All Final Fantasy characters and classes belong to Squaresoft Co. I just make the battles and funnies in this little piece of insanity.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: BWAHA! 0ld skool r0x0rz j00r b0x0rz and s0x0rz! =P
Final Fantasy: Attack of the Pay Cuts!
Round 7 -
Tellah stood up. "OK, you whiney, ingratious whippershnappers! We've put together a little shindig fer ya with that feller Sin and this rock!" He holds up a small piece of Black Materia and throws it out into the arena as Sin floted overhead.
Sin laughed a booming laugh that made people run screaming from the stadium as parts of it fell, the ground ruptured, the whole placed basically cracked apart, and Tellah snored. Sin finally stopped and taunted the tiny meteor piece. "HA! YOU? I'M GONNA SMASH YOU, POUND YOU, AND PULVERIZE YOU INTO LITTLE BLACK DUST! I'M GONNA GET YOU WITH SOMETHING LIKE THIS!"
Sin smashed his cheek into the stadium floor, creating a small earthquake. Only about an 8.6 on the Richter scale or so. The materia flew into the air, at Sin, and... into his mouth?
Sin reared up, hacking, coughing, and making a general hullabaloo, before smashing into the ground again, unconscious, as the materia fell out again. Relm crawled out from behind a chunk of stadium and meekly announced the winner.
Tellah awoke with a snort. "Did I miss something? Oh, fight didn't even start yet! Wake me up when someone wins." He fell asleep again as everyone still there stared.
Round 8 -
Not long afterward, about two months after the... aherm, 'match' between Sin and the materia, Black Mage waddled into the arena as White Mage pulled herself along with one foot. The PA boomed.
"Today's first match will be between Black Mage and White mage!" "YEAH! OLD SKOOL ROXORZ ALL YOU LAMERZ!" Porom and Palom were having too much fun with their new jobs.
Tellah snorted awake... again... "Huh? Oh, yeah, well, fight or something, I've got a 24-hour marathon of 'Eyelids' to watch." With that, the ever-vigilant judge was asleep again.
Relm spoke up. "Black Mage and White Mage, begin."
Their pixel-y bodies stood, looking at the other for a few moments after the bell clanged. Then White Mage shuffled up and waved her hammer over her head and a few bright flashes appeared on the recoiling Black Mage and there was a wierd 'bonking' sound. Black Mage then waddled forward as White Mage retreated and did pretty much the same thing.
This continued for an hour. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another...
After about 12 hours had passed, Black Mage waddled even faster at White Mage, his weapon ready, when he suddenly dropped it and tried to take White Mage into his arms. All he got was a hand sticking out past White Mage's shoulder. "Oh, mah sherry! You're eyes, they are like azure pools of... magnetic ink, your robe, the softest silk under the moniter screen!"
White Mage just sat their, staring out at all the people to her left. "Umm... okay... I have something to ask you."
"What is it?"
"Are you a man or woman?"
There was a silence as Black MAge took this into consideration. "Actually, I don't know myself, so..." He waddled away from White Mage and then faced her after reaching his origional position, and then stuck his hands out. "NUKE! Game over, I win." He waddled off to the new locker rooms as Relm announced him as the winner. White Mage got up after a while and walked off to the nearest decontamination/anti-radioactivity building.
There was a rather strange breakout of extra noses in the crowd.
Round 9 -
Edward was sitting in the locker room tuning his lyre when Gau came running around the room like some sort of wild beast. "GAU GAU GAU GAU!"
"Excuse me, young lad, I'm tuning my instrument and would love it if you would-"
"Lyre-man's music suck rhino butt!"
"Well, now, that's a rather crude insult-"
"Anna ugly!"
Edward had heard enough. "YOU DARE INSULT AGGA!?!?!? I SHALL SMITE YOU!"
Gau was confused. "Agga? Gau say Anna."
"I'm using the FF4 rom translation." Edward explained matter-of-factly.
"ROMs BAAAAAAAD! Cartridge GOOOOOOOOOD!"
"Will now Gau and Ed- Edwar- oh, Stupid Poopy-head!" There were giggles and then the sound of a slap. "Ow, what Porom!?!? What'd I do?"
"Will Gau and Edward report to the stadium, please?"
Edward and Gau walked... err... walked and floated to the arena. They stood at their designated areas and Relm introduced the match. The bell clanged.
Gau went first, assuming the identity of a lobo. "WOOF-WOOF!" Gau bounded after Edward, who played on his lyre, and sang. Gau went to sleep, and everyone else who wasn't imediately frozen, petrified, engulfed in flames, or otherwise discombobulated by his music. It took another 3 hours to get everyone but Gau back to normal.
Edward walked up to Gau and poked him with his flute. "Are you okay? Gau?" Gau scratched himself and keeled over. That was short.
Relm stood up after putting herself out. "Umm... I guess the winner is Edward."
Tellah snorted awake. "Heh? Oh, that stupid boy fell asleep? Ehh, kids these days." He promptly fell asleep, drooling on the pizza.
"HEY! Cloud, get some more pizza!" Sephiroth threw the pizza into Terra's face, who mooed indignantly and backed against an amazingly unsturdy pillar, and made the whole stadium collapse again.
Meanwhile, miraculously, the section of wall that the PA was on still remained intact. Porom began speaking. "Besides the few... technical difficulties we've been having, we are making good progress-"
"And should be ready by next century."
"Palom!"
"What?"
"Anyway, please keep sending in those suggestions."
"And watch when Kuja gets beat up by a chocobo!"
"Palom! Don't give away the next chapter!"
"What?"
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I was really surprised that only one person suggested Black Mage vs someone. o_O And I love the way Tellah just sleeps through all this.
People for the semi finals so far...
Auron
Celes
Cecil
Sephiroth ("BAH! I don't care, I'm eating pizza!")
Rhinoa
The... black... materia... o_O
Black Mage ("Who else saw that coming from a mile away?")
Edward... yeah...
AUTHOR'S NOTE: BWAHA! 0ld skool r0x0rz j00r b0x0rz and s0x0rz! =P
Final Fantasy: Attack of the Pay Cuts!
Round 7 -
Tellah stood up. "OK, you whiney, ingratious whippershnappers! We've put together a little shindig fer ya with that feller Sin and this rock!" He holds up a small piece of Black Materia and throws it out into the arena as Sin floted overhead.
Sin laughed a booming laugh that made people run screaming from the stadium as parts of it fell, the ground ruptured, the whole placed basically cracked apart, and Tellah snored. Sin finally stopped and taunted the tiny meteor piece. "HA! YOU? I'M GONNA SMASH YOU, POUND YOU, AND PULVERIZE YOU INTO LITTLE BLACK DUST! I'M GONNA GET YOU WITH SOMETHING LIKE THIS!"
Sin smashed his cheek into the stadium floor, creating a small earthquake. Only about an 8.6 on the Richter scale or so. The materia flew into the air, at Sin, and... into his mouth?
Sin reared up, hacking, coughing, and making a general hullabaloo, before smashing into the ground again, unconscious, as the materia fell out again. Relm crawled out from behind a chunk of stadium and meekly announced the winner.
Tellah awoke with a snort. "Did I miss something? Oh, fight didn't even start yet! Wake me up when someone wins." He fell asleep again as everyone still there stared.
Round 8 -
Not long afterward, about two months after the... aherm, 'match' between Sin and the materia, Black Mage waddled into the arena as White Mage pulled herself along with one foot. The PA boomed.
"Today's first match will be between Black Mage and White mage!" "YEAH! OLD SKOOL ROXORZ ALL YOU LAMERZ!" Porom and Palom were having too much fun with their new jobs.
Tellah snorted awake... again... "Huh? Oh, yeah, well, fight or something, I've got a 24-hour marathon of 'Eyelids' to watch." With that, the ever-vigilant judge was asleep again.
Relm spoke up. "Black Mage and White Mage, begin."
Their pixel-y bodies stood, looking at the other for a few moments after the bell clanged. Then White Mage shuffled up and waved her hammer over her head and a few bright flashes appeared on the recoiling Black Mage and there was a wierd 'bonking' sound. Black Mage then waddled forward as White Mage retreated and did pretty much the same thing.
This continued for an hour. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another...
After about 12 hours had passed, Black Mage waddled even faster at White Mage, his weapon ready, when he suddenly dropped it and tried to take White Mage into his arms. All he got was a hand sticking out past White Mage's shoulder. "Oh, mah sherry! You're eyes, they are like azure pools of... magnetic ink, your robe, the softest silk under the moniter screen!"
White Mage just sat their, staring out at all the people to her left. "Umm... okay... I have something to ask you."
"What is it?"
"Are you a man or woman?"
There was a silence as Black MAge took this into consideration. "Actually, I don't know myself, so..." He waddled away from White Mage and then faced her after reaching his origional position, and then stuck his hands out. "NUKE! Game over, I win." He waddled off to the new locker rooms as Relm announced him as the winner. White Mage got up after a while and walked off to the nearest decontamination/anti-radioactivity building.
There was a rather strange breakout of extra noses in the crowd.
Round 9 -
Edward was sitting in the locker room tuning his lyre when Gau came running around the room like some sort of wild beast. "GAU GAU GAU GAU!"
"Excuse me, young lad, I'm tuning my instrument and would love it if you would-"
"Lyre-man's music suck rhino butt!"
"Well, now, that's a rather crude insult-"
"Anna ugly!"
Edward had heard enough. "YOU DARE INSULT AGGA!?!?!? I SHALL SMITE YOU!"
Gau was confused. "Agga? Gau say Anna."
"I'm using the FF4 rom translation." Edward explained matter-of-factly.
"ROMs BAAAAAAAD! Cartridge GOOOOOOOOOD!"
"Will now Gau and Ed- Edwar- oh, Stupid Poopy-head!" There were giggles and then the sound of a slap. "Ow, what Porom!?!? What'd I do?"
"Will Gau and Edward report to the stadium, please?"
Edward and Gau walked... err... walked and floated to the arena. They stood at their designated areas and Relm introduced the match. The bell clanged.
Gau went first, assuming the identity of a lobo. "WOOF-WOOF!" Gau bounded after Edward, who played on his lyre, and sang. Gau went to sleep, and everyone else who wasn't imediately frozen, petrified, engulfed in flames, or otherwise discombobulated by his music. It took another 3 hours to get everyone but Gau back to normal.
Edward walked up to Gau and poked him with his flute. "Are you okay? Gau?" Gau scratched himself and keeled over. That was short.
Relm stood up after putting herself out. "Umm... I guess the winner is Edward."
Tellah snorted awake. "Heh? Oh, that stupid boy fell asleep? Ehh, kids these days." He promptly fell asleep, drooling on the pizza.
"HEY! Cloud, get some more pizza!" Sephiroth threw the pizza into Terra's face, who mooed indignantly and backed against an amazingly unsturdy pillar, and made the whole stadium collapse again.
Meanwhile, miraculously, the section of wall that the PA was on still remained intact. Porom began speaking. "Besides the few... technical difficulties we've been having, we are making good progress-"
"And should be ready by next century."
"Palom!"
"What?"
"Anyway, please keep sending in those suggestions."
"And watch when Kuja gets beat up by a chocobo!"
"Palom! Don't give away the next chapter!"
"What?"
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I was really surprised that only one person suggested Black Mage vs someone. o_O And I love the way Tellah just sleeps through all this.
People for the semi finals so far...
Auron
Celes
Cecil
Sephiroth ("BAH! I don't care, I'm eating pizza!")
Rhinoa
The... black... materia... o_O
Black Mage ("Who else saw that coming from a mile away?")
Edward... yeah...