Maia: NOOOO!!! Soon we must go back to ....school... *shudders* Laugh while you can!!

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"Phew, we finally got out of that maze!" Kuja sighed. He turned to Sephiroth. "How'd we get out of there again?"
Sephiroth shrugged.
"The miracle of fanfiction," Maia remarked. "Besides, Lee's poor hands were getting tired of endlessly typing the.... One more time!" She shook a fist at the sky. They all heard a reluctant sigh. "...Pacman Ghosts That the Authors Forgot the Names of. She was getting tired of writing it over and over and over again."
*Anyways, back to our main plot. We have to stop the plot from diverting, don't you think? .................... See, I did it again!
Okay, ready? Go!*
They came out of the Pacman maze and right into the underground library.
"Hmm... That shouldn't be possible..." Maia muttered. She took out her computer and began to type things on it. Zidane leaned over.
"Can you teach me how to use that?"
"................................................................................................................................................................... Maybe."
Sephiroth glanced around the library. He saw a book on a pedestal in the center of the room. A light shone on it and some weird music played from somewhere.
"Ooh, look at that! A book!" He looked around for the source of a spotlight and saw that a book-shelf elf was sitting up on the top of one of the book-shelves, shining a spotlight on the pedestal. Sephiroth stared at it and arched an eyebrow. The elf shrugged.
"What? I get paid to do this."
"Okay!" Sephiroth gave the elf a thumbs up sign and ignored it, mostly because it had started chanting, "I am not here. I am the wall, I am the wall."
Cloud glanced around the room, confused. "This whole place seems oddly familiar." He glared up at the elf. "Except for you! What the hell are you doing here?!"
"I am not here. I am the wall, I am the wall," the book-shelf elf chanted.
Sephiroth shrugged and picked up the book on the pedestal. He opened it to the first page and in big bold letters, it said:

SEPHIROTH, YOU MORON! YOU ARE MY FAILED EXPERIMENT! YOU WERE C-R-E-A-T-E-D!
Signed, Professor Hojo

Sephiroth scratched his head. "Hmm... What could that mean? It's so... unclear...."
As he pondered these.... unsubtle.... words, behind him, Maia and Zidane were having a small... disagreement.
"Okay, now, this is the On and Off button and-"
"Sweet! Can I press it?!"
"............... No."
"Aww.... Nuts."
And behind these two were Dagger and Kuja having another disagreement.
"Can I sing the song of Madain Sari today?"
"No way! I live there!"
"..... I'll play you for it?"
"You're on!"
"Rock, paper, scissors............ Rock, paper, scissors................................... Rock, paper, scissors..................................................... Rock, paper, scissors!"
"........ How 'bout we both sing it?"
"Okay."
And away from them, Cloud and the book-shelf elf were also having a disagreement.
"Who paid you to go up there?"
"I am the wall, I am the wall."
"Stop saying that!"
"I am the wall, I am the wall."
"You are NOT a freakin' wall! Stoppit!"
"Look, kid, I am the wall! If you can't accept that, I'll throw a couple books at you!"
"You are the wall."
Sephiroth gasped. "Gasp! I understand now! I have read between the lines and I now see clearly."
Maia nodded, basically ignoring him.
"You ignorant traitors. I'll tell you. The Planet originally belonged to the Cetra. Cetra was an itinerant race. They would migrate in, settle the Planet, then move on....... At the end of their harsh, hard journey, they would find the Promised Land and supreme happiness...... But those that disliked the journey appeared. Those who stopped their migrations built shelters and elected to lead an easier life. They took that which the Cetra and the Planet had made without giving back one whit in return! Those are your ancestors."
"Considering that I don't come from this world, they are not my ancestors. As a matter of fact, neither do Zidane, Kuja or Dagger," Maia told him. Cloud didn't say a thing, he only looked protective of Maia, his "girl". Sephiroth appeared not to hear this and continued rambling.
"Long ago, disaster struck this planet. Your ancestors escaped. They survived because they hid. The Planet was saved by sacrificing the Cetra. After that, your ancestors continued to increase. Now all that's left of the Cetra is in these reports."
Maia nodded again. "Yuh huh." (Note: In Maia's head, all this talk pretty much turns to "Blah, blah, blah..." ^_^)
"What does that have to do with you?" Cloud asked.
"Cloud, quiet you. You'll only encourage him!" Maia whispered.
"Don't you get it? An Ancient named Jenova was found in the geological stratum of two thousand years ago. The Jenova Project. The Jenova Project wanted to produce people with the powers of the Ancients... no, the Cetra........ I am the one that was produced."
"Yuh huh."
"Yes. Professor Gast, leader of the Jenova project and genius scientist, produced me."
Maia stepped forward and took the book from him. Reading the first page, she looked up. "You got all this from 'Sephiroth, you moron! You are my failed experiment! You were c-r-e-a-t-e-d. Signed Professor Hojo'?" She shut the book and said in a dry, exasperated voice, "Okaaaaaayyyy....."
"Out of my way! I'm going to go see my mother!" Sephiroth started forward.
Maia drew out her sword. "Oh, no, you're not!"
WHAM!
She whapped him over the head with the flat of her blade.
"....... Down I go......" Sephiroth muttered and fell to the ground.
Maia looked up and glanced at all the shocked people around them. "Anyone wanna help me carry him? ....... Or at least drag him?"
They all left the Shinra Mansion and went back up into Nibelheim. As they got up, some Nibelheimites (Would that be the plural name for them? Or maybe Nibelhiemiens or possibly Nibelheimers or perhaps Nibelheimees? Or mayhap Nibelheimishes? Maia tells me to shut up, so, I shall! ^_^;;) who had got word of Cloud's arrival, came and swarmed around them. A particularly busty girl, maybe Tifa's cousin, stood in front of him.
"Cloud, like, oh my God! You are so totally back! Remember me?"
Cloud stared at her for a moment, eyeing her as she jumped up and down. "I.. might... recall... you... a bit..."
Another guy went up to Cloud and slapped him on the shoulder. "Oh, you look so much cooler now!"
The girl who had been talking before began to talk again. "I have like, so totally settled down and made a family! I used to, like, party all night. And you know, I was, like, a whore like my cousin! But then I so totally found this perfectly cool guy and, like, settled down and now we have a, get this, a family!!! Do you wanna come and see the pictures of my baby! I think he was fathered by, like, four different men! I have about, like, four hundred photo albums of little baby Bud! His real name's baby Budwiser, after my, like, so totally favorite beer!" Not even waiting for an answer, she grabbed Cloud's arm and dragged him away.
"Help! Help me! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Maia shrugged. "Meh. He should be okay. We'll come and rescue him later. Right now, Sephiroth needs a bit of medical attention."
Maia typed some things on her computer, also trying to keep Zidane away from it as she typed, because he was constantly trying to press the Off button. She made a portal and they all jumped through it.

----------------------
Back to Dr. 666, 'cause he's so funny. ^_^
----------------------

Dr. 666 was walking down a street, looking to morphine random people.
Suddenly, he was in Balamb and he was humming his favorite tune.
"Doo, doo, doo, da, doo, doo, doo, doo, da, doo...."
Cid glanced out of his window, then turned on his PA. "Ding Ding Ding
Whoever is singing the elevator music, shaddup! I'm watching my inadequate Sunday morning cartoons! That is all."
Dr. 666 continued to hum, twirling his morphine needle like a gun. The PA came back on.
"Ding Ding Din– Alright, that's it! You've interrupted Dexter's Lab one too many times! I'm comin' down there!"
"Ooh, a lab! I'll have to speak with this 'Dexter'. I wonder if he does morphine?"
Everybody looked up as they heard the elevator coming down. They also heard footsteps, as though someone was running down some stairs. The elevator opened and Cid ran out. Apparently he was so eager to get out of the elevator, he had been running in the elevator. He ran out towards Dr. 666 and halted in front of him, gasping.
"WhythehellareyousingingthatitdrivesmecrazyandIthrewaradiooutofthewindowbecauseofit!!!!!!!!"
Dr. 666 looked confused. "Calm down and speak slower, please. I can't understand what nonsense you are speaking."
"Whyth ehellarey ousingin gthati tdriv esmecraz yandI threwara diooutofth ewind owbec auseofi t!!!!!!!"
"........ Slower....."
"Why-the-hell-are-you-singing-that? It-drives-me-crazy-and-I-threw-a- radio-out-of-the-window-because-of-it!!!!!!!" Cid screamed a little slower.
"Ohhhhhh! Okay, now I understand your problem. And I know what you need!" He plunged the needle into Cid's arm and gave him a shot of morphine. "You'll feel better tomorrow." As an after thought, he said, "And if you don't, call me." He walked away as Cid smiled dumbly and began to stumble around, laughing idiotically.
Dr. 666 was walking when he remembered that there were no phones in his "Ultra Secret Lab". He looked up as there was thunder and lightning.
"It's sunny. Meh. I'll just return to my 'Ultra Secret Lab'."
More thunder and lightning.
"How.... odd.... Meh...."
He remembered Cid. "Oh well. He'll just end up with an awful headache."

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Back to Our Heroes
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Our heroes returned to Maia and Lee's castle, dragging an unconscious Sephiroth. They trudged downstairs and found Locke sleeping peacefully and Terra standing guard over him, holding a bag, talking to Edgar at the same time. Edgar was taking a break from being king.

-------------------
Cut to Sabin for a moment....
-------------------

Sabin was slouched in the throne, looking extremely bored.
"Oh my God! I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOO bored! Now I remember why I left!!!! No-good, lousy brother, taking a no-good, lousy break..."
He glanced up. "What a moment! Somebody, somewhere, sometime, told me something was good about being a king. I think it came in song form....
When kingship's got you down,
Just don't mope and frown.
Something, something,
Then you'll see,
You'll avoid catastrophe!"
(Note: The tune for this little ditty is from the Simpsons. When their house is burning and Homer's trying to figure out what to do. Simpsons is a copyright of Matt Groening! ^_^)
There was a pause as he pondered the words he had just sung.
"Dangit!!!!" Sabin finally wailed.

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Maia: Peace out. See ya in the next chapter.