Disclaimer- Wishful thinking…
L/N- Writer's block sucks. I'm not really blocked on ISDH; I just can't make this chapter sound right. So what do I do? I write one shots! Angsty one shots! Specs/Dutchy (Only implied… Sorry.)
Without You
I die…
Without you…
Without you…
The ground thaws…
The rain falls…
The grass grows…
Without you…
The seeds root…
The flowers bloom…
The children play…
The stars gleam…
The poet's dream…
The eagles fly…
Without you…
The Earth turns…
The sun burns…
But I die…
Without you…
It was painful to look at him. Once so lively and fun loving- the brunette had changed dramatically in only a few days. Now it was rare to even see him out of bed; he would just lie there all day, shaking with a cold none of them felt and assuring them weakly that he was okay.
Dutchy knew the truth. He was smarter than most people gave him credit for. What he lacked in literacy he more than made up for with his brilliant mindset. But he didn't have to be a genius to know that Specs wasn't okay; his best friend was dying.
Of what, Dutchy wasn't sure; he was no doctor. But beyond that, he didn't even want to know. He could hardly even look at the boy anymore, one glance into his glazed over eyes- once so bright- made him feel like breaking down in tears. Talking to him was even worse; one hoarse word from his dry, cracked lips made him feel like dying himself. He knew he was abandoning Specs when he needed him more than ever, but he didn't know any other way.
Without you…
The breeze warms…
The girl smiles…
The cloud moves…
They shared a bond, Dutchy and Specs, from way back when they were kids and had become a team against the others who'd call them 'four eyes.' Over the years their friendship had strengthened considerably. They were an inseparable pair, when one of them crossed your mind, you immediately thought of the other. Eventually their friendship had blossomed into something more than friendship. Despite the confusion and guilt both had faced, their matched feelings for each other had been confessed and both had stayed strong during the times of prejudice and hate, knowing that they had each other; someone to live for, unafraid to say I love you.
It couldn't all end like this; it just couldn't! They had so much more left to do…
It couldn't be over before it even really started.
Without you…
The tides change…
The boys run…
The oceans crash…
The crowds roar…
The days soar…
The babies cry…
Without you…
The moon glows…
The river flows…
But I die…
Without you…
Everything hurt. From the brown curls on his head to his toes there was pain. One shuddering cough could send him into spasms of pure agony that would have the boys running to his side. All the boys, except the one that mattered.
Not having the comfort of knowing that the pale blond boy was there hurt almost as much as the physical pain shooting through his emaciated body. He needed Dutchy; he needed his warmth, his voice, his care. He needed to have him tell him that it was all going to be alright, assure him that he would live; that he had something to live for.
He coughed softly, but it was enough to make the white flashes burst in front of his eyes as the all too familiar pain exploded inside of him. Someone was suddenly at his side, holding him to stop the shaking and tucking the blanket more tightly around him when it had finally stopped. Through vision distorted from the waves of torture, Specs saw locks of shaggy hair hanging over his rescuer's face.
His hopes leapt. "Dutchy?" he choked out hopefully. The figure above him sadly shook his head. When Spec's vision finally came back into focus he saw that it was Jack, not Dutchy, who had once again come to his aid.
More pain erupted inside him then, worse than before. His heart was aching for the boy he loved; the boy who didn't care about him anymore.
The world revives…
Colors renew…
But I know blue…
Only blue…
Lonely blue…
Within me, blue…
Without you…
Dutchy had been listening. He'd heard the agony that Specs had gone through only moments before. He'd felt it too; with each shuddering cough, Dutchy had felt all the suffering that Specs felt; which was why he couldn't go over there. Seeing his Specs like that would kill him.
"He needs ya," a voice murmured somewhere above him. Dutchy looked up to see Jack standing above him, a troubled look on his face.
Dutchy shook his head, desperately trying to keep the tears, which had sprang up suddenly, from spilling over. "I'se can't."
"Why not?"
"It's too painful… I-I'se can't even look at 'im, Jack."
"He needs you there, he's always askin' for ya." Dutchy stayed silent. "You'se need him, too."
"He's gonna die, Jack."
"I know. That's why you'se hafta be wit him befoah it's too late."
Without you…
The hand gropes…
The ear hears…
The pulse beats…
Without you…
The eyes gaze…
The legs walk…
The lungs breathe…
The mind churns…
The heart yearns…
The tears dry…
Without you…
He must be dreaming. Specs blinked a few times to make sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him again; they weren't. Dutchy was really there; Dutchy was finally there.
"Took ya long enough," he said weakly.
"I'se didn't know what ta do, how ta help you."
Specs reached one pale sickly hand out from beneath the covers and grasped Dutchy's with it. "All's you'se needed ta do was be heah, Dutchy."
Life goes on…
But I'm gone…
'Cause I die…
Without you…
Coughs erupted through Specs's body again, making him shake and jerk around uncontrollably.
"Specs…" Dutchy whispered hoarsely, throwing himself on top of his sick best friend, holding him down in a vain attempt to stop the violent spasms.
"I'se so glad you'se heah, Dutchy." His voice was hardly a whisper. "I'se t'ought you'se didn't love me no more."
"How could you'se t'ink dat? You'se know I'se always loved you… always will…"
Without you…
I'se love you too, Dutchy. Goodbye."
"Goodbye? What? No! Don't say dat Specs! You'se ain't goin' nowheah!"
Without you…
Specs took one last shuddering breath. Then, everything was still and silent. Specs's face relaxed as he was finally freed from all the pain. Around the room, the rest of the newsies watched Specs die, wide eyed. But no one went over to him. They knew Dutchy needed to be alone.
All the tears that Dutchy had held in finally spilled over; running down his face and falling one by one onto Specs's lifeless form.
"I'se love you Specs…"
Without you…
~~~
Dammit…I HATE this angst kick! The whole time I was writing this I thought of Angel/Collins from RENT, because it's during this song when Angel first gets sick and I cry from here to Goodbye Love whenever I see it, so it killed me to write this. Because I love Specs and Angel and they both have to die… even though it's my fault Specs died… but anyway, review please…
I need a tissue.