Final Fantasy: Attack of the Pay Cuts!
'Interview'-
"Hello folks, this is Dan Blather reporting for the Channel 6.86565 News. I'm here at the world-reknown 'Final Fantasy Championship of the Century Tournament-Type-Thingy-McDoodle(TM)! I'm going to grab a few interviews with the contestants before the next three rounds... oh, hey, there's one right now!"
"Wot? Escyooz me, si-"
"It's the legendary dragoon, Kain, who has just qualified for the-"
"Kayeen? Who ees thees Kayeen? I know no Kayeen."
"But, Sir Kain, everyone knows who you are! Why do you have that hood on? Here, let me help you with that, our viewers want to see your-"
"ARGH! NO! YOU FEWL!!!!!!"
"KKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!"
"Oh no! They found me! I don't know how, but they found me! NO!"
"There you are folks. That was Kain. He just ran off, and is now being pursued by what looks to be several hyper teenage girls carrying posters with his image and... one has a pair of scissors."
"NO!!!! NOT MY HAIR!!!! NOT MY BEAUTIFUL GOLDEN LOCKS!!!!!"
"Oh, the next match is about to start! Let's use my free one-person VIP pass to get all of us in!"
Round 14-
"HOO-HAH! The next match is between Edgar and Tidus!"
"YAY! Show that Jock who's boss, Edgar!"
"Settle down, Thief... hey, that's MY MAGAZINE!"
"OW, MY IMPOSSIBLY POOFY HAIR! ARGH!!!!"
There were sounds of a scuffle over the PA, with cries of pain, sounds of punches, sword clanging, karate yells, and duck quacks inserted liberally, as Tidus and Edgar went into the arena. Maybe they should reconsider having announcers for the matches anymore. Edgar was replaced with a sedated Relm as judge. Relm stood up, and eyed the two, before drawing Tidus into a 2 dimensional character like Edgar. "Now, let's make this a clean fight, so, PLAY BALL! er, FIGHT!"
Tidus, diverting from his normal battle style, picked up a blitzball and chucked it at Edgar. Edgar, thinking quickly, reached for his chainsaw. "Oh, wait, Rikku has it.... D'OH!" Edgar took the blitzball full to the face and started flying around the arena. He smacked into one wall, another, another, another, and the knocked out Cecil, Edward, Rinoa, and Cloud, who happened to be standing in front of the unscathed Sephiroth, serving him pizza, in that order. He landed, amazingly, in his original spot in hte arena as a sign started flashing overhead "TILT!TILT!TILT!"
Relm's having too much fun with her paintbrushes, I guess.
Edgar got up, wobbled around a bit, shook his head, then steadied himself, keeping an intent stare on Tidus, who was currently collecting more blitzballs. "This is fun!"
"OKAY! It's the top of the first, and Edgar has 2 outs to go before he's out of there! The score is 1-0, Tidus' favor, but Eddy might actually turn the tides with this!"
Edgar was distracted by how quickly Thief, Red Mage, and Black Belt had stopped fighting, and got beaned for the second time. The bal lbounced up from his forehead and back down on top of his head. "OW! You little-!"
"Oooh! That's gotta smart, isn't that right, Thief?"
"That's right, Blackbelt! Now, to red MAge with the weather!"
"Tonight we're going to be experience massive blizzards in the aren because of that spell that Edgar's casting, and then we'll see plenty of tornadoes."
"How?"
"You'll see. I'll just step behind this reinforced concrete wall."
Edgar released his massive Blizzaga spell against Tidus, who had put Haste on himself and started zinging around the arena fast enough to cause a tornado. Suddenly, The tornado became a huge spinnig Snow Devil. Despite this new development, Tidus continued to throw blitzballs at Edgar, and Edgar kept getting beaned.
Then he got an idea.
"No, I didn't!"
Yes, you did.
"No... I didn't..."
Shut up, I say you did, so you did.
"Fine."
He ran straight at Tidus, and bowled him into the Tornado, causing them both to freeze and die a horrible death, disqualifying both of them.
"WHAAAAAAAAAT????????"
Fine, he just whipped out his Auto Crossbow and started shooting each blitzball away from him. Better?
"Much."
Okay. THEN he-
"Ahem."
Fine, spoil my chance to enjoy myself. I hope you had fun, woman!
"GET BACK TO NARRATING... CORRECTLY!"
Okay, Edgar was blasting away like mad at the balls zeroing in on him. When his crossbow ran out of bolts (don't tell him it didn't really run out of arrows, what he doesn't know won't help him) he pulled out his sword and smashed it into the last blitzball flying at him.
"WHOA!" Tidus jumped out of the way as the blitzball flew through where he had been earlier and smashed into the wall with a massive explosion.
"Wow, what a comeback! And I see that Red Mage's predictions were correct as usual."
"That's right, Blackbelt! Now, Edgar has the upper hand! He's behind 2-0, but I'm pretty sure he could tie that easily!"
"Oh please." Edgar took his sword, as Tidus did the same, and got ready to rush him.
"I'll give you a last chance to back down and let me win the match and the fangirls."
"WHAT! And let YOU get the fangirls? NEVAH!" With that, Edgar and Tidus rushed each other in pure Ninja style... too bad neither is a ninja, and they ended up tripping over each other. Edgar was the first to get up, though, and bonked Tidus on the head repeatedly until he was knocked out.
Edgar walked into the center of the arena, amidst the cheers and Relm announcing the winner, and he started beckoning the crowd. "Bring on the fangirls! Come on, don't be shy!"
"EDDY!" He turned around, grinning, expecting a young 'hottie' to be calling his name - he saw an old hag, running towards him with her lips puckered. "Give me some sugar!"
"WILL THE TORTURE NEVER CEASE???" Was all that the crowd heard as he tore out of the arena.
Round 15 -
"We should be in the semifinals already." Kefka stood with his boot on a bench, shining it over and ovr again because it had a speck of ketchup on it. "The people organizing this were real fruitcakes."
"Fools. Morons. Idiots..." Neo Exdeath joined in. Both villains started laughing and coming up with more synonyms for Cid and Rinoa when the announcer, that's right, only ONE announcer now, announced the next match.
"RRRRRBIT! The next match is between Kefka and Ne-, Ne-... rrrrbbt... Ex-Death." Yes, they pulled a lone character from a different square game series to announce the rest of hte games... hopefully.
"AND THE NAME IS NEO EXDEATH, YOU FLIPPIN' IDIOT!" He stalked onto the arena, followed by Kefka, who was starting to giggle like a maniac... or like more of a maniac than he was already.
"Whatever. I'll jsut paint you into your cooler boss forms and then we'll see which villain is better." So Relm painted them into their boss forms, and they began to fight. The fight, which I will not describe in full detail, was dirty, evil, horrible, and downright wrong. IT involved spell casting, weapon using, item using, kicking, punching, clawing, hair pulling, and hitting below the belt. Suddenly, when it was his turn to attach, Kefka stopped.
"You know what, I hate this."
"Me too."
"I hate this pathetic excuse of a school."
"Me too."
"I also hate the world."
"ME TOO!"
"...So, wanyt to go looking for matches to burn the world down with?"
"HECK YES!"
So, the evil villains ran off to burn down the world, and a ragtag team of 7 new final fantasy characters was put together to stop them in a huge, state-of-the art RPG. Final Fantasy XIII, coming out to stores never!
The two were, of course, disqualified for doing evil villain-type stuff.
Round 16 -
About 70 hours and 35 minigames and sidequests later, Everyone settled down for another match. Frog announced it again. "RRRbit, the next match is between Sabin and Shadow." LET'S GIVE HIM A ROUND OF APPLAUSE, FOLKS!
"If you are finished being cruel to Frog, there's a match you need to narrate here." Oh, right.
Sabin and Shadow were in the arena already, and they were all set to go at it, el mano y mano. "Erm, shouldn't it be, 'Hombre y hombre'?" Quiet, fewl, I be speaking here. Crazy fool! "Ooookay...."
Now that I've finished scaring hte contestants with a poor attempt to mimic Mr. T, I will continue telling you about the match.
Relm announced the fight to commence, and it did. Shadow instantly set Interceptor loose on him, but Sabin, who is just a cool guy all around, was licked and played with instead of beinmg viciously torn apart and beaten to a bloody pulp. Shadow was slightly miffed, and he then decided to throw something at Sabin.
"NO! NOT THE THUNDER ROD! AOWIEHEHEE!!!" Yes, the thunder rod! Lighning filled the arena, dealing Sabin 500 points of damage. You could tell, because the numbers on top of him said so. Sabin retaliated by using an Aura Bolt, which Shadow, being a ninja, esily dodged. With a slight twirl, Shadow threw three Shurikens at Sabin, who hit all three off with his hands. Sabin rushed Shadow, who grabbed at the closest thing and threw it at Sabin.
"Hey! That was MY rubber ducky!" Relm pouted as the rubber ducky knocked Sabin into the wall, dazed and reeling.
"Ow, throwing a rubber ducky, that's playing DIRTY!" With that, Sabin launched himself at the ninja and started beating him down. At the last moment, though, Shadow came up with a plan.
"Let's go ahead and call this a draw. Then, we can go get some ice cream and talk about how we whooped Kefka's behind twice."
"Okay, cool! Let's go get ice cream- hey, wait a minute, how do I know you aren't going to trick me like Sephiroth tricked Cloud?"
"Because you can carry me. I think I can't use my legs now..."
"Whoops, sorry."
So Sabin picked up the limp ninja, slung him over hsi shoulder, and walked off the arena. The moment his feet touched outside teh aren, Relm announced him disqualified. Sabin, enraged, threw Shadow onto the arena. "Wait a minute! It's a draw, Shadow couldn't have won!"
"Okay, Sabin, 1.) You never called a draw and B.) Shadow's feet never touched the ground." Shadow stood up and started showing off how well his 'useless' legs worked.
"Sucker! Never trust a ninja!"
-----------------------------------------------------
People for the semi finals so far...
Auron
Celes
Cecil
Sephiroth
Rhinoa
The black materia
Black Mage
Edward
Kain
Butz
Rikku
Rydia
Edgar
Shadow
'Interview'-
"Hello folks, this is Dan Blather reporting for the Channel 6.86565 News. I'm here at the world-reknown 'Final Fantasy Championship of the Century Tournament-Type-Thingy-McDoodle(TM)! I'm going to grab a few interviews with the contestants before the next three rounds... oh, hey, there's one right now!"
"Wot? Escyooz me, si-"
"It's the legendary dragoon, Kain, who has just qualified for the-"
"Kayeen? Who ees thees Kayeen? I know no Kayeen."
"But, Sir Kain, everyone knows who you are! Why do you have that hood on? Here, let me help you with that, our viewers want to see your-"
"ARGH! NO! YOU FEWL!!!!!!"
"KKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!"
"Oh no! They found me! I don't know how, but they found me! NO!"
"There you are folks. That was Kain. He just ran off, and is now being pursued by what looks to be several hyper teenage girls carrying posters with his image and... one has a pair of scissors."
"NO!!!! NOT MY HAIR!!!! NOT MY BEAUTIFUL GOLDEN LOCKS!!!!!"
"Oh, the next match is about to start! Let's use my free one-person VIP pass to get all of us in!"
Round 14-
"HOO-HAH! The next match is between Edgar and Tidus!"
"YAY! Show that Jock who's boss, Edgar!"
"Settle down, Thief... hey, that's MY MAGAZINE!"
"OW, MY IMPOSSIBLY POOFY HAIR! ARGH!!!!"
There were sounds of a scuffle over the PA, with cries of pain, sounds of punches, sword clanging, karate yells, and duck quacks inserted liberally, as Tidus and Edgar went into the arena. Maybe they should reconsider having announcers for the matches anymore. Edgar was replaced with a sedated Relm as judge. Relm stood up, and eyed the two, before drawing Tidus into a 2 dimensional character like Edgar. "Now, let's make this a clean fight, so, PLAY BALL! er, FIGHT!"
Tidus, diverting from his normal battle style, picked up a blitzball and chucked it at Edgar. Edgar, thinking quickly, reached for his chainsaw. "Oh, wait, Rikku has it.... D'OH!" Edgar took the blitzball full to the face and started flying around the arena. He smacked into one wall, another, another, another, and the knocked out Cecil, Edward, Rinoa, and Cloud, who happened to be standing in front of the unscathed Sephiroth, serving him pizza, in that order. He landed, amazingly, in his original spot in hte arena as a sign started flashing overhead "TILT!TILT!TILT!"
Relm's having too much fun with her paintbrushes, I guess.
Edgar got up, wobbled around a bit, shook his head, then steadied himself, keeping an intent stare on Tidus, who was currently collecting more blitzballs. "This is fun!"
"OKAY! It's the top of the first, and Edgar has 2 outs to go before he's out of there! The score is 1-0, Tidus' favor, but Eddy might actually turn the tides with this!"
Edgar was distracted by how quickly Thief, Red Mage, and Black Belt had stopped fighting, and got beaned for the second time. The bal lbounced up from his forehead and back down on top of his head. "OW! You little-!"
"Oooh! That's gotta smart, isn't that right, Thief?"
"That's right, Blackbelt! Now, to red MAge with the weather!"
"Tonight we're going to be experience massive blizzards in the aren because of that spell that Edgar's casting, and then we'll see plenty of tornadoes."
"How?"
"You'll see. I'll just step behind this reinforced concrete wall."
Edgar released his massive Blizzaga spell against Tidus, who had put Haste on himself and started zinging around the arena fast enough to cause a tornado. Suddenly, The tornado became a huge spinnig Snow Devil. Despite this new development, Tidus continued to throw blitzballs at Edgar, and Edgar kept getting beaned.
Then he got an idea.
"No, I didn't!"
Yes, you did.
"No... I didn't..."
Shut up, I say you did, so you did.
"Fine."
He ran straight at Tidus, and bowled him into the Tornado, causing them both to freeze and die a horrible death, disqualifying both of them.
"WHAAAAAAAAAT????????"
Fine, he just whipped out his Auto Crossbow and started shooting each blitzball away from him. Better?
"Much."
Okay. THEN he-
"Ahem."
Fine, spoil my chance to enjoy myself. I hope you had fun, woman!
"GET BACK TO NARRATING... CORRECTLY!"
Okay, Edgar was blasting away like mad at the balls zeroing in on him. When his crossbow ran out of bolts (don't tell him it didn't really run out of arrows, what he doesn't know won't help him) he pulled out his sword and smashed it into the last blitzball flying at him.
"WHOA!" Tidus jumped out of the way as the blitzball flew through where he had been earlier and smashed into the wall with a massive explosion.
"Wow, what a comeback! And I see that Red Mage's predictions were correct as usual."
"That's right, Blackbelt! Now, Edgar has the upper hand! He's behind 2-0, but I'm pretty sure he could tie that easily!"
"Oh please." Edgar took his sword, as Tidus did the same, and got ready to rush him.
"I'll give you a last chance to back down and let me win the match and the fangirls."
"WHAT! And let YOU get the fangirls? NEVAH!" With that, Edgar and Tidus rushed each other in pure Ninja style... too bad neither is a ninja, and they ended up tripping over each other. Edgar was the first to get up, though, and bonked Tidus on the head repeatedly until he was knocked out.
Edgar walked into the center of the arena, amidst the cheers and Relm announcing the winner, and he started beckoning the crowd. "Bring on the fangirls! Come on, don't be shy!"
"EDDY!" He turned around, grinning, expecting a young 'hottie' to be calling his name - he saw an old hag, running towards him with her lips puckered. "Give me some sugar!"
"WILL THE TORTURE NEVER CEASE???" Was all that the crowd heard as he tore out of the arena.
Round 15 -
"We should be in the semifinals already." Kefka stood with his boot on a bench, shining it over and ovr again because it had a speck of ketchup on it. "The people organizing this were real fruitcakes."
"Fools. Morons. Idiots..." Neo Exdeath joined in. Both villains started laughing and coming up with more synonyms for Cid and Rinoa when the announcer, that's right, only ONE announcer now, announced the next match.
"RRRRRBIT! The next match is between Kefka and Ne-, Ne-... rrrrbbt... Ex-Death." Yes, they pulled a lone character from a different square game series to announce the rest of hte games... hopefully.
"AND THE NAME IS NEO EXDEATH, YOU FLIPPIN' IDIOT!" He stalked onto the arena, followed by Kefka, who was starting to giggle like a maniac... or like more of a maniac than he was already.
"Whatever. I'll jsut paint you into your cooler boss forms and then we'll see which villain is better." So Relm painted them into their boss forms, and they began to fight. The fight, which I will not describe in full detail, was dirty, evil, horrible, and downright wrong. IT involved spell casting, weapon using, item using, kicking, punching, clawing, hair pulling, and hitting below the belt. Suddenly, when it was his turn to attach, Kefka stopped.
"You know what, I hate this."
"Me too."
"I hate this pathetic excuse of a school."
"Me too."
"I also hate the world."
"ME TOO!"
"...So, wanyt to go looking for matches to burn the world down with?"
"HECK YES!"
So, the evil villains ran off to burn down the world, and a ragtag team of 7 new final fantasy characters was put together to stop them in a huge, state-of-the art RPG. Final Fantasy XIII, coming out to stores never!
The two were, of course, disqualified for doing evil villain-type stuff.
Round 16 -
About 70 hours and 35 minigames and sidequests later, Everyone settled down for another match. Frog announced it again. "RRRbit, the next match is between Sabin and Shadow." LET'S GIVE HIM A ROUND OF APPLAUSE, FOLKS!
"If you are finished being cruel to Frog, there's a match you need to narrate here." Oh, right.
Sabin and Shadow were in the arena already, and they were all set to go at it, el mano y mano. "Erm, shouldn't it be, 'Hombre y hombre'?" Quiet, fewl, I be speaking here. Crazy fool! "Ooookay...."
Now that I've finished scaring hte contestants with a poor attempt to mimic Mr. T, I will continue telling you about the match.
Relm announced the fight to commence, and it did. Shadow instantly set Interceptor loose on him, but Sabin, who is just a cool guy all around, was licked and played with instead of beinmg viciously torn apart and beaten to a bloody pulp. Shadow was slightly miffed, and he then decided to throw something at Sabin.
"NO! NOT THE THUNDER ROD! AOWIEHEHEE!!!" Yes, the thunder rod! Lighning filled the arena, dealing Sabin 500 points of damage. You could tell, because the numbers on top of him said so. Sabin retaliated by using an Aura Bolt, which Shadow, being a ninja, esily dodged. With a slight twirl, Shadow threw three Shurikens at Sabin, who hit all three off with his hands. Sabin rushed Shadow, who grabbed at the closest thing and threw it at Sabin.
"Hey! That was MY rubber ducky!" Relm pouted as the rubber ducky knocked Sabin into the wall, dazed and reeling.
"Ow, throwing a rubber ducky, that's playing DIRTY!" With that, Sabin launched himself at the ninja and started beating him down. At the last moment, though, Shadow came up with a plan.
"Let's go ahead and call this a draw. Then, we can go get some ice cream and talk about how we whooped Kefka's behind twice."
"Okay, cool! Let's go get ice cream- hey, wait a minute, how do I know you aren't going to trick me like Sephiroth tricked Cloud?"
"Because you can carry me. I think I can't use my legs now..."
"Whoops, sorry."
So Sabin picked up the limp ninja, slung him over hsi shoulder, and walked off the arena. The moment his feet touched outside teh aren, Relm announced him disqualified. Sabin, enraged, threw Shadow onto the arena. "Wait a minute! It's a draw, Shadow couldn't have won!"
"Okay, Sabin, 1.) You never called a draw and B.) Shadow's feet never touched the ground." Shadow stood up and started showing off how well his 'useless' legs worked.
"Sucker! Never trust a ninja!"
-----------------------------------------------------
People for the semi finals so far...
Auron
Celes
Cecil
Sephiroth
Rhinoa
The black materia
Black Mage
Edward
Kain
Butz
Rikku
Rydia
Edgar
Shadow