Lost

Portalkeeper87

12-Home Sweet Home

Angel struggled and cursed as Spike tied him to a pole. A big, thick log, actually. Almost as thick as Angel's skull itself.

"What are you doing to me?" he demanded, still trying to break free.

I shrugged. "A little fun for Dru, maybe a couple of tea parties for the dolls, a few whacks and kicks for Spike, and a little ritual bloodletting to finish it off. Fun as it's been, I really want to get home. Plus, when you turn into a dry husk, Dru's going to get stronger. Two birdies, one bullet…uh, stone."

If it was possible, Angel looked even more frightened than before. Dru smiled insanely, inhaling his terror. She walked next to me and took Miss Edith. The poor doll was all covered with dirt and leaves still, from when Dru had tossed her away.

"Buffy will come," he said uncertainly. "She'll make sure all of you pay."

Spike laughed. "Like to see her try, mate. It's been a while since my last Slayer…I could use a taste."

"Hey, that's not very nice," I chided. "You can't kill Buffy. Even though she is rather…annoying." There was a slightly stronger term I wanted to use. "Two Slayers are plenty. You'll just get in more trouble trying to nail a third."

Spike snorted, lighting another cigarette and accidentally letting the red-hot ashes land on Angel's exposed chest. He whimpered like a little girl.

"And why the hell not?"

"Because…because…because if you kill her there's really no story line," I said, trying to stick to facts as much as possible. "I-I mean, that would ruin everything. As much as you guys are a cute couple together," I gestured to Spike and Dru, "a century is a lot. Maybe…well, I don't want to get my head ripped off, but maybe you guys should…loosen up a little. See other people."

"What-" Spike began, his face turning a bit livid. Oops. I forgot this was before evil Angelus, before he had seen his main squeeze with her sire.

Unfortunately, at that moment Buffy happened to burst out of the woods nearby. Armed with a nasty-looking crossbow and a murderous expression.

"Let him go," she said, her voice like a blade of ice.

"Or what?" Spike taunted. "You gonna shoot bloody arrows at me?"

"No," Buffy said calmly. She turned and let the arrow fly. Right at Dru.

I grabbed the bolt.

"That was bad aim," I said sweetly. "But I'm not the one to talk. In fact, I have pretty bad aim, too." With that, I threw the wooden shaft at Angel. Missed his heart by a few inches to the right. Man, I loved the increased strength and agility, not to mention precision.

Angel shrieked like a little brat.

"Angel!" Buffy yelled, running over to the pole.

"Not so fast, Slayer," Spike drawled, knocking away the empty crossbow. "We're not finished yet." He shoved her away from Angel.

"Ooh, ooh! Let's have the tea party first!" Dru said excitedly, clapping her hands. "We'll have strawberry tea and milk-filled crumpets! Can I pass out the party favors, pretty please?"

Not really waiting for an answer, Dru skipped over to her sire and smelled the blood trickling from his wound. She licked the bloody shaft of the arrow, a slow smile creeping over her face.

"Mmm. Strawberry tea." She closed her eyes, licking her lips. "Yummy. Now where are the crumpets and cookies?" Her eyes opened and she stared with wide-eyed innocence at Angel. "Hmm?"

He grimaced in pain and stared at her. "Dru…"

"Oh, oh, oh! I know, I know! The cookies are in the pantry!" Ooh! Dru was even more insane and evil than I dared imagine. Her hand was in…well, in a private spot. And Angel's face was scrunched in nauseating pain.

"Let me get them out of the jar," she sang happily.

"Um, can you not? Pretty please?" I asked, my face turning a bit green. "We need all of his…parts still firmly attached to make this work."

She pouted like a little child.

"Get off him!" Buffy yelled, running back to her honey, encasing his hunky and yucky flesh in a tight hug. "No one is gonna hurt my Angel."

Before I could make a so-called 'clever' retort, I felt it. Something like a shock, a shiver.

This was the moment, I knew. The moment when the dimensional portals could unlock, when I could get out of this nutty place. This living hell-pit of annoyance. Well, annoying except for the utter hotness of a certain undead vampire that was currently trading blows with the Slayer.

I frowned. Why was I thinking of stuff like this? Stupid crushes on fictional characters. Huh. Just another aspect of normal teenage behavior, I guess.

While Spike was battling Buffy and Dru was playing with Miss Edith, Angel was all alone.

That wasn't right. The poor dude needed company. I grinned and sidled up next to him. He responded by shrinking away and trying to keep his body out of my reach. Hard to do when tied up.

"Do you have a knife I can borrow?" I asked quietly, not wanting to interrupt the activities going on at the moment.

His eyes widened in terror, and he was not giving me a knife, no way.

"Then I guess I'll have to do it the hard way," I said, shrugging. "Tried to warn ya."

With that I bit him as hard as I could on the neck, which still only barely penetrated Angel's thick, hair-gel smelling skin. At least the smelly gel hadn't gotten into his blood. The rich chocolate taste was even better than the two—okay, three—vampires I had sampled so far.

Mmm. But I had a purpose. I couldn't just suck all of Angel's blood.

I bit him again, tearing open the wound further.

Needless to say, Angel was shrieking like a baby this whole time, except that the words coming out once in a while were not quite a part of a baby's vocabulary.

Where his blood dripped, a shimmer appeared. The beginnings of the portal.

"Dru," I said quietly, still not wanting to interrupt the fight. "Dru, come over here."

She scampered over, as excited as a puppy. Standing a few feet away from Angel's bound and bleeding body, she basked in the eerie light coming from the portal.

"The lamb is caught in the blackberry patch," she sang, clenching empty hands. Then she stopped singing and gave me a wide-eyed, innocent stare. "It's the soul. That's why we all left him," she said. "That's why everyone leaves. It's the soul." Then she blinked and turned back to her little song.

Okay…

Finally, I was ready.

"Hey guys, get your hands off each other for a sec, okay?"

Buffy hastily pushed the vampire away, hiding a blush.

"Oh, don't worry, this'll take just a sec. I just wanted to say goodbye…and in your case, Buffy, good riddance."

With that I jumped feet-first into the swirling light. The last thing I saw was Drusilla's insane smile and a burnt porcelain head.

***

Epilogue

My eyes blinked open. I yawned.

I stared into the 'exploring space' screensaver. Touching the mouse, I saw the bunny-patterned desktop.

My computer. My room. I was home!

I was just about to shout for joy when I realized what that little adventure had obviously been. A dream.

A stupid, lousy product of an overactive imagination.

Then I saw what was still clutched in my left hand.

An old burnt doll. Ruined dress, burnt-away curls. A barely recognizable face.

Miss Edith.

"Ahh!" I dropped the doll and raced downstairs, trying to forget what had just happened.

No such luck.

Finally, I switched on the TV upon remembering something. Today was Tuesday, wasn't it? 8:58 PM. Buffy was on at 8. That's what TV Guide had said what seemed an eternity ago. A new episode on UPN. The first one I'd see of this new season.

I caught the last bit before it was over.

The scene was in a dark cave. And there, tied to a pillar with strange symbols on his marvelous abs, was Spike.

And crouching behind him, moving fluidly like a cat, was Drusilla.

Only it wasn't. I don't know how I knew it; I just did.

"Bad, bad dog," she sneered at him, shaking her finger. Spike turned away from her reach. "It's the spark inside you, that's what went wrong."

She suddenly turned into a giant life-sized version of the doll on my bedroom floor. "That's why everyone left, you know."

The doll turned back into Drusilla. "But they aren't all gone." She stared right at the screen. "When sleepy-time comes, the sweet girl will be back."

The screen faded to black. My heart pounded. I wasn't getting to sleep anytime soon. Not if I was going back to that place. I grabbed the phone and dialed up a friend I knew was an ardent Buffy fan.

"Hey, Missa? Could you come over? Right now? With all the taped episodes you have of Buffy? Thanks."

I ran upstairs and opened Internet Explorer.

Typed in, "www.buffyworld.com."

And began to read all the transcripts of the episodes. It was going to be a long night.

But I certainly wouldn't be going back…unprepared.

END

A/N: What do you think? Possible sequel? *evil grin* Alexis in Season 7…wonder what'll happen. R/R! Suggestions, comments, even flames are welcome. Thanks to everyone that reviewed as well as those who read the story and didn't bother to. Please drop off future ideas in the review box located on the bottom left hand corner of the screen or send an e-mail to 'portalkeeper87@hotmail.com'.

Thanks!!