We didn't say anything more until the others arrived about ten minutes later. They were human when they came inside, but since I hadn't heard any bicycles or approaching footsteps, I assumed they had flown, then demorphed. Tobias was not among the group, but he was probably in a tree nearby where he would still be able to hear everything.

Marco and Rachel were there. Jake must have explained the situation on the way over. I could tell by their faces.

Rachel had on an expression of incredulity and anger. I could guess the reason: she couldn't believe anyone would willingly give up their freedom to a slug.

Marco had his anger well-hidden, but it was still there. What was most visible was the look of determination, like he had already figured out a plan and was going to see it carried out.

Emily was there too, which, for a brief moment, surprised me. I had forgotten Emily would be counted in their group. She had a pained look on her face; like she couldn't believe what Jake had said was really true. Like she couldn't believe her best friend would betray her. It ripped me apart.

I turned my face away from their probing stares. They made me feel so self- conscious and aware of what a coward I really was. I don't think I can do this, I told Illarim.

Be glad you're not alone, then, he said. I'll take over for now.

He turned my head to look back at the Animorphs. "I'm guessing Jake has already filled you in."

Emily nodded and took a step forward. "Yeah," she said. "But, why, Katie? Why would you..."

Her voice was choked with emotion. She couldn't even think of anything else to say except 'why.'

If Illarim hadn't been in control, I might have broken down and cried from all the stress, exhaustion, fear, and frustration of the past few days that were culminating now. But I needed to be in control. I needed to explain. I also needed to get a grip.

I need to talk, I told Illarim. *I* have to explain. Not you. It was my decision to do this in the first place, and now it's my responsibility to tell them why.

Are you sure you'll be okay? he asked.

No, I'm not sure. But I have to anyway.

I could feel a moment's hesitation, then control of my body returned. It's really a hard felling to describe, so you're just gonna have to use your imagination.

"I wasn't trying to hurt anyone," I said. "Especially not you, Emily."

"Yeah, well, too late for that. You already have," She answered petulantly.

"I know. And I know you'll probably never forgive me, either. But I also want you to know that I only meant to help.

"Look, how would you all like it if you had to live your lives as slugs? Can you even imagine what your life would be like without sight, hearing, taste, speech... I just wanted to make a difference for one Yeerk. Give one Yeerk all the things it could only dream about, but we take for granted."

"That's all a very nice fantasy, Ms. Ghandi," Marco broke in. "But this is a war. "Love, sweet love" isn't going to cut it this time. They're trying to take away our homes. Our families-"

"Our friends," Emily added bitterly.

Marco nodded. "Our friends. You can't make peace with the enemy. You can't make peace with slugs."

"Yes you can," I said softly. "You can."

"Maybe somewhere else," Rachel said. "Maybe in another time. But not in life as we know it."

I cocked an eyebrow. "Oh? Then what about Tidwell? Aftran? The entire Yeerk peace movement?"

No one said anything. "Well?" I pressed.

"I think that's a little bit different," Jake said. "The Yeerk was initiating the peace there- the human wasn't offering to be a martyr."

"No, it's not different," I said. "There's no difference at all, it's just that you don't want that kind of peace. You want Yeerk-free peace, and you can't understand anyone who would want peace *with* the Yeerks. You can't blame your problems on something you don't even try to understand."

My speech was met with an uncomfortable silence, telling me my assumptions had been correct.