Disclaimer: I do NOT own The Pretender. Never claimed to, you didn't see me do it, I didn't do it. I believe it belongs to TNT and NBC, or maybe not NBC anymore…and isn't 20th Century Fox one of the production companies? Anyway, It's not mine. No offense to the Pez Corporation and their wonderful little bits of sugar.
Summary: Ms. Parker and Jarod have issues. This is what it would be like to be inside their heads while they were talking. Hope it doesn't get too confusing.
If You Were In My Mind
By Bec-Bec
Chapter 5 Part 1
[Angelo's point of view.]
Raines Shot, Parker Gone
The Centre. Sydney's Office.
Raines shot, Parker gone. Jarod Gone. Safer now. Safe friends.
"Angelo, did you see what happened?"
Sydney know. Sydney help them escape. Angelo not tell anyone.
"Not see any of it."
Fragmented thought all Angelo have now.
"Do you know where Ms. Parker is?"
Angelo know lots. Angelo know all about everything. Raines not take that from Angelo.
"Parker gone. Parker safe. No worry Sydney."
Raines take lots from Timmy, make him Angelo, Raines never take truth from Angelo.
"What about Jarod? Is Jarod safe?"
Jarod, Timmy's friend. Jarod, Angelo's friend. Jarod save Angelo, Angelo save Jarod.
"Safe. Safe with Parker."
Angelo know all about Jarod, Angelo know all about everything.
"Angelo, you can't tell anyone that they're together, okay?"
Angelo know Jarod love Parker and Parker love Jarod. Happy together.
"Together, happy. Together."
Together, happy, together!
"Angelo, calm down. Promise me"
Together, happy, together!
"Together, happy, together!"
Catherine happy that Parker and Jarod happy together!
"Angelo, Angelo, yes. I know, they're happy together. Angelo, you can't tell anyone."
Everyone know. Everyone always know, Everyone always watching. Catherine always watching.
"Everyone know. Everyone watching. Catherine watching."
Catherine love you, Catherine love them, Catherine love everybody…except him.
"Catherine?"
Catherine hate him. Catherine hate! Catherine hate!
"Catherine hate. Catherine angry."
Hate him, want him dead! Want truth!
"Angelo, Catherine is dead."
Catherine never dead. Catherine inside. Catherine inside me, inside you, inside everyone, inside the Centre.
"Catherine never dead. Catherine inside."
Catherine me, Catherine you, Catherine blue, want to know truth.
"What do you mean? Angelo, what does it mean?
Catherine me, Catherine you, Catherine blue, want to know truth.
"Catherine me, Catherine you, Catherine blue, want to know truth."
Catherine…Catherine…Catherine, truth.
"I don't understand."
Truth…truth,…truth
"Truth. Find truth."
Truth…Find truth. Truth save all.
"What truth? Angelo, what do you know?"
Truth…truth…truth.
"Sydney find truth. Angelo Bye." [Angelo climbs up into the air ducts.]
Truth…truth…truth.
****
Chapter 5 Part 2
[Ms. Parker's point of view.]
Left Me All Alone
The front desk at the hotel, down the street, and the drugstore.
Left me all alone. He never leaves me all alone. Why did I do that? Don't I love him? If I love him, why would I want to hurt him that way?
"Excuse me, do you know where the nearest drug store is?"
Though I do love the thought of him feeling destroyed and broken…no I don't. I hate that thought.
"It's down the street and around the corner, you can't miss it." [Woman at the front desk.]
I hate that he's hurt. I hate that I'm hurt. God help me, I hate that I hate that I'm in love with him…If that makes any sense. Oh, I wish I didn't have to live in my head.
"Thank you." [Leaves the hotel and walks down the street to the drug store.]
Aspirin, aspirin will cure all of this. Aspirin and some alcohol, then I'll forget him, I'll forget everything. I can live with being the Ice Queen if I forget him, then it won't matter.
"Excuse me, which aisle is the aspirin located on?" [At the drug store.]
Where am I going to be the Ice Queen though? What am I going to do with my life now? Why couldn't I have left the Centre when I was younger? Why didn't I let myself love Jarod? Why did my mother die? What is the meaning of life?…Damn I need aspirin now!
"Aisle 7." [Drug store employee.]
Questions, questions, questions. How come questions never have answers? Damn, another question with no answer. Oh, I wish I could stop thinking. This is torture…ah, sweet wonderful aspirin…now, where is that liquor? Vodka or rum, the eternal choice, why not take both, then I can forget twice as much. [Walking to aisle seven, finding the aspirin and then tracking down the alcohol section.]
"That will be $14.00." [Cashier at the checkout.]
Oh, money. The Centre can liquify all of my money now. Damn. This is the worst choice I've ever made. No Centre, no money, no nothing…not even Jarod. Damn Jarod! I blame all of this on you. You had to be cute and sweet and actually care about me…and…and…this is why my father told me never to let emotions get in the way. Pez Head gives me one puppy dog look and my whole world turns upside down. Damn you Jarod!
"Have a nice day." [Cashier at the checkout.]
Nice day, hah, only when I forget it happened, then it will be the most wonderful day in my life.
"You too." [Ms. Parker answers politely.]
I do hope your life is less complicated than mine…it probably is. Maybe I should work in a drug store…who am I kidding, it's probably more likely that I'll get shot here than it is at the Centre…that's really sad…well, just one more thing to forget when this lovely alcohol begins to work. [Returning to the hotel.]
****
Chapter 4 Part 3
[Jarod's point of view.]
Ms. Parker and Jarod's hotel room.
Is She Drunk?
Is she drunk?
"Parker?…"
Is she drunk? She looks terrible. [Ms. Parker is curled up on the bed.]
"Look who's here, Prince Charming's come back to try and rescue me from my drunken stupor. Tell me, how do you fit all of this rescuing into one day?"
She's wrecked. Why does she do this to herself?
"Parker, have you been drinking?"
Obvious question, with an obvious answer. Why does she do this to herself?
"Well, as a matter of fact, I have. Come on, meet my friends Mr. Vodka and Ms. Rum, and, oh yeah, their other friend, Mr. Aspirin-din-din." [Leans over toward the bedside table where the alcohol and aspirin are.]
She mixed alcohol and drugs? I swear Parker, you take more risks with your health than you take working at the Centre.
"Okay, that's very nice, come on, lets get you over to the bathroom." [Walks forward and pulls her up.]
She can't want me to see her like this. Why does she do this to herself?
"No. You don't tell me what to do. I do what I want. I decide who lives or dies. I decide who lives or dies." [Pulls out of his grasp.]
She's really warped. Why the hell would she bring up Kyle?
"Parker, why do you do this to yourself."
She brought up Kyle to hurt me, didn't she? Why does she want to hurt me all of the time?"
"Oh, can't you see, Jarod, it's the only way to forget. I forget me, I forget the Centre, I forget my father, I forget you, I forget the zoo, and all this hullabaloo, hah hah hah."
She can't want to forget everything. There are so many great things in the world. So much for her to see. So much for me to show her…so much for her to love. But, she's afraid of love…
"You don't really forget it, it's still there when the aspirin wears off and the alcohol is gone, it's still there."
She's afraid because everyone she loves goes away…Thomas, her little sister…her mother…so she wants to be the one who makes people go away so they don't do it first…but, I did, I walked out the door first. I left her again.
"No it's not, it's gone! I'll make it be gone, it has to be gone…gone, so long…gone, so long." [Sorrowfully.]
Parker, I shouldn't have left. I'm so sorry. But, don't you see, I came back. I came back for you. I always come back for you.
"Parker, You can't make everything go away, sooner or later, you have to face that it's there."
I'm here. Don't you see that I'm here.
"Nothing's ever there."
Why even bother to try and tell you when you're drunk? Why even bother at all.
"I'm there. I'm here."
Why do I ever bother?
"Nope, Nothing's there. I'm not there and you're not there. Nothings there. Nothing at all."
Why bother?
"Fine, Parker, if you want me to go, I'll go. You'll never see me again and you'll be all alone again and forever. And no one will care. No one will love you…not even me.
I want to stay, but I can't if you don't want me too. I've been waiting for you for far too long now. I'll just let go and walk away. [Walks toward the door.]
"No…don't go."
Sad, so sad. She's always so sad. [Turns back.]
"Why?"
Let me make you not sad. You don't need your friends; alcohol, drugs, and caffeine. You don't.
"Because, I'll be alone. If you leave everything is gone…gone so long…gone…"
She is upset that I went. But, I know she would have gone. She would have left. She never lets herself need anyone, so why should she need me?
"If I stay, you have to stay too."
Why?
"Stay…stay, please." [Pleading.]
Doesn't really mean it. She never really means it. Never at all.
"Why should I stay?"
She'll change her mind tomorrow. She'll want me gone tomorrow.
"Because…"
Tomorrow, I'll be gone. Tonight, I'll be gone. Right now, I'll be gone.
"Because why?"
Gone so long, gone so long.
"Because I- I…"
Goodbye, Parker.
"Goodbye, Parker." [Turns and wlks back toward the door.]
Goodbye forever.
"No! Jarod, I need you. Jarod!" [Lunges forward and grabs out for him, squeezing him tightly.]
Don't squeeze me so tight. Ow, you're going to break one of my ribs. Let go.
"Parker, you never really need me. You don't want to need me. I'm going. I'm never going to come and interrupt you again. You can be as drunk and angry as you want." [Pulls out of her tight grasp, but turns to face her instead of leaving.]
Let go, it's time for you to let go…I…I already did…
"It's not true, I do need you. Can't live without you. Never could before. I told you, I chased because I wanted you. I chase because I want you. You can't leave…you can't leave me again."
But…you would have left me…I'll leave, I will. Just let go. Let go.
"If I hadn't left, you would have."
Would have left me, and it'd be me drinking and crying on the floor, trying to hold on to you, to keep you from going away.
"Yes, but can't you see. That's the point. I finally know that's the point, we're the same."
Same? When have I hurt you the way that you've hurt me? When have I broken your heart the way that you break mine?
"We're not the same."
We're nothing alike. You are too cold. Too cold to care the way that I do.
"Yes, we are. I have no family and neither do you. I chase you because I'm afraid to love you. You never leave me, because you're afraid to love me. The people we love go away, they always go away. Kyle, Tommy, my mother. But when you love people, they do go away. But, you don't have to go away now. You don't."
Doesn't mean it. Never does.
"Parker, you're just saying all of this because you're drunk. You don't really mean it."
Never really means it.
"I do mean it. I stopped drinking three hours ago."
What?!
"What?!"
What?!
"I needed to see if you would really go. But you stayed all of this time. You argued with a drunken woman. You argued with the Ice Queen and you stayed."
What?!
"Parker, what do you mean? What?!"
What?!
"Jarod. I do love you. I was just waiting to see if you'd come back. I realized that if I didn't love you I could have cared less whether or not you came back. See, but I did care. So, I stopped drinking to wait and see if you would come back. And you did. But, I couldn't make it easy; I'm the Ice Queen, easy doesn't work for me. And then, I really thought that you would leave. So, I grabbed on to you to keep you from leaving. You're not going to leave, right?"
I can't believe…
"You know, after what you've put me through. I should walk out that door, just because you always think this is some sort of game."
But I won't.
"Oh…"
She's going to cry again…
"I said should, I didn't say would." [Ms. Parker moves quickly toward him and captures him in a kiss.]
Wh…oh, I love it when she kisses me. This is so un-Ice Queen of her. Why does she ever try to be the Ice Queen? She doesn't want to…mmm I love it when she kisses me.
"Wow. So, this is what it feels like to be in love…I don't think I even felt this way about Tommy."
Love…love.
"Parker, I'd love to talk about love, but we really should go. I have a feeling that the Centre is going to be here soon."
Damn the Centre, this would have been the perfect moment if it hadn't been for them.
"Damn the Centre, this would have been the perfect moment if it wasn't for them."
I sware she reads minds.
Original Author's Note: I'm really torn over this chapter, I don't know if I liked it or not. I'm not sure if it was an accurate representation of how they would both be thinking. What do you think? As always, send thoughts and story ideas. Most definitely, send reviews!
New Author's Note: Okay, for some reason, I can't here Ms. Parker saying these words…it just doesn't fit or something. It's not just me right? Tell me the truth because I need to know. Send me a review!