Losing Grip Chapter 1: Run, a friends fanfic

A/N: Here is my third fic! It wasn't really inspired by Avril Lavigne's song "Losing Grip", but afterwards I realized it worked, so here it is.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Friends or Richard or tomato sauce. I also don't own Avril Lavigne's song "Losing Grip."

Losing Grip

CHAPTER ONE - Run

Monica lay silently in bed, listening hard to the conversation going on outside her bedroom door. She knew what was going on, but she didn't want to believe it.

"I can't talk right now," her husband was saying. "She's home. Asleep. Well, she could wake up! I can't. Come on. I have to go. I'll talk to you tomorrow." The electronic click of a phone being turned off.

The door to the bedroom opened, and in walked Richard's tall form. He undressed quietly and slipped into bed like a ghost. Monica bit her lip to keep from crying. She waited until Richards breathing was heavy and he was still before she got out of bed and went into the kitchen. She then sat down and cried, and thought, and wondered.

What had just happened? Well, that was easy. She had just heard her final evidence - her husband was cheating on her. Who else could Richard have been talking to besides his mistress? Monica thought the word as if she was spitting it out, like a bad taste in her mouth.

She was such an idiot. She'd seen the clues now, for weeks - they'd been staring her in the face. But she'd turned away, thinking that if she didn't acknowledge the truth it would go away. But the clarity struck her like a slap in the face. She'd been ignorant, moronic, really. And now she was facing the consequences. She was married to a dishonest man.

Numbly, Monica left her apartment and crossed to Chandler and Joey's, praying one of them would be home. She dimly remembered Joey mentioning a date, but Chandler - hopefully her friend was home. She could think of nothing but escaping from the apartment where Richard was, where, as Phoebe would say, bad auras resided.

"Hey, Mon," Chandler said when he opened the door. His forehead immediately creased, and he asked, "What's wrong?" I must really look awful, Monica thought.

"I think Richard's cheating on me," she whispered, feeling tears slide down her face.

"Oh, Mon," Chandler said, putting his arms around her. "Oh, honey." He led her inside and sat on the couch, holding her and rubbing her back as she cried.

"I've suspected it for a while now," she sniffled, wiping at her tears. "I don't know what to do! Can I just leave him? Should I demand to know what's going on?" Monica stood up, beginning to work herself into a tizzy. "I can't believe he's cheating on me! I know he is, I heard him, he was talking, saying he can't talk now, I'm asleep - "

"Monica," Chandler said, grabbing her arm. "Shh. Don't freak out. Are you positive it was a woman he was talking to? Could it have been someone from work? A friend? Maybe he's, I don't know, planning a surprise birthday party? You can't freak out until you have the facts, Mon."

"I - I guess it could have been someone else," Monica said doubtfully. "It's just that he always makes these little late at night phone calls, and last week I could've sworn I saw bright red lipstick on his mouth - "

"Ketchup?" Chandler suggested.

Monica sighed. "Maybe. That's possible." She put her face in her hands. "Maybe I am getting worked up over nothing. I'm sorry I bothered you. I'll just go home." She was suddenly embarrassed for crying like that.

"It's okay. Just don't worry about it." Chandler stood up. "Oh, and Mon? Remember what I said when you got married. If he ever hurts you - I'll pound him. Or... die trying," he said with a grin.

"Yeah. I love you too, Chandler," she said with a smile.

********

For a few days, Monica watched Richard closer than ever. Was his hair mussed, like someone had recently run their hands through it? Did his secretary seem nervous and worried when she called, stammering, "He's on a break," like it was some secret?

Finally, she tried to stop worrying. Monica didn't want to turn into one of those jealous, obsessive housewives. Everything was fine. Wasn't it? Why would Richard cheat on her? They had a happy, loving, passionate relationship - there was no reason for him to want more.

Then it happened. Monica's life as she knew it ended, and a new, painful, confusing one began. The day she caught two of the people she trusted most betraying her opened Monica's eyes to the fact that the world was not the kind, gentle place she'd thought it was. The world was a hateful place, full of deceitful people and broken lives.

"Richard?" she called, opening the door to their apartment, her arms loaded down with bags of groceries. "Could you come help me?" No answer. She could hear something coming from within the bedroom - maybe he was watching TV. Monica went to the bedroom and opened the door, unprepared for what she would see.

Richard, in bed. With another woman. A blonde woman. The bags fell from Monica's arms, and there was a loud clatter as a jar of tomato sauce shattered, sending the thick red substance and shards of glass spraying onto her ankles. Monica could feel that pain, but the pain that was coming in deep, dark waves hurt more. She couldn't breathe. Darkness was closing in around her eyes. Anger, sadness, confusion - building up inside, threatening to overwhelm her. But she could stammer only one word.

"Phoebe?"

When Monica locked eyes with her friend, she saw regret for only a moment. Saw only one moment of seven years of friendship, of complete honesty and trusting. But then that was gone, replaced with something cold and hard and extremely un-Phoebe-like. Phoebe turned away, pulling the sheet over her naked body.

And then there was Richard. His eyes were darting from side to side, from Phoebe to Monica, his lover to his wife. But there was very little emotion there. "I'm sorry, Monica," he said simply. Monica stared at them in bed for a second, mouthing wordlessly, her mouth unable to form the screams that were ricocheting through her brain.

"Bitch," she whispered, directing her comment at both Phoebe and Richard, her face screwing up. Phoebe's eyes registered slight surprise, but no more. Then, Monica turned and ran. She could feel where the glass had cut her legs, and she slipped on the thick red sauce that was on the floor, but she just ran. Out of her apartment - down the hall, out of the building - past Central Perk - down the block, she ran. Needing to get away from the unbelievable sight she'd seen upstairs.

No, she thought desperately. No, I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming, somebody please wake me up. I did not just find Richard in bed with Phoebe. It's just a dream and soon you'll wake up and everything will be okay. But she knew it wasn't a dream. You couldn't feel glass shards puncturing your skin in dreams. You couldn't feel hot tears rolling down your face as you sobbed and gasped. You couldn't feel your heart being squeezed and slashed and broken into a million pieces. The pain she was feeling wasn't real in dreams.

At that moment, Monica vowed never to look back, never again to let someone hurt her the way she was hurting right now.

She heard someone calling her name but didn't turn around.

Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby

Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real

Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you?

Why'd you turn away?

Here's what I have to say

I was left to cry there

Waiting outside there

Grinning with a lost stare

That's when I decided

Why should I care?

Cause you weren't there when I was scared

I was so alone

You need to listen

I'm starting to trip

I'm losing my grip

And I'm in this thing alone