Chapter 8
Sunday afternoon Steve walked into the precinct for the first time since he'd answered the call that had brought him face to face with his sister's body. Only a few officers and detectives were on duty but those who were around greeted him warmly. He accepted their expressions of sympathy marveling again at their determination to find the person responsible for Carol's murder. From the moment they had found out that the victim had been related to one of their own, they hadn't hesitated to chase down every tip or put the squeeze on any of their informants in the quest for information.
Steve was surveying his cluttered desk when Emma walked in. "It's probably eligible to be a disaster site," she teased.
"I wish I could just shovel it all into a trash can," he said, scanning some of the papers, "but I can't remember what's here that actually might be important."
"Well when you're tired of sorting, I have reports you can fill out or a stack of filing you can tackle."
Steve shot his temporary partner a disgusted look and Emma smiled knowing how much Steve hated the paperwork that went along with the job. Pulling a recycle bin close, he began his clean-up project by pitching various outdated memos and flyers, an old newspaper, and several pieces of junk mail. He'd just started on a stack of his own filing when Emma hung up the phone and told him they needed to report to a crime scene.
"So much for a quiet Sunday," Steve commented, setting the filing aside.
On the drive, Emma gave Steve the few details she had. The victim was a female in her late 20's or early 30's. She'd been discovered by her roommate who was returning from spending the weekend at her parents' house. According to the first officers on the scene, there was no sign of forced entry or a struggle.
Steve pulled on a pair of latex gloves. "Let's go take a look."
Emma nodded and led the way into the apartment. A female Steve assumed to be the roommate was being tended to by a pair of EMTs in the living room. In the bedroom, the crime scene unit was just starting to set up their equipment. As he approached the door, Steve could see the victim prone on the bed. An image of Carol flashed into his mind as she'd been that day in the alley. Shaking his head to clear it, he took a couple of fortifying breaths and entered the room.
"Nice and neat," the medical examiner commented. "Looks like one slit from a knife and it got the windpipe and carotid artery. She didn't stand a chance."
"Any sign she put up a fight?"
"Nothing obvious, but we'll check for skin under her fingernails and all the usual stuff." The senselessness and brutality of the crime angered Steve. Another family was going to have their world rocked by the arrival of police officers on their doorstep. He didn't have to imagine what the trip to the morgue would be like to identify the body. After snapping off a series of instructions for the crime scene unit, he stripped off his gloves and strode from the room.
Emma stayed long enough to make sure the technicians got started and then went looking for Steve. She found him outside staring moodily into space.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," he snapped.
"Reign in that temper, Lieutenant." Emma spoke sharply. "We're both on the same side here."
"And that would be the losing side, right?" Steve shook his head impatiently. "Are the criminals getting smarter or are we just getting dumber?"
"That's enough! If you can't keep it professional, then I don't want you here. And if you think I'll cover your butt, think again. I won't hesitate to go to Newman if you can't keep it together."
Steve didn't doubt Emma for a minute. He knew he'd been out of line in there and regretted his loss of control. Taking a few deep breaths, he fought to bank his anger. Emma was right. They were both working toward a common goal and he wasn't helping matters by snapping at the people around him.
"You're right. I'm sorry." Steve refused to make excuses for his behavior. "It won't happen again."
Emma relaxed. Steve was one of the best cops she'd ever worked with. If he said it wouldn't happen again then she believed him. Still a part of her could understand his reaction. It couldn't have been easy to walk into that crime scene with the memory of his sister so fresh in his mind. The fact that the victim was female probably hadn't made the situation any easier. Emma silently cursed the fates that had dropped this particular case in their laps. They couldn't return it however, and the murder still had to be investigated.
"Alright." Emma nodded. "Then let's get back to work. I'll take the roommate's statement and you can go door to door."
"And I'll be done before you," Steve predicted as he reentered the building to begin the tedious job of trying to find someone who had seen or heard anything irregular or suspicious around the time of the murder.
**************
"Have you seen Steve lately?" Jesse grimaced at Amanda's seemingly innocent question. "A couple of nights ago at Bob's. Why?"
"How did he seem to you?"
"He wasn't his usual effervescent self," Jesse replied, sarcastically.
"Jesse, stop," Amanda pleaded. "I'm serious. I want to know if you're seeing the same things I'm seeing."
"You mean the weight loss, haunted expression and exhaustion?"
"Well, yes, those too, but I was thinking more about his emotional behavior. Do you think he's withdrawing?"
"You know Steve is pretty reserved when it comes to his feelings, Amanda. He keeps a lot of stuff to himself."
"I know but, lately, he's changed. Right after Carol's murder, he was so angry. Even small things set him off. Remember the screwed up order at the restaurant and the misfiled case reports in the lab? For weeks my staff cringed and ran the other way when he stopped by for a report. They didn't want to deal with him. But lately.he barely speaks to anyone and won't make eye contact when he does say something. It's almost as if he's given up."
"Given up? I don't think so. He's closed five cases since he went back to work. A couple of them were stone cold and he cracked them wide open."
"He's burying himself in his work, he's drifting away from us, he's obviously not eating or sleeping very well," Amanda paused then added quietly, "and he and Mark have been arguing."
That got Jesse's attention. "How do you know that?"
"I overheard them in Mark's office a couple of weeks ago."
"And you never told me?"
"It was awful, Jesse. I've never heard Steve and Mark raise their voices to each other. Sure they've had disagreements, usually over a case, but this was different. They were really going at each other."
Jesse was stunned. Steve and Mark had the relationship he could only dream about having with his own dad. "What were they arguing about?"
"The progress, or more accurately, the lack of progress on Carol's case. It sounded like Mark's been calling Emma for updates because Steve said something about Mark making a nuisance of himself and that Emma would let them know if she uncovered something significant." "How did Mark take that?"
"Not very well. Mark then reminded Steve that if it hadn't been for his behavior driving Carol away in the first place, she probably wouldn't have been living so far from home and having to travel for a visit."
"What?!" Jesse exclaimed. "Mark has always said that he and Steve share responsibility for the problems they had with Carol. Why would he say that to Steve now? It doesn't make any sense."
"Probably because he's hurting and angry and not thinking straight. Unfortunately, I don't think it's the first time he's said it either. Steve said something about not ever letting him forget about his poor relationship with Carol and that the last thing he needed was Mark dumping more guilt on him."
Jesse exhaled loudly. "Was that it?"
Amanda nodded. "Steve stormed out after that. I barely had enough time to duck back out into the hallway, but I'm pretty sure Steve never even noticed I was there. I waited a little while then went back to see Mark. I could tell the argument had bothered him but I pretended I hadn't heard anything and asked him what was wrong. He tried to pass it off by saying Steve had accused him of hovering too much and always checking up on him. I just let it drop because I couldn't say anything without admitting I'd overheard them."
"Well, I don't know about lately, but right after Steve went back to work, Mark was hovering more than normal. I even heard Steve tell Mark to just give him some space. Mark was really flipped out about the possibility of Steve being hurt or worse. He's always managed to control his worry and not let it get the best of him, but I'm sure the thought of possibly burying both his children has been on his mind."
"Jesse, what's going on? All of a sudden nothing's normal anymore."
"I know what you mean. They're barely speaking to each other. If Steve isn't at the precinct, he's at the restaurant. It's almost as if he's avoiding Mark." Jesse paused. "I don't want to imply that one is more at fault than the other for what's going on right now, but do you get the feeling a lot of this.this," Jesse struggled to find the right word, "tension, I guess is what it is, is coming from Steve?"
Amanda nodded slowly. "They both seemed to make some initial progress in moving forward after Carol's death, but I really think Mark has been more successful. And that's a little surprising since you might expect a parent to grieve more deeply than a sibling."
"Of course there is no right or wrong way to grieve, but I understand what you're saying. We're more familiar with parental grief with all the books and research done on it. How much have you read on sibling grief? And male sibling grief on top of that? And consider too that Steve probably wouldn't fit any mold or pattern researchers came up with. He holds too much inside especially his feelings, but he has a huge capacity for love and when he does let go and opens his heart, he loves totally and completely which makes a loss all the more painful for him. Am I making any sense here?"
"Oddly enough, yes," Amanda assured him, "but it still doesn't help us figure out how to right the relationship between Mark and Steve."
"Or more importantly help us figure out what's stressing Steve out. I'm sure he's the key to all this. It's almost as if he's reached a plateau in his grieving and can't figure out how to move forward again. He almost seemed to be coping better right after it happened than he is now"
"Mark could be afraid of losing Steve either physically, emotionally or both. We know how he's always worried about Steve on the job."
Nodding, Jesse said, "The mob shooting and that staph infection were hard on Mark. Those were too close for comfort for him."
"Mark has always been pretty sensitive to Steve's moods, too. If he knows Steve is upset and can't figure out why, that's going to bother him. And if Steve won't confide in him, that'll make the situation worse. Maybe that's why Mark's lashing out because he's worried. It's typical of Steve to withdraw from us and into himself if he's hiding something or keeping something to himself. Combine that with the stress of having to clean out Carol's apartment and the police not being able to find her killer and we've got the potential for a major clash between two strong willed individuals."
Jesse shuddered. "That's not a pretty thought."
"No it's not." Amanda squared her shoulders in determination. "So do you want to talk to Steve or should I?"
"Be my guest. I have no desire to have my head snapped off."
Amanda didn't exactly relish the thought of having this conversation with Steve either, but she was willing to do it if it would help bring Steve and Mark back together. "We've been invited for dinner on Saturday. I'll try to get Steve alone then," she decided.
Sunday afternoon Steve walked into the precinct for the first time since he'd answered the call that had brought him face to face with his sister's body. Only a few officers and detectives were on duty but those who were around greeted him warmly. He accepted their expressions of sympathy marveling again at their determination to find the person responsible for Carol's murder. From the moment they had found out that the victim had been related to one of their own, they hadn't hesitated to chase down every tip or put the squeeze on any of their informants in the quest for information.
Steve was surveying his cluttered desk when Emma walked in. "It's probably eligible to be a disaster site," she teased.
"I wish I could just shovel it all into a trash can," he said, scanning some of the papers, "but I can't remember what's here that actually might be important."
"Well when you're tired of sorting, I have reports you can fill out or a stack of filing you can tackle."
Steve shot his temporary partner a disgusted look and Emma smiled knowing how much Steve hated the paperwork that went along with the job. Pulling a recycle bin close, he began his clean-up project by pitching various outdated memos and flyers, an old newspaper, and several pieces of junk mail. He'd just started on a stack of his own filing when Emma hung up the phone and told him they needed to report to a crime scene.
"So much for a quiet Sunday," Steve commented, setting the filing aside.
On the drive, Emma gave Steve the few details she had. The victim was a female in her late 20's or early 30's. She'd been discovered by her roommate who was returning from spending the weekend at her parents' house. According to the first officers on the scene, there was no sign of forced entry or a struggle.
Steve pulled on a pair of latex gloves. "Let's go take a look."
Emma nodded and led the way into the apartment. A female Steve assumed to be the roommate was being tended to by a pair of EMTs in the living room. In the bedroom, the crime scene unit was just starting to set up their equipment. As he approached the door, Steve could see the victim prone on the bed. An image of Carol flashed into his mind as she'd been that day in the alley. Shaking his head to clear it, he took a couple of fortifying breaths and entered the room.
"Nice and neat," the medical examiner commented. "Looks like one slit from a knife and it got the windpipe and carotid artery. She didn't stand a chance."
"Any sign she put up a fight?"
"Nothing obvious, but we'll check for skin under her fingernails and all the usual stuff." The senselessness and brutality of the crime angered Steve. Another family was going to have their world rocked by the arrival of police officers on their doorstep. He didn't have to imagine what the trip to the morgue would be like to identify the body. After snapping off a series of instructions for the crime scene unit, he stripped off his gloves and strode from the room.
Emma stayed long enough to make sure the technicians got started and then went looking for Steve. She found him outside staring moodily into space.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," he snapped.
"Reign in that temper, Lieutenant." Emma spoke sharply. "We're both on the same side here."
"And that would be the losing side, right?" Steve shook his head impatiently. "Are the criminals getting smarter or are we just getting dumber?"
"That's enough! If you can't keep it professional, then I don't want you here. And if you think I'll cover your butt, think again. I won't hesitate to go to Newman if you can't keep it together."
Steve didn't doubt Emma for a minute. He knew he'd been out of line in there and regretted his loss of control. Taking a few deep breaths, he fought to bank his anger. Emma was right. They were both working toward a common goal and he wasn't helping matters by snapping at the people around him.
"You're right. I'm sorry." Steve refused to make excuses for his behavior. "It won't happen again."
Emma relaxed. Steve was one of the best cops she'd ever worked with. If he said it wouldn't happen again then she believed him. Still a part of her could understand his reaction. It couldn't have been easy to walk into that crime scene with the memory of his sister so fresh in his mind. The fact that the victim was female probably hadn't made the situation any easier. Emma silently cursed the fates that had dropped this particular case in their laps. They couldn't return it however, and the murder still had to be investigated.
"Alright." Emma nodded. "Then let's get back to work. I'll take the roommate's statement and you can go door to door."
"And I'll be done before you," Steve predicted as he reentered the building to begin the tedious job of trying to find someone who had seen or heard anything irregular or suspicious around the time of the murder.
**************
"Have you seen Steve lately?" Jesse grimaced at Amanda's seemingly innocent question. "A couple of nights ago at Bob's. Why?"
"How did he seem to you?"
"He wasn't his usual effervescent self," Jesse replied, sarcastically.
"Jesse, stop," Amanda pleaded. "I'm serious. I want to know if you're seeing the same things I'm seeing."
"You mean the weight loss, haunted expression and exhaustion?"
"Well, yes, those too, but I was thinking more about his emotional behavior. Do you think he's withdrawing?"
"You know Steve is pretty reserved when it comes to his feelings, Amanda. He keeps a lot of stuff to himself."
"I know but, lately, he's changed. Right after Carol's murder, he was so angry. Even small things set him off. Remember the screwed up order at the restaurant and the misfiled case reports in the lab? For weeks my staff cringed and ran the other way when he stopped by for a report. They didn't want to deal with him. But lately.he barely speaks to anyone and won't make eye contact when he does say something. It's almost as if he's given up."
"Given up? I don't think so. He's closed five cases since he went back to work. A couple of them were stone cold and he cracked them wide open."
"He's burying himself in his work, he's drifting away from us, he's obviously not eating or sleeping very well," Amanda paused then added quietly, "and he and Mark have been arguing."
That got Jesse's attention. "How do you know that?"
"I overheard them in Mark's office a couple of weeks ago."
"And you never told me?"
"It was awful, Jesse. I've never heard Steve and Mark raise their voices to each other. Sure they've had disagreements, usually over a case, but this was different. They were really going at each other."
Jesse was stunned. Steve and Mark had the relationship he could only dream about having with his own dad. "What were they arguing about?"
"The progress, or more accurately, the lack of progress on Carol's case. It sounded like Mark's been calling Emma for updates because Steve said something about Mark making a nuisance of himself and that Emma would let them know if she uncovered something significant." "How did Mark take that?"
"Not very well. Mark then reminded Steve that if it hadn't been for his behavior driving Carol away in the first place, she probably wouldn't have been living so far from home and having to travel for a visit."
"What?!" Jesse exclaimed. "Mark has always said that he and Steve share responsibility for the problems they had with Carol. Why would he say that to Steve now? It doesn't make any sense."
"Probably because he's hurting and angry and not thinking straight. Unfortunately, I don't think it's the first time he's said it either. Steve said something about not ever letting him forget about his poor relationship with Carol and that the last thing he needed was Mark dumping more guilt on him."
Jesse exhaled loudly. "Was that it?"
Amanda nodded. "Steve stormed out after that. I barely had enough time to duck back out into the hallway, but I'm pretty sure Steve never even noticed I was there. I waited a little while then went back to see Mark. I could tell the argument had bothered him but I pretended I hadn't heard anything and asked him what was wrong. He tried to pass it off by saying Steve had accused him of hovering too much and always checking up on him. I just let it drop because I couldn't say anything without admitting I'd overheard them."
"Well, I don't know about lately, but right after Steve went back to work, Mark was hovering more than normal. I even heard Steve tell Mark to just give him some space. Mark was really flipped out about the possibility of Steve being hurt or worse. He's always managed to control his worry and not let it get the best of him, but I'm sure the thought of possibly burying both his children has been on his mind."
"Jesse, what's going on? All of a sudden nothing's normal anymore."
"I know what you mean. They're barely speaking to each other. If Steve isn't at the precinct, he's at the restaurant. It's almost as if he's avoiding Mark." Jesse paused. "I don't want to imply that one is more at fault than the other for what's going on right now, but do you get the feeling a lot of this.this," Jesse struggled to find the right word, "tension, I guess is what it is, is coming from Steve?"
Amanda nodded slowly. "They both seemed to make some initial progress in moving forward after Carol's death, but I really think Mark has been more successful. And that's a little surprising since you might expect a parent to grieve more deeply than a sibling."
"Of course there is no right or wrong way to grieve, but I understand what you're saying. We're more familiar with parental grief with all the books and research done on it. How much have you read on sibling grief? And male sibling grief on top of that? And consider too that Steve probably wouldn't fit any mold or pattern researchers came up with. He holds too much inside especially his feelings, but he has a huge capacity for love and when he does let go and opens his heart, he loves totally and completely which makes a loss all the more painful for him. Am I making any sense here?"
"Oddly enough, yes," Amanda assured him, "but it still doesn't help us figure out how to right the relationship between Mark and Steve."
"Or more importantly help us figure out what's stressing Steve out. I'm sure he's the key to all this. It's almost as if he's reached a plateau in his grieving and can't figure out how to move forward again. He almost seemed to be coping better right after it happened than he is now"
"Mark could be afraid of losing Steve either physically, emotionally or both. We know how he's always worried about Steve on the job."
Nodding, Jesse said, "The mob shooting and that staph infection were hard on Mark. Those were too close for comfort for him."
"Mark has always been pretty sensitive to Steve's moods, too. If he knows Steve is upset and can't figure out why, that's going to bother him. And if Steve won't confide in him, that'll make the situation worse. Maybe that's why Mark's lashing out because he's worried. It's typical of Steve to withdraw from us and into himself if he's hiding something or keeping something to himself. Combine that with the stress of having to clean out Carol's apartment and the police not being able to find her killer and we've got the potential for a major clash between two strong willed individuals."
Jesse shuddered. "That's not a pretty thought."
"No it's not." Amanda squared her shoulders in determination. "So do you want to talk to Steve or should I?"
"Be my guest. I have no desire to have my head snapped off."
Amanda didn't exactly relish the thought of having this conversation with Steve either, but she was willing to do it if it would help bring Steve and Mark back together. "We've been invited for dinner on Saturday. I'll try to get Steve alone then," she decided.