felt panic building and tears began to leak from my eyes again. I felt helpless, lost and afraid.
"Hey, now. No crying after such a successful surgery." I heard a man's voice saying gently as someone new entered my room. I opened my eyes again to see a doctor, crossing the room to my bedside. I am safe here. I am in a hospital and they will help me. I forced myself to think as I watched the doctor give me a quick check-up.
"My name is Dr. Solomon. I'm your attending physician." he said, squeezing my hand gently. Taking a tissue from a box beside my bed, the doctor dabbed gently at my cheeks and smiled. He was a tall man who looked like he could be about 60 or so. His smile was kind and he said, "I've taken a special interest in your situation. I have been waiting for you to regain consciousness so I can see what kind of progress you are making. Eventually I also want for us to discuss your injuries and the surgery so I can make sure you are ok, but that can wait until tomorrow. You have been doing well in recovery so I have been hanging around a little bit longer today because I had a good feeling that this would be the one where you would rejoin us!" He smiled again and then his face took on a more serious look.
"I have some questions for you. They will be pretty simple -- all yes, or no-type, questions -- ok? You can just blink once for yes, two for no." He raised his eyebrows in question.
I blinked once.
"Do you know your name?"
One blink.
"Do you know what year it is?"
One blink.
"Do you know you were in a car accident?"
One blink.
"Good! I am pleased that the basics are working!" he said approvingly. "Your fiancé, Leon, has been camped out in our waiting area a long time, anxious to see you. Shall I send him in now?"
Leon? My fiancé? Thank God it isn't Anthony! But why does the doctor think Leon is my I fiancé? Why would Leon tell him that? Why was he lying? Lying. Scattered images of my clouded mind flashed in front of me. The closet in Leon's room. The file, all the papers.I don't want to see Leon either!
"Did you hear me Sarah? Would you like to see Leon?"
Two firm blinks. A brief pause -- and two blinks again. No!
"Are you sure?" asked the doctor, hesitating with a confused look on his face. "He's been pretty upset and wants to know you're all right." Are you positive you don't want to see him right now?"
One blink.
"O.K. You're the best judge of your strength right now . Maybe you'll change your mind after you have had a little bit more rest." He stopped for a moment and looked at me before continuing "What about the man who saved you? He asked if he could see you for a minute too. He's the one who pulled you out of your car to safety. He's anxious to know how you are recovering.
I thought about it for a moment. One blink.
"Good!" said the doctor. "I'll go get him. After you have had a couple of minutes to talk, I'll have one of the nurses come in to adjust your medications for you. I want you to get plenty of rest and to recover completely. These injuries are serious and you need time to heal." The doctor gave me another smile and a pat on my hand in assurance. "I'll be back to check on you again this evening." he said to me, and then he turned and left my room.
The man who had saved me? I tried so hard to remember details of the accident, but my mind was still cloudy, and the pain was distracting, even with the cottony blanket of drugs. I had just barely been able to concentrate on the doctor's words to me.
"Hey beautiful." I heard a familiar raspy voice, come form the doorway. I waited until the steps I heard came close so I could see the voice's owner in my line of sight. My vision continued to be a bit blurred so I squinted slightly and finally focused on Vince standing beside my bed. Vince! It was Vince who pulled me out! Vince was here now to see me. I tried to smile the best I could through the tape and tubes and raised the fingers of my hand slowly in greeting. Vince took my hand and squeezed it softly, while looking me over and shaking his head.
"Well, you sure look like shit woman." he said with an evil grin. I smiled again, happy to hear him teasing me.
"Man, we are all so glad you made it girl. You had us scared bad there for a while." he said as he reached up and stroked my head. It felt so good to have Vince here with me
"I know you can't talk yet, but your doctor said the tube should be out by tomorrow, or the following day" He said lightly tapping on the tube down my throat. "Depending on how good you do. I have a feeling you'll be getting it out sooner than you think." he said, with a wink. I lightly squeezed his hand back. God, I owed Vince my life! A tear slid down my cheek.
"Now don't you go getting all mushy on me woman." he grinned, while brushing away my tear. "Leon would have a fit, if he seen us getting so close. The man is obsessed with you."
I squinted my eyes in anger and hatred at the sound of Leon's name.
"Aww, Sarah honey. I can't get into the details now, but I swear to you -- Leon had his reasons. Just let him see you girl. He's been going insane these past few days, waiting for you to wake up. We've all been scared and worried, but Leon's been a fucking wreck! Please just let him come in to see you, for one minute..for me?" Vince begged.
I squeezed my eyes shut tightly for a long moment, and tried to think. Then I opened them slowly and carefully nodded my head yes. For Vince, I would do anything, even see the one person I loathed
"All right!" Vince, grinned with relief. He leaned forward, kissed my forehead quickly and left me to go get Leon. I carefully and slowly turned my face towards the window on the other side of my bed and saw that it was turning dark outside. I had no idea what time it was exactly. I wondered how long I had been there. Vince had said the past few days. God, how long have I been here? I owed Vince everything. He pulled me out of that wreck. The wreck! Oh God, that wreck was my car! My baby! Miss T. My poor beautiful girl must already be at the junkyard by now, getting stripped for parts. My heart sank. I would miss that car so much. We had so many good times together. She had gotten me out of more then a few sticky situations. She was such a part of my identity. Everyone back home knew my ride. That bright cherry-red fireball racing down the street was part of me. She was more of a home to me than Antho---
"Sarah?" I heard a Leon's low voice whisper from the doorway, breaking my train of thought. Slowly I turned my head, to see Leon standing quietly; waiting. I stared at him, trying to see his face clearly. There were so many things -- so many emotions I was feeling. The medication made everything slightly unreal and I felt like I was dreaming. Leon slowly walked into the room with his head down, over to my side. He looked tired. He looked thinner and as if he hadn't shaved in days. I could see exhaustion in the lines of his face. His eyes searched mine, and in spite of the tears welling up in my eyes again, I refused to break my gaze. I had to look into his eyes to see whether or not there was anything for me to hold onto with him. I had to know whether or not the past 3 weeks were a waste. I stared into his eyes, searching for an answer. I watched Leon sit down in the chair next to my bed. He turned his head away from me briefly to look at all the monitors, staring at each one in turn; trying to determine what they all meant. Frowning with frustration, he returned his attention to me again and raised his hand to my face. As I continued to search Leon's eyes, I felt his fingers gently and hesitantly tracing my brow and cheekbone, stopping only briefly when he touched the tape covering my temple, nose and mouth. Looking into my eyes, Leon lifted my hand and turned it over gently. He closed his eyes and kissed my palm for a long moment. Then he moved my hand to cup his cheek. When he looked into my eyes again, I could see that they were filling with tears too.
"Oh. baby." Leon sighed, his voice breaking. He released my hand and leaned forward to cradle my head carefully as he lay his cheek alongside mine; his scratchy chin in the crook of my neck and shoulder and his forehead on my pillows. At first I wanted to yank my head away from him. The anger and hurt was still in my heart. But when I felt his skin on mine, all rational thought left me, and I pressed my face against his the best I could. For a moment we were both silent, and then I heard a muffled moan escape him. I felt Leon's tears against my cheek as his shoulders shook. I used all the strength I could find left to raise my right hand to touch the back of his head and neck, winding my fingers into his thick hair. I felt his heat on my fingertips, and closed my eyes to take in his scent. We held onto each other tightly. It was in that moment that I knew I loved him. No matter haw hard I tried to betray the feelings in my heart and stay focused on the anger, I knew deep down he was sincere. I just prayed I wasn't wrong.
Finally, with a sigh, Leon slowly raised his head to look into my face. "I swear to GOD, I will never hurt you again. I will never lie to you again. I will never betray you again Sarah. I am so sorry for what happened. I was wrong." His voice broke with emotion and his hand shook as he gently caressed my face again. I closed my eyes slowly in acceptance. I began to let my heart forgive. I knew Leon still had a lot of explaining to do to me. I knew that I needed the team to tell me why they did what they did too. But for right now, I needed Leon's love more than I had ever known before. If I was going to make it through, I would need all of them on my side. Leon took my hand and laid his head next to mine again, holding me awkwardly, yet as delicately as possible. He gently kissed our tears from my cheek.
A woman's voice said gently, "I'm sorry sir, but you're going to have to leave now. The patient needs her rest."
Leon reluctantly pulled away from me and we both saw that a pleasant- looking nurse had come into the room. He nodded and began to rise from the chair, but I wouldn't let go of his hand. I wanted to scream, NO!! Don't leave me! Stay here with me. Please keep talking to me. Tell jokes. Dance. Do anything you like, but don't go! I need you! My frightened eyes, begged Leon to stay. I felt panic set in. I didn't want him to go. I needed his protection, tenderness and caring touch.
"If there is a way, I'll be the first person you see in the morning when you wake up. I will be here tomorrow morning, I swear." Leon said to me, squeezing my hand. "I will be here before you wake." he said reassuringly. Leon kissed my forehead and my palm again once more and left me, walking backwards slowly to the door and raising his hand in farewell as he went. I watched the nurse close the door behind him.
Suddenly a small face popped into the little window of the door! It was Mia, peeking in to see me! I saw her eyes taking me in and her hand covering her mouth at the sight of all the tubes and bandages covering me. Mia's sweet face crumpled in tears and I tried to smile for her, hoping she could see me and tell that I was going to be o.k. Her face disappeared from the window frame and the nurse came over to my bed.
"The rest of your friends and family will be allowed to see you tomorrow, but the doctor left orders that we are to keep you resting and comfortable right now." she said kindly. Then she turned to one of the machines and made some sort of adjustments. When she finished, she returned to my side and carefully readjusted my bedding and checked me over. I vaguely felt her take my hand and give it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. Then in the next moment soft darkness crept over me. I was pulled deeply down and lost to sleep once more.
************************************************************************ LEON
It had been 5 days since Sarah's surgery. We all took shifts in the hospital, waiting for when Sarah would wake up. Actually everyone else took shifts. I couldn't make myself leave. Vince brought me some clothes each day, and I would wash up in the bathroom and shave once in awhile. But I refused to leave the hospital until she woke up. I spent the hours going over how I should have done everything different and kicking myself for being such a fool.
When Vince came out and said Sarah would let me see her, I ran all the way to her room. At her doorway, I came to a dead stop though. As much as I wanted to know Sarah was o.k., I was afraid to see the hatred in her eyes for what I had done to her. I swallowed hard and went inside.
Poor Sarah had a damned tube down her throat and it was taped over her nose, mouth and chin to hold it in place. She had a bandage on her temple, and her arm had IV tubes coming out of it. Her pretty hair was messed up by more bandaging, and her beautiful eyes had deep circles under them. It was like a blow to my gut to see her that way; hurt like that.
I walked over quietly and sat in a chair by her bed. There was a wall of monitors and machines next to it with wires and tubes everywhere with some kind of beeping in the background going on. When I turned back to Sarah, I saw her eyes stayed on me, never leaving me. I searched them for the hatred and loathing that I feared, but I only saw her watching and waiting. She was looking for something and I looked back hoping she could see how much she meant to me.
I reached out and traced her sweet face with my fingers, cherishing her. I had missed her so bad! I reached for her hand and kissed the palm of it, breathing in the scent of her skin and feeling the warmth of her hand on my mouth. I moved her hand to my cheek and realized that I ached so bad that I couldn't stop the tears from coming to my eyes. With a painful sigh, I leaned in as close as I could to Sarah and laid my cheek alongside hers and gently held her head with my other hand. I didn't have any words. Just the shame and regret of what I did to her. I began to cry and my feelings shook me. Then I felt a blessing. Sarah ran her fingers of her hand into my hair and tenderly held my head. We stayed that way for a long while, holding each other.
When I finally raised my head to look at Sarah, I saw her looking back at me in question. I realized that Vince knew what he was talking about and that I really loved this woman for everything she was, good or bad. I swore to Sarah that I would never lie to her, betray her or hurt her again. I told her how sorry I was and that I had been wrong to do what I did. She looked at me a long moment and I watched as she closed her eyes slowly and her face relaxed in peacefulness and acceptance.
Her expression moved me deeply and I thanked God that Sarah was alive and recovering. I knew I would do everything I could to always keep her in my life. I took Sarah's hand once more and leaned over again to carefully kiss our tears from her cheek.
Behind us, I heard a woman's voice say gently, "I'm sorry sir, but you're going to have to leave now. The patient needs her rest."
I hated to leave, but I knew that the nurse was right. Although I could see the fear and panic in Sarah's eyes and I thought seriously about begging the nurse to let me stay, I knew that it wouldn't be right. Instead I promised Sarah on my life that I would be the first person she saw when she woke up the next day.
It tore me up to leave her, so I took my time and I reluctantly backed out of her room, trying to sound more brave and confident about the situation than I actually was. It was all I could do to get out of the room before I tried to find some way to chain myself to her bed to be near her and know she was safe!
As I closed the door, I discovered that Mia had managed to sneak into the wing, hoping to see Sarah. When the door closed, she quickly stepped up on tip-toes to look into Sarah's room. I saw her hand fly up to her mouth in dismay, and a whimper escaped her as she burst into tears and turned away from the window. I took Mia by the shoulders and gave her a fierce hug. "She is really going to be o.k. Mia. Sarah is a hell of a fighter and you can see in her eyes that she is going to recover soon. C'mon sis. Honest. It looks bad with all the tubes and wires, but a lot of that comes off tomorrow the doctor says." I reassured her. Mia pulled back and looked up at me. "You promise, you aren't lying to make me feel better? She looks so sad and hurt. All those bandages and tubes! I may be a nursing student Leon, but that is Sarah in there and I really care about her! I want to know if she is going to be o.k. and it is such a shock to see her in that condition." she said.
I told Mia that I really believed that Sarah was on the road to recovery. Mia admitted that Doctor Solomon had an excellent reputation and decided that Sarah was in very good hands. We both agreed that we would see Sarah first thing in the morning.
When we left the hospital, no matter how much I wanted to leave by myself, Mia wouldn't let me ride alone. She grabbed Sarah's silver case that I had kept stashed, and hopped into Jesse's car with me. Vince had left for home in his car, before we did.
"Are you hungry Leon? You want to stop somewhere?" Mia asked me.
"I still don't really have an appetite Mia" I replied.
She just nodded her head and after a moment she began, "You think Dom --- she caught herself, and frowned. Then she looked at me questioningly.
I shrugged and said "I hope he won his race Mia. I'm sure everyone was asking about the rest of the team anyway." I said, half smiling at her.
"Leon, I'm really sorry. I didn't know that Dom was.digging so deep. If you had---"
"I was digging too Mia. I got crazy with it. I let it get way out of control, and look what happened." I said, turning the corner into our 'hood'.
"She made it alive Leon. I know she'll be ok. I know the Doctor said she should be able to make a full recovery. She just needs lots of rest." I just have to keep reminding myself that she's going to make and she will be o.k. This was too close a call. It really freaked all of us out." After a minute's pause Mia asked, "Do you know exactly what they did to her?"
"Do I really want to?" I said off-handedly as I turned onto our street and pulled up into the driveway and parked.
"Well, I don't know. I mean it was major surgery. Yeah. They worked some miracles on her in there." Mia said smiling, before leaning over and hugging me. "We're all here for you honey." she whispered in my ear.
"I know Mia, and I thank you for that."
We got out of the car and saw that the team was all home. This time there was no party going on as usual. We walked in and saw Dom, Letty and Jesse waiting in the living room, They were sitting around, waiting nervously to hear from us. As soon as we walked in, all eyes were on us. I looked at Jesse sitting on the floor, with his legs curled up, biting his bottom lip. He looked like a scared little kid. Letty and Dom just stared at Mia and I, waiting. Vince had made it back to the house before us, and I could hear him clanking around in the kitchen doing something. Before any of us could say anything though, Brian walked through the door with some McDonald's bags and announced "Eats!"
I nodded hello to him, before walking on into the living room. Dom started to move over on the couch to let me sit down.
"I ain't sitting Dawg. I have to get up early tomorrow. I want to be back at the hospital before she wakes up."
"Is she-?" Dom asked.
"Yeah. She woke up tonight." Mia answered, as she happily accepted a wrapped burger from Brian. Vince joined us in the living room and Brian handed him one of the bags and the other to Letty after grabbing a burger for himself. Vince took a couple more burgers out and offered me the bag, but I shook my head. Jesse got to his feet and walked over to get a burgers from Vince and reached into the bag. I looked around at my team chowing down. This was the same team that I had been with for years. My family. I had loved them like they were my own blood, but looking at them that night, I felt like things were different. I couldn't explain it, but somehow I felt like we had all been changed. I just hoped it was for the better.
Dom looked at me like he wanted to say something, but before he could get it out I decided that since tonight would be the first night I would be sleeping in my bed, in 5 days, I didn't want to hear anything from him yet. The anger was still, hovering and waiting. "I'm going to bed." I stated flatly and walked upstairs to my room.
When I opened the door, I saw all of Sarah's bags scattered across the floor. My closet was in shambles, and I could see how she found the file we had put together about her. It looked like everything from my top shelf had landed on the floor. The shelf itself was half hanging from the wall too. There was a small empty space on the right side of my closet, where a few of her sundresses were hanging. I walked over to them and lightly touched them, letting the fabric run through my fingers. Finally, I walked around the shopping bags, and began stripping off all my clothes. When I finished, I climbed into bed naked and grabbed the pillow that Sarah had been using. I inhaled her sweet scent deeply. The memories that returned with her scent burned me as the remnants of my shame and guilt at hurting Sarah, still twisted inside.
I closed my eyes and imagined her back at the IHOP, the day I first saw her. I could see Sarah in my mind's eye walking up to the door again. Her soft, wavy hair curled around her face and she wore a pair of sunglasses. She was wearing a baggy ECKO tee shirt, matching blue jeans, and Timberland Boots. Definitely a tomboy kind of a girl, but she couldn't hide those fine hips or that sweet ass. Yeah, I checked out what she was hiding under her baggy tee, and it looked pretty good to me too. After all, I'm a guy who has always admired the female form in it's many shapes and sizes, so although Sarah had done her best to conceal her form, what I saw that day still looked particularly appealing.
When Sarah sat down at the table next to me and Jesse and took off her glasses, I saw her silver-blue eyes with their long, dark lashes. I remembered being amazed at the color and thinking to myself, "I could actually swim in eyes that beautiful!"
I remembered how I wanted to see her smile, so I and teased and flirted obviously with her until she laughed. The moment she laughed was when she caught me. She surprised me with a throaty, musical laugh -- a sensual, womanly laugh. Her eyes crinkled up in amusement and her smile could have lit up a room. When she relaxed into her laughter, Sarah didn't hold back. She didn't know it, but that was the moment I decided that I was determined to have her.
As I laid in my bed remembering the first time I saw Sarah and thinking about how much she had come to mean to me, I finally understood that I would willingly pay any price to have her in my life forever.
Reaching over, I turned out the lamp next to my bed. "See you tomorrow baby-girl." I whispered into the darkness before my exhaustion took over and I surrendered to the welcoming arms of sleep. *****************************************************************