Author's Note, 12-20-02: I think I'm gonna wrap this up with chapter 11.
Chapter 10
"Just to See You Smile"
*************
"You really wanna do this right now? It can wait." Carter glanced at the woman in the passenger seat. He noticed she had an awfully tight hold on the red box in her lap.
Abby shook her head. "No, it can't. I made a promise."
They were parked outside Jake Miller's house, engine idling while they both waited for the other to make the first move. The past three days had gone by in a haze of police interrogations, phone calls and what Abby saw by now as an elusive pursuit of returning to normal life. Consequently, she had forgotten about visiting Jake and returning his prized possessions until Tricia Miller left a message at the ER requesting her brother's things. An officer had collected the items while the lounge was still roped off by yellow crime scene tape, and Abby was thankful that everything was accounted for. Everything except Jake's father's knife. Even if she had it, it would have been too morbid to return. But she didn't look forward to breaking the news to the boy and letting down yet another person she had only been trying to help.
"You can wait out here if you want," she said, unbuckling her seatbelt. It seemed they were practically inseparable lately and Abby was beginning to worry that she had become too dependent on Carter. Life with Maggie had made her wary of placing too many expectations on any one person always being there when you needed them. It just didn't work that way. Still, Carter had a nice way of making her forget all that.
"I'll come."
"Or you can come." She smiled in spite of herself and got out of the car. Carter followed, toting a special gift they had picked up for Jake earlier that day. It probably wouldn't make up for the loss of his birthday present, but it made Abby feel better and it had been fun to pick out.
Tricia answered the door right away. "Thank God you're here," she said, stepping aside for them to enter and none too discreetly checking out the view of Carter from behind. "Jake's been whining for you to show up all friggin' day. You really didn't have to go to all the trouble of getting him something else, I explained about the knife. Well, sorta." The words were directed at Abby, but Tricia never took her eyes off the tall doctor.
Abby could swear she saw him turn red. Oh brother.
"Is she here, Tricia??" Jake's hollering interrupted the awkward moment. Tricia directed Abby down the hall to the little boy's bedroom and practically seized Carter before he could follow, using the excuse that Jake and Abby could talk alone for a minute without the distraction of the surprise Carter was bearing.
"Knock, knock," Abby said, peeking around the doorway to Jake's room. He was decked out in his favorite Star Wars pajamas, the ones that had holes in the knees from too much wear, and propped up in bed with a single pillow and a blanket practically buried under a plethora of action figures, comic books and what looked to be Popsicle sticks. Someone was living it up while they recuperated.
"Abby!" Jake's face instantly brightened and he motioned for her to enter. "It took you forever to get here. You didn't visit me in the hospital like you were supposed to. Did you bring my stuff?" He could see the Spider-man box she was holding, but was too impatient to beat around the bush about getting it back. He cleared a place for her to sit on the bed, spilling toys all over the floor.
"I'm sorry, Jake," Abby began with a sincere apology. She rested on the edge of his bouncy mattress and handed him his lunchbox. "I wanted to come visit you, but something came up and I couldn't make it."
"Yeah, Tricia told me. She wouldn't say what happened at first. I begged until she gave in."
"She told you what happened?"
Jake detected the disapproval in her tone. "Uh-huh. I'm not a baby. She said somebody tried to hurt you and you had to use my knife for protection. I'm glad you used it. I mean, I wish I could have it back, but it's not so bad. Tricia says if I save up my allowance I can get one of those smaller knives that have all the gadgets and things. I like those better."
Well. That was much easier than Abby had expected. She didn't appreciate Tricia giving a ten-year-old some of the details discussed during their earlier conversation on the phone; however, it was a relief to not face a bombardment of questions from the boy about where his knife had gone to.
"Did he die?"
"What?"
"The guy. The bad one who tried to hurt you," Jake clarified. "Did you kill him?"
Abby shifted uneasily, glad she had worn a turtleneck sweater that concealed the fading bruises circling her neck like a choker. The other older bruises were practically unnoticeable by now. Her side still smarted occasionally. "Um, no. I didn't kill him," she replied. The news that Brian had made it through a surgery to repair his lacerated liver had filled Abby with mixed emotions. Part of her wanted him to live, to free her from carrying the burden of murder atop the rest of her load, but another part, the part of her that seemed to die a little bit every day since Brian Westlake had forced his way into her life - and body - with his consuming rage, wished he had died on the operating table. Most of the staff back at County General had been hoping for the latter as well.
"Is he going to jail soon then?"
The cops had assured Abby that there was enough evidence to convict Brian, not only for her rape and attempted murder, but also the murder of Joyce. There were no guarantees to the swiftness of a trial and sentencing, however. "I hope so," she admitted honestly.
"Me too." Jake punctuated it with a firm and solemn nod of his curly head.
They exchanged sweet smiles, neither knowing what to say next. Abby broke the silence with a much happier topic, "I have something for you. Remember Dr. Carter? He helped me pick it out." She moved to the doorway and waved over Carter, who looked grateful for the chance to escape Tricia.
"A dog!" Jake squealed with delight when Carter stepped into the room, a fat, wriggling ball of puppy fur in his arms. Grinning, he passed the frisky beagle to the little boy. The adults, including Tricia, watched as Jake vigorously scratched his new pet's plump body while the beagle dove back and forth, tail wagging, in an attempt to lick dried-on Popsicle juice from the boy's hands. "Is it really mine? Trish said I can keep it??" He sounded amazed.
"Yep, he's all yours," Abby confirmed.
"I'm only taking care of it till you get better," Tricia added her two cents. "You gotta take care of it after that, Jakey."
Jake agreed, not really paying attention to his sister, but addressing what Abby had said. "It's a boy?"
She nodded.
"Got a name picked out yet?" Carter asked, enjoying the scene. He liked kids. Hopefully one day he'd have some of his own. "How about Siegfried?"
The looks he received from Abby and Jake were very similar, both unspoken, yet clearly understood as "Ew." He wondered why no one ever liked his suggestions for names.
"I think I'll name him..." Jake's gaze wandered about the room, searching for inspiration. "I think I'll name him Abby."
Carter snorted a laugh. "That's a girls' name."
"So?" Jake challenged. "People name their kids after other people. I wanna name him," he patted the puppy on the head, "after Abby. You think it's a good idea, don't you?" He looked imploringly at the nurse.
Carter was hiding a delighted grin behind his hand and Abby nudged him lightly with her elbow. "If that's what you want to name him, then go right ahead. Carter's just jealous you didn't name it after him."
Satisfied, the boy smiled and motioned for Abby to come closer. When she stood at the edge of his bed, he got to his feet and gave her a quick, bashful peck on the cheek. "Thanks," he said, the beagle nipping at his bare toes as he sat back down.
Abby thought how alike Jake was to Eric at that age. Sweet and a charmer. She missed her younger brother but she had decided not to call him for awhile. She didn't plan on telling her family what had happened to her. "You're welcome," she replied, her expression wistful and hard for even Carter to read.
*************
"Looks like you've got yourself a little admirer in there," Carter said, his eyes mischievous as he and Abby left the Miller's house and walked to the car.
She smiled to herself, teasing him a bit in return. "I'm not the only one. You and 'Trish' hit it off pretty well from the looks of it."
"Uhh, no. 'Trish' hit it off, I was being held against my will." Carter shook his head in disbelief. "I felt like I was on an interview. She's scary."
"Aww, poor Trish. Did she ask you out?"
"Actually..."
Abby snickered. "She didn't!"
"She did."
"What did you say?"
Carter was enjoying the banter that had been absent from so many of their conversations lately. He could see visiting Jake had done Abby some good and he was glad he hadn't talked her out of coming today. He wanted to occupy her time, fill up every second he could to prevent her from dwelling on Brian for even a moment. "I told her I only have six weeks to live," Carter deadpanned, the twinkle in his eye eventually giving him away.
"You did not."
"No, I told her I'm unattached and I would love to go out on a date with her, but there is a policy at the hospital that doesn't allow me to date patients or their family members."
"Liar." Abby rolled her eyes. "You should have just told her you're dating Susan."
"That would be a lie too," Carter said, trying to catch her reaction out of the corner of his eye as he went around to the driver's side of his vehicle.
"What?" Abby had the door open but she stopped to look at him over the car roof.
"Susan and I aren't together anymore. We decided that we make better friends than anything else." He watched her closely, intently.
"Is that 'we' decided or SHE decided?" Abby meant to continue with the lightheartedness of before, but it had gotten lost somehow.
"I guess you could say she did. But I was ready to tell her the same thing. There just wasn't any chemistry, you know? Not like..." He hesitated, wanting to come right out and say what he meant. Not like there was with Abby. Was she ready? "Not like there should be."
Abby exhaled a slow stream of air that curled like smoke and made her crave a cigarette. She smirked as she thought about Carter saying those things would kill her. From anyone else she would have let it go in one ear and out the other. Carter's warnings hadn't helped her kick the habit, but he was the first person who had actually made her want to. She also knew that if it hadn't been for him seeing her through the past couple weeks she would have started drinking again. Escaping from pain with a good buzz was always easy when you were scared and alone, and it had been very tempting lately. But Abby fought it. She fought it with the reasoning that if she didn't remain sober for herself, she could at least do it for Carter. It was a risky negotiation, one that could create a relentless fear of losing him. But it worked. And for now she was willing to hold onto that. She wanted to give herself the freedom to trust somebody that much. She had earned it.
Ducking in the car, Abby nestled into the passenger's seat. On the outside Carter mouthed a disappointed swear word, sure she either hadn't caught his hints or had and discarded them. He got in and turned the keys in the ignition without a word.
"You owe me dinner."
He blasted the heat and glanced over at her. "Huh?"
"You wanted to go to Doc Magoo's the other night," she reminded him. "To talk about... something. We never got the chance. I thought maybe we could make up for it now." She held his gaze briefly before adding, "And if you would rather go somewhere other than Doc Magoo's I'm perfectly okay with that."
Carter grinned, his confidence returning. "All right. But we have to stop by the house first."
"Why?"
"I think that damn dog peed on my shirt."
The car filled with Abby's laughter as they cruised down the street. It was the first natural and uninhibited laugh he had heard from her for a long time and it drove out the bitter edge from the blustery Chicago day.
Chapter 10
"Just to See You Smile"
*************
"You really wanna do this right now? It can wait." Carter glanced at the woman in the passenger seat. He noticed she had an awfully tight hold on the red box in her lap.
Abby shook her head. "No, it can't. I made a promise."
They were parked outside Jake Miller's house, engine idling while they both waited for the other to make the first move. The past three days had gone by in a haze of police interrogations, phone calls and what Abby saw by now as an elusive pursuit of returning to normal life. Consequently, she had forgotten about visiting Jake and returning his prized possessions until Tricia Miller left a message at the ER requesting her brother's things. An officer had collected the items while the lounge was still roped off by yellow crime scene tape, and Abby was thankful that everything was accounted for. Everything except Jake's father's knife. Even if she had it, it would have been too morbid to return. But she didn't look forward to breaking the news to the boy and letting down yet another person she had only been trying to help.
"You can wait out here if you want," she said, unbuckling her seatbelt. It seemed they were practically inseparable lately and Abby was beginning to worry that she had become too dependent on Carter. Life with Maggie had made her wary of placing too many expectations on any one person always being there when you needed them. It just didn't work that way. Still, Carter had a nice way of making her forget all that.
"I'll come."
"Or you can come." She smiled in spite of herself and got out of the car. Carter followed, toting a special gift they had picked up for Jake earlier that day. It probably wouldn't make up for the loss of his birthday present, but it made Abby feel better and it had been fun to pick out.
Tricia answered the door right away. "Thank God you're here," she said, stepping aside for them to enter and none too discreetly checking out the view of Carter from behind. "Jake's been whining for you to show up all friggin' day. You really didn't have to go to all the trouble of getting him something else, I explained about the knife. Well, sorta." The words were directed at Abby, but Tricia never took her eyes off the tall doctor.
Abby could swear she saw him turn red. Oh brother.
"Is she here, Tricia??" Jake's hollering interrupted the awkward moment. Tricia directed Abby down the hall to the little boy's bedroom and practically seized Carter before he could follow, using the excuse that Jake and Abby could talk alone for a minute without the distraction of the surprise Carter was bearing.
"Knock, knock," Abby said, peeking around the doorway to Jake's room. He was decked out in his favorite Star Wars pajamas, the ones that had holes in the knees from too much wear, and propped up in bed with a single pillow and a blanket practically buried under a plethora of action figures, comic books and what looked to be Popsicle sticks. Someone was living it up while they recuperated.
"Abby!" Jake's face instantly brightened and he motioned for her to enter. "It took you forever to get here. You didn't visit me in the hospital like you were supposed to. Did you bring my stuff?" He could see the Spider-man box she was holding, but was too impatient to beat around the bush about getting it back. He cleared a place for her to sit on the bed, spilling toys all over the floor.
"I'm sorry, Jake," Abby began with a sincere apology. She rested on the edge of his bouncy mattress and handed him his lunchbox. "I wanted to come visit you, but something came up and I couldn't make it."
"Yeah, Tricia told me. She wouldn't say what happened at first. I begged until she gave in."
"She told you what happened?"
Jake detected the disapproval in her tone. "Uh-huh. I'm not a baby. She said somebody tried to hurt you and you had to use my knife for protection. I'm glad you used it. I mean, I wish I could have it back, but it's not so bad. Tricia says if I save up my allowance I can get one of those smaller knives that have all the gadgets and things. I like those better."
Well. That was much easier than Abby had expected. She didn't appreciate Tricia giving a ten-year-old some of the details discussed during their earlier conversation on the phone; however, it was a relief to not face a bombardment of questions from the boy about where his knife had gone to.
"Did he die?"
"What?"
"The guy. The bad one who tried to hurt you," Jake clarified. "Did you kill him?"
Abby shifted uneasily, glad she had worn a turtleneck sweater that concealed the fading bruises circling her neck like a choker. The other older bruises were practically unnoticeable by now. Her side still smarted occasionally. "Um, no. I didn't kill him," she replied. The news that Brian had made it through a surgery to repair his lacerated liver had filled Abby with mixed emotions. Part of her wanted him to live, to free her from carrying the burden of murder atop the rest of her load, but another part, the part of her that seemed to die a little bit every day since Brian Westlake had forced his way into her life - and body - with his consuming rage, wished he had died on the operating table. Most of the staff back at County General had been hoping for the latter as well.
"Is he going to jail soon then?"
The cops had assured Abby that there was enough evidence to convict Brian, not only for her rape and attempted murder, but also the murder of Joyce. There were no guarantees to the swiftness of a trial and sentencing, however. "I hope so," she admitted honestly.
"Me too." Jake punctuated it with a firm and solemn nod of his curly head.
They exchanged sweet smiles, neither knowing what to say next. Abby broke the silence with a much happier topic, "I have something for you. Remember Dr. Carter? He helped me pick it out." She moved to the doorway and waved over Carter, who looked grateful for the chance to escape Tricia.
"A dog!" Jake squealed with delight when Carter stepped into the room, a fat, wriggling ball of puppy fur in his arms. Grinning, he passed the frisky beagle to the little boy. The adults, including Tricia, watched as Jake vigorously scratched his new pet's plump body while the beagle dove back and forth, tail wagging, in an attempt to lick dried-on Popsicle juice from the boy's hands. "Is it really mine? Trish said I can keep it??" He sounded amazed.
"Yep, he's all yours," Abby confirmed.
"I'm only taking care of it till you get better," Tricia added her two cents. "You gotta take care of it after that, Jakey."
Jake agreed, not really paying attention to his sister, but addressing what Abby had said. "It's a boy?"
She nodded.
"Got a name picked out yet?" Carter asked, enjoying the scene. He liked kids. Hopefully one day he'd have some of his own. "How about Siegfried?"
The looks he received from Abby and Jake were very similar, both unspoken, yet clearly understood as "Ew." He wondered why no one ever liked his suggestions for names.
"I think I'll name him..." Jake's gaze wandered about the room, searching for inspiration. "I think I'll name him Abby."
Carter snorted a laugh. "That's a girls' name."
"So?" Jake challenged. "People name their kids after other people. I wanna name him," he patted the puppy on the head, "after Abby. You think it's a good idea, don't you?" He looked imploringly at the nurse.
Carter was hiding a delighted grin behind his hand and Abby nudged him lightly with her elbow. "If that's what you want to name him, then go right ahead. Carter's just jealous you didn't name it after him."
Satisfied, the boy smiled and motioned for Abby to come closer. When she stood at the edge of his bed, he got to his feet and gave her a quick, bashful peck on the cheek. "Thanks," he said, the beagle nipping at his bare toes as he sat back down.
Abby thought how alike Jake was to Eric at that age. Sweet and a charmer. She missed her younger brother but she had decided not to call him for awhile. She didn't plan on telling her family what had happened to her. "You're welcome," she replied, her expression wistful and hard for even Carter to read.
*************
"Looks like you've got yourself a little admirer in there," Carter said, his eyes mischievous as he and Abby left the Miller's house and walked to the car.
She smiled to herself, teasing him a bit in return. "I'm not the only one. You and 'Trish' hit it off pretty well from the looks of it."
"Uhh, no. 'Trish' hit it off, I was being held against my will." Carter shook his head in disbelief. "I felt like I was on an interview. She's scary."
"Aww, poor Trish. Did she ask you out?"
"Actually..."
Abby snickered. "She didn't!"
"She did."
"What did you say?"
Carter was enjoying the banter that had been absent from so many of their conversations lately. He could see visiting Jake had done Abby some good and he was glad he hadn't talked her out of coming today. He wanted to occupy her time, fill up every second he could to prevent her from dwelling on Brian for even a moment. "I told her I only have six weeks to live," Carter deadpanned, the twinkle in his eye eventually giving him away.
"You did not."
"No, I told her I'm unattached and I would love to go out on a date with her, but there is a policy at the hospital that doesn't allow me to date patients or their family members."
"Liar." Abby rolled her eyes. "You should have just told her you're dating Susan."
"That would be a lie too," Carter said, trying to catch her reaction out of the corner of his eye as he went around to the driver's side of his vehicle.
"What?" Abby had the door open but she stopped to look at him over the car roof.
"Susan and I aren't together anymore. We decided that we make better friends than anything else." He watched her closely, intently.
"Is that 'we' decided or SHE decided?" Abby meant to continue with the lightheartedness of before, but it had gotten lost somehow.
"I guess you could say she did. But I was ready to tell her the same thing. There just wasn't any chemistry, you know? Not like..." He hesitated, wanting to come right out and say what he meant. Not like there was with Abby. Was she ready? "Not like there should be."
Abby exhaled a slow stream of air that curled like smoke and made her crave a cigarette. She smirked as she thought about Carter saying those things would kill her. From anyone else she would have let it go in one ear and out the other. Carter's warnings hadn't helped her kick the habit, but he was the first person who had actually made her want to. She also knew that if it hadn't been for him seeing her through the past couple weeks she would have started drinking again. Escaping from pain with a good buzz was always easy when you were scared and alone, and it had been very tempting lately. But Abby fought it. She fought it with the reasoning that if she didn't remain sober for herself, she could at least do it for Carter. It was a risky negotiation, one that could create a relentless fear of losing him. But it worked. And for now she was willing to hold onto that. She wanted to give herself the freedom to trust somebody that much. She had earned it.
Ducking in the car, Abby nestled into the passenger's seat. On the outside Carter mouthed a disappointed swear word, sure she either hadn't caught his hints or had and discarded them. He got in and turned the keys in the ignition without a word.
"You owe me dinner."
He blasted the heat and glanced over at her. "Huh?"
"You wanted to go to Doc Magoo's the other night," she reminded him. "To talk about... something. We never got the chance. I thought maybe we could make up for it now." She held his gaze briefly before adding, "And if you would rather go somewhere other than Doc Magoo's I'm perfectly okay with that."
Carter grinned, his confidence returning. "All right. But we have to stop by the house first."
"Why?"
"I think that damn dog peed on my shirt."
The car filled with Abby's laughter as they cruised down the street. It was the first natural and uninhibited laugh he had heard from her for a long time and it drove out the bitter edge from the blustery Chicago day.