T'was The Night
A/N: This is just wrong. With MANY apologies to Clement C. Moore. I do not own Batman, Robin, the Joker, the narrator of this fic, or anyone else you might recognize. I'd like to thank Rachel for the suggestion of Etrigan!
A/N Two: I'd like to apologize to my End of Nightwing readers for not finishing the fic yet. Things have been really hectic lately. I hope to have it finished soon.
The stage was set, the lights too bright,
And from the left came quite a sight,
A demon in a familiar hat, red in hue,
Complete with a white puffball at the end, too.
It speaks in rhyme, in voice like gravel.
"Welcome to Christmas, I'm quite the fan,
by the by, my name is Etrigan."
He opened a thick book,
Flipping through, just a quick look.
"Sit down, get comfy, cause here is the tale,
Of the Caped Crusaders and their Christmas travail."
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Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the town,
Not a creature was stirring, but one insane clown,
The trap was laid with considerable care,
Cause he knew that the Bat soon would be there.
The hostages were tied, all cramped in some trunks,
With fear of the mayhem caused by the Joker and his punks.
Batman in his cowl and Robin in his mask,
Had just settled their stomachs with an Alfred night cap,
When out on the docks there arose such a clatter,
They sprang from their perch to see what was the matter.
Away to the docks they moved like dickens,
They would show the Joker they weren't a couple of chickens!
The moon shown down on a sight of woe,
The Joker and his gang dropping trunks into the ocean below,
When, what to their disbelieving eyes should appear,
But Batman and Robin, showing no fear.
The Joker and friends, so nervous and quick,
Knew in a moment, it was time for a trick!
More rapid than eagles the Dynamic Duo came,
And the Joker he ranted, he bellowed, and called them nasty names,
(Which will not be printed in this tale,
It's a family story, so the G rating shall prevail!)
"To the vehicles! We go to the mall!
Now hurry it up! Our future hostages do call!"
The Dynamic Duo to the docks they went,
Fishing out the trunks from the ocean, the people nearly spent.
Then after the Joker, Batman and Robin did speed,
With belts full of gadgets, they knew they'd gain the lead.
They intercepted the Joker, but with an audible *CRACK*
The evil clown turned, smacking Robin with a rubber chicken.
(It's difficult to rhyme chicken, now back on track!)
The Joker entered the mall, Batman gaining ground,
Robin was muttering bad words as he jumped up with a bound.
The Clown Prince of Crime turned, cackling before his ill-gotten loot
Rubbing his hands together, he looked quite the kook!
He lit the fuses and started the gas, his eyes roaming over the swag
As he packed up his cash and his gems, tossing it all in a sack!
He spun with a laugh, his eyes -- how merry
(They gleamed sadistically, how scary!)
He stepped out the door, then grunted at the blow
His nose bent and broken, his face as white as snow.
As he fell back, he let out a wail
The blood dripping from his nose, he looked quite pale.
Batman stood over him, speaking as he looked down
"It's over, you miserable clown.
Your traps disarmed, your henchmen caught,
Your evil plans have come to naught."
With a shifting of eye and a turn of his head,
Batman watched Robin making merry, chasing crooks on a … moped??
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Etrigan stopped, glaring around, eyes blazing crimson,
"Who writes this crap? This is not art!
Who said this is in the spirit of the season?!
If he tries it again, in my hand I'll have his heart!"
The demon went to the door, his hat bouncing on his head,
Etrigan looked back, his cloak outspread,
"This show is over, I'm gone, sleep tight!
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"