"How ??? Stole Christmas" By Luke's Dragon
A/n
Okay this is probably the most bizarre (worst) thing I've ever done but hey it's almost Christmas. In fact it's Christmas Eve just like in the fic because I'm sorta setting it in real time. Can Matt and Davis save the day before the author has to go to work? And as for TK and Jun, what else can I say apart from I am really, truly sorry.
Disclaimer
I don't own Star wars, any of the other stuff mercilessly mocked in this fic or either of the two songs in this chapter. (Thank God)
~~~
Chapter 5 How Matt and Davis saved Christmas
Davis What no humorous quote?
Matt No
Davis Aww, it doesn't seem right without one
~~~
Christmas Eve, a quarter to midday and our 'heroes' are still asleep, this is because Matt never wakes up by midday if he has a choice in the matter. It is perhaps also something to do with the fact that he managed to slip a few sleeping tablets in Davis' drink before they went to bed last night. So far they seem to be working, so far…
"Oh no! Wake up Matt! We're late!"
"…Uh…?"
"Matt!"
Despite his best efforts to stay in some sort of sleep like state Matt could not resist for long. The constant shaking him, prodding his shoulder and calling his name was just too much to put up with. To his credit Matt managed to hold out for forty-five seconds, which was much more than most ordinary mortals could withstand.
Davis decided that since they were so late in waking up they would have to miss breakfast or brunch or whatever other meal they might have at this time so as to make up the time that they had lost. Despite Matt's protests that last time they had missed breakfast very bad things had happened Davis would not be swayed from his 'quest'.
They entered the newly created portal; it was an ominous black color. In fact color was too kind a description, it was a lack of anything, a total darkness within the room. Taking a deep breath the two walked through the portal. The second Matt did he started to scream as the sound of children singing carols filled his ears.
~~~
Matt Oh! I've thought of a humorous quote
Davis Too late Ishida
Matt But it's really good
Davis la la la la la! Not listening
Matt ^%#*
~~~
Matt and Davis emerged at the base of a tower with the 'happy' sounds of carols still filling the air. The tower itself was bright red and topped with snow. In the windows were garish neon Santa's and far more lights than were strictly necessary. A cheerful looking snowman stood at one side of the over decorated front door.
It's apparent we are dealing with a very sick mind here. Whoever it is either knows I can't stand Christmas songs, or they are just evil incarnate.
"Matt, I'm scared make it stop"
"I can't Dai-chan, we have to win to stop this evil"
"Alright, lets go"
Matt and Davis called on all their courage and walked purposefully towards the main door, pausing only to pound the snowman into powder.
The tower itself followed the outside's theme of over the top decorations and the infernal music playing on, sapping their will to carry on, sapping their will to live. It was all too much for anyone to stand. Currently some highly annoying child was belting out a track about how it wanted some teeth for Christmas.
Matt got the feeling they may have been to replace teeth knocked out of its mouth from the last time it sung.
# All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth, my two front teeth #
"Aaaargh! Make it stop Matt!"
"I can't, just cover your ears and try and ignore it"
# Don't want a dog I want my two front teeth"
"It's not working Matt, I can still hear it!"
"I know Dai, still there can't be much more to go"
# All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth, so I can wish you Merry Christmas! #
As the accursed track ended Matt and Davis arrived at the top of the tower, swing open the door they were faced with something even more terrifying than they had encountered before. Sapped of their will to live Matt and Davis saw a truly shocking sight. Two figures, one dressed as a tree and one as an angel in a deep embrace.
"TK?"
"Jun?"
Their respective siblings turned to them, laughing evilly TK walked towards them whilst Jun turned the radio up as more songs flooded the room.
"So you made it. Mwhaa haa haa!"
"TK… Why are you doing this and what's with 'Mwhaa haa haa' anyway?"
"You wouldn't understand our evil plan, would he Junny-pookies?"
"TC! Don't call my sister Junny-pookies ever again! It's sick and twisted!"
In response to this TK proceeded to kiss Jun again, causing Davis to roll up in a ball screaming in terror.
Matt had stronger willpower but this was close to breaking point even for him.
"Eww… gross, gross, gross, gross"
"TK what did you do with the others?"
"Mwhaa haa haa!" I've made them sit in a room and sing all these songs Mwhaa haa haa!"
"That's truly evil, but why?"
"Tell him Junny-pookies"
"NOOOOOO!!!" screamed Davis, the mixture of carols and TK and Jun was too much to bear
"You forgot to send me a Christmas card Matt!"
"…That's it?"
"It! That's it?"
"That's what I said"
Jun looked as though she was loosing the initiative so kissed TK again making Davis whimper and curl up into a tighter ball and hope the whole ordeal was just an awful dream.
"So we stole Christmas so you'd come and say happy Christmas in person"
"Oh…Is that all, no world domination?"
"…No that's it. That's our evil plot"
"…Oh… kinda an anti-climax"
"Well now I've outlined our evil scheme we will destroy you!"
"It wasn't really that evil"
"Shut up Matt! Now you die!"
With that TK and Jun advanced on Matt, wielding colorful candy canes as swords. Matt was unarmed, Davis had been in such a rush to come today he hadn't even picked up any eggnog. He still had his sense materia though. Damn he loved this stuff.
--- TK L53 Hp 9999/9999 Weak against ???----
--- Jun L?? Hp ????/???? Weak against ??? ---
--- Matt L50 Hp 9860/9999 Weak against Christmas songs ---
--- Davis L30 Hp 1/1790 Weak against siblings kissing---
Oh woo bloody hoo! I'm going to get slaughtered. I'm going to get my ass kicked and be forced to listen to cheery music until my head explodes, and my partner is about as much use…
Well first things first, I have to unplug the radio.
Running forwards Matt headed straight for the Radio that was blasting out the evil music, dodging blows from candy cane swords he made it unscathed. With glee he ripped the power cord out of the wall, ending the nightmarish sounds.
# When Santa got stuck up the chi…. #
"Our music! You'll pay for that Matt! I can't believe I ever liked you!"
Multiple exclamation marks must run in the family. And I know it's wrong to hit a lady and even though Jun stretches that definition a little far it's still wrong to attack her… Hmmm… if the exclamation marks run in the family maybe weaknesses do too.
Dodging another rain of blows Matt ran over to where Davis was trying to hide from the unfair world. Lifting him to his feet Matt looked into Davis' deep brow eyes and kissed him. This was something Matt and Davis had a lot of practice at although never before in front of people. It didn't matter though, Jun gave a scream and fell to the floor.
As soon as Matt let go of Davis he fell too, the shock of seeing Jun and TK together was still too much for him. This left just TK and Matt facing off against each other. TK picked up Jun's cane and threw it to Matt.
"You may have beaten my love, but you'll never beat me Matt"
"Come on TK, families shouldn't fight at Christmas, I'm your brother chill out"
"Brother…? Jun said you killed my brother!"
"No Takeru… I am your brother"
"Oh… in that case it's silly to fight"
"Yep"
"I only did it for Jun, she's a really good kisser, much better than Kari"
"Forget about it. Can we have Christmas back now then"
"Yeah sure. Let's go home Matt"
"Yeah… huh what are the chances we both end up with a Motomiya?"
"It's much better than us both being with a Kamiya each I suppose…"
~~~
It seemed that half the world's media had turned up to interview Matt and Davis, 'the heroic young men who had saved Christmas for children everywhere'. The idea was they would outline the story, leaving out the part about the villains being the siblings of the heroes. They would flash to shots of happy children and then Matt would say something inspiring and heroic.
"So what are you going to say?" The TV anchorman asked
"…"
Matt regretted it the moment he said, or more actually didn't say it. He regretted it far, far more when he saw the look in Davis' eyes. Davis pulled him closer and whispered something in Matt's ear.
"Your forfeit is to tell everyone we're a couple"
Matt in exchanged turned as white as… some sort of white thing that fell from the sky at Christmas.
"You can't be serious Dai"
"We had a deal"
"But…"
Davis had an expression on his face that seemed to suggest that backing out and breaking his word would cause him to break into tears, his entire world shattered with one callous swoop. It was also possible he was faking it big time but Matt wasn't sure he wanted to take that chance.
The presenter turned to him
"And now a few words from Matt Ishida"
The TV guy nodded encouragingly, Davis gave a little smile. Matt held his head in his hands and took a deep breath and then took hold of the microphone.