All Final Fantasy characters and classes belong to Squaresoft Co. I just make the battles and funnies in this little piece of insanity.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: At last! An end to my writer's block! This chapter may be less funny, but I think a bit of serious action, no matter hwo small, is always good. And I mashed a bunch of suggestions in for the battle royale, so you all will not be left out. Oh, and I'm referring to Krile and Reina as Cara and Lenna, respectively. It's easier on my poor mind, and it's the translation for the game I have.
Final Fantasy: Attack of the Pay Cuts!
Round 10 -
"Okay, boys and gals, we have a treat for you today!" Relm stood on a stack of boxes of staples as she announced the next match. She looked at the clipboard in front of her. "The next match is a battle royale! The battlers will all be the cast of Final Fantasy 5, Kain, and E-... err... the seventh name is crossed out..." A hand darted out and scribbled something on the dashboard. "Oh, and Kuja!" The seven warriors all piled onto the new battle grounds, in their respective positions, marked by big X's. "Okay, everyone..." She painted Kuja into a 2D sprite like the others. "Fight!"
Kain brought his spear to ready position, his dragoon armor glinting bright blue in the sunlight and the girls in his fan club swooned right in the stands. They ran out of phoenix downs very quickly that way. Kain looked to the right for a second and then used his spear to launch himself into the air in a blur of after images as Faris blew past where he'd been standing.
Faris had become a dragoon as well, her hair barely kept out of her eyes with the small helmet. She was going for speed in this match, and almost had Kain. She stopped, and Galuf had plowed into her, reeling from looking at Lenna.
Lenna smirked at the crowd of men, reeling from looking at her. She'd first entered the ring as a knight, knowing she'd look sexy in anything to the men out there. You should have seen the looks on their faces when she became a berserkir. Poor, stupid Ninja Galuf didn't stand a chance. Then, she put a leg out and Cara tripped and flew out of the ring. Three dragoons was too many.
Why wasn't Butz affected? Because he was too busy chanting a Summon spell to see. A chocobo appeared with a 'Wark' and started bouncing around the arena, and Butz whipped out his bell as he became an Elementalist.
Kuja, on the other hand, was not having a good time. First of all, Kuja was still trying to figure out if he, if Kuja IS a he, was a man or a woman and whether to find Lenna sexy or not. Then he saw this big bird in front of him.
"What exactly is this thing, again?"
Butz replied with a malicious smile. "That is a chocobo. Chocobos LOVE to eat stupid hermaphrodites like you."
"Really?" Kuja eyed the bird with a frightened look. The chocobo took a step forward, and ran after Kuja as he ran from the arena screaming. Butz just laughed then waited for the others to finish beating each other to a pulp.
Tellah woke up to see the carnage. "Oh, its horrible! The humanity! They're tearing each other apart!"
That was entirely untrue, they were bashing each other apart. Relm nudged Tellah, "Are you kidding? This is the best battle yet!"
"But I need to- I need to h- *yawn* I need to get my beauty sleep!" He promptly fell asleep again, unnoticed by Relm, who was busy cheering on "that hunk Kain" and asking him to marry her.
Kain hit the ground, and Lenna immediately ran after him. He turned to intercept her, when Faris plowed into her herself.
"HE'S MINE, YOU WITCH!"
"NO! HE'S MINE!"
And they got into a massive catfight as Kain sweatdropped. He then edged away from the sisters' brawl, very slowly as not to attract their attention.
Lenna and Faris were slapping heck out of each other, and just when Faris was about to finish her off, Lenna smacked her with a punch that sent her flying into the stadium, and into Edgar's lap.
"Hey, did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?" Edgar had that annoying glint in his eye again.
"Shut up, Eddy." Faris got up out of his lap, despite his protests, and proceeded to flick off Lenna and walk out of the stands.
"Now you're all mine, Kainey!" Lenna clearly did not have combat in her mind. As she was about to get him into a firce bearhug, Kain stepped to the side to avoid her. She tripped on his leg, and flew into the stands, and into Edgar's lap as well.
Needless to say, he was ecstatic, but we will not dwell on what they did. I'll just tell you that the flowers Sabin sent him for his hospital basket were very pretty.
"The winners! Kain-" Cecil and Edward cheered loudest of them all. "And Butz!" Cecil and Edward booed the loudest. Cecil was annoyed by the fact that Rosa had cheered Butz on, loudly to top it off.
Kain and Butz shook hand then walk to their seats in the stands for next chapter.
The PA blared. "Well, the author got really lazy, so this is it for Chapter 5! So, feel free to throw rotten potatoes at him!" SMACK! "WHAT, Porom? What'd I say?"
"Too much. Anyway, please remember to check for when the first batch of matches finish next chapter and the semi-finals begin."
"YAAAAAY!"
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I think this is enough for a chapter, don't you?
People for the semi finals so far...
Auron
Celes
Cecil
Sephiroth
Rhinoa
The black materia
Black Mage
Edward
Kain
Butz
AUTHOR'S NOTE: At last! An end to my writer's block! This chapter may be less funny, but I think a bit of serious action, no matter hwo small, is always good. And I mashed a bunch of suggestions in for the battle royale, so you all will not be left out. Oh, and I'm referring to Krile and Reina as Cara and Lenna, respectively. It's easier on my poor mind, and it's the translation for the game I have.
Final Fantasy: Attack of the Pay Cuts!
Round 10 -
"Okay, boys and gals, we have a treat for you today!" Relm stood on a stack of boxes of staples as she announced the next match. She looked at the clipboard in front of her. "The next match is a battle royale! The battlers will all be the cast of Final Fantasy 5, Kain, and E-... err... the seventh name is crossed out..." A hand darted out and scribbled something on the dashboard. "Oh, and Kuja!" The seven warriors all piled onto the new battle grounds, in their respective positions, marked by big X's. "Okay, everyone..." She painted Kuja into a 2D sprite like the others. "Fight!"
Kain brought his spear to ready position, his dragoon armor glinting bright blue in the sunlight and the girls in his fan club swooned right in the stands. They ran out of phoenix downs very quickly that way. Kain looked to the right for a second and then used his spear to launch himself into the air in a blur of after images as Faris blew past where he'd been standing.
Faris had become a dragoon as well, her hair barely kept out of her eyes with the small helmet. She was going for speed in this match, and almost had Kain. She stopped, and Galuf had plowed into her, reeling from looking at Lenna.
Lenna smirked at the crowd of men, reeling from looking at her. She'd first entered the ring as a knight, knowing she'd look sexy in anything to the men out there. You should have seen the looks on their faces when she became a berserkir. Poor, stupid Ninja Galuf didn't stand a chance. Then, she put a leg out and Cara tripped and flew out of the ring. Three dragoons was too many.
Why wasn't Butz affected? Because he was too busy chanting a Summon spell to see. A chocobo appeared with a 'Wark' and started bouncing around the arena, and Butz whipped out his bell as he became an Elementalist.
Kuja, on the other hand, was not having a good time. First of all, Kuja was still trying to figure out if he, if Kuja IS a he, was a man or a woman and whether to find Lenna sexy or not. Then he saw this big bird in front of him.
"What exactly is this thing, again?"
Butz replied with a malicious smile. "That is a chocobo. Chocobos LOVE to eat stupid hermaphrodites like you."
"Really?" Kuja eyed the bird with a frightened look. The chocobo took a step forward, and ran after Kuja as he ran from the arena screaming. Butz just laughed then waited for the others to finish beating each other to a pulp.
Tellah woke up to see the carnage. "Oh, its horrible! The humanity! They're tearing each other apart!"
That was entirely untrue, they were bashing each other apart. Relm nudged Tellah, "Are you kidding? This is the best battle yet!"
"But I need to- I need to h- *yawn* I need to get my beauty sleep!" He promptly fell asleep again, unnoticed by Relm, who was busy cheering on "that hunk Kain" and asking him to marry her.
Kain hit the ground, and Lenna immediately ran after him. He turned to intercept her, when Faris plowed into her herself.
"HE'S MINE, YOU WITCH!"
"NO! HE'S MINE!"
And they got into a massive catfight as Kain sweatdropped. He then edged away from the sisters' brawl, very slowly as not to attract their attention.
Lenna and Faris were slapping heck out of each other, and just when Faris was about to finish her off, Lenna smacked her with a punch that sent her flying into the stadium, and into Edgar's lap.
"Hey, did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?" Edgar had that annoying glint in his eye again.
"Shut up, Eddy." Faris got up out of his lap, despite his protests, and proceeded to flick off Lenna and walk out of the stands.
"Now you're all mine, Kainey!" Lenna clearly did not have combat in her mind. As she was about to get him into a firce bearhug, Kain stepped to the side to avoid her. She tripped on his leg, and flew into the stands, and into Edgar's lap as well.
Needless to say, he was ecstatic, but we will not dwell on what they did. I'll just tell you that the flowers Sabin sent him for his hospital basket were very pretty.
"The winners! Kain-" Cecil and Edward cheered loudest of them all. "And Butz!" Cecil and Edward booed the loudest. Cecil was annoyed by the fact that Rosa had cheered Butz on, loudly to top it off.
Kain and Butz shook hand then walk to their seats in the stands for next chapter.
The PA blared. "Well, the author got really lazy, so this is it for Chapter 5! So, feel free to throw rotten potatoes at him!" SMACK! "WHAT, Porom? What'd I say?"
"Too much. Anyway, please remember to check for when the first batch of matches finish next chapter and the semi-finals begin."
"YAAAAAY!"
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I think this is enough for a chapter, don't you?
People for the semi finals so far...
Auron
Celes
Cecil
Sephiroth
Rhinoa
The black materia
Black Mage
Edward
Kain
Butz