It's a WondERful Life
AUTHOR: Emma Stuart CATEGORY: Romance/Drama SPOILERS: None DISCLAIMER: I do not own ER, or any of the characters. I also don't own the movie I have borrowed from shamelessly, but that hasn't stopped me yet.
SUMMARY: When she contemplates taking her life just before Christmas, Abby finds some unexpected help from a former colleague.
ARCHIVE: Ask and ye shall receive.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thanks for pointing out my mistakes. Keep the feedback coming, please!
Chapter 2. Blue Christmas
Abby took a deep breath. "I said six-there will be six of us." When Carter stared at her with a blank look, she explained, "Maggie just called. She's in town. Surprise."
Carter let out a low whistle. "Surprise, indeed."
"John, what are we going to do? I don't think it's such a good idea for Maggie to spend much time with your family."
"Why not?" Carter asked gently.
She stared at him. "Well, for starters, we have no reassurance that she's taking her medication. And her therapist recommended she not take this trip." Abby ran her fingers through her hair. "That's hardly a setup for happy family interaction."
"I know, Abby, I know. But it is Christmas, and she probably wanted to be with her family." He put both arms around her and hugged her hard. "Is that so hard to understand?"
She stepped away from his embrace. "No, but I just think this could turn into a total disaster. And-and I had such high hopes." Her voice trailed off.
Carter smiled. "Of a perfect holiday season?"
She smiled in turn. "Well, yes, now that you mention it."
He smirked at her. "No such thing. And if it makes you feel better, my family puts the fun in dysfunctional, so Maggie can hardly make things worse."
"Oh, now I feel MUCH better!" Abby exclaimed, laughing. She pushed him away. "Get back to work before you bring the wrath of Weaver down on both our heads."
Carter walked backwards toward the lounge. "Are we still on for tonight?'
"You bet-I guess we'll just deal with things as they come." Abby crossed her fingers and hoped for the best. ---------- Forty-eight hours later. Christmas Eve. What a difference a day or two makes, Abby thought dully. She was standing on the river walk outside of the hospital, leaning against the railing, her face wet with tears. Everything was in ruins, her life was a shambles, and she didn't know what to do.
The evening Maggie had arrived started out with promise. Maggie had arrived at the hospital, and all seemed well. She had come so far in her therapy that she had been able to fly on an airplane, and told Abby solemnly that flying was not as awful as she had remembered. Abby was calm and happy that first night, and acted with decorum around John and Susan and the other doctors, nurses, and hospital personnel. She had joined in with the tree trimming at Abby's apartment, recognizing and exclaiming over the ornaments from Abby's childhood. She had even had the tact to go to bed early and leave Abby alone with John for a while.
But the next morning, Abby had seen warning signs. In retrospect, Abby thought, she should have recognized that her mother was off her medication, and that the stress of going to dinner with strangers was not helping her mental or emotional state. Maggie was manic, racing about the house cleaning and organizing, and making plans for dinner that night. John had invited them over to his Grandmother's house for dinner; his parents were to arrive that afternoon, and he thought it would be nice for everyone to meet and get to know each other before Christmas Eve.
Abby laughed mirthlessly, thinking of Carter's optimistic outlook on the situation. That family dinner had been a disaster. She had picked up Maggie from her apartment and taken a taxi to the Carters' House, and had been so distracted by the rush to change from hospital scrubs to something suitable for the evening ahead that she had not paid much attention to Maggie. When they arrived at the house and Carter took Maggie's coat, Abby was shocked to see her mother in a miniskirt and spangled blouse, her hair teased into ringlets, with four-inch heels and fishnet stockings. Christ, she looked like a hooker, Abby thought with horror. She glanced at Carter and saw that he was slack-jawed with shock.
From there, it was all down hill. Gamma was unflappable as always, her true affection and compassion for Abby tempering any reaction to Abby's mother. John's mother and father were a different story entirely. Mrs. Carter grew more and more frosty as the evening progressed, and asked a number of pointed questions about Maggie's family and Abby's childhood and current life. Mr. Carter drank quite heavily and began flirting with Maggie as the evening moved along. Maggie had several glasses of wine as well, and was not at all adverse to flirting right back. She kept clutching Mr. Carter by the arm, laughing raucously.
Abby wished like hell that she had fallen off the wagon so she could drink herself into a stupor. She pleaded to a headache to end the evening early, and insisted on calling a taxi to take them home, rather than be driven by the Carter family chauffeur. Shoving her mother into a taxi, Abby left as quickly as possible, distractedly thanking Gamma and making eye contact briefly with John, who looked sad and concerned in the foyer behind his grandmother.
As if the evening hadn't been bad enough, the next day was even worse. She had had a horrible fight with Maggie in the morning. Maggie accused her of being ashamed of her mother, she had readily agreed, and the fight escalated into an ugly brawl, ending with Abby telling Maggie "I wish I had never been born!" Maggie had echoed the wish, gathered her things, and run out the door.
Abby had then made several stupid mistakes at work, mixing up charts and patients, and at one point cutting her hand. Her absentmindedness was blatant enough for Dr. Weaver to chew her out and ask what kind of nurse she was to be working so sloppily. She had even tried to speak with Luka for a moment or so, but he was preoccupied with his caseload that day, and said he'd speak with her later.
And Carter. God, she thought, tears streaming down her face. He would barely look at her. He had to be ashamed of her and her mother, and sorry he had ever gotten into a relationship with her. She had tried to speak with him several times, but he had brushed her aside, claiming he was too busy.
When she asked about dinner that night, he had stammered that maybe it was better for them to spend Christmas Eve apart, with their own families. She gaped at him. "Why?"
"Because," he explained patiently, "it's painful for you and it's painful for me. We'd be better off celebrating Christmas together after the holiday."
Abby stared at him, a hurt expression on her features. "You're ashamed of me, aren't you?"
"No, no" Carter stammered hastily, "not you. But Maggie-is a little much to take."
"And your parents aren't?" she shot back.
He looked angry. "I'm not saying my parents are perfect, they're not. And that's why we're probably better off celebrating with our own families."
"Fine," Abby choked out, fighting to keep her emotions under control, "if you feel that way, there's no point in celebrating Christmas later, and there's no point in continuing this relationship. You stay with your family, John, and I'll stay with mine. I'm through with you."
He tried to grab her arm as she swung away. "Abby, wait, this isn't what I want," but she wrenched her arm away and stormed down the hall to the ladies room. When she came out half an hour later, he had left for the night. See how much he cares about me, she thought dully. He had left the hospital early, as had Susan and Luka. She stayed at work until 10:00 that evening, so that Haleh and Yosh and Lydia could leave early. They had families and loved ones waiting for them. Her shift was over, but she could not go home.
Why should she go home? There was no reason. God knows where her mother had gone. She felt totally empty inside. Wiping tears away from both cheeks, Abby stood up from her leaning position against the railing. "I meant what I said, Mom," she shouted suddenly. "I wish I had never been born! Everyone would have been better off!" What had she ever done with her life besides make one mistake after another? The mother she couldn't help, the lover who didn't want her, the ex-husband whose life she made miserable, the baby she had aborted. She has made one mistake after another, all culminating here. Well, enough was enough.
She looked down into the swirling waters of the river below, and made a sudden decision. Nothing left to live for. She swung her leg over the railing and pulled herself up and over until she perched on the thin cement ledge. Nothing left to live for. She leaned against the railing and took a deep breath. Nothing left to live for.
"Abby, don't." The quiet words startled her. She grasped the railing and spun around.
"You?" she gasped in shock.
AUTHOR: Emma Stuart CATEGORY: Romance/Drama SPOILERS: None DISCLAIMER: I do not own ER, or any of the characters. I also don't own the movie I have borrowed from shamelessly, but that hasn't stopped me yet.
SUMMARY: When she contemplates taking her life just before Christmas, Abby finds some unexpected help from a former colleague.
ARCHIVE: Ask and ye shall receive.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thanks for pointing out my mistakes. Keep the feedback coming, please!
Chapter 2. Blue Christmas
Abby took a deep breath. "I said six-there will be six of us." When Carter stared at her with a blank look, she explained, "Maggie just called. She's in town. Surprise."
Carter let out a low whistle. "Surprise, indeed."
"John, what are we going to do? I don't think it's such a good idea for Maggie to spend much time with your family."
"Why not?" Carter asked gently.
She stared at him. "Well, for starters, we have no reassurance that she's taking her medication. And her therapist recommended she not take this trip." Abby ran her fingers through her hair. "That's hardly a setup for happy family interaction."
"I know, Abby, I know. But it is Christmas, and she probably wanted to be with her family." He put both arms around her and hugged her hard. "Is that so hard to understand?"
She stepped away from his embrace. "No, but I just think this could turn into a total disaster. And-and I had such high hopes." Her voice trailed off.
Carter smiled. "Of a perfect holiday season?"
She smiled in turn. "Well, yes, now that you mention it."
He smirked at her. "No such thing. And if it makes you feel better, my family puts the fun in dysfunctional, so Maggie can hardly make things worse."
"Oh, now I feel MUCH better!" Abby exclaimed, laughing. She pushed him away. "Get back to work before you bring the wrath of Weaver down on both our heads."
Carter walked backwards toward the lounge. "Are we still on for tonight?'
"You bet-I guess we'll just deal with things as they come." Abby crossed her fingers and hoped for the best. ---------- Forty-eight hours later. Christmas Eve. What a difference a day or two makes, Abby thought dully. She was standing on the river walk outside of the hospital, leaning against the railing, her face wet with tears. Everything was in ruins, her life was a shambles, and she didn't know what to do.
The evening Maggie had arrived started out with promise. Maggie had arrived at the hospital, and all seemed well. She had come so far in her therapy that she had been able to fly on an airplane, and told Abby solemnly that flying was not as awful as she had remembered. Abby was calm and happy that first night, and acted with decorum around John and Susan and the other doctors, nurses, and hospital personnel. She had joined in with the tree trimming at Abby's apartment, recognizing and exclaiming over the ornaments from Abby's childhood. She had even had the tact to go to bed early and leave Abby alone with John for a while.
But the next morning, Abby had seen warning signs. In retrospect, Abby thought, she should have recognized that her mother was off her medication, and that the stress of going to dinner with strangers was not helping her mental or emotional state. Maggie was manic, racing about the house cleaning and organizing, and making plans for dinner that night. John had invited them over to his Grandmother's house for dinner; his parents were to arrive that afternoon, and he thought it would be nice for everyone to meet and get to know each other before Christmas Eve.
Abby laughed mirthlessly, thinking of Carter's optimistic outlook on the situation. That family dinner had been a disaster. She had picked up Maggie from her apartment and taken a taxi to the Carters' House, and had been so distracted by the rush to change from hospital scrubs to something suitable for the evening ahead that she had not paid much attention to Maggie. When they arrived at the house and Carter took Maggie's coat, Abby was shocked to see her mother in a miniskirt and spangled blouse, her hair teased into ringlets, with four-inch heels and fishnet stockings. Christ, she looked like a hooker, Abby thought with horror. She glanced at Carter and saw that he was slack-jawed with shock.
From there, it was all down hill. Gamma was unflappable as always, her true affection and compassion for Abby tempering any reaction to Abby's mother. John's mother and father were a different story entirely. Mrs. Carter grew more and more frosty as the evening progressed, and asked a number of pointed questions about Maggie's family and Abby's childhood and current life. Mr. Carter drank quite heavily and began flirting with Maggie as the evening moved along. Maggie had several glasses of wine as well, and was not at all adverse to flirting right back. She kept clutching Mr. Carter by the arm, laughing raucously.
Abby wished like hell that she had fallen off the wagon so she could drink herself into a stupor. She pleaded to a headache to end the evening early, and insisted on calling a taxi to take them home, rather than be driven by the Carter family chauffeur. Shoving her mother into a taxi, Abby left as quickly as possible, distractedly thanking Gamma and making eye contact briefly with John, who looked sad and concerned in the foyer behind his grandmother.
As if the evening hadn't been bad enough, the next day was even worse. She had had a horrible fight with Maggie in the morning. Maggie accused her of being ashamed of her mother, she had readily agreed, and the fight escalated into an ugly brawl, ending with Abby telling Maggie "I wish I had never been born!" Maggie had echoed the wish, gathered her things, and run out the door.
Abby had then made several stupid mistakes at work, mixing up charts and patients, and at one point cutting her hand. Her absentmindedness was blatant enough for Dr. Weaver to chew her out and ask what kind of nurse she was to be working so sloppily. She had even tried to speak with Luka for a moment or so, but he was preoccupied with his caseload that day, and said he'd speak with her later.
And Carter. God, she thought, tears streaming down her face. He would barely look at her. He had to be ashamed of her and her mother, and sorry he had ever gotten into a relationship with her. She had tried to speak with him several times, but he had brushed her aside, claiming he was too busy.
When she asked about dinner that night, he had stammered that maybe it was better for them to spend Christmas Eve apart, with their own families. She gaped at him. "Why?"
"Because," he explained patiently, "it's painful for you and it's painful for me. We'd be better off celebrating Christmas together after the holiday."
Abby stared at him, a hurt expression on her features. "You're ashamed of me, aren't you?"
"No, no" Carter stammered hastily, "not you. But Maggie-is a little much to take."
"And your parents aren't?" she shot back.
He looked angry. "I'm not saying my parents are perfect, they're not. And that's why we're probably better off celebrating with our own families."
"Fine," Abby choked out, fighting to keep her emotions under control, "if you feel that way, there's no point in celebrating Christmas later, and there's no point in continuing this relationship. You stay with your family, John, and I'll stay with mine. I'm through with you."
He tried to grab her arm as she swung away. "Abby, wait, this isn't what I want," but she wrenched her arm away and stormed down the hall to the ladies room. When she came out half an hour later, he had left for the night. See how much he cares about me, she thought dully. He had left the hospital early, as had Susan and Luka. She stayed at work until 10:00 that evening, so that Haleh and Yosh and Lydia could leave early. They had families and loved ones waiting for them. Her shift was over, but she could not go home.
Why should she go home? There was no reason. God knows where her mother had gone. She felt totally empty inside. Wiping tears away from both cheeks, Abby stood up from her leaning position against the railing. "I meant what I said, Mom," she shouted suddenly. "I wish I had never been born! Everyone would have been better off!" What had she ever done with her life besides make one mistake after another? The mother she couldn't help, the lover who didn't want her, the ex-husband whose life she made miserable, the baby she had aborted. She has made one mistake after another, all culminating here. Well, enough was enough.
She looked down into the swirling waters of the river below, and made a sudden decision. Nothing left to live for. She swung her leg over the railing and pulled herself up and over until she perched on the thin cement ledge. Nothing left to live for. She leaned against the railing and took a deep breath. Nothing left to live for.
"Abby, don't." The quiet words startled her. She grasped the railing and spun around.
"You?" she gasped in shock.