TITLE: Running CHAPTER 20 of many chapters
AUTHOR: Daaasl
RATING: R for language, violence and some sex
DISCLAIMER: The characters of Dominic, Leon, Vincent, Mia,
Brian, Jessie and Letty belong the film company. All the
other characters are mine all mine, though. Any copyright
infringement is unintended.
ARCHIVE: You can find previous chapters at:
http://www.realmofvindiesel.homestead.com Anyone else
wanting to post my fanfic on their site, please check with me.
FEEDBACK: Please. I like to know what you think. But be
gentle with me.
Chapter 20
Sarah filled my dreams all night. I watched her float toward me in white flowing light, always just out of my reach. I tried to grab her and hold her, but each time she would float away, just beyond reach. Just before I woke, I was able to reach out and lightly graze her fingertips. Sarah's smile filled me with warmth as her energy passed through me. When I looked again, I saw her floating away to the heavens. I begged her to stay, but she just smiled and waved.
The sound of knocking on my door woke me, but I didn't want to move. I wanted to return to my dreams of Sarah, and her smiles; her warmth and her love. Then Vince's voice came to me through the door.
"C'mon brother! Hospital is on the phone!"
Jumping out of my bed, I threw a towel around my waist and flung open the door. I looked at Vince in horror, my haunting dream of Sarah still fresh in my mind
"Relax man. She's alive." Vince said, throwing his hands up to assure me, when he saw my face.
Until his words of reassurance, I hadn't realized how much my body had tensed. Releasing my breath with a whoosh of relief, I silently thanked god my dream hadn't been a vision of warning and nearly knocked Vince over as I flew past him and down the stairs to the kitchen phone.
"Hello! . Yes, this is him. Really?! Well, that's good news then, right? OK. Is she up yet? Ok. OH! . Yeah, I will.. No. Don't tell her. I am on my way right now."
I hung up the phone and looked over to see Dom, and Jesse watching me quietly. Jesse held his coffee mug to his lips, but hadn't taken a sip. Dom cupped his hands around his mug and waited to see what I would say.
"She's getting the breathing tube out today!" I said grinning widely. I could feel the smile stretched across my face. I was insanely happy. Even though the doctor had asked if I wanted him to tell Sarah that she had lost the child, that problem just barely registered. I hadn't told anyone else about Sarah losing her baby. This was something they didn't need to know. Doctor Solomon told me that he hadn't told Sarah yet either and was waiting for me to arrive so that I could be of support to her. He agreed that I should be the one to tell her.
As I stood in my glow of happiness, I heard Dome quietly say, "That's good." I saw him nod his head in approval. when I looked at him, but his eyes were in his mug and not on me. It had been 5 long days since Sarah's surgery, and I still couldn't bring myself to talk to Dom yet. I had been at the hospital every day, and Dom carefully steered clear. I hadn't been to the garage since the accident either. I hadn't really care whether he was upset at me about that or not. Nobody had said anything to me about my absence though. It just seemed to be understood that I was going to stay with Sarah at the hospital, to wait for her to return to consciousness. I thought I could see the guilt Dom was carrying in his posture, his quietness, and in his eyes. But I couldn't face his guilt and mine again yet. I looked over at Jesse and smiled happily again, before taking off for my room to clean up and get dressed.
Last night, while I waited at the hospital for Sarah to regain consciousness, Vince, and Mia had come by as usual, to check on me and see how she was doing. When the doctor came out and said that Sarah was awake and that she asked to see Vince, I felt like crawling under a rock and dying right then.
I surprised myself with how sharp it hurt that she hadn't asked to see me, but after all -- Vince was the one who had saved her life. Although I had waited every single day, hoping to be the first to see her awake again, there had been no guarantee that she would be any less angry with me for betraying her trust.
Four days I'd been allowed to sit by her side; for just an hour or so, each day. First I had just held Sarah's hand quietly, just willing her to live and get well. After asking Dr. Solomon if she could hear me and him telling me that it wouldn't hurt to talk to her, I began to talk softly to Sarah. Mostly I just spoke her name and told her that I missed her and that I wanted her to get well and wake up soon so I could tell her how sorry I was. But soon I found that began to talk to her as if she were awake.
I told her everything I could about myself. I told her all about my mom and how it was for me growing up with fear, violence, blood and tears. I told her that I totally understood how she had been hurt, not just physically, but emotionally too -- and how she could be so scared that her emotions were tearing her up inside. I told her that I didn't blame her for hiding her experiences from me. I would have done the same thing in her shoes. I told her that I understood how hard it was to try to explain to other people why it takes so long to leave or get away from the violence. I told her about my hatred and rage that my mother had escaped without taking me and about how long and hard I had been working to forgive her. I told her about the hell of living on the streets until Dom and V found me and took me to the shop and taught me how to work on cars. I told her about how long Mia and Letty had worked to remove my anger and distrust and to make me understand I was family to them. I cried as I held Sarah's hand and remembered the pain of my past and understood that hers was a lot like mine.
I even told her about our team's truck heists, the Tran Gang, the Feds, and how Brian came around like a narc to try to bust us. I told her about the day when we nearly lost our whole team and how somehow, Brian had come through for all of us because of his love for Mia. I told her about how narrowly Dom and the rest of us escaped prosecution, only because Brian refused to testify and was thrown off the police force. I told her how Dom closed down the truck heist operations and went legit, except for our street racing meets. I told her how we still kept a look out over our shoulders like we always had because we were still on bad terms with the Tran Gang. I heard myself telling Sarah everything. I talked about why we ran our searches on her and built the damned file. I told her how it was our rule and nothing personal; that we did it to protect ourselves from anyone being sent in undercover again like Brian had been sent. Head down and holding her hand, and told her over and over that I was sorry. I prayed she would wake up. I even told myself that I didn't even care if she ever wanted to talk to me again. I told myself that would be o.k. I deserved it. I begged Sarah to her wake up and tell me personally that she didn't want to speak to me -- but please let her wake up.
And here I was and I was going to have to tell Sarah everything again -- for real. Now she would be listening to what I had to say and would decide for herself if she wanted to accept it. I knew I promised God I didn't care if Sarah never spoke to me again. I just hoped God knew that I meant it at the time, but that I didn't think I could keep my promise now. Part of me was high and happy that Sarah was consciousness again and was getting well; the other part of me was freaking with dread that she would still hate me. I didn't remember ever feeling so fucked up! All the feelings of worry, love, guilt, frustration and need churned inside me. Man, I knew I wasn't running on all eight cylinders. Mia told me I was killing myself with guilt, but I didn't care. I would rather have put myself through all the hell in the world, then allow Sarah to feel any of it.
When Doc Solomon told me over the phone that Sarah was getting the tube out, I felt a huge relief. I was so happy to hear him say she was getting better too. I wanted to go to her right that minute, but I also knew this wasn't going to be easy. I thought I should take Sarah flowers, but I suddenly realized that I really didn't know what she liked. Although she had told me some serious things about herself, and I was aware of the information in the file that we built, that I didn't really know much more than that about Sarah.
I knew the details of her face: the way a dimple appeared when she smiled; how her nose wrinkled when she was annoyed, how her hair fell softly around her face, and how her eyes watched mine closely when we talked to each other. I knew that she was kind and willing to help anyone. I knew that she loved to laugh and sing. I also knew she had a dark past and some of the hell that Anthony put her through. I knew her mother was dead, but not how or why; I knew nothing about her father or even if she had any brothers or sisters. I realized that I wanted to know more about Sarah and the details surrounding her whole life.
But I knew that if I ever wanted to get close to Sarah again, that I needed to face her and tell her exactly what I had done and why. It was going to be a day of reckoning for me. I was going to confess my sins against Sarah directly to her and Sarah would be my judge. I thought to myself that I knew the questions that would be coming and I knew, no matter how hard it was for her to hear, I would have to tell her the truth. I was going to put my heart in her hands and hope that she would be able to accept my confession and forgive me.
I still had no idea how in the hell I was going to tell her about losing her baby! Had she even known she was pregnant? I couldn't be angry at her if she had known and kept the information from me. I knew how scared she was of Anthony and how alone she was when Jesse and I first ran across her. Sarah had just barely begun to warm up to me and trust me when all this shit hit the fan. How could I be angry with her? Look at everything about myself that I had kept from her.
******** Letty's POV ********
I 'd heard Leon tell Jesse and Dom about Sarah. Thank God, the news was good. I felt as shitty as Dom did. I'd jumped in her shit over Dom on the day of the accident. How could I let my jealousy run me like that? Why the hell did I even think she would respond to any flirting that Dom would do? It was Dom that I was really mad at. I thought I could see him warming Sarah up and putting the moves on her. How stupid could I be? Sarah and Leon had been all over each other ever since she got to town with him! It was so obvious that they had a thing for each other. All of us could see what was happening. My girl Mia is right. I've gotta get a grip. I gotta get over what Dom did and put it behind both of us. Shit.
When I walked into the kitchen from the living room, Leon flew past me, headed for the stairs. I walked on in and sat down at the table with Jesse and Dom. Dom just looked at me briefly before looking away. I could feel his pain rolling off of him. I got up sat down gently on his lap. He just wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my shoulder. I heard Jesse get up and go to the stove to refill his coffee, but I just sat quietly with my arms around his shoulders and my chin resting against the top of his head.
"I'm going to go up to my room and see if Vince is done checking those specs on my computer, if you guys need me." Jesse said quietly and left the room.
Neither of us answered while we sat with our thoughts. I stroked the side of Dom's face gently. I knew how guilty he felt. I did too. I swear I thought I could actually feel his heart breaking. I finally broke our embrace and looked Dom in the eye.
"You and Leon need to talk." I told him.
"Yeah Letty, but I can't do that now. Not yet." Dom said. "Leon's going to see her today because the doctor is taking the tube out of her throat.."
"I heard. So today he's gonna tell Sarah her about us checking her out --- "
"Yeah." Dom answered me glumly.
Taking Dom's chin in my hand, I said "When Mia and Vince came back home after Sarah's surgery, they both told me that Leon is really taking this hard and blames himself a lot too. He ain't just blaming you Dom. You two have been friends too long for this to tear you apart."
Dom turned his head away from my hand frustrated. "Letty the girl almost died!" Dom growled. "Leon was right! I pushed everyone too hard, until it finally broke apart!" His voice grew deeper and rougher as he got more agitated.
"Stop it Dom! Stop it right now." I said taking his face in my hands again. "You got to realize that this accident wasn't your fault, or Leon's, or mine, or anybody's. Vince told me that there was this big car chasing ---"
"The Escalade!" Dom realized as his eyes snapped open wide.
"So, maybe it was some gang bangers messing with Sarah, and she got spooked man. Who knows?! Baby, you gotta stop blaming yourself, its tearing all of us up to see you like this!"
Dom's finally really saw me and way the tears were standing in my eyes. His face softened and he wrapped his arms around me again pulling me in closer, kissing my eyes and mouth tenderly and holding me.
"Mi corazón. mi amor." I heard him whisper against my neck, sending warmth into my blood.
"Es mi corazón también, mi amor" I replied huskily; kissing him deeply.
With a deep sigh, Dom lifted me in his arms and stood up from his chair. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I looked at him questioningly.
"Venido conmígo a nuestra cama." he said softly to me. "I need you Letty" Dom whispered into my hair.
I know that my eyes told him everything as I nodded my head yes. I held onto Dom tightly, as he carried me back up the stairs to our room.
(Spanish translation at end of document) *********** Brian's POV **********
I heard Letty and Dom come back upstairs to their room and I knew it was time for Mia and I to get out of bed. Mia had taken the incident between Leon and Dom, and Sarah's car accident really hard. She had really taken a liking to Sarah, and Mia's instincts were usually good. After all, she had been right about me -- even when I hadn't been sure about myself. I rolled onto my side, and traced my fingers over her collarbone and neck until she woke up.
"Hey beautiful" I whispered.
"Brian I -" she began, but before she could say anything, my lips were on hers. This woman was the kindest creature I had ever met. One look in her eyes, and you could see straight to her soul. I put my arms around Mia and felt her arms as they encircled me. God I loved this woman. I didn't want to think what my life would be like without her. I buried my face in her neck and held her tightly.
After a moment, she pulled away a bit and looked into my eyes.
"Brian? What was that for?"
"I love you Mia." I said solemnly, my eyes staring into hers.
She smiled sweetly and reached up to touch my face, saying "No more than I love you Brian."
I smiled back in relief and happiness and kissed her on the forehead.
After a long, peaceful moment I finally sighed and said, "Got a lot of work to do at the garage today. Are you opening the store?"
"Probably in another hour." she replied. " I want to go by and see Sarah first, since we weren't able to see her last night."
I nodded my head and got up to begin getting dressed. I heard the sheets rustle as Mia got up too and as I pulled on my levis, I felt her come up behind me to run her hands over my chest. I wrapped her arms around me and felt her cheek resting on my back, her warm breath on my skin.
I closed my eyes and said, "Don't ever leave me girl."
"I'll never go anywhere without you." she replied, and I turned around and kissed her again.
Its funny how traumatic experiences can force people into an understanding and acceptance of keeping things honest and real in their lives and relationships. I mean, I always knew I loved Mia. Hell, I gave up my whole past life to be with her, and I don't look back. But even though I had told her many times before Sarah's accident, how much she meant to me, I was compelled more than ever to be with Mia as much as possible, realizing how easily I could lose her. I gave Mia one last kiss, and went downstairs.
Vince and Jesse came down from Jesse's room with the specifications we needed for one of the cars we were working on. They joined me as I grabbed a couple of oranges for breakfast and headed out the door. We would be the ones opening the shop today since Dom and Letty were . preoccupied.
******* Leon's POV *******
I made it to the hospital in no time. I was so excited that Sarah was going to be able to breathe, talk and eat on her own today. 6 days ago, they weren't even sure if she would live. I was impressed by her strength. After all Sarah had been through, she fought for her life and won. I went up to her floor and stopped off at the nurses station to check in before I made it to her room. All of the nurses knew me by a first name basis by now, and I was greeted two of them.
"Sarah's being taken off of the respirator today, right?" Tom asked with a big grin.
"Yeah, I'm real proud of her."
"Well, the support and encouragement has a lot to do with it you know." piped up the other nurse, who looked up from the desk.
Tom agreed saying, "She has you and your friends to thank you know. You never left this place and stayed with her every chance that was available. That counts for a lot."
I just dropped my head and shook it. I didn't deserve their kind words. I wasn't a good man. I was a man racked with guilt, and that had been a huge part of what had kept me there. I looked up and nodded to them in thanks and then slowly padded down the hall to her room. When I was a few feet away I heard could hear Dr. Solomon's voice speaking to her, so I waited outside the door and listened.
"Well, Ms Ippolito, as soon as I get the final word from our respiratory surgeon, we will take you off the respirator and get rid of this tube today. I know you are looking forward to that."
For a moment there was silence; then the doctor continued.
"I'll wait until you can talk to me. Then we will go over everything that happened ok? I would much rather you talk to me, then just have me rattle off information to you. Your fiancé is due in shortly, I had one of the nurses call him with the good news. Ah here he is now."
I had gone ahead and walked in just as the doctor was finishing up. I walked over and shook his hand.
"Doctor Solomon." I nodded to him, before looking over at Sarah and smiling.
"Good Morning son. so you got the good news?"
"Yes, Thank you so much for all of your help-"
"It's my job, and it is a pleasure to know Sarah is doing so well." he said with a warm smile. " I'll leave you two alone, I should be back within the hour." he said to me with a knowing look. I knew he wanted me to tell her about the baby. I just didn't know if I was going to be able to do it, and my nerves tightened another inch.
"Hey." I said as I sat down and took Sarah's hand. She looked so weak and small. I tried to catch her eye, but she kept looking towards the window.
"You want me to open the window?" I asked, and she slowly nodded her head. I got up, and pulled back the blinds to allow the morning sun in her room. Her tiny smile under the tapes and tube let me know she was happy to feel the warmth on her face. I walked back over to the other side of the bed, sat down, and took her hand. I kissed it gently and held it to my face.
"I'm so glad you are doing better Sarah. I've been scared out of my mind, but you fought and won and you've made it. I'm really proud of you. You are one strong woman." and I smiled at her in my happiness Sarah's silvery- blue eyes glowed with the sunlight in the room and she looked into my eyes, watching me. I wished I knew what she was thinking, but I realized it would be a little longer before I would hear her beautiful voice again.
"Sarah, there's something I have to tell you. I need to tell you some things and I am worried that you may not like some of it, but this is the only way that a lot of what has happened is going to make any sense. I want to the one who tells you, since I am the one responsible . I have to tell you." I said taking a ragged breath. I saw her brow furrow in confusion and she tried to stir in the bed. A moan escaped her from beneath the tube and I saw her face wince at the pain.
"Don't Sarah! What are you doing? Please don't move baby, or you will hurt yourself!" I begged. But she kept trying to sit up more, forcing tears to the corners of her eyes. I jumped up from the chair, and held her shoulder, trying to reassure her. Our faces were only inches apart and I looked desperately into her eyes, pleading with her.
"Sarah, I'm begging. Don't do this! I don't mean to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. Please. We can wait the half hour until the doctor comes back and you can talk to me too, ok?"
******** Sarah's POV *******
Was Leon insane?!! I couldn't believe this man! I had been in the hospital -- I don't even know how many days, and the first time I feel like there is hope, he comes in here and tells me he has more bad news! I had to get out of there. I didn't care what the doctor said. I didn't want to be around Leon for another minute. I tried to get up, but as soon as I moved, or put any weight on my arm, knives of pain shot through me. I moaned involuntarily, but I refused to let that stop me. I fought the pain, trying to get up until Leon was practically laying on top of me, trying to hold me down.
"Please Sarah, don't do this!" I hear him demand. I looked up to see his face only inches from mine. I could hear his voice but not the words he was saying. I felt him wipe the corners of my eyes gently, with his thumb. Was I crying again? I looked up at him, and saw the desperation in his eyes, and I thought "Good, you bastard. You should feel bad about what happened to me. It was all your fault anyway. If I hadn't trusted and you hadn't lied to me, none of this would have happened. I ----" Wait! A heaviness began to wash through me and I could feel the arms of darkness pulling at me. I tried to keep glaring at Leon in my frustration, but my lids were getting heavy.
"Sarah, Sarah!" Leon's voice is getting further and further away. Please, don't let me sleep again. I want to be awake for when they take --- .
"It's ok Sarah. Sleep now baby." I thought I heard his faint whisper in the distance of my mind before I went out once again.
******** Leon's POV ******** As I tried to get Sarah to stop struggling, her eyes glared at me in anger and confusion. The stress couldn't be good for her! Then as suddenly as she had started struggling, she went limp and I watched as her eyes began to glaze. Her eyelids began to flutter and I could see her trying to fight off sleep.
"Sarah.Sarah!" I tried to keep her conscious, but I heard one of her monitors going off, and remembered that one of the nurses had told me that it was the way that her morphine dose was given. It was timed and came on automatically. As soon as I realized she wasn't going into a coma or anything like that, I loosened my grip on her shoulder and kissed her gently on the forehead.
"Its ok Sarah. Sleep now baby." I said before getting up and closing the blinds to her window again. I sat impatiently waiting for the doctor to return. It only took him another 10 minutes.
"I see she got her morphine shot." he said.
I looked up and said. "Yeah, doc. Can you still take out the tube?"
"Actually its better if she's asleep. She won't fight it as much. If you could give me a hand --"
"Uh..yeah..sure." I replied.
"Fine. If you could just carefully remove the tape from her face, without pulling on the tube." he said as he put on a pair of latex gloves. Piece by piece I took off the tape until it was removed from her face. Doctor Solomon went around to the other side of her bed and nodded to me.
"Ok, now as I remove the tubing, please just guide the slack onto the bedcovers so that it won't get tangled in her IV or other tubing. Just take the slack from me ok?" I nodded and watched in awe as the doctor disconnected the tube from the machine, and then slowly started to pull it out of Sarah's throat. She lay there without moving, oblivious to her surroundings. I took the tubing as the doctor fed it to me, careful to avoid getting it entangled in the other stuff attached to Sarah. When he took it out, I realized there was about 2 feet of tubing that had gone down her throat and into her lungs. When the doctor finished, he threw the old tubing away and set up a tiny oxygen line that went over her ears and fed oxygen to her through her nose.
"There, that should be more comfortable." he said as he cleaned up in the sink. "Did you have any time to tell her that she lost her baby?"
"No doc, but I plan to tell her when she wakes up."
"Yes. Well, since this was rather traumatic all around, I think it would be best if she hears it from you and knows that she has your support. You will both need to comfort each other. A loss like that can be very sad." he said patting my shoulder. "Let one of the nurses know when she wakes, please. We want to start her on a bland diet today." He smiled reassuringly at me and then left the room, waving his hand in response to my thank you.
I looked back over to Sarah who rested peacefully. I knew that when she woke, she would probably still be upset and angry with me. I knew I deserved it. I sat back in the chair, watching and waiting for her to wake up and yell at me. That was o.k. I could deal with it. I just wanted to hear her voice again.
****************************************************** "Mi corazón. mi amor." My heart. My love.
"Es mi corazón también, mi amor" You are my heart too, my love
"Venido conmigo a nuestra cama.." Come with me to our bed.
Chapter 20
Sarah filled my dreams all night. I watched her float toward me in white flowing light, always just out of my reach. I tried to grab her and hold her, but each time she would float away, just beyond reach. Just before I woke, I was able to reach out and lightly graze her fingertips. Sarah's smile filled me with warmth as her energy passed through me. When I looked again, I saw her floating away to the heavens. I begged her to stay, but she just smiled and waved.
The sound of knocking on my door woke me, but I didn't want to move. I wanted to return to my dreams of Sarah, and her smiles; her warmth and her love. Then Vince's voice came to me through the door.
"C'mon brother! Hospital is on the phone!"
Jumping out of my bed, I threw a towel around my waist and flung open the door. I looked at Vince in horror, my haunting dream of Sarah still fresh in my mind
"Relax man. She's alive." Vince said, throwing his hands up to assure me, when he saw my face.
Until his words of reassurance, I hadn't realized how much my body had tensed. Releasing my breath with a whoosh of relief, I silently thanked god my dream hadn't been a vision of warning and nearly knocked Vince over as I flew past him and down the stairs to the kitchen phone.
"Hello! . Yes, this is him. Really?! Well, that's good news then, right? OK. Is she up yet? Ok. OH! . Yeah, I will.. No. Don't tell her. I am on my way right now."
I hung up the phone and looked over to see Dom, and Jesse watching me quietly. Jesse held his coffee mug to his lips, but hadn't taken a sip. Dom cupped his hands around his mug and waited to see what I would say.
"She's getting the breathing tube out today!" I said grinning widely. I could feel the smile stretched across my face. I was insanely happy. Even though the doctor had asked if I wanted him to tell Sarah that she had lost the child, that problem just barely registered. I hadn't told anyone else about Sarah losing her baby. This was something they didn't need to know. Doctor Solomon told me that he hadn't told Sarah yet either and was waiting for me to arrive so that I could be of support to her. He agreed that I should be the one to tell her.
As I stood in my glow of happiness, I heard Dome quietly say, "That's good." I saw him nod his head in approval. when I looked at him, but his eyes were in his mug and not on me. It had been 5 long days since Sarah's surgery, and I still couldn't bring myself to talk to Dom yet. I had been at the hospital every day, and Dom carefully steered clear. I hadn't been to the garage since the accident either. I hadn't really care whether he was upset at me about that or not. Nobody had said anything to me about my absence though. It just seemed to be understood that I was going to stay with Sarah at the hospital, to wait for her to return to consciousness. I thought I could see the guilt Dom was carrying in his posture, his quietness, and in his eyes. But I couldn't face his guilt and mine again yet. I looked over at Jesse and smiled happily again, before taking off for my room to clean up and get dressed.
Last night, while I waited at the hospital for Sarah to regain consciousness, Vince, and Mia had come by as usual, to check on me and see how she was doing. When the doctor came out and said that Sarah was awake and that she asked to see Vince, I felt like crawling under a rock and dying right then.
I surprised myself with how sharp it hurt that she hadn't asked to see me, but after all -- Vince was the one who had saved her life. Although I had waited every single day, hoping to be the first to see her awake again, there had been no guarantee that she would be any less angry with me for betraying her trust.
Four days I'd been allowed to sit by her side; for just an hour or so, each day. First I had just held Sarah's hand quietly, just willing her to live and get well. After asking Dr. Solomon if she could hear me and him telling me that it wouldn't hurt to talk to her, I began to talk softly to Sarah. Mostly I just spoke her name and told her that I missed her and that I wanted her to get well and wake up soon so I could tell her how sorry I was. But soon I found that began to talk to her as if she were awake.
I told her everything I could about myself. I told her all about my mom and how it was for me growing up with fear, violence, blood and tears. I told her that I totally understood how she had been hurt, not just physically, but emotionally too -- and how she could be so scared that her emotions were tearing her up inside. I told her that I didn't blame her for hiding her experiences from me. I would have done the same thing in her shoes. I told her that I understood how hard it was to try to explain to other people why it takes so long to leave or get away from the violence. I told her about my hatred and rage that my mother had escaped without taking me and about how long and hard I had been working to forgive her. I told her about the hell of living on the streets until Dom and V found me and took me to the shop and taught me how to work on cars. I told her about how long Mia and Letty had worked to remove my anger and distrust and to make me understand I was family to them. I cried as I held Sarah's hand and remembered the pain of my past and understood that hers was a lot like mine.
I even told her about our team's truck heists, the Tran Gang, the Feds, and how Brian came around like a narc to try to bust us. I told her about the day when we nearly lost our whole team and how somehow, Brian had come through for all of us because of his love for Mia. I told her about how narrowly Dom and the rest of us escaped prosecution, only because Brian refused to testify and was thrown off the police force. I told her how Dom closed down the truck heist operations and went legit, except for our street racing meets. I told her how we still kept a look out over our shoulders like we always had because we were still on bad terms with the Tran Gang. I heard myself telling Sarah everything. I talked about why we ran our searches on her and built the damned file. I told her how it was our rule and nothing personal; that we did it to protect ourselves from anyone being sent in undercover again like Brian had been sent. Head down and holding her hand, and told her over and over that I was sorry. I prayed she would wake up. I even told myself that I didn't even care if she ever wanted to talk to me again. I told myself that would be o.k. I deserved it. I begged Sarah to her wake up and tell me personally that she didn't want to speak to me -- but please let her wake up.
And here I was and I was going to have to tell Sarah everything again -- for real. Now she would be listening to what I had to say and would decide for herself if she wanted to accept it. I knew I promised God I didn't care if Sarah never spoke to me again. I just hoped God knew that I meant it at the time, but that I didn't think I could keep my promise now. Part of me was high and happy that Sarah was consciousness again and was getting well; the other part of me was freaking with dread that she would still hate me. I didn't remember ever feeling so fucked up! All the feelings of worry, love, guilt, frustration and need churned inside me. Man, I knew I wasn't running on all eight cylinders. Mia told me I was killing myself with guilt, but I didn't care. I would rather have put myself through all the hell in the world, then allow Sarah to feel any of it.
When Doc Solomon told me over the phone that Sarah was getting the tube out, I felt a huge relief. I was so happy to hear him say she was getting better too. I wanted to go to her right that minute, but I also knew this wasn't going to be easy. I thought I should take Sarah flowers, but I suddenly realized that I really didn't know what she liked. Although she had told me some serious things about herself, and I was aware of the information in the file that we built, that I didn't really know much more than that about Sarah.
I knew the details of her face: the way a dimple appeared when she smiled; how her nose wrinkled when she was annoyed, how her hair fell softly around her face, and how her eyes watched mine closely when we talked to each other. I knew that she was kind and willing to help anyone. I knew that she loved to laugh and sing. I also knew she had a dark past and some of the hell that Anthony put her through. I knew her mother was dead, but not how or why; I knew nothing about her father or even if she had any brothers or sisters. I realized that I wanted to know more about Sarah and the details surrounding her whole life.
But I knew that if I ever wanted to get close to Sarah again, that I needed to face her and tell her exactly what I had done and why. It was going to be a day of reckoning for me. I was going to confess my sins against Sarah directly to her and Sarah would be my judge. I thought to myself that I knew the questions that would be coming and I knew, no matter how hard it was for her to hear, I would have to tell her the truth. I was going to put my heart in her hands and hope that she would be able to accept my confession and forgive me.
I still had no idea how in the hell I was going to tell her about losing her baby! Had she even known she was pregnant? I couldn't be angry at her if she had known and kept the information from me. I knew how scared she was of Anthony and how alone she was when Jesse and I first ran across her. Sarah had just barely begun to warm up to me and trust me when all this shit hit the fan. How could I be angry with her? Look at everything about myself that I had kept from her.
******** Letty's POV ********
I 'd heard Leon tell Jesse and Dom about Sarah. Thank God, the news was good. I felt as shitty as Dom did. I'd jumped in her shit over Dom on the day of the accident. How could I let my jealousy run me like that? Why the hell did I even think she would respond to any flirting that Dom would do? It was Dom that I was really mad at. I thought I could see him warming Sarah up and putting the moves on her. How stupid could I be? Sarah and Leon had been all over each other ever since she got to town with him! It was so obvious that they had a thing for each other. All of us could see what was happening. My girl Mia is right. I've gotta get a grip. I gotta get over what Dom did and put it behind both of us. Shit.
When I walked into the kitchen from the living room, Leon flew past me, headed for the stairs. I walked on in and sat down at the table with Jesse and Dom. Dom just looked at me briefly before looking away. I could feel his pain rolling off of him. I got up sat down gently on his lap. He just wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my shoulder. I heard Jesse get up and go to the stove to refill his coffee, but I just sat quietly with my arms around his shoulders and my chin resting against the top of his head.
"I'm going to go up to my room and see if Vince is done checking those specs on my computer, if you guys need me." Jesse said quietly and left the room.
Neither of us answered while we sat with our thoughts. I stroked the side of Dom's face gently. I knew how guilty he felt. I did too. I swear I thought I could actually feel his heart breaking. I finally broke our embrace and looked Dom in the eye.
"You and Leon need to talk." I told him.
"Yeah Letty, but I can't do that now. Not yet." Dom said. "Leon's going to see her today because the doctor is taking the tube out of her throat.."
"I heard. So today he's gonna tell Sarah her about us checking her out --- "
"Yeah." Dom answered me glumly.
Taking Dom's chin in my hand, I said "When Mia and Vince came back home after Sarah's surgery, they both told me that Leon is really taking this hard and blames himself a lot too. He ain't just blaming you Dom. You two have been friends too long for this to tear you apart."
Dom turned his head away from my hand frustrated. "Letty the girl almost died!" Dom growled. "Leon was right! I pushed everyone too hard, until it finally broke apart!" His voice grew deeper and rougher as he got more agitated.
"Stop it Dom! Stop it right now." I said taking his face in my hands again. "You got to realize that this accident wasn't your fault, or Leon's, or mine, or anybody's. Vince told me that there was this big car chasing ---"
"The Escalade!" Dom realized as his eyes snapped open wide.
"So, maybe it was some gang bangers messing with Sarah, and she got spooked man. Who knows?! Baby, you gotta stop blaming yourself, its tearing all of us up to see you like this!"
Dom's finally really saw me and way the tears were standing in my eyes. His face softened and he wrapped his arms around me again pulling me in closer, kissing my eyes and mouth tenderly and holding me.
"Mi corazón. mi amor." I heard him whisper against my neck, sending warmth into my blood.
"Es mi corazón también, mi amor" I replied huskily; kissing him deeply.
With a deep sigh, Dom lifted me in his arms and stood up from his chair. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I looked at him questioningly.
"Venido conmígo a nuestra cama." he said softly to me. "I need you Letty" Dom whispered into my hair.
I know that my eyes told him everything as I nodded my head yes. I held onto Dom tightly, as he carried me back up the stairs to our room.
(Spanish translation at end of document) *********** Brian's POV **********
I heard Letty and Dom come back upstairs to their room and I knew it was time for Mia and I to get out of bed. Mia had taken the incident between Leon and Dom, and Sarah's car accident really hard. She had really taken a liking to Sarah, and Mia's instincts were usually good. After all, she had been right about me -- even when I hadn't been sure about myself. I rolled onto my side, and traced my fingers over her collarbone and neck until she woke up.
"Hey beautiful" I whispered.
"Brian I -" she began, but before she could say anything, my lips were on hers. This woman was the kindest creature I had ever met. One look in her eyes, and you could see straight to her soul. I put my arms around Mia and felt her arms as they encircled me. God I loved this woman. I didn't want to think what my life would be like without her. I buried my face in her neck and held her tightly.
After a moment, she pulled away a bit and looked into my eyes.
"Brian? What was that for?"
"I love you Mia." I said solemnly, my eyes staring into hers.
She smiled sweetly and reached up to touch my face, saying "No more than I love you Brian."
I smiled back in relief and happiness and kissed her on the forehead.
After a long, peaceful moment I finally sighed and said, "Got a lot of work to do at the garage today. Are you opening the store?"
"Probably in another hour." she replied. " I want to go by and see Sarah first, since we weren't able to see her last night."
I nodded my head and got up to begin getting dressed. I heard the sheets rustle as Mia got up too and as I pulled on my levis, I felt her come up behind me to run her hands over my chest. I wrapped her arms around me and felt her cheek resting on my back, her warm breath on my skin.
I closed my eyes and said, "Don't ever leave me girl."
"I'll never go anywhere without you." she replied, and I turned around and kissed her again.
Its funny how traumatic experiences can force people into an understanding and acceptance of keeping things honest and real in their lives and relationships. I mean, I always knew I loved Mia. Hell, I gave up my whole past life to be with her, and I don't look back. But even though I had told her many times before Sarah's accident, how much she meant to me, I was compelled more than ever to be with Mia as much as possible, realizing how easily I could lose her. I gave Mia one last kiss, and went downstairs.
Vince and Jesse came down from Jesse's room with the specifications we needed for one of the cars we were working on. They joined me as I grabbed a couple of oranges for breakfast and headed out the door. We would be the ones opening the shop today since Dom and Letty were . preoccupied.
******* Leon's POV *******
I made it to the hospital in no time. I was so excited that Sarah was going to be able to breathe, talk and eat on her own today. 6 days ago, they weren't even sure if she would live. I was impressed by her strength. After all Sarah had been through, she fought for her life and won. I went up to her floor and stopped off at the nurses station to check in before I made it to her room. All of the nurses knew me by a first name basis by now, and I was greeted two of them.
"Sarah's being taken off of the respirator today, right?" Tom asked with a big grin.
"Yeah, I'm real proud of her."
"Well, the support and encouragement has a lot to do with it you know." piped up the other nurse, who looked up from the desk.
Tom agreed saying, "She has you and your friends to thank you know. You never left this place and stayed with her every chance that was available. That counts for a lot."
I just dropped my head and shook it. I didn't deserve their kind words. I wasn't a good man. I was a man racked with guilt, and that had been a huge part of what had kept me there. I looked up and nodded to them in thanks and then slowly padded down the hall to her room. When I was a few feet away I heard could hear Dr. Solomon's voice speaking to her, so I waited outside the door and listened.
"Well, Ms Ippolito, as soon as I get the final word from our respiratory surgeon, we will take you off the respirator and get rid of this tube today. I know you are looking forward to that."
For a moment there was silence; then the doctor continued.
"I'll wait until you can talk to me. Then we will go over everything that happened ok? I would much rather you talk to me, then just have me rattle off information to you. Your fiancé is due in shortly, I had one of the nurses call him with the good news. Ah here he is now."
I had gone ahead and walked in just as the doctor was finishing up. I walked over and shook his hand.
"Doctor Solomon." I nodded to him, before looking over at Sarah and smiling.
"Good Morning son. so you got the good news?"
"Yes, Thank you so much for all of your help-"
"It's my job, and it is a pleasure to know Sarah is doing so well." he said with a warm smile. " I'll leave you two alone, I should be back within the hour." he said to me with a knowing look. I knew he wanted me to tell her about the baby. I just didn't know if I was going to be able to do it, and my nerves tightened another inch.
"Hey." I said as I sat down and took Sarah's hand. She looked so weak and small. I tried to catch her eye, but she kept looking towards the window.
"You want me to open the window?" I asked, and she slowly nodded her head. I got up, and pulled back the blinds to allow the morning sun in her room. Her tiny smile under the tapes and tube let me know she was happy to feel the warmth on her face. I walked back over to the other side of the bed, sat down, and took her hand. I kissed it gently and held it to my face.
"I'm so glad you are doing better Sarah. I've been scared out of my mind, but you fought and won and you've made it. I'm really proud of you. You are one strong woman." and I smiled at her in my happiness Sarah's silvery- blue eyes glowed with the sunlight in the room and she looked into my eyes, watching me. I wished I knew what she was thinking, but I realized it would be a little longer before I would hear her beautiful voice again.
"Sarah, there's something I have to tell you. I need to tell you some things and I am worried that you may not like some of it, but this is the only way that a lot of what has happened is going to make any sense. I want to the one who tells you, since I am the one responsible . I have to tell you." I said taking a ragged breath. I saw her brow furrow in confusion and she tried to stir in the bed. A moan escaped her from beneath the tube and I saw her face wince at the pain.
"Don't Sarah! What are you doing? Please don't move baby, or you will hurt yourself!" I begged. But she kept trying to sit up more, forcing tears to the corners of her eyes. I jumped up from the chair, and held her shoulder, trying to reassure her. Our faces were only inches apart and I looked desperately into her eyes, pleading with her.
"Sarah, I'm begging. Don't do this! I don't mean to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. Please. We can wait the half hour until the doctor comes back and you can talk to me too, ok?"
******** Sarah's POV *******
Was Leon insane?!! I couldn't believe this man! I had been in the hospital -- I don't even know how many days, and the first time I feel like there is hope, he comes in here and tells me he has more bad news! I had to get out of there. I didn't care what the doctor said. I didn't want to be around Leon for another minute. I tried to get up, but as soon as I moved, or put any weight on my arm, knives of pain shot through me. I moaned involuntarily, but I refused to let that stop me. I fought the pain, trying to get up until Leon was practically laying on top of me, trying to hold me down.
"Please Sarah, don't do this!" I hear him demand. I looked up to see his face only inches from mine. I could hear his voice but not the words he was saying. I felt him wipe the corners of my eyes gently, with his thumb. Was I crying again? I looked up at him, and saw the desperation in his eyes, and I thought "Good, you bastard. You should feel bad about what happened to me. It was all your fault anyway. If I hadn't trusted and you hadn't lied to me, none of this would have happened. I ----" Wait! A heaviness began to wash through me and I could feel the arms of darkness pulling at me. I tried to keep glaring at Leon in my frustration, but my lids were getting heavy.
"Sarah, Sarah!" Leon's voice is getting further and further away. Please, don't let me sleep again. I want to be awake for when they take --- .
"It's ok Sarah. Sleep now baby." I thought I heard his faint whisper in the distance of my mind before I went out once again.
******** Leon's POV ******** As I tried to get Sarah to stop struggling, her eyes glared at me in anger and confusion. The stress couldn't be good for her! Then as suddenly as she had started struggling, she went limp and I watched as her eyes began to glaze. Her eyelids began to flutter and I could see her trying to fight off sleep.
"Sarah.Sarah!" I tried to keep her conscious, but I heard one of her monitors going off, and remembered that one of the nurses had told me that it was the way that her morphine dose was given. It was timed and came on automatically. As soon as I realized she wasn't going into a coma or anything like that, I loosened my grip on her shoulder and kissed her gently on the forehead.
"Its ok Sarah. Sleep now baby." I said before getting up and closing the blinds to her window again. I sat impatiently waiting for the doctor to return. It only took him another 10 minutes.
"I see she got her morphine shot." he said.
I looked up and said. "Yeah, doc. Can you still take out the tube?"
"Actually its better if she's asleep. She won't fight it as much. If you could give me a hand --"
"Uh..yeah..sure." I replied.
"Fine. If you could just carefully remove the tape from her face, without pulling on the tube." he said as he put on a pair of latex gloves. Piece by piece I took off the tape until it was removed from her face. Doctor Solomon went around to the other side of her bed and nodded to me.
"Ok, now as I remove the tubing, please just guide the slack onto the bedcovers so that it won't get tangled in her IV or other tubing. Just take the slack from me ok?" I nodded and watched in awe as the doctor disconnected the tube from the machine, and then slowly started to pull it out of Sarah's throat. She lay there without moving, oblivious to her surroundings. I took the tubing as the doctor fed it to me, careful to avoid getting it entangled in the other stuff attached to Sarah. When he took it out, I realized there was about 2 feet of tubing that had gone down her throat and into her lungs. When the doctor finished, he threw the old tubing away and set up a tiny oxygen line that went over her ears and fed oxygen to her through her nose.
"There, that should be more comfortable." he said as he cleaned up in the sink. "Did you have any time to tell her that she lost her baby?"
"No doc, but I plan to tell her when she wakes up."
"Yes. Well, since this was rather traumatic all around, I think it would be best if she hears it from you and knows that she has your support. You will both need to comfort each other. A loss like that can be very sad." he said patting my shoulder. "Let one of the nurses know when she wakes, please. We want to start her on a bland diet today." He smiled reassuringly at me and then left the room, waving his hand in response to my thank you.
I looked back over to Sarah who rested peacefully. I knew that when she woke, she would probably still be upset and angry with me. I knew I deserved it. I sat back in the chair, watching and waiting for her to wake up and yell at me. That was o.k. I could deal with it. I just wanted to hear her voice again.
****************************************************** "Mi corazón. mi amor." My heart. My love.
"Es mi corazón también, mi amor" You are my heart too, my love
"Venido conmigo a nuestra cama.." Come with me to our bed.