DISCLAIMER: I do not own Card Captor Sakura, CLAMP does.
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Fanny chan: Ello' once again.
Tomoyo: Here's the next…
Chibi fanny: …and final…
Tomoyo: …installment of Crying without tears.
Fanny chan: *teary eyed* I had not anticipated this ending. Not at all. I can't believe that just this morning [on the 20th of December], I was moaning on how to end this fic.
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Summary of this story: Haha… I couldn't stand not writing angst… hehe. Must be
something in my blood. So here is a short-story ExT fic… *smiles* R&R
please. I don't know why… *ponders* But I find angst fic more touching, more
beautiful… *turns to readers and smiles* Right?
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Crying without tears
By Fanny chan
Abrupt: tumbling into love's embrace
Sonomi stroked her daughter's long velvet hair as the girl cried her hearts out. It hurts… hurts so badly. There was a sharp pain in her chest and breathing had become a difficult task.
Why did Sakura have to come back?
Sonomi glanced at her daughter as the sobbing subsided gradually before halting.
Tomoyo lifted her pale face from her mother's lap before looking up to meet her mother's eyes.
"She's back mother…" Sonomi eyes widened slightly.
Noiselessly, she spread her arms and Tomoyo clambered into her embrace. It was so warm here, like nothing could ever touch her. Her mother soothing heartbeat thumped a soft lullaby- a sweet special song which lulled her slowly into a deep, sound sleep.
:: Dream- Tomoyo's POV ::
I was soaring above, the breeze absolutely refreshing. The air was crystal fresh… radiating calm and gentleness, beauty and hope.
An innocent dark cloud suddenly loomed overhead. A streak of lightning flashed across the sky, illuminating it with unseen terror, closely accompanied by the deep rumble of thunder. I guess perfect things were not made to last.
I fought strongly yet helplessly against the wind and rain. My perfect world seemed to have suddenly crashed down on me, suffocating me, my small moment of tranquility- vanished. I had everything- Eriol, Suppi, my mother… then everything was abruptly torn up, like some old photograph, a faded memory.
I was harshly slammed into the damp brown earth, my clothes wet with rain and mud. I glanced up, the crystal shards stinging my eyes, blinding me temporally… then I saw her. She was the perfect angel, flawless in every aspect. In fact, she was simply too perfect.
Her cheery smile was splayed across her lips, taunting me, mocking me. Her hands were spread, beckoning. I struggled to my feet yet her angelic form merely drifted further … Oh how I wanted her… yet I cannot. She likes me… but only as a friend. She will never like me as a confidante, her soulmate… her lover…
Sakura-chan…:: End of Dream- End of Tomoyo's POV ::
Tomoyo jerked awake, her body encased in a thin layer of cold sweat. Shakily she reached over towards the picture on her bedside. It was a photograph of Eriol she had secretly taken a month ago. She studied the sweet gentle eyes as he pruned a rose bush, showering it with tender loving care.
She smiled softly as she replaced the photo to its position, her finger playing over her lips, the very lips which was almost kissed by his. That thought gave her newfound courage. Taking a deep breath, she pushed all of her anguish thoughts to the furthest corner of her mind, a place that was covered with cobwebs and dust, a location where she rarely pried.
Humming, she carefully tucked those sad thoughts away. Instead, she brought forth a clear mind- a mind devoid of memories and thoughts. Swallowing another intake of air, she asked herself aloud.
"Do I like Sakura-chan?"
Tomoyo nodded carefully.
"Do I love Sakura-chan?"
She shook her head slightly. "No I guess not… I love Eriol now." Tomoyo smiled. Yes, she loved Eriol now. Seeing Sakura again only provoked old feelings, but she doesn't feel them truly. She liked Sakura only as a friend- nothing more, nothing less.
With that, for the first time since seeing Sakura, Tomoyo fell into a deep slumber filled with only the pleasant of dreams.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Eriol glanced outside the window of his room, the soft glare of the morning sun barely penetrating the room.
Gently drumming his fingers on the wooden frame, he gnawed at his bottom lips agitatedly, gently peeling the thin fragments of soft skin. Does Tomoyo like him? Or does she like Sakura?
Removing his hand from the frustrated rhythm, he ghosted a finger across his lips. He was so close to claiming those luscious lips as his. He sighed and raked a hand through his hair, tangled by sleep, his other fingers clenching and unclenching by his side.
"Clow-sama?" A small voice inquired. It was neither Spinel nor Nakuru- they usually call him Eriol-sama- but if it is not them, who could it be? The answer came to him almost instantly.
The sixteen-year-old boy spunned around… and azures met gold.
"Cerberus," Eriol acknowledged, nodding towards the arm of the chair he was currently sitting on.
Kero flew awkwardly to the position indicated by his once Master. It felt so weird, strange.
Bristling as his yellow fur touched the soft material, he settled down.
"So what's the purpose of your visit, Cerberus?" Eriol asked the small fur creature and once again, Kero was struck by the uncanny resemblance of him and his former master.
"I witnessed the exchange between you and Tomoyo-chan the night before, and it struck me how intimate you and Tomoyo seemed so I generally presumed that you two are together now."
Eriol paused for a moment, deep in thought, before nodding slightly. "I guess you could say that…"
"Then if I am right, she told you of her relationship with Sakura-chan?"
Eriol regarded Kero with mild surprise before nodding again.
Kero rose onto his fours and started pacing the small space he occupied.
"I had noticed how she acted whenever around Sakura-chan… but I guess Sakura-chan couldn't make head or tail of Tomoyo-chan's behaviour… she suspected something though. After that call with Tomoyo-chan few months ago, she told me what she thought. It had been the first time she had ever behaved that seriously and of course, I was startled." Kero grinned in which Eriol returned.
"Sakura told me that she suspected Tomoyo was obsessed with her, and she was worried."
Finally, Kero's beady eyes locked with Eriol's own azures.
"So I'm glad she has finally gotten over it and…"
Eriol immediately intruded.
"No… I'm still not sure if she had fully overcomed this portion of her life. Maybe it would be good if for once in my life, I pay HER a visit instead of her constantly coming over."
Kero nodded before taking this as a cue for his leave.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It had been a week since Eriol had his meeting with Kero.
The doorbell rang.
Sonomi rubbed her eyes sleepily as she thudded down the stairs, silently wondering who or what could possibly be ringing their doorbell at such an ungodly hour as six in the morning.
Pulling the door, she revealed her visitor which only seemed to make her day even more bizarre.
A strange young man stood there, hair as dark as midnight and eyes like sparkling jewels. She had distinctively remembering meeting this man before. But, like she was to all strangers who comes knocking on her door, she greeted him with formalities before the questions.
"Hello, may I help you?"
"Yes. I'm here to visit your daughter."
"Tomoyo? Well, she is still sleeping… may I inquire your name?" Sonomi smiled, inwardly wincing as she realized she was going a little overboard with the formalities but the sharp looking man that stood before her, unruffled and smart despite it being six in the morning made her self-conscious.
"I'm Eriol Hiragizawa. I'm sure your daughter mentioned me before Mrs Daidouji."
Sonomi gasped. So this was the young man Tomoyo been head over heels in and she could definitely see why. Why, if she were a couple of years younger, she would definitely fight for this gentleman's love as well.
Sonomi smiled and waved him in. "So you are the infamous Eriol Hiragizawa. Tomoyo's had been talking about you non-stop ever since she had went over for that visit. Come in, go on up. Her room is the maroon door to the left. But I must warn you, no naughty business." Sonomi giggled like a common schoolgirl despite her age.
Eriol instantly realized he liked Tomoyo's mother. She was funny and caring. Chuckling slightly as he made his way up the stairs, he stopped in front of the door Mrs Daidouji spoke of. Knocking slightly, he nudged it and entered.
Her room was big. He had seemed to have entered something similar to that of a recreational room filled with trinkets here and there. He paused in front of a jewelry box before continuing and opening the closed door lying at the edged of this enormous space.
Slowly opening it, he stared in wonder at the beauty before him- serene and calm. Gently closing the door behind him, he pulled a chair beside the bed and sat down, silently admiring the beauty by the name of Tomoyo Daidouji.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Tomoyo blinked open her tired eyes and glanced at the clock on her bedside table. It indicated six thirty.
She smiled in spite of her exhaustion, amusedly wondering why she would wake up at such an hour.
Twisting around, she found herself face to face with smiling sapphire eyes.
"Eriol?" She blinked once. "ERIOL!"
She jumped and found herself sprawled rather awkwardly on the floor.
"Good morning sleeping beauty. I had time so I came to visit. Your mother is really nice."
"Emm… thanks?" Tomoyo asked, rather uncertainly.
There was a moment of silence.
"So how have it been?" Eriol asked as casually as he could, half anticipating a weeping and emotional Tomoyo… but never in his life had he expected what was about to come- Tomoyo merely smiled.
"It's been well. Very well. Thank you." Tomoyo glanced up, looking earnestly at Eriol.
"So I guessed you have gotten over your feelings for Sakura," Eriol asked tentatively, still shocked about Tomoyo's response.
"Well you could say that."
Tomoyo could have giggled at Eriol's expression-so full of longing and seriousness but, with much difficultly, held it down.
"I love her." Tomoyo announced, watching as the hopeful expression diminished somewhat.
"As a friend. My, are you a silly one," Tomoyo soothed Eriol's hair down, smiling.
Eriol could not help the radiant grin from spreading over his face.
"So who do you like then?"
"You." Came Tomoyo's rather simple but still affectionate reply.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
After Eriol had gone home for the day, Tomoyo changed and went out into the garden, crossing it with expertise and ease, as if she knew every single yard at her fingertips, which perhaps she did.
She reached a particular spot, that fated spot. The grass had long grew over the jutting mound. Kneeling on the dry mud, she slowly dug, a strange sense of déjà vu once again feeling her system. It had seemed like years which, in reality, had only been months since her breakdown over Sakura.
Her fingertips touched soft velvet material and she yanked it up. In her palm lay the first gift Sakura had given her, the one she had desperately tried to bury along with her feelings. Turning it around in her palm, she finally pulled out the soft eraser, shaped like a bunny. Then, she grinned and slipped it back into the mud-encased pouch and stood, carefully returning the soil to its original place.
As she returned to her room, absent-mindedly brushing the dry mud from the cloth, she reminisced the days with Sakura but this time, there was a simple, single difference from her previous reminisces. This time, she felt no longing, no pain, only warm comforting friendship.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The next day, Sakura and Syaoran had to leave once again for Hong Kong.
"Onni-chan and Yukito-san will be waiting for us at the airport." Sakura waved to her friends, her eyes overwhelming with tears.
Tomoyo nodded and walked forward to embrace her friend. After she had recoiled, something landed discreetly on her back.
"Have you figured out your feelings?" Immediately, she recognized the soft Osaka accent. She gave him a small, secretive nod.
"Sakura's a friend now," she whispered, smiling.
"Good…"
The sensation vanished, indicating Kero had taken off but it was soon replaced by another similar feeling.
"What was Cerberus doing on your shoulder?" Tomoyo giggled and could not help but teased her furry black friend.
"Aww Suppi… are you jealous?" Suppi gave a soft indignant huff and muttered that he "Certainly was."
Then she turned to Syaoran and gave him a similar hug as she gave Sakura. "Promise you would take care of Sakura-chan." She added, the teasing note in her voice still evident.
Syaoran studied her for a moment before relaxing into a smile.
He gave his best friend a soft quick peck on the cheek before turning to grasp Sakura hand in his own.
"Only if you do the same with Hiragizawa," Tomoyo smiled and nodded, once again reminded of Syaoran's unusual sense of perceptiveness.
"See you soon." He gave them a farewell before they picked their bags and headed towards the entrance.
Tomoyo felt Eriol's arms encircle her waist and she glanced up and for the first time in her life, she felt soft lips cover her own. She barely heard Nakuru's "aww…" Nor did she see Spinel's approving smile.
Parting to catch their breath, Tomoyo muttered her deepest, truest emotion.
"I love you Eriol…"
"And I, you Tomoyo…"
And once again, the gap between them vanished.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
There are many ways to cry. Mostly people do it with tears. But why don't we try something different? Something so much deeper than simply blinking your eyes and allowing moisture to leak? Why don't you try it? Cry with something deeper. Weep with emotions, feelings.
Why don't you weep with love instead?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
*~*~OWARI~*~*
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A/N on 29th November 2002:
Hehe… sorry… Let's just take the gang to be 19 okay? Ignore the fact that in Tomoyo's flashback in chapter 1, I used the name Terada-sensei. Just take him to be another person instead of the Terada-sensei who teaches in Tomoeda elementary. *sweatdrops* Do I make any sense?
A/N on 20th December 2002:
*startled* It had not been my intention to complete this story today. I was just thinking about one review where it pointed out my story was too short so I tried to extend it NOT complete it… *weeps*
I'm so sorry if I disappointed anyone with the ending. I really truly hope not. Please tell me if the ending is good or bad. IF the bad overwrites the good, I'll change the ending completely… but then again, maybe I'll just add a sequel. I had enough for one day. To think I had just completed a fic which happened to have the most reviews for the least chapters… *eyes tears up* THANKS YOU GUYS… thank you so so much… *sniff* I will definitely do a sequel dedicated to each and everyone of you. Wait for it and for the meantime, R&R!!!
*cross fingers and hopes no one is upset about the ending*
24th December 2002:
*excited* Now I have gotten away with my blues about completing this fic so abruptly, I am overjoyed on posting the chapter on Christmas eve! MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR =^_^=… I better start on my new year's revolution =^-^=
Thankies:
[REMOVED]
~Completed by: 29th November 2002~