It's a WondERful Life
AUTHOR: Emma Stuart CATEGORY: Romance/Drama SPOILERS: Eric's condition and the ugliness between Abby, Eric, and Maggie have not happened in my universe-at least, not yet. DISCLAIMER: I do not own ER, or any of the characters. I also don't own the movie I have borrowed from shamelessly, but that hasn't stopped me yet.
SUMMARY: When she contemplates taking her life just before Christmas, Abby finds some unexpected help from a former colleague. FINAL CHAPTER is posted- thanks to all reviewers (Anna, you know who you are) who urged me to get off my lazy rear end and finish this. Happy holidays, everyone!
ARCHIVE: Ask and ye shall receive
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Chapter 6. I'll Be Home for Christmas
Abby ran heedlessly, the only thought in her head that she had to get back to the river overlook, the place where all of this started. It had started to snow, so the roads and sidewalk were slippery, and she slid and lurched as she ran, but she kept running.
She was breathless and had a stitch in her side when she reached the railing. Leaning against the rail, she prayed breathlessly, "Please, God, I'm sorry for what I said. I don't want to be dead, I want to live. I'm so sorry, just set things back to the way that they were. Please don't leave things like this, please help me." She hugged her arms around her shaking body and sobbed, sliding down the railing into a heap on the sidewalk.
"Abby," a quiet voice asked just over her head. Oh, God, she thought, not another ghost.
"Abby," the voice repeated. Looking up fearfully, she saw Luka towering over her, concern etched in his face. "Are you OK?"
"You're here," she breathed in amazement, "and you know who I am?"
He stared at her as if she were crazy. "Yes, I know who you are. Why wouldn't I?"
Abby realized that she was wet and cold. Her throat was scratchy again. And her hand was throbbing with pain. Her hand! Looking at her palm, she saw the bandage was back in place.
"Oh my God!' she breathed, "My hand hurts!" Laughing hysterically, she scrambled to her feet and shoved her palm under Luka's nose. "My hand hurts! Do you know what this means?
"Yes, it means you cut your hand," Luka responded tersely, clasping her hand and moving it away from his face. "Abby, I was worried about you. That's why I came back to the hospital. What are you doing out here, sitting on the ground in the cold?"
"Oh, Luka," Abby cried out with a wide smile, "How do you like that! I'm alive, Luka!" She leaped toward him and clasped him tightly around the neck. "And you didn't go back to Croatia!"
Momentarily stunned by her embrace, Luka stood motionless, but as remembrance flooded through him, his arms came up about her and he clasped her tightly to him. "Why would you think I was going back to Croatia?" he asked in a bemused tone.
She looked up at him, tears running down her face, and cupped his cheek with one of her hands. "Never mind-I'm just glad you're here."
Luka gazed down at her with a strange intensity. "Abby-" he blurted before she gave a gasp and pulled abruptly away from him.
"Oh my God, my mother! I've got to find Maggie. She left this morning, and I need to make things right between us." She turned away and ran a few steps, then ran back to him. Leaning up, she kissed him gently on his lips. "Merry Christmas, Luka," she sang out. Her smile dazzled him.
"Abby, wait-" he exclaimed as she sprinted away again. "Let me drive you home, it's too late to take the El," he called after her. But she was gone, running and sliding as quickly as her feet would take her, laughing as she lurched along in the slush. Luka shook his head in amazement-he had never seen her this happy. And he had missed his chance with her yet again.
"It's not too late, it's not too late," kept ringing in Abby's head like a mantra. Her feet flew up the steps to the El and she raced onto the waiting train just as the doors were closing. The train ride seemed to take forever, but a wonderful sense of peace and well-being had descended upon her, and she felt anxious to share this with her mother, and to set things right between them.
As she hurried along the sidewalk toward her apartment, she spied someone sitting huddled on her front steps-her mother. Maggie looked lost and cold, shivering on the front stoop in a thin coat. "Maggie!" Abby cried and raced toward the steps. Maggie's head snapped toward Abby and she stood abruptly, her face crumbling with relief and remorse. "Oh, Abby, sweetie!" she cried as Abby threw her arms around her. They wobbled and sat down abruptly on the stoop, clinging to each other.
"Oh, Abby, honey, I am so sorry. Everything is my fault," Maggie sobbed. "I screw up everything I touch!"
"Shh, shh, shh," Abby hushed her. "It was my fault, I had no right to speak to you like that or treat you that way. Can you forgive me?"
Maggie looked shocked. "Oh, honey, there's nothing for me to forgive. But, I ruined your Christmas."
"No," Abby laughed joyously, "You made my Christmas. You will never believe what I've been through this evening!"
Maggie looked at her in bewilderment. "Honey, are you feeling alright? I came back to the apartment this evening, and when you weren't here I was so worried. I called the hospital and they said you had left. We've been looking for you everywhere-"
"Never mind where I was, we're here together now." She took Maggie's hands in hers, and chafed them to warm them. "I don't care what happened last night. It doesn't matter. You're my mother, and I love you. And I'm so lucky to have you." Abby hugged her hard. "It took me awhile to realize it, but I'm lucky and I have a lot to be thankful for. And if it's just us for Christmas, we'll have a wonderful time. Just the two of us."
"Three of us," said a quiet voice behind her. Turning on the stoop, Abby looked into her brother's eyes. He stood on the sidewalk, tall and handsome in his uniform, legs apart and hands jammed into his pockets.
"Eric!" she shrieked, and ran to hug him, knocking his hat to the ground in the process. He laughed at Abby as she cried and babbled, "When did you- how did you-oh, you're here! And you're alright!"
"Of course, I'm alright. Why wouldn't I be alright?" he retorted. "I put in for leave over the holiday, and wanted to surprise you and Mom." He looked at her quizzically. "But instead of having a nice, quiet meal with my family, I've spent the entire evening cruising around town, looking for you. Where the hell have you been?"
She hugged him hard. "You'd never believe it." She turned toward Maggie, smiling broadly. "Doesn't he look wonderful, Mom?"
Maggie looked with misty eyes at both of them. "You both look wonderful. I never thought I'd see the day where we'd be together at Christmas again."
Abby glanced up at Eric. "You spent the whole evening looking for me? Have you been pounding the streets? You must be exhausted."
"No, I've been riding around-"
"With me," Carter finished Eric's sentence as he walked slowly around the corner. He stood behind Eric, staring at Abby. A silence fell over the small group.
Maggie stood abruptly from the steps and held out one hand to Eric. "Come on, Honey, let's go inside and let John and Abby have a moment alone." As she pulled him up the stairs to the front door of the apartment house, she whispered to Abby, "You take your time, sweetie, we'll be inside waiting for you."
The door closed behind their retreating figures, leaving Carter and Abby staring at each other.
"I'm sorry," Carter said quietly. "I am really sorry for the things I said to you. I've been sick with worry tonight looking for you. I kept imagining all sorts of horrible things."
Abby smiled sadly at him. "You don't have to be sorry, everything you said was true. But you know what? She's my mother, my family, and I love her no matter what she does." She took a deep breath. "It took a special person to point it out to me, but I'm damned lucky to have her and my brother, my friends, my job, and the life I lead. And you." She spread her hands in front of her, a rueful smile on her face. "I have a wonderful life, do you know that? Problem is, I spend so much time looking at the shadows that I neglect to see the sunlight. But I want that to be different now. I want to concentrate on coming out of the shadows. Well," she hesitated, "maybe I don't want to stay in the sunlight all of the time-that would be too big of a change for me. But reduce the time in the shadows? You bet." She took a step toward Carter. "My question is: do you want to walk out of the shadows with me?"
"Abby-"
"Believe me, I'll understand if you say no," she quickly interrupted. "I haven't made you very happy, have I? Our families don't deal very well with each other. You do know that I want you to be happy, don't you?"
Carter looked at the ground and swallowed hard, then gazed up at her. She was stunned to see tears in his eyes. "If you don't know by now that I choose you, happy, sad, or whatever, I guess you don't know me at all." He jammed both his hands into his jacket pockets. "You do make me happy, I'm just too thick headed to realize it at times." He took a deep breath. "I was so afraid tonight when I called Maggie and she said you weren't home yet. I drove around imagining that something horrible had happened to you, and I blamed myself for being so selfish and worrying about a stupid dinner with my family rather than your feelings. When I couldn't find you, I imagined what life would be like without you, and it was too terrible to think about." He stopped abruptly, and added, "My family can take care of itself. My only concern should be you."
"John, I never meant to worry you. I've actually had a fantastic adventure tonight, and someday I'll tell you all about it. But among the many things I realized tonight, the most important was that I don't want to be without you, either." She folded her arms in front of her chest. "I lost you for awhile tonight, and I don't ever want to feel that way again."
Each took a step toward the other, then another until they were in each other's arms. Abby snuggled closer to Carter, and gave a contented sigh. "Oh, that's much, much better."
Carter pulled her closer to him. "You're freezing," he marveled, as he wrapped his arms tighter about her waist. "Have you been walking around in the cold all night?"
"Mmmm hmmm," she murmured, not wanting to break contact.
They stood in each other's arms for what seemed an eternity, content and complete. Somewhere in the distance, they heard a clock chime. Midnight. Christmas Day. Abby started giggling.
"What?" Carter asked, pulling back to peer into her face.
"Remember that old movie, where Jimmy Stewart's daughter-what was her name? Zady? Zena?'
"Was it that Christmas movie?" Carter asked. When she nodded, he responded, "Wasn't it ZuZu,?"
"THAT'S IT! Zuzu! Anyway, remember when she said, 'Teacher says, every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings'?"
Carter smiled. "Is this going somewhere?"
"Well, I just heard the bells ring, and I hope that that means my angel got his wings." As she looked up into the night sky, she spotted a shooting star streaking toward earth. "Oh, look! It must be a sign! That's it! Way to go, Mark!"
Carter peered into her face with amusement. "I'd ask if you've been drinking, but I don't want to ruin the moment." He tenderly took her face in his hands and kissed her. "Merry Christmas, you lunatic. I love you."
She smiled at him. "Merry Christmas, Carter. Right back at you."
AUTHOR: Emma Stuart CATEGORY: Romance/Drama SPOILERS: Eric's condition and the ugliness between Abby, Eric, and Maggie have not happened in my universe-at least, not yet. DISCLAIMER: I do not own ER, or any of the characters. I also don't own the movie I have borrowed from shamelessly, but that hasn't stopped me yet.
SUMMARY: When she contemplates taking her life just before Christmas, Abby finds some unexpected help from a former colleague. FINAL CHAPTER is posted- thanks to all reviewers (Anna, you know who you are) who urged me to get off my lazy rear end and finish this. Happy holidays, everyone!
ARCHIVE: Ask and ye shall receive
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Chapter 6. I'll Be Home for Christmas
Abby ran heedlessly, the only thought in her head that she had to get back to the river overlook, the place where all of this started. It had started to snow, so the roads and sidewalk were slippery, and she slid and lurched as she ran, but she kept running.
She was breathless and had a stitch in her side when she reached the railing. Leaning against the rail, she prayed breathlessly, "Please, God, I'm sorry for what I said. I don't want to be dead, I want to live. I'm so sorry, just set things back to the way that they were. Please don't leave things like this, please help me." She hugged her arms around her shaking body and sobbed, sliding down the railing into a heap on the sidewalk.
"Abby," a quiet voice asked just over her head. Oh, God, she thought, not another ghost.
"Abby," the voice repeated. Looking up fearfully, she saw Luka towering over her, concern etched in his face. "Are you OK?"
"You're here," she breathed in amazement, "and you know who I am?"
He stared at her as if she were crazy. "Yes, I know who you are. Why wouldn't I?"
Abby realized that she was wet and cold. Her throat was scratchy again. And her hand was throbbing with pain. Her hand! Looking at her palm, she saw the bandage was back in place.
"Oh my God!' she breathed, "My hand hurts!" Laughing hysterically, she scrambled to her feet and shoved her palm under Luka's nose. "My hand hurts! Do you know what this means?
"Yes, it means you cut your hand," Luka responded tersely, clasping her hand and moving it away from his face. "Abby, I was worried about you. That's why I came back to the hospital. What are you doing out here, sitting on the ground in the cold?"
"Oh, Luka," Abby cried out with a wide smile, "How do you like that! I'm alive, Luka!" She leaped toward him and clasped him tightly around the neck. "And you didn't go back to Croatia!"
Momentarily stunned by her embrace, Luka stood motionless, but as remembrance flooded through him, his arms came up about her and he clasped her tightly to him. "Why would you think I was going back to Croatia?" he asked in a bemused tone.
She looked up at him, tears running down her face, and cupped his cheek with one of her hands. "Never mind-I'm just glad you're here."
Luka gazed down at her with a strange intensity. "Abby-" he blurted before she gave a gasp and pulled abruptly away from him.
"Oh my God, my mother! I've got to find Maggie. She left this morning, and I need to make things right between us." She turned away and ran a few steps, then ran back to him. Leaning up, she kissed him gently on his lips. "Merry Christmas, Luka," she sang out. Her smile dazzled him.
"Abby, wait-" he exclaimed as she sprinted away again. "Let me drive you home, it's too late to take the El," he called after her. But she was gone, running and sliding as quickly as her feet would take her, laughing as she lurched along in the slush. Luka shook his head in amazement-he had never seen her this happy. And he had missed his chance with her yet again.
"It's not too late, it's not too late," kept ringing in Abby's head like a mantra. Her feet flew up the steps to the El and she raced onto the waiting train just as the doors were closing. The train ride seemed to take forever, but a wonderful sense of peace and well-being had descended upon her, and she felt anxious to share this with her mother, and to set things right between them.
As she hurried along the sidewalk toward her apartment, she spied someone sitting huddled on her front steps-her mother. Maggie looked lost and cold, shivering on the front stoop in a thin coat. "Maggie!" Abby cried and raced toward the steps. Maggie's head snapped toward Abby and she stood abruptly, her face crumbling with relief and remorse. "Oh, Abby, sweetie!" she cried as Abby threw her arms around her. They wobbled and sat down abruptly on the stoop, clinging to each other.
"Oh, Abby, honey, I am so sorry. Everything is my fault," Maggie sobbed. "I screw up everything I touch!"
"Shh, shh, shh," Abby hushed her. "It was my fault, I had no right to speak to you like that or treat you that way. Can you forgive me?"
Maggie looked shocked. "Oh, honey, there's nothing for me to forgive. But, I ruined your Christmas."
"No," Abby laughed joyously, "You made my Christmas. You will never believe what I've been through this evening!"
Maggie looked at her in bewilderment. "Honey, are you feeling alright? I came back to the apartment this evening, and when you weren't here I was so worried. I called the hospital and they said you had left. We've been looking for you everywhere-"
"Never mind where I was, we're here together now." She took Maggie's hands in hers, and chafed them to warm them. "I don't care what happened last night. It doesn't matter. You're my mother, and I love you. And I'm so lucky to have you." Abby hugged her hard. "It took me awhile to realize it, but I'm lucky and I have a lot to be thankful for. And if it's just us for Christmas, we'll have a wonderful time. Just the two of us."
"Three of us," said a quiet voice behind her. Turning on the stoop, Abby looked into her brother's eyes. He stood on the sidewalk, tall and handsome in his uniform, legs apart and hands jammed into his pockets.
"Eric!" she shrieked, and ran to hug him, knocking his hat to the ground in the process. He laughed at Abby as she cried and babbled, "When did you- how did you-oh, you're here! And you're alright!"
"Of course, I'm alright. Why wouldn't I be alright?" he retorted. "I put in for leave over the holiday, and wanted to surprise you and Mom." He looked at her quizzically. "But instead of having a nice, quiet meal with my family, I've spent the entire evening cruising around town, looking for you. Where the hell have you been?"
She hugged him hard. "You'd never believe it." She turned toward Maggie, smiling broadly. "Doesn't he look wonderful, Mom?"
Maggie looked with misty eyes at both of them. "You both look wonderful. I never thought I'd see the day where we'd be together at Christmas again."
Abby glanced up at Eric. "You spent the whole evening looking for me? Have you been pounding the streets? You must be exhausted."
"No, I've been riding around-"
"With me," Carter finished Eric's sentence as he walked slowly around the corner. He stood behind Eric, staring at Abby. A silence fell over the small group.
Maggie stood abruptly from the steps and held out one hand to Eric. "Come on, Honey, let's go inside and let John and Abby have a moment alone." As she pulled him up the stairs to the front door of the apartment house, she whispered to Abby, "You take your time, sweetie, we'll be inside waiting for you."
The door closed behind their retreating figures, leaving Carter and Abby staring at each other.
"I'm sorry," Carter said quietly. "I am really sorry for the things I said to you. I've been sick with worry tonight looking for you. I kept imagining all sorts of horrible things."
Abby smiled sadly at him. "You don't have to be sorry, everything you said was true. But you know what? She's my mother, my family, and I love her no matter what she does." She took a deep breath. "It took a special person to point it out to me, but I'm damned lucky to have her and my brother, my friends, my job, and the life I lead. And you." She spread her hands in front of her, a rueful smile on her face. "I have a wonderful life, do you know that? Problem is, I spend so much time looking at the shadows that I neglect to see the sunlight. But I want that to be different now. I want to concentrate on coming out of the shadows. Well," she hesitated, "maybe I don't want to stay in the sunlight all of the time-that would be too big of a change for me. But reduce the time in the shadows? You bet." She took a step toward Carter. "My question is: do you want to walk out of the shadows with me?"
"Abby-"
"Believe me, I'll understand if you say no," she quickly interrupted. "I haven't made you very happy, have I? Our families don't deal very well with each other. You do know that I want you to be happy, don't you?"
Carter looked at the ground and swallowed hard, then gazed up at her. She was stunned to see tears in his eyes. "If you don't know by now that I choose you, happy, sad, or whatever, I guess you don't know me at all." He jammed both his hands into his jacket pockets. "You do make me happy, I'm just too thick headed to realize it at times." He took a deep breath. "I was so afraid tonight when I called Maggie and she said you weren't home yet. I drove around imagining that something horrible had happened to you, and I blamed myself for being so selfish and worrying about a stupid dinner with my family rather than your feelings. When I couldn't find you, I imagined what life would be like without you, and it was too terrible to think about." He stopped abruptly, and added, "My family can take care of itself. My only concern should be you."
"John, I never meant to worry you. I've actually had a fantastic adventure tonight, and someday I'll tell you all about it. But among the many things I realized tonight, the most important was that I don't want to be without you, either." She folded her arms in front of her chest. "I lost you for awhile tonight, and I don't ever want to feel that way again."
Each took a step toward the other, then another until they were in each other's arms. Abby snuggled closer to Carter, and gave a contented sigh. "Oh, that's much, much better."
Carter pulled her closer to him. "You're freezing," he marveled, as he wrapped his arms tighter about her waist. "Have you been walking around in the cold all night?"
"Mmmm hmmm," she murmured, not wanting to break contact.
They stood in each other's arms for what seemed an eternity, content and complete. Somewhere in the distance, they heard a clock chime. Midnight. Christmas Day. Abby started giggling.
"What?" Carter asked, pulling back to peer into her face.
"Remember that old movie, where Jimmy Stewart's daughter-what was her name? Zady? Zena?'
"Was it that Christmas movie?" Carter asked. When she nodded, he responded, "Wasn't it ZuZu,?"
"THAT'S IT! Zuzu! Anyway, remember when she said, 'Teacher says, every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings'?"
Carter smiled. "Is this going somewhere?"
"Well, I just heard the bells ring, and I hope that that means my angel got his wings." As she looked up into the night sky, she spotted a shooting star streaking toward earth. "Oh, look! It must be a sign! That's it! Way to go, Mark!"
Carter peered into her face with amusement. "I'd ask if you've been drinking, but I don't want to ruin the moment." He tenderly took her face in his hands and kissed her. "Merry Christmas, you lunatic. I love you."
She smiled at him. "Merry Christmas, Carter. Right back at you."