Britz-Hello, bloody hell, I reckon this is the fastest I've written a bloody fic in ages, not that I'm posting them as soon as I write 'em, got a good reasons for that, make sure I don't screw up and leave chaps undone for eons.
Disclaimer-I really don't think I need to do this every chap do I? I mean it's not like they're separate stories..... siiiigh, alright none of it's mine, Animorphs and half the jokes don't belong to me.
~Planet Strangelove, Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Skater Bomb~
Chapter Eight
*Setting: Huge beautiful mansion with dozens of rooms, an enormous pool and a farm out back*
*a doorbell rings, Cassie's butler answers it to the Animorphs, Britney Spears and her rag-tag rebellion*
Jake-Hi there, can Cassie come out to play?
Butler-*Snooty* Do you have an appointment?
Tobias-[Actually we do.]
Santorelli-I phoned ahead!
Butler-I'll go and see if she wishes to see you still. *Walks off to fetch Cassie*
*Cassie lazes by the pool, which is ringed by scantily dressed males and females and llamas, the butler approaches*
Butler-Ma'am, Britney Spears, a rebel force against Avril Lavigne and a talking bird are at the door.
Cassie-Hmm, tell them to sit tight, I'll be there in a bit.
*too late, the Animorphs and co come bursting through the doors near the pool*
Marco-Hey Cassie.
Cassie-Hey guys, I wasn't expecting to see you guys today, or y'know, ever.
Tobias-[You get that sometimes.]
Jake-*pointing to one llama, seething* Yoooou. *begins staring angrily at it*
Cassie-So what you guys been up to?
Marco-Racing around the Universe, risking life and limb, attending delightful Super bowl brunches, you?
Cassie-Running a giant porn industry, posing naked in various stages of morphing, having sex with llamas, same old same old.
Britney-Now that we're over those pleasantries Ms... Cassie, we need your help to defeat the evil Queen Avril Lavigne.
Santorelli-Charlie Sheen, Queen Lavigne, shrink to the size of a lima bean. *realises everyone's staring at him* Sorry.
Jeanne-Please, help us Cassie, you're our only hope.
Tobias-[Oh, please, just, don't go there.]
Jeanne-Okay, Ms Cassie it's like this, we need some funding to buy a ship capable of getting close to Avril Lavigne's fortress, the Statue of Liberty
Cassie-Kay.... Why?
Britney-We have a bomb capable of blowing that giant stone bitch sky high!
Cassie-Help blow up the Statue of Liberty? Do I dare live out the American dream?
Marco-*looks from Cassie to Jake* And you two couldn't work it out huh?
Jake-*is still death staring llama*
Cassie-It's not going to be easy you guys realise, Queen Lavigne has eyes and ears everywhere, especially watching big company porn types like me, she's cold and calculating, smart, ruthless, and a real bitch.
Jake-*still staring at llama, which is now ignoring him and eating grass* We know, we're well aware of the risks.
Cassie-We could all be killed.
Jake-*surprised, finally stops staring* We could?!?! *girlish scream of fear*
Britney-Ms Cassie, my rebellion has been fighting the evil Queen Lavigne for years, any chance to take her out, no matter how dangerous, we're all ready to take it.
Cassie-Yeah well, I must admit, even with my billions of dollars, fabulous mansions, incredible llamas as..... pets, I do miss the adventurous good old days, fighting, facing death, living in constant terror...wait what am I saying!?
Tobias-[So can we buy a ship or what?]
Cassie-Oh......Yeah I suppose.
Chapter Nine
'Honest Bruce's Used Space Ship Yard' screamed the neon sign above the huge ship yard, below it was an enormous obscene billboard of two men playing hide the weasel, the submissive party, most likely Honest Bruce himself grinned and bared it, the satisfied (or almost satisfied) customer clutched a wad of money in his hand, signifying perhaps that he was screwing Honest Bruce both literally and figuratively.
Cassie stood in the middle of the yard, surrounded by several llamas, Jake, Marco and Tobias, cunningly disguised. "I'd like to buy a ship." Cassie told the salesman, Lenny.
"And here I thought you were just admiring the scenery, tourist season don't you know." Lenny drawled sarcastically. Somewhere in the distance a drum rim-shot sounded, Cassie and the other Animorphs looked about in confusion.
"Anyway, I need something fast, with good steering, not to many light years on the dial." Cassie said.
Lenny walked towards one rather cheaply priced ship, "Well we've got a great little ship here" he gestured to the cheaper ship, "but this isn't it." Another rim shot floated along the breeze, "No, the ship for you and your... ugly... sheep... things..."
[We're llamas.] Jake told him.
"Thank you, your llamas." Lenny paused in momentary confusion and went on, "Anyway, the ship is this one here," he lead them to a huge piece of black metal, spikes and gun turrets stood out all over it's surface.
"Looks a little expensive doesn't it?" Cassie asked him. "Look at all those spoilers."
"Well worth the money, the ships in good nick and could level a town in minutes, only owner was a little old lady who only ever flew it to church every Sunday." Lenny replied.
[It is a nice ship.] Tobias admitted.
"Wait, are those llamas talking?"
"Of course, why?" Cassie asked.
"Didn't know llamas were so chatty is all." Lenny said off-handedly.
[You ever ask one?] Marco replied.
"In fact." Lenny continued slyly "If I didn't know any better, I'd say those shape shifting 'Animorphs' Queen Lavigne is so worried were hanging around with wealthy former team mate Cassie, the famous llama guzzling porno actress. But that's just crazy, innit?"
"We'll take the damn ship." Cassie told him, "If you play this right there may just be a little extra commission in it for you."
"Excellent choice madam, I'll wrap it up, you start bringing in the pennies."
Chapter Ten
"Unbelievable that guy." Cassie told the demorphing others as they begun taking off, "You know how much this ship cost me? I had to write extra small on the check to fit in all the numbers."
"Let's just hope that Lenny guy keeps his mouth shut about us." Marco said, "After that neat little on-the-side profit he made."
[He'd damn well better.] Tobias spoke up, [or we're screwed.]
"I don't really understand what you guys have against Queen Lavigne." Cassie told them.
"Well she did try and kill us." Jake replied.
"Well that's a given, but people are always trying to kill you guys, you'd think it would just roll right off your backs by now." Cassie told them, "Besides, her reign of terror hasn't been all bad, she did solve all those problems in the Middle East."
"How'd she manage that?" Marco asked.
"She blew it all up, Osama Bin Laden sent another tape to America and called her a teenybopper, she nuked the whole place into a hole in the ground with some skater nukes to be sure she got him."
"Tough, but fair." Jake remarked.
Meanwhile back at Honest Bruce's Used Space Ship Yard Lenny picked up the phone and dialled in the number of local skater squad.
"Hey, this is Lenny Carlow, I've got some news about the whereabouts of the Animorphs that Queen Avril should be very interested in..."
*To Be Continued*
Britz-Why Lenny, that bastard! Wellity well, how suspenseful, what ever could happen next? Looks like the Animorphs and Britney Spears are in for a spot of bother (there's a phrase I never thought I'd say.) Well guess you'll have to review to find out what'll happen next.
Disclaimer-I really don't think I need to do this every chap do I? I mean it's not like they're separate stories..... siiiigh, alright none of it's mine, Animorphs and half the jokes don't belong to me.
~Planet Strangelove, Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Skater Bomb~
Chapter Eight
*Setting: Huge beautiful mansion with dozens of rooms, an enormous pool and a farm out back*
*a doorbell rings, Cassie's butler answers it to the Animorphs, Britney Spears and her rag-tag rebellion*
Jake-Hi there, can Cassie come out to play?
Butler-*Snooty* Do you have an appointment?
Tobias-[Actually we do.]
Santorelli-I phoned ahead!
Butler-I'll go and see if she wishes to see you still. *Walks off to fetch Cassie*
*Cassie lazes by the pool, which is ringed by scantily dressed males and females and llamas, the butler approaches*
Butler-Ma'am, Britney Spears, a rebel force against Avril Lavigne and a talking bird are at the door.
Cassie-Hmm, tell them to sit tight, I'll be there in a bit.
*too late, the Animorphs and co come bursting through the doors near the pool*
Marco-Hey Cassie.
Cassie-Hey guys, I wasn't expecting to see you guys today, or y'know, ever.
Tobias-[You get that sometimes.]
Jake-*pointing to one llama, seething* Yoooou. *begins staring angrily at it*
Cassie-So what you guys been up to?
Marco-Racing around the Universe, risking life and limb, attending delightful Super bowl brunches, you?
Cassie-Running a giant porn industry, posing naked in various stages of morphing, having sex with llamas, same old same old.
Britney-Now that we're over those pleasantries Ms... Cassie, we need your help to defeat the evil Queen Avril Lavigne.
Santorelli-Charlie Sheen, Queen Lavigne, shrink to the size of a lima bean. *realises everyone's staring at him* Sorry.
Jeanne-Please, help us Cassie, you're our only hope.
Tobias-[Oh, please, just, don't go there.]
Jeanne-Okay, Ms Cassie it's like this, we need some funding to buy a ship capable of getting close to Avril Lavigne's fortress, the Statue of Liberty
Cassie-Kay.... Why?
Britney-We have a bomb capable of blowing that giant stone bitch sky high!
Cassie-Help blow up the Statue of Liberty? Do I dare live out the American dream?
Marco-*looks from Cassie to Jake* And you two couldn't work it out huh?
Jake-*is still death staring llama*
Cassie-It's not going to be easy you guys realise, Queen Lavigne has eyes and ears everywhere, especially watching big company porn types like me, she's cold and calculating, smart, ruthless, and a real bitch.
Jake-*still staring at llama, which is now ignoring him and eating grass* We know, we're well aware of the risks.
Cassie-We could all be killed.
Jake-*surprised, finally stops staring* We could?!?! *girlish scream of fear*
Britney-Ms Cassie, my rebellion has been fighting the evil Queen Lavigne for years, any chance to take her out, no matter how dangerous, we're all ready to take it.
Cassie-Yeah well, I must admit, even with my billions of dollars, fabulous mansions, incredible llamas as..... pets, I do miss the adventurous good old days, fighting, facing death, living in constant terror...wait what am I saying!?
Tobias-[So can we buy a ship or what?]
Cassie-Oh......Yeah I suppose.
Chapter Nine
'Honest Bruce's Used Space Ship Yard' screamed the neon sign above the huge ship yard, below it was an enormous obscene billboard of two men playing hide the weasel, the submissive party, most likely Honest Bruce himself grinned and bared it, the satisfied (or almost satisfied) customer clutched a wad of money in his hand, signifying perhaps that he was screwing Honest Bruce both literally and figuratively.
Cassie stood in the middle of the yard, surrounded by several llamas, Jake, Marco and Tobias, cunningly disguised. "I'd like to buy a ship." Cassie told the salesman, Lenny.
"And here I thought you were just admiring the scenery, tourist season don't you know." Lenny drawled sarcastically. Somewhere in the distance a drum rim-shot sounded, Cassie and the other Animorphs looked about in confusion.
"Anyway, I need something fast, with good steering, not to many light years on the dial." Cassie said.
Lenny walked towards one rather cheaply priced ship, "Well we've got a great little ship here" he gestured to the cheaper ship, "but this isn't it." Another rim shot floated along the breeze, "No, the ship for you and your... ugly... sheep... things..."
[We're llamas.] Jake told him.
"Thank you, your llamas." Lenny paused in momentary confusion and went on, "Anyway, the ship is this one here," he lead them to a huge piece of black metal, spikes and gun turrets stood out all over it's surface.
"Looks a little expensive doesn't it?" Cassie asked him. "Look at all those spoilers."
"Well worth the money, the ships in good nick and could level a town in minutes, only owner was a little old lady who only ever flew it to church every Sunday." Lenny replied.
[It is a nice ship.] Tobias admitted.
"Wait, are those llamas talking?"
"Of course, why?" Cassie asked.
"Didn't know llamas were so chatty is all." Lenny said off-handedly.
[You ever ask one?] Marco replied.
"In fact." Lenny continued slyly "If I didn't know any better, I'd say those shape shifting 'Animorphs' Queen Lavigne is so worried were hanging around with wealthy former team mate Cassie, the famous llama guzzling porno actress. But that's just crazy, innit?"
"We'll take the damn ship." Cassie told him, "If you play this right there may just be a little extra commission in it for you."
"Excellent choice madam, I'll wrap it up, you start bringing in the pennies."
Chapter Ten
"Unbelievable that guy." Cassie told the demorphing others as they begun taking off, "You know how much this ship cost me? I had to write extra small on the check to fit in all the numbers."
"Let's just hope that Lenny guy keeps his mouth shut about us." Marco said, "After that neat little on-the-side profit he made."
[He'd damn well better.] Tobias spoke up, [or we're screwed.]
"I don't really understand what you guys have against Queen Lavigne." Cassie told them.
"Well she did try and kill us." Jake replied.
"Well that's a given, but people are always trying to kill you guys, you'd think it would just roll right off your backs by now." Cassie told them, "Besides, her reign of terror hasn't been all bad, she did solve all those problems in the Middle East."
"How'd she manage that?" Marco asked.
"She blew it all up, Osama Bin Laden sent another tape to America and called her a teenybopper, she nuked the whole place into a hole in the ground with some skater nukes to be sure she got him."
"Tough, but fair." Jake remarked.
Meanwhile back at Honest Bruce's Used Space Ship Yard Lenny picked up the phone and dialled in the number of local skater squad.
"Hey, this is Lenny Carlow, I've got some news about the whereabouts of the Animorphs that Queen Avril should be very interested in..."
*To Be Continued*
Britz-Why Lenny, that bastard! Wellity well, how suspenseful, what ever could happen next? Looks like the Animorphs and Britney Spears are in for a spot of bother (there's a phrase I never thought I'd say.) Well guess you'll have to review to find out what'll happen next.