We waited and waited, and still Cassie did not show up. It had been two
days since Illarim had fed. Cassie had to come. She just had to.
Finally, she did. Around four o'clock, she took over guarding me. Emily had had the previous shift. Illarim made me sit there, seemingly uninterested in everything until Emily had been gone about fifteen minutes, even though we both knew there was not much time left. Even I could feel his growing hunger, or at least sense it.
May I talk to her now? I asked for the nth time, practically going crazy from waiting for what seemed to be so long.
Illarim said nothing, but I felt myself regaining control again.
"Cassie?" I said slowly. "I need to talk to you."
She looked up from the book she was reading. "I'm listening."
I took a deep breath. "If anyone would understand, it's you. This is Katie speaking. The real Katie. I don't want Illarim to die. I... I was a voluntary. I want to be a Controller. I chose to let him in my head."
Cassie kept her features emotionless, and I couldn't tell what her response was, be it sympathetic, disbelieving, angry, or disgusted.
I started to say something, but Illarim stopped me. "This is Illarim now. I know you need to be able to talk to Katie and know for certain it's not really me. Get a glass of water- it's not exactly ideal, but I will be able to survive in it."
"All right," Cassie said, sounding as thought it did not matter to her one way or the other. She retrieved a large glass and filled it with bottled water from the supplies they had stashed for the three days I would be held, then untied my hands and gave it to me.
I stared at my reflection in the water for a moment, having one of those cold-shivers-down-the-spine, 'what-if...?', Twilight-Zone moments, imagining what really was hiding behind my face. Then I shuddered slightly and held the cup to my ear, feeling the eerie sensation of Illarim's thoughts slowly disconnecting from my own.
Wish me luck, I said, right before the last connections were severed.
"There," I said, setting the cup down where it wouldn't get bumped. I hesitated for a moment, surprising even myself at how I felt almost incomplete without Illarim there, safeguarding me against saying something wrong, joking with me, supplying ideas when I had run out.
I mentally shook my head to help keep on topic, then continued. "I knew the others wouldn't understand, but I thought you might. I really am a voluntary controller. I thought maybe, even if I couldn't help everybody, I could make a difference for just one being. Give him- her, it- the experiences that humans take for granted. You know, I mean, I just wanted to help, and now it's more than that. We're friends, closer friends than you could ever be with another human."
My mouth curved into a slight, amused smile when I said that. The irony of it all; of course a Yeerk would know me better than anyone else. He couldn't help it.
Cassie didn't say anything for a moment, but looked steadily into my eyes. She had kept her face carefully devoid of emotion during my speech, but as we looked at each other I though I caught a glimpse of something... Almost like wistfulness. Nostalgia, for when she had thought the same things I now did.
"What about the fact that the Yeerks are trying to enslave the human race?" she asked finally. "Can you really dismiss that so lightly?"
"That's wrong. You'd have to be an idiot not to admit that, but they can't really help it. They don't know any other way. The Vissers trick them into thinking slavery is their only option."
"We're going to have to tell the others," Cassie said.
"I know."
"Jake has the next shift. Fill him in when he comes."
"Yeah," I said, hoping the others wouldn't react the way I expected them to. Peace had scored one point, but War hadn't even brought in its most violent players yet.
Finally, she did. Around four o'clock, she took over guarding me. Emily had had the previous shift. Illarim made me sit there, seemingly uninterested in everything until Emily had been gone about fifteen minutes, even though we both knew there was not much time left. Even I could feel his growing hunger, or at least sense it.
May I talk to her now? I asked for the nth time, practically going crazy from waiting for what seemed to be so long.
Illarim said nothing, but I felt myself regaining control again.
"Cassie?" I said slowly. "I need to talk to you."
She looked up from the book she was reading. "I'm listening."
I took a deep breath. "If anyone would understand, it's you. This is Katie speaking. The real Katie. I don't want Illarim to die. I... I was a voluntary. I want to be a Controller. I chose to let him in my head."
Cassie kept her features emotionless, and I couldn't tell what her response was, be it sympathetic, disbelieving, angry, or disgusted.
I started to say something, but Illarim stopped me. "This is Illarim now. I know you need to be able to talk to Katie and know for certain it's not really me. Get a glass of water- it's not exactly ideal, but I will be able to survive in it."
"All right," Cassie said, sounding as thought it did not matter to her one way or the other. She retrieved a large glass and filled it with bottled water from the supplies they had stashed for the three days I would be held, then untied my hands and gave it to me.
I stared at my reflection in the water for a moment, having one of those cold-shivers-down-the-spine, 'what-if...?', Twilight-Zone moments, imagining what really was hiding behind my face. Then I shuddered slightly and held the cup to my ear, feeling the eerie sensation of Illarim's thoughts slowly disconnecting from my own.
Wish me luck, I said, right before the last connections were severed.
"There," I said, setting the cup down where it wouldn't get bumped. I hesitated for a moment, surprising even myself at how I felt almost incomplete without Illarim there, safeguarding me against saying something wrong, joking with me, supplying ideas when I had run out.
I mentally shook my head to help keep on topic, then continued. "I knew the others wouldn't understand, but I thought you might. I really am a voluntary controller. I thought maybe, even if I couldn't help everybody, I could make a difference for just one being. Give him- her, it- the experiences that humans take for granted. You know, I mean, I just wanted to help, and now it's more than that. We're friends, closer friends than you could ever be with another human."
My mouth curved into a slight, amused smile when I said that. The irony of it all; of course a Yeerk would know me better than anyone else. He couldn't help it.
Cassie didn't say anything for a moment, but looked steadily into my eyes. She had kept her face carefully devoid of emotion during my speech, but as we looked at each other I though I caught a glimpse of something... Almost like wistfulness. Nostalgia, for when she had thought the same things I now did.
"What about the fact that the Yeerks are trying to enslave the human race?" she asked finally. "Can you really dismiss that so lightly?"
"That's wrong. You'd have to be an idiot not to admit that, but they can't really help it. They don't know any other way. The Vissers trick them into thinking slavery is their only option."
"We're going to have to tell the others," Cassie said.
"I know."
"Jake has the next shift. Fill him in when he comes."
"Yeah," I said, hoping the others wouldn't react the way I expected them to. Peace had scored one point, but War hadn't even brought in its most violent players yet.