The Nightmare Before Parodies
(Macca and Munku wander on to the stage, blowing dust off of things.)
Munku: Woah. I'd forgotten about THIS.
Macca: Yeah. I'd hoped Cala had too.
Munku: *shrugs* Gotta hand it to her. She may be lazy, but she ain't forgetful.
(Cala swings in on a rope hanging from the light fixtures.)
Cala: Glad you feel that way, but we must get this through so I can start Sweeney Fraud with the Middle-Earth Citizens. Speaking of which.*pulls out a plastic baggie* Bilbo told me to give this to you, Macca.
Macca: PIPEWEED*evil giggles*
(Blows the oh-so-famous whistle and, the cats stagger in.)
Alonzo: Sowhich musical is this again?
Cala: Nightmare.
Alonzo: Yes, I know it's a nightmare, but what play is it?
Cala: Just for that, we'll start with your line.
Alonzo: Damn.
(We open in Halloween town, where the citizens are getting worried at Mack's Absence.)
Alonzo: This has never happened before
Electra: It's suspicious!
Etcetra: It's peculiar
Tugger, Rumpus, and Quaxo: It's Scary!
(Munkustrap comes storming through)
Munku: Stand aside! Coming through!
Quaxo: Would it hurt to say EXCUSE ME?
Munku: *ignores and continues* We've got to find Mack! There's only 365 days left till next Halloween!
Admetus: 364!
Munku: *cringes* Is there anywhere we've forgotten to check?
Alonzo: I looked in every Mosileum.
Pounce: Oh, I'm SURE that's a swinging hangout
Electra and Etcetra: We opened the sarcophagi!
George: I tromped through the Pumpkin patch!
Rumpus: I peeked behind the cyclops' eye!
(All look at him wryly. Etcetra hits him with her broom.)
Rumpus: I DID! But he wasn't there
Munku: It's time to sound the alarms!
(Mummy-child, actually, Sillabub wrapped in Toilet Paper, begins turning a crank behind a gargoyle, making a siren sound.)
Sillabub: So humiliating.
(We are whisked to Dr. Finklegus's castle. Sally is busy mixing her herbs into the Doc's soup. However, there is a very distinct aroma to Deadly Night Shade)
Jemima: *coughcough* Can't*cough*
Cala: Tech-kitties?? TURN DOWN THE GREEN FOG IN THE CAULDRON!
Misto: Whoops
Jemima: *getting back to the SHOW* Frog's breath will overpower any odor.
(However, Frogs breath isn't that great either.)
Jemima: *cough* Bitter Worm's wart? Where's that worm's wart!
(A call comes from the laboratory upstairs)
Gus: Sally? That soup ready yet?
Sally: Coming!
(Long story short, Gus drinks the soup. We go back to the town.)
Mayor: Did anyone think to dredge the lake??
Tumblebrutus: Dredge? What kinda word is Dredge?
Quaxo: This morning
(Suddenly, Zero is heard barking.)
Electra: Hear that?
Etcetra: What?
Electra: Shhh
Pouncival: Methinks that ol' 'Lectra there might be a bit nuts, yes?
Cori:Bark!
Tugger: Zerocopat!
(Mack comes riding in on a snowmobile.)
Sillabub: Mack's Back!
Munku: Where have you been, young man? I was worried sick!
Cala; STICK TO THE SCRIPT!
Macca: Call a town meeting and I'll tell everyone ALL about it!
Munku: When?
Macca: Immediately!
(We now go to the town meeting where Mack is telling the townspeople all about Christmastown.)
Macca: There are objects so peculiar,
They were not to be believed!
All around, things to tantalize my brain
It's a world unlike anything I've ever seen
And as hard as I try
I can't seem to describe
Like a most improbable dream.
But you must believe when I tell you this
It's as real as my skull and it does exist.
(spoken) Here, let me show you.
(Mack pulls the curtain open revealing a Christmas tree, presents, and stockings. He picks up a present and resumes singing.)
Macca: This is a thing called a present.
The whole thing starts with a box.
Ghengis: A box?
Gus: GAHHH! What's HE doing here?
Cala: *shrugs* I was running out of felines to cast.
Gus: *hiding behind Jellylorum* Evilhe's EVIL.
Ghengis: *growl* Y'know, old timer, the horde awaits my command outside. Perhaps we should--
Cala: *jumping in* --Skip this song.
Macca: Aww
(Mack tries to explain the spirit of Christmas to the citizens, but they only focus on the Halloween-ish aspects. In a last-ditch effort, Mack tells them about "Sandy Claws," depicting him as a large monster. That gets their attention. Mack, however, is not satisfied. At home, he reads every Xmas book available, but cannot find a satisfactory explanation for the spirit of xmas. Next day, at the laboratory)
Gus: you've poisoned me for the last time, you wretched girl!
(He locks Sally in her room. The doorbell rings.)
Gus: Ooohhh, my headThe door is Open!
Macca: Hello?
Gus: Mack Skellington! Up here, my boy!
Macca: Doctor! I need to borrow some equipment!
Gus: Is that so? Whatever for?
Macca: I'm conducting a series of experiments.
Gus: How perfectly marvelous! Curiosity killed the cat, you know.
Rumpus: So, a CAT KILLER is on the loose? I'll get him.
Demeter: Isn't Macavity enough? Why do we need this Curiosity dude?
Ronwyn:
(Jack heads home with some stuff. Sally, having overheard the conversation, constructs a basket full of things she thinks might help Mack. She then jumps out the window with it.)
Pouncival: Ewww.
(After delivering the basket, she goes off and picks a flower. She's pulling off the petals one by one)
Jemima: He loves me, he loves me not
(When it forms into a little Xmas tree in her hands. Then it catches fire.)
Alonzo: That, my friends is foreshadowing.
(She falls asleep there and wakes up in the morning when the citizens start to sing.)
All: Something's up with Mack,
Something's up with Mack.
Don't know if we're ever going to get him back.
Admetus: He's all alone up there,
Locked away inside
Sillabub: Never says a word, hope he hasn't died.
All: Something's up with Mack
Something's up with Mack!
Macca: Christmas time is buzzing in my skull
Will it let me be? I cannot tell
There's so many things I cannot grasp
When I think I've got it, and then at last
Through my bony fingers it does slip
Like a snowflake in a fiery grip
Something here I'm not quite getting
Though I try, I keep forgetting
Like a memory long since past
Here in an instant, gone in a flash
What does it mean?
What does it mean?
(Skipping ahead.)
Cala: But I LIKE this song!
(So?)
Macca: Of course! I've been too close to see
The answer's right in front of me
Right in front of me
It's simple really, very clear
Like music drifting in the air
Invisible, but everywhere
Just because I cannot see it
Doesn't mean I can't believe it
Jenny: Makes you feel kinda warm and fuzzy, don't it?
You know, I think this Christmas thing
It's not as tricky as it seems
And why should they have all the fun?
It should belong to anyone
(By now, Macca's really getting into it. The backstage cats are a bit scared as he knocks over set pieces in his enthusiasm.)
Not anyone, in fact, but me
Why, I could make a Christmas tree
And there's no reason I can find
I couldn't handle Christmas time
I bet I could improve it too
And that's exactly what I'll do
Hee,hee,hee
Eureka!! This year will be ours!
Victoria: Um, Macca's scaring me, Cala
Cala: Macca?
Macca: YES???
Cala: *cowers* Um, break time.
(In a flash, Macca disappears.)
Jemima: *sigh* What a tom.
Queens: *look at her incredulously*
Jemima: What?
To be continued