Lost
Portalkeeper87
A/N: To Missa & Tissa. Hope you don't mind me 'borrowing' you for a scene of your typical wackiness! Sorry for any Angel-bashing…
And here's a list, if anyone has any ideas as to what I could possibly include. (#3!! HELP—just don't even think about 'Angel')
Rules of the Challenge:
A self-insertion fic. At least the following characters have to be included: Buffy, Willow, Xander, Angel, Spike, and Giles. Self-insertion character must develop a crush on one of the aforementioned characters. You can't kill off all the characters. There MUST be something resembling a plot.Chapter 4—Peaches and Cream
The lunchtime meals at Buffy's school apparently consisted of rather gooey green and brown globs, at least for today. The milk was two weeks past the expiration date and the only other beverage was some sort of blue-green slushie.
Needless to say, I decided to skip lunch that day.
Afterwards was full-blown research period. I sat on a table, trying desperately to find something of interest.
All of a sudden, my mom walked in, looking all pissed off. "You didn't do your math homework again, did you Alexis?"
Oops. I could envision the worksheets, still stuffed haphazardly in my backpack. Between crumpled Christmas gift-wrap and wrinkled gym clothes.
And then I was in orchestra, first period, engaged in a battle with a friend from the viola section. Missa was extremely handy with her bow. Then another friend, Tissa, jumped in and Missa's bow rammed through her body.
Then Missa's sweet face melted into that of an enraged Buffy. She pulled the bow out.
Tissa exploded into dust.
The door banged open. I jerked awake abruptly.
"So, find anything?" Buffy asked. The halls were quiet. Had I actually slept through the entire afternoon?
"No, still nothing on accidental openings of inter-dimensional portals," Willow said absently, flipping through another dusty tome.
"Okay. Oh, by the way, Spike stopped by yesterday," Buffy said conversationally.
"Is everything all right?" Giles asked, polishing the lens of his glasses. "Was anyone hurt?"
"Oh no, nothing happened, just the ol' hanging outside the window business." She turned to glare at me. Not exactly fair given that I had just been roused from slumber. "But I had a chance to stake him."
"Did you?" Xander asked, not really paying much attention. As if killing people was ordinary and not worthy of his time.
"I could have." Buffy glowered at me. Again. "But little miss 'hug-the-demons, save-the-vamps' didn't like that, now did she?"
At that moment, a tall, dark figure glided in. It was strange how so many 'dark and ominous' beings there were in Sunnydale that wore black.
This guy was a teensy bit cute, of course, being an actor and all, with dark hair that kinda fell into his eyes. But he gave off pitiful, pathetic vibes which automatically wrote him off as having serious issues in my book.
I never did like David Boreanaz much, at least as to the character he played on Buffy.
"Buffy," he said softly, in a voice that sounded nauseatingly non-threatening. I mean, he was supposed to be a vampire, for crying out loud! Something more than a wretched, dismal skunk without a tail.
"Angel, did something happen?" Apparently Buffy went for the dark, depressed type. The ones with a little too much estrogen and not enough endorphins.
"No, I just had to come see if you were all right. If something had happened…I couldn't go on without you."
Buffy was now locked in an embrace with her pathetic boyfriend.
This was overly sappy, nauseous at best. I really hoped I wasn't going to puke all over Mr. Giles' precious books.
Then again, maybe I should.
Xander agreed with me on this one. "Guys, get a room, will ya?"
"Sh," Willow shushed. "I think it's sweet."
"Oh puh-leaze," I almost snorted. "The guy comes in here for no absolute reason, saying that he's afraid that you're in mortal danger, and you buy it. Not only that, but you let his pitiful excuses to get you into bed to actually—"
I stopped then because of the murderous glint in Buffy's eyes. And the fact that she had me pinned to the wall might have had something to do with it.
"Now, Buffy," Giles said, sounding a little exasperated.
She let me go reluctantly, a warning glare still caught in that deadly gaze.
"Who's your new friend?" Angel asked.
At the word 'friend' Buffy's eyes narrowed considerably.
"Oh, Angel, meet Alexis. Alexis, meet Angel." Willow, always the friendly one.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen you before. Too many times for comfort. Especially in "Amends". Damn the weather channel. I mean, it never snowed before in Sunnydale. Why then?"
The blank stares urged me to further explain. "You know, the Irish guy with the curly brown hair that Angel killed on Christmas? And Jenny? And that other woman at some sort of dinner party, the one whose son became dessert?"
"What about Jenny?" Giles asked sharply, a slight blush rising in his cheeks. He didn't look like someone who was still grieving over an old girlfriend's death. More like he just developed a crush on her and was mortified that someone had almost discovered it.
Then I remembered. This was pre-Angelus. Jenny wasn't dead.
"What did you say?" This came from the dark-haired poof himself. And what was a 'poof' in the first place?
"Never mind. Sorry, didn't happen yet."
"How did you know about Christmas? And the poor serving girl?"
Buffy took a few moments to explain my whereabouts. After which Angel just stared silently at me. Rather uncomfortable.
"So, Angel, what's a poof?" I asked, completely innocently. I mean, I was curious. My questions were all for the sake of curiosity.
He narrowed his eyes. "Spike."
"Really? Wow, I didn't know that. But that still doesn't make much sense." Then I realized that I was an idiot. He meant that the word 'poof' connected with the thought 'Spike' in his mind. Maybe because his grandchilde often called him that.
When Angel finished mumbling, my big mouth kept on opening. "While we're at it, why does he call you 'Peaches'? I mean, he's not gay or anything, right? And neither are you. I think."
Buffy turned questioningly toward her boyfriend. "Peaches?" she asked skeptically.
Now Angel was glowering at me. I could swear he was muttering something like, "if only I didn't have a soul…"
"Not that there's anything wrong with that. Being gay I mean," I looked apologetically at Willow. She just looked confused.
I didn't even notice that no one else was talking. "Right. Oh, wait, I have another question for you—"
With a true growl of frustration and annoyance, Angel and his dark coat swirled out and away.
Boy, was I gifted. In this or any other reality, I could still count on annoying the hell outta everyone.