Disclaimer: They belong to JKR, not me. The lyrics are from the song 'Always' by Saliva.
Notes: This is weird. But hey, I kinda like it.
Done With You
I turn the Muggle contraption over in my hands, staring at my reflection in the gleaming silver of it's side. It feels so strange in my grip, and I almost can't believe something so tiny is capable of so much destruction. A smile tugs at my lips; it's almost like our wands, but this can do so much more damage. It can tear a man apart.
And it's going to.
I can't remember the exact day I had come home and found Lucius in the arms of yet another woman. He always had an insatiable appetite for women; he went through them like he went through meals while we were at Hogwarts, consuming another one before he was even done with the first. But he could do it. He was a man, the one man they all had to have. All the girls wanted him, all of them wanted to be with him and every single one of them wanted to be in my place the day he asked me to marry him. Of course, I had been the one who hadn't fallen for his charms immediately and that was the reason he wanted me. I was a challenge; to have me would make him the winner.
Lucius always won, he made sure of it. It didn't surprise anyone when he won me over, showering me with gifts and praise, though to be quite honest, it wasn't the material things that convinced me to marry him. It was the status I would have upon becoming a Malfoy; if I married him I would be able to rule the world had I wanted to.
//I hear a voice say "Don't be so blind"
It's telling me all these things
That you would probably hide
Am I your one and only desire
Am I the reason you breath
Or am I the reason you cry//
I loved him at one point, there's no denying that I did, but I wonder where my love ended and my hate began. He transformed into something that I didn't know, he changed from an arrogant boy to some kind of monster. He was still Lucius on the outside, but the inside changed so much over the years, he was rotten. At some point during the past twenty years Lucius' soul has turned to dust and has blown away leaving nothing behind but a twisted and mangled shell of what used to be inside of him.
I lost him years ago, though I'm not quite sure I really had him. There were always others, some of which he would kill afterward and dispose of their bodies like it was nothing; like they weren't even human. I'm definitely not the epitome of kindness but they were just girls and their families never knew what happened to them. Years have gone by and bodies have wasted away in our cellar, and I pretended that I didn't know. For the sake of our marriage – our façade I should say – I pretended not to notice the smell whenever a housekeeper opened the cellar door.
Yet, despite this all, I continue to debate the seriousness of the situation. I wonder, have I really fallen as far as Lucius?
//I love you, I hate you
I can't get around you
I breathe you, I taste you
I can't live without you//
As sad as I may find it, I have fallen as far as he has, especially if I am really willing to do what I have planned. I can't live in this house any longer, knowing that the man I married has turned into a complete monster. He's so controlled on the outside, calm and cold, no one sees the real Lucius except for myself and our son. No one else feels his wrath, except for the poor girls he uses and then murders. He's so good at hiding his feelings and because of that talent Draco and I have become experts in the matter as well. The Malfoys; unfeeling, cold, bitter, jaded. We're all those things and so much more because of him.
I'm bitter, I'll admit that. He took away what life I could have had and I place all the blame on him. I know it's not really all his fault, I agreed to marry him, after all. But it's easier to blame him, it fuels the hatred burning inside of him to the point where it rages out of control. That's the reason I bought this, a tiny killing machine. My control had abandoned me and so has my mind, I don't know what I feel anymore, I don't know if the burning is my hatred or my love for him.
I'm lost because of him and I have to escape it.
//I just can't take anymore
This life of solitude
I guess that I'm out the door
and now I'm done with you//
He'll walk in that door any second, an arrogant smile painted on his amazing lips. He's handsome, I'll never deny that, he's still handsome even to me. I still love his body, I still love the way his hair feels running through my fingers and over my hands. He still manages to make me feel like I'm his one and only, night after night, regardless of what I really know. He's talented beyond words and I love him for it. But I hate him for the deceit.
The front door of our home will swing open and he'll stand there, his shadow falling over the carpet, perhaps another young woman on his arm. Maybe he'll have just come back from a Death Eater's meeting, maybe there will be blood on his hands and his face, maybe he'll have killed someone and enjoyed it. I don't know what to expect anymore, not from him. He's a mystery to me, the person he's become is so different and so confusing.
He'll drape a cool finger across my face, sliding over my cheekbones and down my throat to calm me. It always works, even if I'm not sure that I recognize the eyes, the fingers still feel the same. His body is so right to me, we were meant to be together, but I can't stand the light in his cold eyes. It hurts me to look at him, to meet his gaze and pretend that I don't know what's happening. I want to keep on loving him, but he's not the person he used to be.
//I feel like you don't want me around
I guess I'll pack all my things
I guess I'll see you around
It's all been bottled up until now
As I walk out your door
All I can hear is the sound//
The door swings open and he stands there, bathed in the soft light of the fading sun. The moment I see him I hate myself for thinking this way. I need to hide the pistol in my hands, I can't let him see what I was thinking about doing. He's my husband and I love him.
Don't I?
I stare at him, drinking in his features, his soft hair pulled back from his face. He's something else, my husband. I almost go to him, I almost wrap my arms around his neck and press my lips against his. I take the first step just as he spreads his hands before me and I see that his pale skin is stained with crimson blood. He's taken another life, murdered another innocent and I can do nothing but stare at the droplet of blood that quivers on the end of his finger before falling silently to the floor.
"Who?" I ask.
A smile turns up the corners of his mouth. "Some useless Muggle. It was just a practice killing, love. No real harm done."
"Some useless Muggle," I whisper. I wonder what he would do if I told him that I was part Muggle. I'm not, but I wonder if he would kill me too. What if I were to tell him that a Muggle got me pregnant, that Draco really isn't his son, but the child of a witch and a Muggle? It's not the truth, but would be run upstairs and strangle our son as he lay asleep?
//I see the blood all over your hands
Does it make you feel more like a man
Was it all just a part of your plan
This pistol's shaking in my hands
And all I hear is the sound//
My hands raise without a conscious effort, my brain is leading my body where it needs to go and my heart is staying out of the battle. I don't know how to shoot, but the gun levels with his head and my finger tightens on the trigger. His grey eyes go wide and for the first time in ages I can see the man I married. He's frightened, he doesn't have the power anymore. Tonight he's the victim and I'm the aggressor. Tonight he'll finally know what it's like to be nothing more than the useless Muggles he likes to kill.
The gun goes off, startling me slightly but my hands remain solid as the blast runs through them. The shock throws off my aim and I miss him, the bullet whizzing past his head to embed itself in the wall. He blinks a few times as if he's not sure he's still alive, but I don't give him time to think. The next bullet pounds into his chest, though it's not quite what I expected. He collapses to his knees as blood begins to spill down the front of his black robes. I expected a quick death, nothing like what I've really done.
"Why?" he moans as his shaking arms brace his body against the floor. "Why a gun?"
I drop the pistol. "Just to show you what a useless Muggle came up with," I reply, then walk over to the front door. He's trembling, barely able to keep himself up and I'm suddenly glad that I've done it.
He'll always be a monster and I can't live with that anymore.
//I love you, I hate you
I can't get around you
I breathe you, I taste you
I can't live without you
I just can't take anymore
This life of solitude
I guess that I'm out the door
And now I'm done with you... //
End
Notes: This is weird. But hey, I kinda like it.
Done With You
I turn the Muggle contraption over in my hands, staring at my reflection in the gleaming silver of it's side. It feels so strange in my grip, and I almost can't believe something so tiny is capable of so much destruction. A smile tugs at my lips; it's almost like our wands, but this can do so much more damage. It can tear a man apart.
And it's going to.
I can't remember the exact day I had come home and found Lucius in the arms of yet another woman. He always had an insatiable appetite for women; he went through them like he went through meals while we were at Hogwarts, consuming another one before he was even done with the first. But he could do it. He was a man, the one man they all had to have. All the girls wanted him, all of them wanted to be with him and every single one of them wanted to be in my place the day he asked me to marry him. Of course, I had been the one who hadn't fallen for his charms immediately and that was the reason he wanted me. I was a challenge; to have me would make him the winner.
Lucius always won, he made sure of it. It didn't surprise anyone when he won me over, showering me with gifts and praise, though to be quite honest, it wasn't the material things that convinced me to marry him. It was the status I would have upon becoming a Malfoy; if I married him I would be able to rule the world had I wanted to.
//I hear a voice say "Don't be so blind"
It's telling me all these things
That you would probably hide
Am I your one and only desire
Am I the reason you breath
Or am I the reason you cry//
I loved him at one point, there's no denying that I did, but I wonder where my love ended and my hate began. He transformed into something that I didn't know, he changed from an arrogant boy to some kind of monster. He was still Lucius on the outside, but the inside changed so much over the years, he was rotten. At some point during the past twenty years Lucius' soul has turned to dust and has blown away leaving nothing behind but a twisted and mangled shell of what used to be inside of him.
I lost him years ago, though I'm not quite sure I really had him. There were always others, some of which he would kill afterward and dispose of their bodies like it was nothing; like they weren't even human. I'm definitely not the epitome of kindness but they were just girls and their families never knew what happened to them. Years have gone by and bodies have wasted away in our cellar, and I pretended that I didn't know. For the sake of our marriage – our façade I should say – I pretended not to notice the smell whenever a housekeeper opened the cellar door.
Yet, despite this all, I continue to debate the seriousness of the situation. I wonder, have I really fallen as far as Lucius?
//I love you, I hate you
I can't get around you
I breathe you, I taste you
I can't live without you//
As sad as I may find it, I have fallen as far as he has, especially if I am really willing to do what I have planned. I can't live in this house any longer, knowing that the man I married has turned into a complete monster. He's so controlled on the outside, calm and cold, no one sees the real Lucius except for myself and our son. No one else feels his wrath, except for the poor girls he uses and then murders. He's so good at hiding his feelings and because of that talent Draco and I have become experts in the matter as well. The Malfoys; unfeeling, cold, bitter, jaded. We're all those things and so much more because of him.
I'm bitter, I'll admit that. He took away what life I could have had and I place all the blame on him. I know it's not really all his fault, I agreed to marry him, after all. But it's easier to blame him, it fuels the hatred burning inside of him to the point where it rages out of control. That's the reason I bought this, a tiny killing machine. My control had abandoned me and so has my mind, I don't know what I feel anymore, I don't know if the burning is my hatred or my love for him.
I'm lost because of him and I have to escape it.
//I just can't take anymore
This life of solitude
I guess that I'm out the door
and now I'm done with you//
He'll walk in that door any second, an arrogant smile painted on his amazing lips. He's handsome, I'll never deny that, he's still handsome even to me. I still love his body, I still love the way his hair feels running through my fingers and over my hands. He still manages to make me feel like I'm his one and only, night after night, regardless of what I really know. He's talented beyond words and I love him for it. But I hate him for the deceit.
The front door of our home will swing open and he'll stand there, his shadow falling over the carpet, perhaps another young woman on his arm. Maybe he'll have just come back from a Death Eater's meeting, maybe there will be blood on his hands and his face, maybe he'll have killed someone and enjoyed it. I don't know what to expect anymore, not from him. He's a mystery to me, the person he's become is so different and so confusing.
He'll drape a cool finger across my face, sliding over my cheekbones and down my throat to calm me. It always works, even if I'm not sure that I recognize the eyes, the fingers still feel the same. His body is so right to me, we were meant to be together, but I can't stand the light in his cold eyes. It hurts me to look at him, to meet his gaze and pretend that I don't know what's happening. I want to keep on loving him, but he's not the person he used to be.
//I feel like you don't want me around
I guess I'll pack all my things
I guess I'll see you around
It's all been bottled up until now
As I walk out your door
All I can hear is the sound//
The door swings open and he stands there, bathed in the soft light of the fading sun. The moment I see him I hate myself for thinking this way. I need to hide the pistol in my hands, I can't let him see what I was thinking about doing. He's my husband and I love him.
Don't I?
I stare at him, drinking in his features, his soft hair pulled back from his face. He's something else, my husband. I almost go to him, I almost wrap my arms around his neck and press my lips against his. I take the first step just as he spreads his hands before me and I see that his pale skin is stained with crimson blood. He's taken another life, murdered another innocent and I can do nothing but stare at the droplet of blood that quivers on the end of his finger before falling silently to the floor.
"Who?" I ask.
A smile turns up the corners of his mouth. "Some useless Muggle. It was just a practice killing, love. No real harm done."
"Some useless Muggle," I whisper. I wonder what he would do if I told him that I was part Muggle. I'm not, but I wonder if he would kill me too. What if I were to tell him that a Muggle got me pregnant, that Draco really isn't his son, but the child of a witch and a Muggle? It's not the truth, but would be run upstairs and strangle our son as he lay asleep?
//I see the blood all over your hands
Does it make you feel more like a man
Was it all just a part of your plan
This pistol's shaking in my hands
And all I hear is the sound//
My hands raise without a conscious effort, my brain is leading my body where it needs to go and my heart is staying out of the battle. I don't know how to shoot, but the gun levels with his head and my finger tightens on the trigger. His grey eyes go wide and for the first time in ages I can see the man I married. He's frightened, he doesn't have the power anymore. Tonight he's the victim and I'm the aggressor. Tonight he'll finally know what it's like to be nothing more than the useless Muggles he likes to kill.
The gun goes off, startling me slightly but my hands remain solid as the blast runs through them. The shock throws off my aim and I miss him, the bullet whizzing past his head to embed itself in the wall. He blinks a few times as if he's not sure he's still alive, but I don't give him time to think. The next bullet pounds into his chest, though it's not quite what I expected. He collapses to his knees as blood begins to spill down the front of his black robes. I expected a quick death, nothing like what I've really done.
"Why?" he moans as his shaking arms brace his body against the floor. "Why a gun?"
I drop the pistol. "Just to show you what a useless Muggle came up with," I reply, then walk over to the front door. He's trembling, barely able to keep himself up and I'm suddenly glad that I've done it.
He'll always be a monster and I can't live with that anymore.
//I love you, I hate you
I can't get around you
I breathe you, I taste you
I can't live without you
I just can't take anymore
This life of solitude
I guess that I'm out the door
And now I'm done with you... //
End