A/N: Sorry this took so long! I've been busy with other fics, and school and homework and finals. I hope you're satisfied with this chapter! Thanks. (And btw, the asterisks ***** mean switching from Chan's to Mon's POV. This starts from Chandler's.)

CHAPTER SEVEN - Haze

Phoebe left the hospital three days later. She was to be supervised around the clock for a few days, and the doctors had also advised her to see a therapist. But they weren't worried about her anymore. No, with Monica back, no one was really worried about anything. Monica and Phoebe were trying to work things out, but it would be easy - they both love each other so much that even if the event wouldn't be forgotten, it could be forgiven.

Only one thing was on Chandler's mind. In those moments before Phoebe woke up, he and Monica had shared one of the most passionate kisses he'd ever had. But did it mean anything? Chandler first got the impression from Monica that it didn't, but he then realized that she was thinking things over just as much as he was. He would have to let her figure her life out. She was probably the most confused person he'd ever seen.

Phoebe tactfully avoided the subject, and they were grateful. With things the way they were, nobody wanted Ross, Rachel, or Joey finding out and promptly making things ten times bigger then they were. Hell, if Rachel found out, their parents would be calling tomorrow to ask when the wedding was.

It was a week after Monica moved back home that it finally came up. Monica was making lunch for her, Chandler, and Phoebe, and when she sat down, Phoebe popped the question.

"So are you two like an item?" she asked. Chandler felt his ears turn red.

"Um, ah, I don't - I don't know," Monica stuttered. She looked at Chandler, who meaningfully began to twiddle his thumbs.

"I don't know," he muttered.

"We really just kissed the one time," Monica explained.

"Well, and the time at the cabin," Chandler added.

"And when we were younger," Monica remembered.

"I see," Phoebe said. "So, really, there's nothing going on between you at all!" She smiled and took a big bite from her sandwich. And the subject had been dropped.

Could anything actually happen? Chandler wondered. One part of him said the answer was a firm no. No - she's not even divorced from Richard yet. You were a friend that was there when she needed one, and nothing more. Better not to embarrass yourself.

But then... hadn't she been the one to initiate the third kiss? Hell, initiate - she had asked him to kiss her! If that's not a sign, nothing is, Chandler thought hopefully. He was so confused, so unsure - so he waited. Regardless, Monica would never even think about starting anything with anyone until everything's settled down. Would she?

Which actually happened much quicker than he expected. Before Monica even had time to hire a lawyer, Richard had sent her divorce papers. Chandler found her poring over them one day.

"Hey," he said, walking into her apartment. "Whatcha doing?"

"Getting divorced," she replied.

"Really?"

"Yeah - the papers are here." She held up the packet and smiled faintly. "In a couple of hours I'll be single."

"You okay?" he asked, touching her arm lightly.

"Yeah," she sighed. "I mean, I really thought this would last forever... I guess I was wrong. But I'll be all right. I really didn't know Richard at all. He's so - "

"Old?" Chandler suggested.

"I was going to say deceitful, but yeah, old works too," Monica said. "Y'know, sometimes I still don't believe all of this happened. It happened so quickly, and it was so complicated - that's why I left. It was too much to deal with. You were right when you said I was running away."

"If it makes you feel any better, I would have run too," Chandler said.

"I just can't believe it all culminated in Phoebe..." Monica trailed off. "That shocked me. I'm so happy everything turned out okay. And I'm glad I decided to come back home."

"So am I," Chandler said. They smiled at each other, and their eyes locked. God, he wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her.

They were leaning closer together, almost unintentionally. Chandler became hyperaware of his arms and legs and limbs, of his whole body, which ached in a pleasant way - he needed to touch her. He watched as her eyes fluttered shut, and he could feel her soft, feathery-light breath on his lips.

Then they were kissing. Soft, at first, then harder. Chandler's head was spinning in surprise and glee. And then, without warning - her hands were on his shoulders, pushing him away. Startled, he almost fell backwards, not realizing how far out of his chair he'd been - practically on the table.

"Mon - " he started, unsure of what he was going to say.

"I can't," she said quietly, avoiding his eyes. "I can't. Not yet." She stood up. "I'm - I'm sorry. But we can't."

"What?" he said aloud, confused.

"It wouldn't work, Chandler. Just... it wouldn't." She ran into her bedroom, the door closing behind her. Chandler heard the click as she locked it.

Wouldn't work, he thought distractedly. She can't, whatever the hell that means.

She didn't want him like he wanted her. That's all there was to it.

Still in a haze of bewilderment from the kiss and the events that came after, Chandler walked back to his apartment. Monica had made it quite clear she didn't want to see him, what with the slamming and locking of the door.

Chandler walked straight to his bedroom, grateful Joey wasn't home. When he got there, he shut the door and fell onto the bed, feeling strangely empty. It was like a piece of his heart had been cut out of him, and was now lying on the floor of Monica's apartment.

He'd been in love with Monica for years, and for years, he had prayed something could come of it. Even when she married Richard, he hadn't felt quite rejected. There was always divorce. And now, with their three kisses over the past week or two, he'd expected for something to happen. But now - nothing. A tantalizing kiss and a slammed door. Obviously she felt nothing. Chandler had been burned by love too many times.

A door inside him was locked. He would never let anyone in again.

*********

Monica fell onto her bed, her breath coming in gasps. Tears she didn't know were coming ran down her face in streams. A thousand things were running through her mind, a million pictures, a hundred settings. Chandler, Richard, Chandler, Phoebe, Chandler, Chandler, Chandler...

She rolled onto her back, staring up at the stucco ceiling. Why was her life so confusing? If she wanted to turn left, she'd instinctively turn right - if her future deserved it, her past held her back - and if her heart wanted it more than she could describe, her mind told her it wasn't worth the pain. Who was right? Monica needed clear-cut answers, not this bullshit she'd been dealing with. Her life was a series of twists and turns and mistakes and unanswered questions.

Why had she fallen in love with Richard?

Why had he cheated on her?

Why had she run away from Chandler when she needed him most?

The last question was the one that was causing her heart to contort in pain, her head to pound incessantly. Why had she stopped the kiss? They'd been sitting there kissing, and then she'd pushed him away. As she clutched her pillow to her chest, Monica imagined the feel of Chandler's lips as they'd touched her own. What she felt for Chandler was so profound, so unexplainable. And that's why she'd left. Her heart could not deal with falling in love and then being broken again. She'd run from her life, just like she'd run from Richard and Phoebe. Just like she'd run every day in her fucked up life until she dealt with it. And she wasn't going to drag Chandler down with her. She was losing grip on her life.

There was a gentle knock on the door. "Monica? Honey, it's Rachel."

Monica quickly wiped her eyes, then called, "Come in." Rachel walked nervously in, and sat on the bed.

"I heard you crying. What's the matter?"

"Nothing," she said quickly. "Just... um..." She took a deep breath. "Chandler and I kissed." She watched Rachel for any signs if disgust or disbelief, but saw nothing.

''Again?" Rachel said mildly.

"Again?" Monica exclaimed. "How did you know about the other times?"

"Phoebe told me,'' Rachel said, smiling knowingly.

"Uh," Monica said, trying to sound annoyed but failing. She was actually relieved that she didn't have to explain it all.

"So why are you in here crying? Shouldn't you be over there getting it on?" Rachel asked with a laugh.

"I can't let myself be hurt again," Monica said softly. "I can't go down that road."

"I don't think he would ever hurt you," Rachel replied.

"That's what I thought with Richard too," Monica said angrily. "Aren't you supposed to be supporting me?"

"I'm trying to figure out what's best for you," Rachel snapped back. "Monica, listen. I know you've been hurt before. I know you have a great amount of distrust in you right now. But that doesn't mean you should sit around crying for the rest of your life. You have a fantastic thing sitting there waiting for you across the hall, and you're too busy being insecure and worried to enjoy it."

"I'm not insecure," Monica said.

"Oh, yes you are. And you're scared."

"I am not!" Monica whined. "I don't get scared."

"You're terrified, Monica Geller. You're terrified of the one person in the entire world who loves you for you."

Monica opened her mouth to argue, then shut it. "He - he loves me?"

Rachel's eye widened. "Did you - did you not know?"

"Chandler loves me?"

"My God, Monica, that man is been in love with you for ten years." Rachel shook her head and laughed. "Wow, you really are blind."

Chandler loves me, Monica thought. He loves me. Now that she thought about it - why had she never noticed? The way he was always there for her, listening to every petty problem she'd ever had - the way he'd leave dates in the hallway if she came home in tears - the way their hugs lingered a little longer than did, say, Monica and Joey. The way he always seemed to dislike Richard, how he acted cold and strange for months after their engagement and marriage....

"Don't be so surprised, Mon," Rachel said calmly, in the manner of someone discussing pillowcases. "You love him too."

"I..." Monica could not think of a single thing to say in her defense. Wait a second - defense? What did she need a defense for? All signs pointed to the truth. Chandler was the first one Monica went to when she needed someone, even when Rachel was right in the next room. Chandler was the only one Monica trusted enough to call when she was upstate. Chandler was the one who listened to her moan about her shattered life, who held her while she cried.

"Rach - what do I do now?" Monica cried in alarm.

"Go talk to Chandler," Rachel said imploringly. Monica stood up, running her hands through her hair.

"Okay. Okay. I can do that. I'm going to talk to Chandler."

"Good girl."

Monica's brain was working on overdrive. She turned to Rachel. "Do I look okay?"

"You look fine. Now, go!" Rachel stood up, pecked her friend on the cheek, and pushed her out of the room. Monica left her apartment and went straight to the guy's. She opened the door but found the living room empty.

Talk to Chandler, she thought. Now there was an idea that was easier said than done. Yeah, hi, Chandler, I just found out that you've been in love with me for ten years, and you know what? I've loved you too. So aren't things fine and dandy? Right.

She took a deep breath as she stood outside his door, and then contemplated the idea that he might not even be there. She prayed he was - now that she'd had this revelation, she couldn't wait any longer to talk to him. She pushed open the door.

He was lying on the bed with a book on his chest. His eyes were closed and he was breathing softly. Monica thought he was asleep, and, disappointed, turned to leave.

"Monica?" She whipped back around and saw him sitting up, staring at her in uncertainty.

"Hi," she said, giving him a weak smile. The first thing she noticed was that his gorgeous blue eyes were rimmed with red, and the corners of his mouth were turned downward. He looked old, older than the man of 32 years he was. Monica felt a pang of shame - had she been the one to cause him to look like that?

She took a step toward him. "Listen, Chandler - " She cut herself off, launching herself at him. She grabbed his face and kissed him. Fireworks exploded in her head, and she closed her eyes, losing herself in the kiss. Fire licked her insides and the kiss grew more passionate. She fell onto the bed as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close.

Finally she pulled her head away, her hair framing both of their faces.

"Hi," she whispered again.

"Hi," he said back, smiling. "What does this mean?"

"It means I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For being an idiot."

"You're forgiven," Chandler murmured, pushing some of her hair behind her ear as she rolled over next to him. "Monica, I have to - to tell you..."

"Hmm?"

"I - I love you."

Monica opened her mouth the speak but found her tongue was too thick to form the right words.

"I know."

A/N: I think there will just be one more chapter, probably an epilogue. Thank you for being patient, and review please!

Jen