Chapter Seven:
Rachel, Cassie and I were stuffed into the tiny bathroom. I was very, very glad Ax wasn't in with us. Andalites tend to get a little claustrophobic. As in a lot claustrophobic. More claustrophobic than the only guy small enough to fit through the arch-villain's ventilation ducts.
That's right. *That* claustrophobic. And this was definitely not a good time to have a panic attack.
I began to demorph. In case you didn't know, morphing isn't pretty. And it's really random. If Spielberg could watch one person demorph, we'd have a five-part movie series dedicated to the concept. So you can imagine that Rachel and I demorphing with Cassie already in the bathroom was just about as bad as it got, short of the Yeerk pool.
I don't know what I looked like, demorphing. But I got an excellent view of a bald eagle turning into Rachel. I saw all her feathers ooze up to the top of her head, so she was bald except for a feather afro. Then the feathers thinned, as if the eagle had some kind of disease. The beak sucked into her face. Her legs had contorted, and her wings were growing fingers. At that moment, she looked like a creature straight from the freak shops of the greatest horror movies ever made. I wanted to scream. I so wanted to scream.
If anybody ever tells you that you get used to morphing after awhile, never buy anything from them, and definitely don't date them. They are liars. I wanted to run, to wake up. So instead I said, My, you look ravishing this afternoon, Rachel. Wherever did you find your costume?
She squawked something threatening at me. Her ability to thoughtspeak had just vanished, which was a good thing, because whatever she had in mind was probably rude.
Cassie was backed up against a wall, muttering occasional ouches and watch- your-wing-Marcos. "For the record, this is a low point of my career as an Animorph," she grimaced.
I was fully demorphed. Rachel's skin was just losing its goose pimples from when she looked like Thanksgiving dinner, and her feet were adjusting to the right number of toes. "No way, Cassie," I said, sounding surprised. "Sharing about three cubic feet of room with two freaks of nature in order to avoid having an alien slug put in your ear by your evil driving instructor is a low point? Gee, that would just about make my week."
"Seriously," grimaced Rachel, pulling her hand through her finally normal hair. "What's your problem, Cassie?"
Okay, guys, said Jake, I'm going to have to assume there are no problems in there.
"That depends on how you define a problem," I muttered. "Rachel has her elbow in my ribs, and Cassie has been putting all her weight on my foot for the last three minutes."
"Sorry," whispered Cassie, moving her foot. The pain in my ribs increased as Rachel shoved her elbow harder into my side.
Ax, how long do we have in morph? Jake asked.
One of your hours and seventeen of your minutes remain, Prince Jake.
Two things, Ax, sighed Jake.
Yes, Prince Jake. They are everybody's minutes, and I am not to call you 'Prince.'
Right. Okay, Tobias, how are we looking in terms of leaving the john?
"Did he just call the restroom a john?" snickered Cassie.
"Did you just call the bathroom a restroom?" I inquired.
"Did you just call this stink-hole a bathroom?" Rachel chimed in. Cassie passed her a discreet high-five. Well, as discreet as you can be when you're breathing each other's carbon dioxide.
Jake, I just buzzed the truck. The guy is asleep, but he's moving. I don't think he's sleeping very hard. It wouldn't take much to wake him up.
Well, we definitely don't want him seeing anything unusual. Tobias . . . is there any way that you can obstruct his view?
Obstruct it? he asked, not getting what Jake was saying.
Well . . . Jake's tone was a little chagrined. You've been a bird longest; I figure you've got the best aim. Otherwise, I'd ask Ax to do it.
"Is he asking what I think he's asking?"
"I'm afraid so."
There was a pause, then Tobias started to chuckle. Oh. Okay. Another pause. Okay, big Jake. Job's done. One highway blizzard in place.
Rachel looked insulted for Tobias's sake. Cassie coughed, in a poor attempt to hide her amusement.
Okay, Marco, Rachel, get out of there. Rachel, don't forget the knife.
She won't. She's with Marco, remember?
Hang on, said Jake. Nobody move. Mr. Instructor is leaving the car. Ax, where's he going? I can't see with these eyes!
He appears to be heading into the structure itself.
Huh? Why?
I do not know.
Maybe he's thirsty, Tobias suggested.
I do not believe he was participating in commerce, Ax said. He is emerging with another man from the interior, and heading around the side of the building, towards the bathroom.
What does he think he's doing? Okay, Tobias, are Marco and Rachel still clear?
For another five seconds, maybe.
Okay, you two. Move out. Try getting on the other side of the truck from them. We really, really don't want any surprises.
"He'd better not be coming to check up on me," was the last thing I heard Cassie say before I closed the door.
We ran to the truck. It was parked at an angle, and, since the engine was off, Rachel and I dropped out of sight behind the cab. We probably presented a very odd picture. She was in a leotard, I was in spandex. I could just picture what would happen if anybody saw us. 'Who us? Oh, we're the swimming mime bicyclists. We travel from town to town, pretending to ride our bikes into lakes. The costumes add to the realism of the thing.'
Well, you try coming up with a better explanation on the spot.
The instructor and the other man came into view, and lounged outside the bathroom. Jake instructed Cassie to wait. After about five minutes, the instructor finally pounded on the door.
"Come on, kid! It doesn't take anybody this long to use the john."
"He called it a john, too," I whispered. Rachel silenced me with an impatient gesture.
You might as well come out, Cassie. We don't want to make a scene.
Cassie stepped out. "Sorry," she said simply.
The two men grabbed her by the arms. She started tugging and shouting, the way any teenager might under those circumstances.
That was when I heard the instructor say, "No host is worth this much trouble!"
It was what his friend said that chilled me to the bone. "Come on, the pool's around back. Grab her legs!"
Jake, said Tobias, I think we may have to make a scene.
Rachel, Cassie and I were stuffed into the tiny bathroom. I was very, very glad Ax wasn't in with us. Andalites tend to get a little claustrophobic. As in a lot claustrophobic. More claustrophobic than the only guy small enough to fit through the arch-villain's ventilation ducts.
That's right. *That* claustrophobic. And this was definitely not a good time to have a panic attack.
I began to demorph. In case you didn't know, morphing isn't pretty. And it's really random. If Spielberg could watch one person demorph, we'd have a five-part movie series dedicated to the concept. So you can imagine that Rachel and I demorphing with Cassie already in the bathroom was just about as bad as it got, short of the Yeerk pool.
I don't know what I looked like, demorphing. But I got an excellent view of a bald eagle turning into Rachel. I saw all her feathers ooze up to the top of her head, so she was bald except for a feather afro. Then the feathers thinned, as if the eagle had some kind of disease. The beak sucked into her face. Her legs had contorted, and her wings were growing fingers. At that moment, she looked like a creature straight from the freak shops of the greatest horror movies ever made. I wanted to scream. I so wanted to scream.
If anybody ever tells you that you get used to morphing after awhile, never buy anything from them, and definitely don't date them. They are liars. I wanted to run, to wake up. So instead I said, My, you look ravishing this afternoon, Rachel. Wherever did you find your costume?
She squawked something threatening at me. Her ability to thoughtspeak had just vanished, which was a good thing, because whatever she had in mind was probably rude.
Cassie was backed up against a wall, muttering occasional ouches and watch- your-wing-Marcos. "For the record, this is a low point of my career as an Animorph," she grimaced.
I was fully demorphed. Rachel's skin was just losing its goose pimples from when she looked like Thanksgiving dinner, and her feet were adjusting to the right number of toes. "No way, Cassie," I said, sounding surprised. "Sharing about three cubic feet of room with two freaks of nature in order to avoid having an alien slug put in your ear by your evil driving instructor is a low point? Gee, that would just about make my week."
"Seriously," grimaced Rachel, pulling her hand through her finally normal hair. "What's your problem, Cassie?"
Okay, guys, said Jake, I'm going to have to assume there are no problems in there.
"That depends on how you define a problem," I muttered. "Rachel has her elbow in my ribs, and Cassie has been putting all her weight on my foot for the last three minutes."
"Sorry," whispered Cassie, moving her foot. The pain in my ribs increased as Rachel shoved her elbow harder into my side.
Ax, how long do we have in morph? Jake asked.
One of your hours and seventeen of your minutes remain, Prince Jake.
Two things, Ax, sighed Jake.
Yes, Prince Jake. They are everybody's minutes, and I am not to call you 'Prince.'
Right. Okay, Tobias, how are we looking in terms of leaving the john?
"Did he just call the restroom a john?" snickered Cassie.
"Did you just call the bathroom a restroom?" I inquired.
"Did you just call this stink-hole a bathroom?" Rachel chimed in. Cassie passed her a discreet high-five. Well, as discreet as you can be when you're breathing each other's carbon dioxide.
Jake, I just buzzed the truck. The guy is asleep, but he's moving. I don't think he's sleeping very hard. It wouldn't take much to wake him up.
Well, we definitely don't want him seeing anything unusual. Tobias . . . is there any way that you can obstruct his view?
Obstruct it? he asked, not getting what Jake was saying.
Well . . . Jake's tone was a little chagrined. You've been a bird longest; I figure you've got the best aim. Otherwise, I'd ask Ax to do it.
"Is he asking what I think he's asking?"
"I'm afraid so."
There was a pause, then Tobias started to chuckle. Oh. Okay. Another pause. Okay, big Jake. Job's done. One highway blizzard in place.
Rachel looked insulted for Tobias's sake. Cassie coughed, in a poor attempt to hide her amusement.
Okay, Marco, Rachel, get out of there. Rachel, don't forget the knife.
She won't. She's with Marco, remember?
Hang on, said Jake. Nobody move. Mr. Instructor is leaving the car. Ax, where's he going? I can't see with these eyes!
He appears to be heading into the structure itself.
Huh? Why?
I do not know.
Maybe he's thirsty, Tobias suggested.
I do not believe he was participating in commerce, Ax said. He is emerging with another man from the interior, and heading around the side of the building, towards the bathroom.
What does he think he's doing? Okay, Tobias, are Marco and Rachel still clear?
For another five seconds, maybe.
Okay, you two. Move out. Try getting on the other side of the truck from them. We really, really don't want any surprises.
"He'd better not be coming to check up on me," was the last thing I heard Cassie say before I closed the door.
We ran to the truck. It was parked at an angle, and, since the engine was off, Rachel and I dropped out of sight behind the cab. We probably presented a very odd picture. She was in a leotard, I was in spandex. I could just picture what would happen if anybody saw us. 'Who us? Oh, we're the swimming mime bicyclists. We travel from town to town, pretending to ride our bikes into lakes. The costumes add to the realism of the thing.'
Well, you try coming up with a better explanation on the spot.
The instructor and the other man came into view, and lounged outside the bathroom. Jake instructed Cassie to wait. After about five minutes, the instructor finally pounded on the door.
"Come on, kid! It doesn't take anybody this long to use the john."
"He called it a john, too," I whispered. Rachel silenced me with an impatient gesture.
You might as well come out, Cassie. We don't want to make a scene.
Cassie stepped out. "Sorry," she said simply.
The two men grabbed her by the arms. She started tugging and shouting, the way any teenager might under those circumstances.
That was when I heard the instructor say, "No host is worth this much trouble!"
It was what his friend said that chilled me to the bone. "Come on, the pool's around back. Grab her legs!"
Jake, said Tobias, I think we may have to make a scene.