All Final Fantasy characters and classes belong to Squaresoft Co. I just make the battles and funnies in this little piece of insanity.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: You like me! You really, really like me!
Final Fantasy: Attack of the Pay Cuts!
Round 4 -
Locke was in the "locker room", beaten, battered, bruised, but happy. That picture frame was HIS! HE WON! HAHAA! The PA blared.
"The next round is- heeHEE- Locke against Cecil!"
"WHAT! I didn't even volunteer!"
"Oh, sweet revenge!"
The next to combatants walked into the arena. And, as luck would have it, Tellah was asleep. Again. Relm poked him awake again.
"AH! Mommy, I didn't do it, it was Setzer!" Tellah looked at all the staring people. "What? Haven't you guys ever had wierd dreams? Oh, gez, I don't even know why I volunteered to ref."
Relm spoke up as Tellah started staring at his fidgiting hands and grumbling. "Cecil vs Locke-"
"WAIT! Why do you get to say his name before mine?"
"Alphabetical order."
"You didn't do it with the other guys!"
"Then it just sounds better."
"But-"
"Look, don't make me use this!" Relm wved a paintbrush menacingly.
"Oh, fine."
The bell rang, and the fight was on. They stood and stared each other down, then Locke spoke up. "This bites, wanna go grab a soda?"
"Sure, you first."
"All right!" Locke turned and started to leave as Cecil threw a bomb fragment into the air.
"Locke is disqualified, Cecil is the winner!"
"WAIT! I'm not dead!" Locke ran back, looking like a badly-burnt barbecued steak.
"Oh, wait, your right, my mistake. *darn*" Relm sat back again.
"That was a dirty trick, but I have my own tricks up my sleeve!"
"Like what? You gonna tickle me?"
BA-KOOM! Lightning flashed as Locke attacked Cecil with thunder. The thunder bounced off as Cecil casted Wall on himself and Celes ran onto the arena.
"Lock-ey! NO!" She blasted Locke with ice as the thunder hit. He lay prone on the ground, dazed.
Cecil looked at Celes while sweatdropping. "Umm... why did you do that?"
Celes laughed a girlish giggle. "Locke's hair would have been messed up if that bolt had hit him."
Oooooookay...
"The winner, thank God, is Cecil. Celes, drag your boyfriend's body off of the field."
"RIIIBIIT! But he's MY RIIIBIIIT boyfriend!"
So Relm painted the lying Terra-frog into a cow.
Round 5 -
Cyan sat in the office, in front of the PA. (Whose life shall I ruin now?) Cyan was pure evil with this job. He leaned forward. (That guy Sephiroth owes me a bottle of turtle wax!) The PA blared.
"The next match is betwwen Saphiroth, and, oh, I dunno, Shadow!"
Sephiroth, who had just happen to pass by, shouted. "THE HECK! I'm not even a hero! I didn't even volunteer!"
"Too bad, S-man letter A, you owe me stuff! FIGHT ON!"
Sephiroth sullenly walked into the arena as Shadow leapt all cool ninja-like out of the arena, tumbled down, and landed on his legs. Tellah and Relm gave him 9.9's.
"Wait, Sephiroth, didn't you die in Final Fantasy 7?"
"Oh, I canNOT believe you'd ask THAT Shadow!"
A struggling, bound and gagged person in a janitor's closet wondered why he'd just heard his name.
"Oh, I'm not Shadow! I'm!" The fake ninja pulled off his mask to reveal... David Letterman? "Wait, wait a moment!" He pulled of the mask again to reveal...
"CLOUD!"
"Darn tootin, start the match, both of you dead dogs!"
Cloud and Sephiroth stared at Tellah, but he was already asleep and drooling on the stereo.
They stared each other down, and Cloud ran at Sephiroth with his sword after the bell clanged. Just before he slashed it down, Sephiroth brought his sword up and deflected the massive blade. The clanged weapons together. CLANG, CLANG, SQUEAK! Cloud looked down, and he'd stepped on a squeaky duck.
"Um, sorry, I got a little bored with the match and started painting." Relm quickly painted the duck out of existance. Cloud looked up and was nocked down by the force of the blade-on-blade impact.
He tried a last minute resort. "Hey, Sephiroth, buddy, why are we fighting?"
Sehiroth was unshaken. "We're mortal enemies. Square made us that way."
"We don't have to be, we can be friends!"
"We don't have anything in common!"
"Umm... we both like swords?"
"HA! You call that hunk of airplane wing a sword?"
"How about funky hairdos?"
"MY HAIRDO ISN'T "FUNKY"!"
"Umm... We're both dead, right?"
"I guess..."
"So let's get pizza."
"Okay, you go get it I'll wait here."
"No, you go."
"No, you go."
"No, you go."
"No, you go."
"SHUT UP!" Relm stood up with a coin. "Heads, Cloud gets the pizza, tails, Sephiroth stays!"
Cloud shrugged. "Okay, sounds good to me."
Relm flipped the coin. "Heads, Cloud goes and gets the pizza. Make it pepperoni."
Cloud walked happily off, and after he was out of earshot Relm announced the winner. "The winner is Sephiroth! Cloud is disqualified because he is now the pizza delivery man."
"Bah," Sephiroth sat on a chair next to Tellah, "I don't care, I'm getting pizza!"
Round 6 -
Squall and Rhinoa were in a hallway, messily making out. Again. For the third tme in the row. It was almost sickening. Thankfully, the PA blared.
"The next match is between Squall-"
"Good luck hun!" She started blowing Squall a kiss.
"And- oooh, I like this! hehe!- Rhinoa!" She stopped dead in her tracks. They both shrugged and walked seperate ways to the stadium.
They stood in the arena, Squall looking on in determination, Rhinoa biting her lip. Tellah stood up. Because he was 2D, he looked a lot like Yoda. No kidding, give him green skin and he could be a twin brother! Anyway, he then address them. "Okay, you lovebirds, don't hold back, let all your anger in your relationship loose, I KNOW I'm gonna enjoy this! FIGHT or something!" Tellah sank back into his chair chuckling as everyone stared at him. "What?"
Relm sighed. "Match 6 is between Rhinoa and Squall. Fight."
Squall pulled out his gunblade and prepared to attack with it when Rhinoa called out. "Honey, you wouldn't hurt your own girlfriend now, would you?"
Squall faltered as Rhinoa began walking up to him. "You wouldn't hit ME with that sharp, littl-ole gunblade, right?"
"O-of course not, but-"
"You love me?" Rhinoa pouted.
"Y-yes but the match!-"
"Oh, Boo-boo, don't you get it? They're trying to tear us apart!"
"You're right! We shouldn't give in! No, I won't fight you!"
"Good." Rhinoa smile as she walked away, then after she got back to her origional position on the aren floor she turned and cast Blizzard on Squall. A gian icecube fell from the sky and hit him squarely on his heead.
Squall staggered back and forth with a moronic expression on his face. "I'm okay, I think I just need a nap riiiight about... now." Squall promptly fell unconscious.
"The, err, "winner" is Rhinoa Heartilly... poor guy."
Rhinoa held her arms up, with a huge grin, and left the stadium. She didn't even give Squall another look, poor guy.
Luckily for him, everyone booed her out, but she thought it was for Cyan on the PA.
"Okay, we've been getting loads of suggestions, keep them coming. And Locke might have gotten my picture frame, but I have his... EARRING! YAHA! And it looks so cool on- hey, Locke, what are you- hey don't pull on my- OW, LEGGO!" More sounds of scuffling. Everyone cheered Locke on.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Ok, maybe that Rhinoa vs Squall thing didn't turn out as well as I hoped, but I got a basic idea. Don't flame me please. And for all those Cloud-lovers out there, nothing personal. Locke, Cyan, Cecil, Cid, and Edward are some of my favorite charas and they got bashed as well. Besides, I couldn't have Sephiroth lose. He is TOO COOL! :D
AUTHOR'S NOTE: You like me! You really, really like me!
Final Fantasy: Attack of the Pay Cuts!
Round 4 -
Locke was in the "locker room", beaten, battered, bruised, but happy. That picture frame was HIS! HE WON! HAHAA! The PA blared.
"The next round is- heeHEE- Locke against Cecil!"
"WHAT! I didn't even volunteer!"
"Oh, sweet revenge!"
The next to combatants walked into the arena. And, as luck would have it, Tellah was asleep. Again. Relm poked him awake again.
"AH! Mommy, I didn't do it, it was Setzer!" Tellah looked at all the staring people. "What? Haven't you guys ever had wierd dreams? Oh, gez, I don't even know why I volunteered to ref."
Relm spoke up as Tellah started staring at his fidgiting hands and grumbling. "Cecil vs Locke-"
"WAIT! Why do you get to say his name before mine?"
"Alphabetical order."
"You didn't do it with the other guys!"
"Then it just sounds better."
"But-"
"Look, don't make me use this!" Relm wved a paintbrush menacingly.
"Oh, fine."
The bell rang, and the fight was on. They stood and stared each other down, then Locke spoke up. "This bites, wanna go grab a soda?"
"Sure, you first."
"All right!" Locke turned and started to leave as Cecil threw a bomb fragment into the air.
"Locke is disqualified, Cecil is the winner!"
"WAIT! I'm not dead!" Locke ran back, looking like a badly-burnt barbecued steak.
"Oh, wait, your right, my mistake. *darn*" Relm sat back again.
"That was a dirty trick, but I have my own tricks up my sleeve!"
"Like what? You gonna tickle me?"
BA-KOOM! Lightning flashed as Locke attacked Cecil with thunder. The thunder bounced off as Cecil casted Wall on himself and Celes ran onto the arena.
"Lock-ey! NO!" She blasted Locke with ice as the thunder hit. He lay prone on the ground, dazed.
Cecil looked at Celes while sweatdropping. "Umm... why did you do that?"
Celes laughed a girlish giggle. "Locke's hair would have been messed up if that bolt had hit him."
Oooooookay...
"The winner, thank God, is Cecil. Celes, drag your boyfriend's body off of the field."
"RIIIBIIT! But he's MY RIIIBIIIT boyfriend!"
So Relm painted the lying Terra-frog into a cow.
Round 5 -
Cyan sat in the office, in front of the PA. (Whose life shall I ruin now?) Cyan was pure evil with this job. He leaned forward. (That guy Sephiroth owes me a bottle of turtle wax!) The PA blared.
"The next match is betwwen Saphiroth, and, oh, I dunno, Shadow!"
Sephiroth, who had just happen to pass by, shouted. "THE HECK! I'm not even a hero! I didn't even volunteer!"
"Too bad, S-man letter A, you owe me stuff! FIGHT ON!"
Sephiroth sullenly walked into the arena as Shadow leapt all cool ninja-like out of the arena, tumbled down, and landed on his legs. Tellah and Relm gave him 9.9's.
"Wait, Sephiroth, didn't you die in Final Fantasy 7?"
"Oh, I canNOT believe you'd ask THAT Shadow!"
A struggling, bound and gagged person in a janitor's closet wondered why he'd just heard his name.
"Oh, I'm not Shadow! I'm!" The fake ninja pulled off his mask to reveal... David Letterman? "Wait, wait a moment!" He pulled of the mask again to reveal...
"CLOUD!"
"Darn tootin, start the match, both of you dead dogs!"
Cloud and Sephiroth stared at Tellah, but he was already asleep and drooling on the stereo.
They stared each other down, and Cloud ran at Sephiroth with his sword after the bell clanged. Just before he slashed it down, Sephiroth brought his sword up and deflected the massive blade. The clanged weapons together. CLANG, CLANG, SQUEAK! Cloud looked down, and he'd stepped on a squeaky duck.
"Um, sorry, I got a little bored with the match and started painting." Relm quickly painted the duck out of existance. Cloud looked up and was nocked down by the force of the blade-on-blade impact.
He tried a last minute resort. "Hey, Sephiroth, buddy, why are we fighting?"
Sehiroth was unshaken. "We're mortal enemies. Square made us that way."
"We don't have to be, we can be friends!"
"We don't have anything in common!"
"Umm... we both like swords?"
"HA! You call that hunk of airplane wing a sword?"
"How about funky hairdos?"
"MY HAIRDO ISN'T "FUNKY"!"
"Umm... We're both dead, right?"
"I guess..."
"So let's get pizza."
"Okay, you go get it I'll wait here."
"No, you go."
"No, you go."
"No, you go."
"No, you go."
"SHUT UP!" Relm stood up with a coin. "Heads, Cloud gets the pizza, tails, Sephiroth stays!"
Cloud shrugged. "Okay, sounds good to me."
Relm flipped the coin. "Heads, Cloud goes and gets the pizza. Make it pepperoni."
Cloud walked happily off, and after he was out of earshot Relm announced the winner. "The winner is Sephiroth! Cloud is disqualified because he is now the pizza delivery man."
"Bah," Sephiroth sat on a chair next to Tellah, "I don't care, I'm getting pizza!"
Round 6 -
Squall and Rhinoa were in a hallway, messily making out. Again. For the third tme in the row. It was almost sickening. Thankfully, the PA blared.
"The next match is between Squall-"
"Good luck hun!" She started blowing Squall a kiss.
"And- oooh, I like this! hehe!- Rhinoa!" She stopped dead in her tracks. They both shrugged and walked seperate ways to the stadium.
They stood in the arena, Squall looking on in determination, Rhinoa biting her lip. Tellah stood up. Because he was 2D, he looked a lot like Yoda. No kidding, give him green skin and he could be a twin brother! Anyway, he then address them. "Okay, you lovebirds, don't hold back, let all your anger in your relationship loose, I KNOW I'm gonna enjoy this! FIGHT or something!" Tellah sank back into his chair chuckling as everyone stared at him. "What?"
Relm sighed. "Match 6 is between Rhinoa and Squall. Fight."
Squall pulled out his gunblade and prepared to attack with it when Rhinoa called out. "Honey, you wouldn't hurt your own girlfriend now, would you?"
Squall faltered as Rhinoa began walking up to him. "You wouldn't hit ME with that sharp, littl-ole gunblade, right?"
"O-of course not, but-"
"You love me?" Rhinoa pouted.
"Y-yes but the match!-"
"Oh, Boo-boo, don't you get it? They're trying to tear us apart!"
"You're right! We shouldn't give in! No, I won't fight you!"
"Good." Rhinoa smile as she walked away, then after she got back to her origional position on the aren floor she turned and cast Blizzard on Squall. A gian icecube fell from the sky and hit him squarely on his heead.
Squall staggered back and forth with a moronic expression on his face. "I'm okay, I think I just need a nap riiiight about... now." Squall promptly fell unconscious.
"The, err, "winner" is Rhinoa Heartilly... poor guy."
Rhinoa held her arms up, with a huge grin, and left the stadium. She didn't even give Squall another look, poor guy.
Luckily for him, everyone booed her out, but she thought it was for Cyan on the PA.
"Okay, we've been getting loads of suggestions, keep them coming. And Locke might have gotten my picture frame, but I have his... EARRING! YAHA! And it looks so cool on- hey, Locke, what are you- hey don't pull on my- OW, LEGGO!" More sounds of scuffling. Everyone cheered Locke on.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Ok, maybe that Rhinoa vs Squall thing didn't turn out as well as I hoped, but I got a basic idea. Don't flame me please. And for all those Cloud-lovers out there, nothing personal. Locke, Cyan, Cecil, Cid, and Edward are some of my favorite charas and they got bashed as well. Besides, I couldn't have Sephiroth lose. He is TOO COOL! :D