[Disclaimer: I do not own anything Joss Whedon created, much as I'd like to own Spike]
Author's Note:
I agree, Imzadi, Lindsey's just a sheep in wolf's clothing.
Lindsey: Hey! I object to that!
Adele: Aww, I sowwy. You're morally ambiguous, mmkay? [pats him condescendingly on the head]
Lindsey: [is sulking]
Adele: But I have taken a couple of leafs out of your book, Imzadi, Kate being one of them. We'll see how this works out.
Lindsey: [looks thick as two short planks] Books...leaves...Kate?
Adele: [pats him on the head again] Run along now.
Lindsey: Evil does not run along, [indignantly]
Adele: You run along or I turn you over to Niamh. Both of them. Niamh threatened to turn Giles Snr over her knee, why would you be any different?
Niamh: That's right. Equal parts humiliation and pain.
Lindsey: [sufficiently cowed, runs along]
History Always Repeats Itself
Chapter Three: Annabelle's ABCs
by Adele Elisabeth
Liamverse
Anya had taken Annabelle to the park, along with Owen and Genevieve. Annabelle had sulked until Owen agreed to come, and Genevieve didn't want to be left out. It just wasn't fair that the little tyke liked Owen over her. Seriously, how weird was that?
"Excuse me, little girl?"
Annabelle looked up into the friendly face of Lindsey MacDonald, and then the world went dark.
Anya was practically hyperventilating on the sofa as they tried to get her to calm down.
"Anya, tell me what happened," Giles instructed in his most soothing tone. He'd had a lot of practice calming his highly strung wife.
"I took them -- Annabelle, Owen and Genevieve -- to the park because Cordy said to keep them occupied and Annabelle wanted to go, and I turned my back for just a second because Genevieve wanted to ask me something and when I turned back Annabelle was gone!" Anya was pretty good at the run-on sentences, but she was nothing compared to Annabelle. "I lost her, Rupert! I couldn't find her anywhere, so we came back here to tell you all just in case she was kidnapped or something."
"Who'd kidnap a little girl they knew nothing about?" Giles queried of no one in particular.
"Wolfram and Hart." Angel stated grimly.
"Anything to get to us." Cordelia agreed. "They would have recognized Genevieve and Owen -- but they've had experience trying to kidnap them, that idea was screwed from the get go -- but Annabelle's too small and too human to be dangerous."
"We're going to have to tell this to our alternate selves, you realise?" Giles had a sinking feeling about that.
Cordelia looked equally unhappy.
The Gilesverse
Cordelia's voice went up several octaves. "They lost my baby?"
Giles had shuttered at the news, and the others had been shocked into silence. Willow had babbled herself out and Buffy was speechless. Xander went into another room to punch a wall, and came back, sheepish, with broken knuckles.
"Not exactly. She was kidnapped." Wesley told her. "By Wolfram and Hart. An evil lawfirm."
"There are any other kinds of lawyers?" Xander quipped weakly, sinking into a chair next to Buffy.
"Evil lawyers stole my baby?" Cordelia's voice went up several more octaves, and she sounded on the verge of hysteria. "I'm having guests today, Wesley, Lindsey and Kate MacDonald, I'm not supposed to be having to worry about my baby because they were taking care of her! They let her get taken away! Who was supposed to be watching her? Well? Who?"
"Cordy," Buffy and Willow approached their friend, "Come on. Let's go get you calmed down, okay, and then we can do some research. Okay?"
Cordelia wasn't okay, not by any stretch of the imagination, but she was soldiering on, and she'd told Lindsey and Kate that Annabelle was staying with relatives. Kate looked as though she might push the subject, as though she knew more than she was saying, but Cordelia thought nothing of it.
Until, however, Kate caught her alone in the kitchen.
"Cordy, we've been friends for ages, right?"
"Yeah, why?" Cordelia asked, puzzled.
"And we can talk about anything, right?"
"Yeah..."
"You never said your husband was a Watcher."
"I beg your pardon?"
"My best friend when I was eleven was killed by vampires. I witnessed it. Researching that kind of thing is a bizarre kind of hobby. Vampires, demons. I know what you're about to say -- either you're going for the flat out denial, or you're going to go on about how I should be careful. I am being careful. I'm not some amateur going out and trying to slay vampires, I'm just trying to keep safe. But I thought it was very curious when I heard of you and Rupert and your friends being discussed."
"Where would you hear something like that?"
"Magic shop I get my research from."
"Makes sense." Cordelia allowed. "So...why talking to me about it now?"
"Because what I heard was very definitely not good, Cordy. In fact, it was bad. Worse than bad. Dreadful."
"Kate. Skip to the good part. I mean bad part. Whatever."
"Well, I heard them talking about your daughter."
That certainly got Cordelia's attention. "What about Annabelle?"
"She's not at her aunt's, is she? I don't remember Annabelle even having an aunt."
"No, she's not."
"Where is she?"
"She fell through a portal into an alternate universe. Happy?"
"Alternate...?"
"Years and years ago, Genevieve Liam fell into our world. She was about four years old, daughter of Cordelia and Angel Liam. I was still in highschool. Her parents came through a similar portal to get her home. Annabelle fell through a demonic portal, and ended up where Genevieve came from."
"You and Angel? Buffy's Angel?"
"Yeah, him. Weird, huh? At first we thought it was the future, but when we identified some changes between their world and ours, it turned out it was just a possible future. An alternative, if you will. So she's there. What did you hear, Kate?"
"News spreads fast, apparently. The slayer is so preoccupied with trying to get her goddaughter back, it'll be easier to get around her. You know the Slayer? Who is it? Annabelle has three godmothers -- me, Buffy, and Willow. It's certainly not me, so who is it?"
"Kate..."
"Please, Cordy?"
"It's Buffy, okay? She's the slayer."
"She's tiny!"
"Okay, so she's a dwarfish slayer. Give her a break. I think slaying stunted her growth. Faith wasn't very tall either, and neither was Kendra."
"Faith...Kendra...?"
"Don't ask."
"I won't."
"Does Lindsey know about your little 'hobby'?"
"Yeah, he does."
"This certainly complicates things."
"A little. Do you need any help researching? I've had plenty of experience there."
"Rupert'll just love you. Voluntary research. Definitely a first. Are you sure you're not ill?"
"I'm laughing on the inside, Cordy."
"Pfft."
Liamverse
"I guess you're not nice like the real Uncle Lindsey." Annabelle muttered, glaring up at this notUncleLindsey.
Lilah Morgan stifled a laugh.
"Hey, you're that funny reporter! We laughed so hard the day your skirt flew up, live on camera."
Lindsey smirked at her. Lilah glared.
Annabelle cast her eye over Lilah's outfit. "Dark purple is a fall colour. It's summer. And those shoes..." She shuddered.
First the little brat mocks her, now she's questioning her fashion? Lilah seethed.
Lindsey decided to take over before Lilah did anything rash. Annabelle was smirking smugly. Lindsey knew that smirk. He'd seen it on Cordelia Liam's face one too many times not to recognize it. And on Genevieve Liam's, come to that.
"Annabelle, we'd like to talk to you about your arrival here." Lindsey said smoothly, half-sitting on the desk in front of her (Lilah's desk, actually).
"How do you know about that?" Annabelle was startled, and it showed.
"We have our ways." He replied, attempting to sound mysterious. Oddly enough, it worked.
"Well, why didn't you just ask me at the park, or come to visit?" she groused. "Didn't have to kidnap me...oh." The little girl groaned. "Not again..."
"Again?"
"People always kidnap the children! First it was Dawnie, now it's me. I've been held to ransom at least twice so far."
"Can we cut to the chase?" Lilah cut in. "She's really getting on my nerves right now."
Annabelle poked her tongue out. "Bitch." She muttered. Mommy was always saying how she spent too much time with Uncle Spike.
Lilah gaped, and Lindsey chuckled. "I can't argue with you there, kiddo. Well, in the mean time, you're going to be staying with me, because none of our holding cells are...appropriate for someone such as yourself. And we'd like your stay with Wolfram and Hart to be as comfortable as possible."
"Where are we going? Is it here in LA? No, that'd be stupid, and my Uncle Lindsey isn't stupid, so you can't be either. Unless things are really, really different. But you're an evil lawyer. So I guess you aren't stupid. So we must be going far away. Am I right?"
"Dead on."
"Careful with your metalfores. Things like that come true 'round abouts."
"You may have a point."
Annabelle figured that as long as she was being kidnapped, she could make the best of the situation. Since being a right little brat wouldn't get her anywhere, she'd try being a sweet little darling, and see where that took her. So far it had gotten her everything she wanted (bar freedom, that is). New clothes? Sure, just check out these catalogues. Want to watch a movie? DVDs in the cabinet. Can't sleep? Uncle Lindsey'll read you a story. Hungry? What do you want, pizza or ice-cream?
Yeah, life in captivity was good.
Okay, except for the whole captive part. Annabelle wondered if her new Uncle Lindsey was as evil as all that. He seemed pretty much like her other Uncle Lindsey, to her.
Maybe she could make him be a good person too. Like Auntie Niamh, or Uncle Spike. Or Auntie Faith, for that matter. Auntie Fai was the bestest ever. She resolved to do her best. It wasn't like there was much she could do, but what there was? She'd do it.
So far it meant wrapping him around her little finger.
And considering she'd been doing that all her life, it wasn't that hard. She could win anybody over. She was Annabelle Giles, 00QT.
Eat my fairydust, James Bond!
"...and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down." Lindsey read.
"No, no, no." Annabelle sat up in her bed, shaking her head. "That's not how it goes. He says, and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll sign and eviction notice."
Somebody's seen Shrek one too many times.
"Is this like how the tortoise was on performance enhancing drugs? Or how the little mermaid was a little merperson? Or your version of the alphabet?" Lindsey asked suspiciously. Annabelle's version of the alphabet started off 'A is for Adultery'. Anya had been the one teaching her the alphabet.
"Maybe." Annabelle allowed, grudgingly.
He ruffled her hair. "All right. How about you tell me something?"
She brightened. "I know my alphabets really well! How about I do that? A is for Adultery, which is very bad. B is for Beastiality, leave those sheep alone. C is for Criminal Lawyer, I told you to leave those sheep alone--"
"How about something else?"
***
Anya's Alphabet:
A is for Adultery -- which is very bad.
B is for Beastiality -- leave those poor sheep alone.
C is for Criminal Lawyer -- I told you to leave those sheep alone!
D is for Divorce -- refer A
E is for Edible Body Paint -- refer A
F is for Fornication -- refer A
G is for Grand Theft Auto -- refer D
H is for Hitman -- refer D
I is for Illustrations -- the Kama Sutra, a godsend.
J is for Judgement -- refer D
K is for Killing -- just for the hell of it.
L is for Lewd and Lascivious -- refer B
M is for MidLife Crisis -- refer Y
N is for Nightly -- not likely.
O is for Onanism -- refer D
P is for Passive Agressive -- if you don't get what you want, neither does he.
Q is for Quick -- let's hurry up and finish this damn thing.
R is for R-Rated -- refer B
S is for Sado Masochism -- sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.
T is for Tough Love -- see above
U is for Underworld -- demons and shit.
V is for Vengeance -- refer A
W is for Winter Nights -- there's no better way of keeping warm.
X is for eX-husband -- refer A
Y is for Youth -- recapturing.
Z is for Zoo -- refer B
Actual Author's Note:
Making up Anya's Alphabet was rather amusing, actually. My Mum helped. (Stop looking at me that way)
I may have to use that again sometime.
Anya: [takes a bow]
Spike: [applauds loudly, with catcalls]