Chapter Three

Disclaimer: I own nothing! All rights go to JK Rowling or her publishers.

"All of you pay attention!"

Professor McGonagall walked up and down the rows of pupils like a hungry shark, barking out comments at the weary students.

"Malfoy, straighten up!"

"Fawcett, you're wearing odd socks. Change them!"

"Evans, tie your laces!"

"Lupin, brush your hair!" Remus's hair was doing a funny little flick style at the sides. He knew it couldn't be helped. 

"Yes sir!" Remus saluted.

"What was that Lupin?" She fixed him with a steely gaze.

"Nothing." She moved on. "Sir." He muttered.

 "Honestly, you're all third years now! I don't want to treat you like first years!" She continued. "Especially on holiday." She added as an after thought. "Today, we will be practising that delightful Scottish pastime, of fishing."

Groans.

"That's enough of that. Anyone who doesn't like this can just fly home right now. Get BACK here Mr Black, I wasn't serious." Sirius grumbled and returned to the ranks, as he was considering them.

"Now I want each of you to collect a fishing rod," She waved her wand and 50 or so rods appeared lined out on the grass beside them. Everyone hurried to get a new one; some of them were falling apart.

"JUST a moment!" The class froze.

"There is a catch." She chuckled under her breath. A catch! The class stared before laughing nervously. A few wondered briefly if she'd lost her mind. They inched forward some more.

"I told you to stop!" She regained control over herself. "You will all hand in your wands." She wiped a tear hurriedly from her eye. She cracked herself up at times…  

There was more scattered, nervous laughter. Surely the professor was just joking with them all? They inched forward a little more.

"Stop that!" she ordered. "You're going to do this the muggle way. Now come on now, we haven't got all day." She said briskly.

            They couldn't believe it. Forming a line in front of her, each pupil handed over his or her wand. Peter was the first in line and gave his wand a sad wave before hurrying over to collect a rod. It shot a few goodbye sparks at his robes which he hastened to extinguish. Remus, Sirius, and then James followed.

            Peter met them where the rods stood. He'd picked his rod – a short round one. Remus wondered vaguely if it was like picking a wand – did the rod choose the fisherman? And how on earth could you tell if a rod was good or not? He looked along the row of them. There were only three left! The other two realised this at the same time and leapt forward.

"That one's mine!" Sirius grabbed a long red one. He grinned as Remus and James fought over the last decent rod.

"James! Let go!"

"You let go!"

"Never! You can see the state that other rod's in!"

"Exactly."

"Sheep!" Remus pointed wildly to a spot behind James.

"Where?" James turned and Remus snatched the rod away quickly.

"Ha ha!"

"You filthy-" He broke off and sighed. That was what being a Marauder was all about, he knew, but he preferred it when the dirty jokes weren't being played on him. It was a bit embarrassing that he'd fallen for the oldest one in the book, however. He reached down and picked up the last rod, glaring at it.

The handle was made of peeling cork. The rod itself was just taller than him, it had a rusty broken reel and the hook was blunt. He glowered at Remus, whose rod was a light green and a good bit taller than him. He picked up his own and hit it against the ground angrily. The end snapped off and bounced, hitting him square on the nose. He gave a grunt of pain, his eyes watered. He gave the end a sly kick, it rolled slowly. He felt very stupid. What was the point in kicking something when for miles around there was nothing but grass? He watched it roll a rulers length away then stop. He got a nasty sensation the stick was mocking him.

He looked up in time to see the other pupils trudging away towards the sea.

Sirius frowned. "They're taking the long way!"

"What do you mean?" Peter asked.

"I mean, we could always just climb down the cliff right? By the time they get there, we'll have a mountain of fish! The Slytherin's will be so mad…"

"Yeah, imagine how angry they'll be to see they didn't come up with the idea of breaking their necks! Those poor things!" James spat bitterly.

"Shut up James. Are you going to pick up the end of your rod?" Sirius asked sweetly. James walked over to the offending piece of rod, and threw it at Sirius's head. It missed and rolled slowly to a halt again. For whatever reason, this annoyed him a lot. He seethed with rage at his arch-enemy, the stick. He'd get it, he'd feed it to the tent. That'd show it.

Remus grinned. "I actually think it's a good idea. Let's go see how steep the cliffs are first though, James does have a point." They walked to the edge of the cliffs. The sea roared below.

"They're not that steep."

"Sirius, imagine what would happen to you if you slipped in sheep sh-"

"What would a sheep be doing on a cliff?"

"Well, shi-"

"-Sirius-"

"-ing obviously." Sirius finished.

Remus opened his mouth but Peter interrupted. "So, are we going to climb down?" He said worriedly.

"I don't know guys." Remus looked at the cliff. "If we had our wands you know I wouldn't hesitate-"

"Yes you would."

"Maybe I would, but after some consideration-"

"You'd still refuse."

"Alright! But after I'd been persuaded-"

"You'd try to worm your way out of it."

"OK! After you'd forced me?"

"That's more like it."

"I'd go down." He finished exasperatedly. "But without wands, it's a little dangerous."

"Lupin, think of what we do every full moon and you're telling me this is dangerous?" Sirius stood with his hands on his hips.

"Well, yeah…" He trailed off. "Alright. But I hope you realise that if we die, I get to haunt Snape."

"Baggsey me Malfoy! Ha!" Sirius added quickly.

"I get his family then." James muttered.

"And what does that leave me?" Peter asked angrily.

"You'd be useless at haunting anyway, ratbag."

"I resent that!"

            And so they began their dangerous trek down. Peter actually went first, he seemed to be desperate to get it over and done with. Or maybe he wanted to get first choice of haunting if he died. Who knows? The others got the feeling he didn't want to be left behind, but he protested when they voiced this.

"I just don't want any of you guys getting hurt! I care about you all!" The others shrugged mentally, but the going was slow with Peter in front. He would stop and cling to the wall every time a breeze blew, which was most of the time.

"At this rate the Slytherin's will have fished out the whole ocean."

"James, you know that's not fair." Remus's fingers were about to fall off from the cold he was sure, but he felt he should stick up for is friend. He played the trump card. "You'd be the same if it was a spider."

"I'm not scared of spiders!"

"Oh yeah, well how come at the Halloween feast you-"

"Point taken. Never mention that again."

            They reached the bottom. It had taken a while, but, they noted with satisfaction that the rest of the class weren't there yet.

            The beach was large and rocky – there was no sand in sight. It was made up of huge rocks, not shingle, but massive things, like horizontal cliffs. They were in all sorts of different shapes and sizes – huge looming ones that overhang over the sea. It was only then that they noticed the sea.

            They'd heard the roars of it, but imagined it was just the noise the sea made. It was wild. Waves crashed angrily against the rocks, drew back and then engulfed them again. The tide was coming in.

"Wow." Peter breathed in awe.

"I think we should go up to that overhang. It looks good." James suggested.

            They walked up to the top of the overhang, and peered out over it. The sea leapt up at them like a wild animal. They crawled back slightly.

"Right. Who knows how to fish?" Sirius asked briskly. James stared back blankly, Remus twiddled his thumbs. Peter spoke.

"Well, I know the theory…"

"Which is?"

CRASH . The wave smacked into the rock. They were splashed a little, but very glad they'd crawled back from the edge.

"You need to put bait on the end of the hook, see." Peter started.

The other three stared at him.

"See the hook?" He asked patiently.

The three wizards looked up and down there rods, and located the hook.

"The hooky thing?"

"Yes, Sirius, surprisingly enough."

"Bait?" Remus frowned. "What do you use for bait?"

"Er…well, usually worms, maggots…"

"We don't have any."

"Crustaceans! I remember this from muggle studies. Little fish with shells on, you skewer them on the end." Sirius said eagerly. "But they attach themselves really hard onto the rock. To detach them, you need a knife." He looked slyly sideways at Remus.

"Is that true Peter?" Peter nodded affirmatively, if very reluctantly. Remus put his hand inside his pocket and drew out Sirius's confiscated knife. He looked at it properly for the first time. It was long with a carved wooden handle, surprisingly of a very good quality and well made.

"Where'd you get this Sirius?" Remus asked curiously.

"My Mum lent it to me. It's very special to her – been in the family for years."

"And you let me take it?"

"I figured I'd get it back."

"Oh." Remus handed it uneasily back to Sirius's outstretched hand. There weren't many sheep on beaches anyway, he decided.

James spoke up. "I don't see any bate."

"Bait."

"That's what I said. Bate."

"What does it look like?"

"Well, generally it wears bowler hats."

"Really?"

"No."

"What's a bowler hat?"

Peter sighed. "Whatever! It'll be attached to the rock, near the water."

"What, a bowler hat?"

"Yes James. There's a great market for bowler hats in Scotland. They breed them on rock faces, didn't you know?"

James looked confused.

"It's a joke, James."

He nodded wisely. That was a thing they all did a lot, it was one of their unspoken rules. It usually worked very well. If you didn't know something, just nod with a sort of wise expression on your face. Most people lapped it up like soup.

They scanned the beach briefly for crustaceans.

"Down there." Peter pointed. To their right was a large rock with a channel within it, with water gushing in, then drawing back, with each wave.  They watched as a really large wave hit filled it with water. On one side of the channel clung a couple of limpets.

Remus slapped Sirius on the back. "Off you go! May your family heirloom come in useful."

"You're coming with me Remus. All of you are."

"Oh no we're-" Remus suddenly noticed the length of the knife that Sirius was twirling idly between his fingers.

"We'll come quietly."

Sirius grinned.

************************

Sirius grunted and tried to scrape off a limpet again. He had his legs one side of the channel, and was trying scrape off a limpet on the other side.

"Damn!" Another one was knocked off and fell into the water below him.

"James, you're a seeker, you're supposed to be able to CATCH!"

"I'm not used to seeking right above the sea, with a rather dangerous idiot wielding a knife inches above my head!" Sirius started to protest but Remus made a loud announcement from his lookout position on top of the rock.

"Ooh! I think this could be a big wave…looks pretty big…"

Sirius leapt back out of the way, as a little gentle wave came floating in. He glowered at Remus's back.

"Can't we have another lookout?" He hissed to James.

"Peter?"

"Good point." He stuck the knife under another limpet, and flicked it upwards. He was getting the hang of this.

"Now this one's just a small one." Lupin said breezily. He was good at this. Maybe he'd get a job as a guard. He'd get paid for doing this, and keep people safe. What a career…

"Yeah…small…coming closer…maybe it's not that small…" He watched the endless sea of rolling waves come closer, dreamily.

Sirius hit James over the head as another limpet slipped through his fingers.

"Whoops."

Sirius flicked another limpet.

"Whoops." James watched another limpet fall with a plop into the water.

"What is it with you? That's the tenth 'whoops' so far! "

"They're icky."

"What?"

"All slimy. I don't want touch them." James replied, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

"Grab them by the shell!" Sirius said, exasperated. He'd been flicking limpets off rocks for the past ten minutes, and now he told him they were icky.

Remus looked at the 'small' wave which was now hurtling towards them at speed.

"ah…not small…could be pretty big, actually..." He said nervously, raising his voice a little.

"What if it latches onto me?" James argued to Sirius.

"Very big actually…" Lupin continued.

Remus's eyes grew wide as the monster wave sped towards them.

"Big wave, Sirius." He whispered. There was an almighty crash as the wave smashed into Remus's lookout rock. He covered his head with his arms and was splashed a little. He laughed as the wave drew back.

"That was close, wasn't it guys?" He laughed, turning around.

"Mnphf!" There came an angry noise. It came from James. He had-

"A hook!" Sirius gasped between mad giggles. "A hook, up your nose!"

"Ge-gis-ging-gouga-guy-gose!"

The reaction to this plea was a roar of laughter.

"Gif-gou-gon't-girius-gi'll-ge-gou-gater.." James threatened.

Another roar of laughter. James sat helplessly in pain as his two best friends rolled with mirth at his suffering. He briefly contemplated that maybe this wasn't right, but dismissed the thought. Every now and again one of them would look up and attempt to help him, but they would soon end up giggling again.

"Gease?" He asked pleadingly.

"Alright," Sirius said trying his hardest not to smile, and failing, "OK then, 'Games'." Lupin rolled over laughing.

            Sirius crawled closer to his friend, who by now was quite distressed. He noted that there were countless numbers of limpets attached to his friends arm, and hesitated.

"Ghat-gis-git?"

"Er…" He sent an eyebrow signal to Lupin. Lupin raised his eyebrows and looked at James's arm. He nodded.

"Nothing James. Hold still now." Remus shoved Sirius out the way. "I'll get it out."

"How-gI'd-gike-goo-gnow?"

"Well…"

"Goo-gon't-gnow-goo-goo?"

"Er…no…but I'll give it my best shot." He said earnestly. James looked very worried. Remus was eager, but that wasn't necessarily a good thing.

Besides, did he really want a werewolf digging a hook out of his nose? He scolded himself for thinking this – they'd learnt long ago that being a werewolf didn't change the human state at all. Remus Lupin was a calm boy with a friendly nature.

Still, the way his eyes were gleaming at him like that… James edged away.

Sirius slipped silently to James's arm, and slipped out his knife. Unfortunately, James spotted him.

"GHAT GARE GOO GOOING?"

"Nothing, James, shush, quiet…"

"GIRIUS! GHAT'S GHE GNIFE GOR?"

"Er…"

James made a mental note to start running very fast whenever one of his friends answered a question with 'er' and a flustered look. He then erased that and decided to start running if they said 'er' at all. He saw Sirius glance down at his arm, then followed his eyes. And paled.

"Gargh!- Ghey're- gucking- guy -glood!" 

"No they're not, don't be silly."

"Gow- goo- goo- gnow?"

"Because its bowler hats that do that." Sirius joked.

He frantically pulled at the limpets attached to his arm, but they were fixed firmly.

James's face was white, and he looked worried. Sirius actually felt a little sympathetic.

"I'll get them off for you-" He started.

"Goo-get-gagay-grom-gee-gith-gat-ghing!"

Sirius looked mildly offended. "I'm not going to hurt you. I'm your best friend."

James shook his head and edged away. "Grue, gut gou're got going ganywhere gear guy garm gith ga gnife." He looked uncomfortable. Well, a little bit more uncomfortable than he had done when he had just the hook lodged up his nose. "Guy gaw ghe gay goo gavaged ghe limpets…"

"They were hard to get off!"

James gave him a look. Sirius guessed he could see the sense in this, and pocketed the knife. James visibly relaxed a little. The hook was still up his nose though, so this didn't make much difference.

"I'll bite them off then."

James stiffened.

Thank you to all my reviewers! Now I'm just extremely nervous that the rest of it won't be as funny. I'll have to be v. careful. I have a pretty warped sense of humor! 

Lily Potter: Damn double damn damn damn! You're right! Damn! *hits head off table* I'd forgotten. See, I'm Scottish myself but I go camping to achiltie buie… we'll just say they traveled further West. Really far West. I dunno where Hogwarts is situated, but it won't be on the west coast. They'd get eaten alive by midgies. Thankyou for pointing that out! *continues hitting head off table*

Jeneva: Thanks! I wasn't sure if I could swear or not on a PG-13. I think I can, but I also think it makes it funnier if I don't!

Anrion: Glad you like it! I never liked slash much. It only works on certain stories and yours are nice without.