Disclaimer: To dream the impossible dream. Here I am fighting the windmill. In other words, I own nothing.

Distribution: If you want it, please ask me first.

RECAP: Last time in Perhaps... Spike and Buffy took a leap forward in their relationship after another Leila encounter. They had several telephone conversations with Dawn, Carlotta and Clem, all of which revolved around the blossoming relationship. The Sanction prophecy was stolen from the Council and it looks like an inside job. And Leila is beginning to doubt the intentions of her lover and boss.

A/N: Sorry guys, this was a long time coming. I lost my computer for almost two whole weeks due to illness and I just got it back thank God!
Please REVIEW and tell me what you think! Updates will be much more regular now that I have the computer back on my desk where it belongs. Enough of me.
Oh, I wanted to spread some joy. I saw Nicholas Brendon yesterday! Seriously, I lost my knee caps, no feeling below them. But, I have an autograph so who needs to walk?
Enjoy!




Chapter 16: The Look Of Love
Maybe the Fates are against us, O'Malley stated as he appeared in the room.

When did you get back? Spike asked. I thought you were going to your shop.

I did, William, I did. Nothing there, but rubbish. The leprechaun hopped up onto a nearby ottoman and removed his pipe from his pocket. As he packed his tobacco, he stared at the Slayer. She shifted underneath his scrutiny, but he continued to look at her eyes. You've had another dream, have you not?

How did you know that? she wondered, briefly looking to Spike and Giles.

They did not have to say a thing, Buffy, I saw it in your face. What did you see?

Buffy stood abruptly and began to walk the room. I-I don't want to talk about it. I don't think it was a Slayer dream...exactly, she lied. I wasn't in the field this time. I was here and... her voice trailed off as she swallowed hard.

Buffy, you really must tell us, Giles insisted. This change in location could be vital for all we know.

The memory of the dream was harsh. She didn't want to divulge the details to the men before her, how much she was in pain, how no one could help her, her mother's appearance, the loss of Spike. The pain was worse when she heard him scream. Unbidden tears slowly made their descent down her face. La Nasckita, Buffy choked.

What was that, pet?

Buffy turned around and found Spike standing beside her. She stepped away from him and faced O'Malley. I remember my sister saying La Nasckita in my dream. What does that mean?

O'Malley puffed on his pipe and concentrated. I'm not sure, he lied.

I thought you knew this language.

I do, but I do not recognize the word. Perhaps it is a bastardization of another word. That was the truth and O'Malley did know the word. He wasn't about to tell her what it meant until he heard more about her dream. Lass, tell us the dream; it may make more sense.

Buffy wiped the tears away from her face as more fell. She felt Spike come up behind her.

He reached out to touch her shoulder, but she stepped away and flopped onto the sofa, her head in her hands.

It hurt, okay? she snapped. She raised her watery eyes to the vampire. You know that. You saw me afterwards.

That I did, pet. Doesn't mean that you shouldn't tell us. He crossed his arms over his chest and waited for her.

Nice show of compassion, she sneered.

Has nothing to do with compassion, Summers. I'm not going to coddle you and I don't think you want me to.

Listen, Buffy, Giles interjected, we need something to go on here. I know it might have been painful, but-

Might?! Might have been painful? Buffy shouted. I thought I was going to be ripped in two. I was crying out to all my friends and people I knew and no one could hear me. You all just stared at me. No one answered my questions, only my mother. My mother was there...and she kissed me and...told me I was going to be all right. She sobbed as she tried to take in air. Memories of her mother's gentle touch and loving words filled her mind. God, how she missed her!

Buffy again met Spike's gaze. And you weren't there. I couldn't find you. Mom said you'd be back, but I didn't believe her. All I could was try not to move because it hurt so much, the spasms, the lump in my throat. And then there you were standing in the doorway, Leila was right behind you, like your shadow. As soon as she touched you, you collapsed. I called out to you, but you didn't move. Leila just stared at me and slammed the door shut. I turned to Dawn and she pointed to a book in Giles's hand and said La Nasckita. And then I heard you scream; it was awful.

She stood up, walked to Spike and rested her forehead on his shoulder. Spike placed a hand at the small of her back and took one of Buffy's hands in his other. Both of them momentarily ignored the other two in the room. Neither cared that they were exposing their relationship with each other to the Watcher and the leprechaun. I thought you were dead, again, Buffy whispered. She pulled away slightly and faced the silent men.

So, that's the dream. The latest in the over active mind of Buffy Summers. Lots of pain, no one to help me and wow, what a shocker, I lost someone. Does that help you in your translation? she asked O'Malley.

Oddly enough, I think I will help. If you excuse me, I'll be in the loft. With that, the man vanished to the upstairs. Things did make much more sense now, but he still wouldn't tell them anything just yet. Who was he to stand in the way of destiny? The Powers That Be had their plan and he knew when to keep his mouth shut.

Buffy looked to her former Watcher, who was cleaning his glasses. Thank you, Buffy, he said, putting his glasses in their proper place. He cleared his throat and looked at the vampire and the Slayer. It will be dark soon. You will patrol, check with all the snitches we have. Leila has the book; she and her boss now know everything, we know half. Buffy, you said this event would take place soon. We need to know where. O'Malley and I shall work, try to narrow down a few locations that match your description, however vague it is, it is all we have to go on. The Watcher left and joined the leprechaun in the loft.

The two blondes just stood there, eyes wandering everywhere, but to each other's faces. Neither knew what to say. Spike wanted to say it was just a dream, but he knew it wasn't true. It meant something, maybe he was going to leave her alone. He would never do it intentionally, but it could happen.

Buffy couldn't take his silence any longer. She didn't know what he was thinking, probably sorry for her. She walked out of the living room and headed to the small balcony off of the kitchen. The sun was still out; he couldn't follow her.

But, he did. As she looked out on the seemingly peaceful neighborhood, she felt the familiar tingle at the back of head intensify. He was standing in the doorway, just beyond the sun's reach, watching the tension ripple through her muscles.

Buffy turned to the vampire, her eyes red and sparkling. She sniffed and searched his face. She saw love, his love, pouring out of his eyes as he stood there. No, he didn't say it, but he had a familiar look in blue depths, probably wasn't even aware it was there. She adored that abandoned gaze, leaving her with no doubt of his feelings, the look of love.

It doesn't matter, he said softly.

Buffy raised her chin slightly, wanting to keep her glassy eyes from his strong gaze. She quickly gasped for air through her constricted throat.

It doesn't matter what you dreamt, how many times you dreamt it, you need to know I will do whatever needs to be done to stay here...with you.

That's what I'm afraid of, she choked out. In seconds, she as in his
arms, clutching to his shirt. Tears did not fall, but her body shuddered as she tried to breathe properly. Spike just let her release the tension that built up inside of her, stroked her head and kissed the top of her head, never said anything.

When she calmed down, Buffy pulled away and rubbed her nose with the back of her hand. She looked up Spike, a shy smile spread on her lips. You'd think with all the emotional outbursts I've had lately, I'd remember to have tissues. She tried to laugh, but it came out tight. She blinked her eyes several times before settling them onto the vampire. So, ready to patrol?

Spike shook his head. She was trying to brave; whether it was for his benefit or for her own was debatable. She was already back in the house before he could even respond to her. He would not let her slip into denial, but if she wanted to go kill a few demons, who was he to say no? They'd fight some demons, try to find Leila, maybe do some talking, or bantering. But, she wasn't going to hide from him.




The cemetery was cold, a light frost covered the tops of the headstones and the dying grass beneath their feet. For a long time, the only sounds the pair heard were the crunching of the crisp ground and the wind flying through the trees. They had been out for a few hours, visiting all the cemeteries they could, even the old historical ones. Spike said it was a popular gathering place for vamps. So, they walked and they fought, none of the demons put up a good fight, most just ran. The chase fueled Buffy's blood, heating her chilled extremities. But, then the vampires were dust all too quickly and she was cold again, her pink cheeks a mixture of flush and windburn.

Spike silently witnessed her struggle with the elements, mildly amused because it wasn't actually very cold outside. She'd never survive an English winter if this weather bothered her. She liked bright Californian mornings or the Buenos Aires balmy nights. He doubted she even saw snow more than a handful of times which was too bad in his opinion. He could picture his Slayer all bundled up in thick sweaters, rosy complexion, snowflakes clinging to her flowing hair and to her full eyelashes as she ran through the gentle storm with him hot on her heels. He could hear her laughter cut through the night as he tackled her, rolling the two of them in piles of snow. Spike's smile reached his eyes at these wonderful thoughts, wanting more than anything to see them come true.

Wh-what's with the smile? Buffy asked through her chattering teeth.

His smile diminished slightly. There was no way she would want to stay here. Her shuddering shoulders were convincing. If she couldn't be in England with him, where would they end up? Their lives were continents apart!

Buffy chattered.

Spike's eyes focused on Buffy's small form. He reached out and began rubbing her arms up and down, the friction creating warmth.

Buffy moved closer to his chest as he continued to warm her. God, if she wasn't so bloody cold, she would venture creating a different kind of friction. Did she just say bloody? She was spending too much time in England, or maybe just with Spike. She looked up at him and smiled her thanks. There was no too much time when it came to Spike, not lately atleast. Nothing would ever be perfect between them and she didn't want it to be. They would need space sometimes; that was only natural. Speaking of space, where were they going to live? Would he want to move into her house? There was plenty of room, just her and Dawn. Wait, was that moving too fast? He's spent so many years living alone. Well, he did live with Giles now. There's a thought! Was he going to come back with her? Did he expect her to stay with him?

Buffy love? Spike noticed a far away look in Buffy's eyes. At first it was happy, but then turned questioning as she chewed on her bottom lip. You in there?

Buffy blinked. Huh? Yeah. I'm right here. Here is where I am.

Rrright. Feel any better?

Buffy nuzzled Spike's neck and inhaled his scent, just like she did when she still had his duster. Yeah, I'm better, she sighed.

Spike rested his hands at the small of her back and kissed her temple. Ready for another go?

she whispered in contentment, wanting nothing more than to have another with her vamp.

Then come on.

Spike pulled away from Buffy and started to walk quickly out of the cemetery.

What, right now?! she squealed as she ran to catch up to him.

If we don't get moving, we could miss her, love.

Buffy stared blankly at Spike. What was he talking about? In her fantasy there was never any other

Leila, Buffy. Remember the crazy lil chit we're looking for? Why we are out here checking every friggin' cemetery we can find.

The light bulb went off in Buffy's head and she blushed. I know, I know. It's...just the weather. I-I think it's getting to me, she stammered as she pushed back her disappointment.

You are such a California girl, he remarked with a half grin. He turned and continued to walk out into the street.

Well, it's the only place I've ever lived, Buffy defended. she added quickly, you'd be surprised how adaptable I can be.

Spike whipped his head around, surprise on his face. She just smiled triumphantly and quickened her pace. Did she just read his mind?

You're slowing me down, vampire, Buffy shouted at the stilled Spike.

He snapped out of his shock and jogged to her side just as she stifled a yawn. Tired, pet?

she answered. I wish I could go home and sleep. Spike hid his happiness at her use of the word Maybe if I sleep, I'll have another dream and we could end this. Buffy huffed her frustration into the night. I hate it. They're going to win. The words keep running through my mind no matter how I try to stop them. We're usually ahead of the game, but right now I just feel like a bench warmer. If I don't have a dream, the only other hope we have is Leila herself.

What do you mean, pet?

Buffy shrugged. It's something I've been thinking about. She might not mean to, but I think she will tip us off. She'll come to you, just wish I knew when.

The vampire pulled out a trusty cigarette, lit it and deeply inhaled before responding to Buffy. Forgive me if I'm doubtful. After the other night's shenanigans, I don't think Leila gives two shits about what happens to me.

On the contrary, Spike. You planted that seed of doubt in her head.

Spike flicked his ashes to the ground and thought. Leila was very agitated when he mentioned her boss's hidden agenda. Hopefully, she listened.

I think she did. Even if she didn't believe you, I bet she'll be back to prove you wrong. She is still a teenager after all. Plus, in my dreams, I'm not scared of her, I feel bad for her. Right now, I don't care. Something needs to happen for her to earn any sympathy from me. I can't explain it, but...it's just a feeling.

And I've learned to trust your feelings. Spike stubbed out his cigarette and stared at the ground. Buffy, I- He stopped himself.

What is it? He looked nervous and Buffy's heart started to beat faster. Damn, he was going to pick up on that. She couldn't help thinking, though, that he was going to tell her, finally tell her he loved her. God, if he did, she knew she couldn't guarantee to keep from melting into a Buffy sized puddle on the grass.

He looked at her, heard her heart beat. Why was she nervous or was she scared? She knew. She knew what he was going to say and it scared her. And that scared him. Nothing. Let's go, love. He took her hand and led her into the next cemetery.



He wants me. He wants me. He wants me, she chanted in her head.

Leila was waiting for him. She heard him come in not that long ago. She quickly undressed and slipped into their bed, draping the white sheet across her body. She leaned back against the head board and took a deep breath. She could hear him moving around downstairs, but he would be up there soon. Part of her was excited her lover was home and the other part, one that grew larger every hour, was worried. Spike's words still haunted her Gemini minds. She didn't want to think traitorous thoughts about her companion. He was so good to her, always had been.

The first time she saw him, she dismissed him, just a human, nothing spectacular, not like her Spike. Spike was something else entirely, as much of a contradiction as she. No normal human could do it for her.

The second time she saw him was different. He found her on the outside, knew what she was capable of, but didn't back down. He actually approached her, conversed with her. It was then Leila saw a spark in his eyes, the way he addressed her; she was hooked.

He hid her for a short time, said he wanted to help her.



~*~*~


Why do you want to help me?

Why did you follow me here? he countered.

Leila shrugged and flounced onto his couch. I don't know. Desperation, curiosity? Maybe I like you.

He smiled, displaying perfect teeth. Sounds about right. I do like you, Leila, and I know how to help you. But, I need you to answer one question for me. Can we trust each other? He held out his hand to her.

She looked at it skeptically. Deep down she knew promises amounted to a pile of shit. She was unpredictable, by definition not to be trusted. She stood up and placed her hands on her hips. I could kill you right now, she said, her voice deep and menacing. She cocked her head to the side and smirked. But, you know that, don't you?

Yes, I do, but I have a feeling you won't, he said matter-of-factly.

What makes you so certain? Leila stepped into him, her violet eyes piercing his coffee brown orbs.

He bent his head down so their noses touched. I think you want someone to help you. You've been alone for so long, no hope in sight. I'm going to give you that hope.

What's in it for you? she asked the vital question.

Just some sweet revenge.

There was a word Leila understood. She liked that word, liked the concept and she liked the man, a lot.



~*~*~



Hours later, she was in his bed, no longer a virgin nor a stranger to the intense pleasure he gave her. He was patient and as gentle as he could be with her. They had no regrets, not a one. They were open and honest with each other about everything. He knew about her obsession with William the Bloody, a topic that spurred him into a passionate frenzy. He didn't like hearing about him and Leila enjoyed antagonizing him, knowing he would kiss her senseless just to shut her up.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a soft squeak as the door swung open. There he stood, his tie hanging loosely down his half unbuttoned shirt. Leila sat up straight, her dark tresses sweeping her pale body. Good evening, he whispered with a sly smile across his lips.

Leila felt a warm flutter in the pit of her stomach. Hey, lover. What took you?

He closed the door, threw his tie to the floor and made his way to her side. Didn't keep you waiting long I hope? He reached out and ran his fingers down the side of her face.

Leila smiled at his touch and she slowly began to undo his shirt. Mmhmm. But, I knew you would make it up to me.

I think I can do that, love. He tossed his shirt and laid Leila on her back. He pulled the sheet away, revealing her in all her splendor. He bent down and kissed her softly, teasing her full lips. He trailed a path down her face to her neck, gently sucking on her skin.

Leila released a hearty moan as his fingertips passed over her rosy nipples, eliciting immediate attention. She was always amazed at her reaction to him. As soon as she saw him, she wanted him. The mere sound of his voice made her weak with need. Maybe because he was an amazing lover. He was her first and only, but she knew he was something special.

He was her partner. How could she ever doubt him?

Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt his hand slide down her stomach. God, she loved this, not him, but being with him. Her hips surged up to meet his hand.

He cared about her pleasure. Sometimes, it was just a quick fuck, but most of the time he did make love to her, kissing and caressing all the right places. She thought he reveled in the fact that he was her only lover, the only one who knew her secrets, knew what would make her quiver so intensely he could barely move without having her need more.

How could he turn on her? Why would he turn on her? She'd done everything for him, helping him get his revenge. Or was she the revenge? Did he really want her powers? Would he kill her for them?

Oh, God, she gasped as his warm tongue laved at her breast. His fingers were now moving fast inside of her. When did that happen? Leila needed to stop thinking and just feel.

How could he be so loving one moment and ruthless the next? How could she for that matter? She was crazy, not to be trusted. What was his excuse?




Buffy dusted herself of a newly risen vampire's remains and walked over to Spike who was watching her from a nearby headstone.

Nothing here either, Buffy mumbled as she hopped onto the stone next to him.

Waiting for Leila's supposed slip-up seems to be the way we're headed, Spike said as he flicked away the butt of his cigarette. Otherwise we're just wandering around aimlessly.

That about sums it up. I wish I could go back to this morning. I wish we never answered the phone.

Answering the phone or not, love, wouldn't have prevented the Council from losing the book.

It wasn't completely their fault, Spike. But, now that I think about it, she began, a smile slowly spreading across her lips, if we never answered the phone, then I wouldn't have heard about you and Carlotta.

Spike stared at her curiously Her eyes were laughing at him. Me and Carlotta?

She said you kissed her.

Spike looked away with a sly smile. Yeah, I did, but it was with permission. And she kissed back.

She said it was a dare.

It was one of the best dares I've ever participated in.

She as good a kisser as she is a dancer?

Clem is a very lucky man, Spike admitted, stepping down from the headstone to face Buffy. But, I'm luckier, he said in a deep low voice.

He pressed his lips to hers in a kiss much more gentle and loving than his throaty admission indicated. It was familiar and welcoming.

Buffy smiled as she felt her toes curl and delightful flutters all over her body. Her tongue ran along his bottom lip, not for access, just to taste his soft skin. So soft after so many years on this Earth.

Spike placed his hands on either side of Buffy and stood between her legs, effectively trapping her. She snaked her arms around his neck and pulled him roughly to her, wrapping her legs around his waist.

Spike thanked whomever was watching over him for this woman. They fit so perfectly together. And to think, if it hadn't been for the vapid chit Cecily, he never would have met Dru and he never would have died. And if he never died, he never would have met Buffy. It was Fate.

He held her close, the beat of her heart banging against his still body. He parted her lips and caressed the inside of her mouth. A slight purr rumbled through his chest and he and Buffy both smiled into each other at the contented sound.

She was lucky, she was really lucky. No one ever made her feel this good, this complete. He made her feel loved, gave her something she'd been longing for, a partner and an equal.

He was hers, but more importantly, she was his. He had to know.

At that realization, Buffy abruptly pulled away.

What's wrong? Spike wanted to know.

I want to go somewhere, she said.

Another cemetery?

She rolled her eyes at him. No, not a cemetery. Which way is the Thames?



She felt her orgasm coming as she tried to just concentrate on his ministrations. She cried out his name as ecstasy hit her. He placed kisses on her face, her breath ragged against his skin. He quickly divested himself of the rest of his clothing and positioned himself back between her parted thighs.

They locked eyes. Leila's hooded gaze made him happy. She looked so beautiful beneath him and this was to be their last evening together. He would have come up sooner, but he wasn't ready to see her yet. Now that he was there with her...he still wasn't ready to let her go. But, that was a thought for tomorrow.

He slowly slid himself inside, her warmth engulfed him. he sighed.

She wrapped her legs around him, drawing him further into her depths. She felt so complete with him inside of her. They stayed like that for a while, basking in their contentment. She was relaxed, her tension washed away, but her confusion remained. She kissed his face and his shoulders. He laughed as her touch tickled his warm skin. That sound brought Leila more sadness than any of her lonely nights at the Council.

What was he thinking about?

Dread filled her as she tangled her fingers in his hair.

She couldn't trust him.

What was she going to now?

She kissed him again as he began to move above her. His tongue moved inside her mouth as he quickly thrusted deep and hard inside of her.

She ripped her mouth way from him and cried, Oh, Colin!