Author: verbatim
Disclaimer: These characters belong to whomever they belong to, which, may I add, is not me.
Rating: PG13 to R. (violence, drugs, some sex, the sort) I'm not your mother; read at your own risk.
Summary: "A most beautiful ruby red...."
A/N: CATH-CENTRIC [C/G]
Ruby Red
"A most beautiful ruby red...."
- Third Eye Blind
i / Bloodshot
She tells him she shouldn't be here. She sits on the edge of his bed with her back towards him, buttoning up her shirt. He doesn't answer though he knows he has only a few minutes to convince her to stay here with him instead of returning to her boyfriend's place. He knows that's where she's planning to go as soon as she leaves him. He wishes he could stop her. She turns her head slightly to see him lying in bed watching her. Tears well up slowly in her eyes, obscuring her vision, but she doesn't let them fall. He sits up and moves toward her. He places a hand on her forearm. She tenses up at his gentle touch. His eyes beg her to stay though no words express his plea. She shakes her head. He touches her face, making her look at him. He asks her when she started using cocaine. He's referring to her bloodshot eyes; the thin red lines.
She doesn't answer, but she doesn't have to. He thinks he already knows, but in fact her coke habit isn't from Eddie. She tries to explain, but he doesn't feel like listening. She tells him he doesn't know Eddie the way she does. Inside, he retorts that he knows enough to hate the guy. He can't express this though. She shakes her head again and says it was a mistake for her coming here. He answers that she still came; that has to mean something. It doesn't though, not to her. He stands. He is nearly shouting: You can't tell me that didn't mean anything to you because I know it did. He sighs and sits beside her on the bed again. He tells her she wouldn't have come to him if she weren't looking for him. She explains that she lost control; that was all; nothing more. With excessive boldness, he suddenly kisses her passionately. He challenges her: Let's see if you're willing to lose control again. His words are harsh, but his touch is calm, not desperate. He pulls her into him and deepens the kiss. She doesn't move away though she knows she should. He lets go of her and she gasps that she should leave. He nods. He knows he has lost. He would never force it on her.
ii / Apples
She drives home. She had indeed planned to go to Eddie's, but she can't, at least not directly after having been with Grissom. She arrives at her apartment and silently thanks God that she's alone. She goes into the bathroom and slips off her clothes, the soft scent of Grissom's cologne still lingering. Turning on the shower, she steps into the tub and gradually raises the temperature of the water until she can barely tolerate it. She stands without flinching, letting the hot water pound against her back, making her skin raw and red. She tosses her head back and stares at the foggy ceiling. She closes her eyes, trying to forget what her mind won't allow her to.
Just as she gets out of the shower and dresses, Eddie calls and tells her he's coming over. She doesn't want him to, but she agrees; she doesn't want to cause suspicion. He arrives; she greets him at the door with a kiss. He asks her what's going on; she never kisses him at the door. Her heart skips a beat, but she rolls her eyes and sarcastically apologizes for missing him. He grins and presses his lips against hers. I missed you too, he says into her mouth. His tongue twists with hers. They break away and he collapses into her couch while she switches on the stereo for Led Zeppelin. He asks her if she has anything to eat. She shrugs and tosses him a crisp red apple from the kitchen counter. He wonders why she's so out of it. She tells him she has to go to work tonight; the French Palace. He curses, then bites miserably into the apple, but she smiles and says they better make the best of the little time they have. She straddles his lap, surprising him and herself at the same time. He beams back and tells her he doesn't deserve a girlfriend like her.
The bright red apple slips out of his hand without his knowledge and now lies half eaten and forgotten on the floor.
iii / Nameless Face
A while later she wakes up in bed to find herself beside him thinking of someone else of whom we all know but shall leave anonymous for her sake. She doesn't know why she thinks of him. Everyone craves for what they don't have, or can't have. How is she any different? Except, with this case, that isn't the explanation at all. The one whom she desires represents to her the love she denied herself all her life, just because she didn't think she was worthy of it. Here it is presented to her, yet still, she is afraid to accept it. She is a stripper. He is a scientist. She is an extrovert. He hides behind his classical music and bugs. The differences can go on forever. Maybe the differences are what draws her to him, or him to her; opposites attract.
She turns her head to see the digital clock on her nightstand. The neon red numbers glare angrily at her in the dark. She has an hour before she has to go to work.
iv / Ribbon
She hangs over the side of the bathtub. A ribbon of blood streams across the white porcelain. She brushes her nose with the back of her hand, but still, her blood drips. She can almost taste it in the back of her throat. This is the way Eddie finds her.
He sighs and cleans her up. He asks her if she ever considered rehab. She retorts: Who's got the money for rehab? He tells her he'll pay for it if she's willing to try. She shakes her head and answers that she can't let him do that for her; it's not his problem. He gathers her up into his arms and holds her. He wants to help her get well, and he'll do anything to make her better. She says she's condemned to be this way with or without the cocaine. This is the way she was born, She states simply, You can't change me, Eddie. Whether it's plain stubbornness or determination, he insists on helping her. She smiles weakly at him.
He believes in her and she can see that. Nobody has ever believed in her before.
v / Only the Good Die Young
Eddie walks in with her on his arm. He starts talking to the bartender there. She meets Jimmy who has just entered in the French Palace to greet her with the case of the week. Every Friday night he tells her about his most interesting case to get her opinion. She has what she calls "women's instinct" with an outside unbiased perspective. She's correct most of the time too. Jimmy compliments her and says the city could use more women like her helping out down at the station. She laughs at the idea of being a cop and continues to paint on her shiny, ruby red lipstick. He asks her if she would ever consider working for the PD. She shakes her head; her strawberry blond hair follows the motion. Billy Joel says "only the good die young", she quips. He chuckles and says no one's asking her to lock herself to a Catholic convent; she's not as bad as she thinks she is. She laughs again: No, I'm worse.
Nobody can change her or her mind; well, at least nobody at the French Palace at this instant.
vi / Partners in Crime
Eddie proposes an idea to her. It's not a road trip he proposes, but marriage. She kisses him and informs him of his insanity. He charms her with his playful smirk and tells her he wants her to be his wife. He grows excited. We'll make the next Bonnie and Clyde, he exclaims jumping up from the couch. He says he already has some paint in his trunk and if she accepts they'll literally go paint the town red. She shakes her head. He asks her if she's refusing. She tells him that she's not saying no, she's simply unsure. She promises she'll think about it. He doesn't want her to think about it though. He wants an answer. He puts his arms around her waist and pulls her close, kissing her lips lightly. He tells her if she says yes, he'll whisk her off and elope. She still isn't sure; she says marriage isn't just something to do spontaneously, it takes a lot of serious consideration. He extracts himself from her. His hand reaches to his jacket pocket and he draws out a dark velvet box. Her eyes are wide in surprise. He slowly lowers himself to one knee in front of her and tells her he's thought about it a lot already, and that it's not just a spontaneous idea. She's speechless. He opens the box to present to her a diamond engagement ring; Will you marry me? he asks. She breaks out into a grin. She doesn't say a word, but she grabs his shirt collar and kisses him deeply. May I assume that's a yes? he finally ventures with a raised eyebrow.
vii / Broken Heart Disease
They eloped the next morning. The place they got married in was not the grand church she had dreamed of as a little girl with a pillow case as a veil on her head, but a small secluded chapel in the middle of the Strip. She didn't seem to care though; she was marrying a man she loved and who loved her back. She was happy. The following day, things went back to normal. Eddie went to work, and she was left to herself until the evening when she had to dance at the Palace, but until then, she had free time on her hands. She had decided to tell Grissom; she had to.
She stands at his door now, ruminating over how she would break it to him. Would he hate her? Would he be happy for her? Would he alienate her? What would he say? What would he do? Oh, the joy of an endless list of unanswered questions. She rings the doorbell to his townhouse, half wishing he were there, half wishing she weren't there. Ambivalences and ambiguities are a pain in the ass, she thinks as she waits. The door opens quietly to reveal Grissom, hair standing up and foggy eyes.
Jeez, you're a mess, she tells him. He thanks her. His voice is an octave lower tainted by afternoon sleepiness; he did work nights after all. He asks her why she's here. She counters with a question of her own: Why? I can't come here just to have some company? He replies with a negative; either A) she wants something, B) she wants to say something, or C) something's wrong. She tells him today she has come with a B. Oh really? is his simple reply. He sounds curious and indifferent at the same time, if that's even possible. He stands across the kitchen's island counter from her and he waits patiently. She meets his eyes and slowly lets it all out in one long breath.
After a moment of scanning for sarcasm in her voice and finding none, he turns away. Within a stride he reaches the refrigerator and opens it to take out a carton of orange juice. Still rummaging through the shelves, he congratulates her. He never looks up. She moves towards him but he slinks away, trying to escape her. He unscrews the orange juice and tries to drink out of the carton, but she, in a very motherly fashion, grabs it from him, takes out a glass, and pours some out for him. She offers it to him. He grasps the glass tightly, trying to crush it in a failing attempt to alleviate his overwhelming flow of emotions. Why? he blurts out. She sighs and answers: Because he asked me to and because I love him. He wonders aloud why her response was in that sequence and not "because I love him and he asked me". She doesn't want to deal with him right now. She retorts that both are true statements and the sequence makes no difference. He asks her if Eddie loves her. Of course he does, she tells him. He shakes his head, But are you happy?
viii / La Figlia Che Piange * (Italian: "The weeping girl")
He is heartbroken. She says she'll still be his friend. Nothing could stop her from caring about him. It's not enough for him though; he wants more. She tells him he's too late. She wanted more years ago, and he didn't. That's not her problem she informs him. He nods. He knows; it's his. To be fair, she says, I never said I loved you. "The last twist of the knife", he quotes, Boy, what a way to kick me when I'm down. She apologizes; she didn't mean it that way. He shrugs it off; the damage is done. He doesn't want to listen to her explanations. They are empty and hold no meaning for him. He doesn't care. I don't know what to do when you're like this, she says angry and defeated. He doesn't answer. She curses him and stalks out his house, slamming the door loudly.
She steps out into the pouring rain and makes her way to her car. She wants to get away but all she can do is sit there. She cries. She cries for foul timing; their ill-fated relationship; his inability to express his emotions; her impatience to wait for him; everything that had led them to this moment in time: her sobbing bitterly in the car, watching him at the window, him reciting his T.S. Eliot to himself at the window, watching her in the car.
"So I would have had him leave,
So I would have had her stand and grieve,
So he would have left
As the soul leaves the body torn and bruised,
As the mind deserts the body it has used.
I should find
Some way incomparably light and deft,
Some way we both should understand,
Simple and faithless as a smile and shake of the hand."
ix / Battle Scars
As a sign of "reconciliation" Grissom informed her on an opening at the crime lab. Without thinking twice, she applied and was accepted. Eddie was happy for her until he learned that Grissom had a part in it. Eddie, at this time, only knew of Grissom as scientist affiliated with the LVPD, not as his wife's former lover. She was not planning to divulge this information any time soon, or on her will. Eddie was jealous enough. This was the time when things really began to start up, not just for her, but everyone.
Grissom, without her knowledge, keeps an eye on her. He watches her hobble around the lab. It kills him every time. Sleeves and band-aids can hide her scars, but nothing can conceal the pain in her eyes. He repeatedly questions her, knowing all too well what happens after dark. She won't tell him. Instead she mindlessly shrugs it off and forces convincible smiles for her coworkers. Grissom sees past them though. He knows her like she knows him. He tells her she can't allow this to go on. She ignores him.
He wants her to leave her life behind, but, no, she can't. She has someone else to think about now.
x / Flawless
Lindsey Willows was born nine months later. She was flawless. Despite both her mother and Grissom's innermost fears, the hate that Eddie inflicted never penetrated her. She had a shield that could protect her and her mother, and as sad as it is, she was the most powerful weapon both her parents would use in the near future.
Things seemed to settle for a while. The era didn't last long though.
Lindsey's early life was marred with violence and anger. She never understood it. She never knew why in the middle of the night her mother would come into her room and cry. She never found out the reason behind her mother's wincing every time she received a hug in the morning before school. She never realized her father was the source of the hurt that inflicted her mother. She never understood it. She was five years old after all. All she knew was to never talk to strangers, always wash your hands before you eat, and that her favorite color was red.
xi / Razor's Edge
The room spins. She lies broken on the hardwood floor. He raises a bottle and hurls it at the floor near her head. It splinters into pieces, spilling its golden contents to pool around her. It soaks her hair. He slaps her hard across the face, drawing a dark red line of blood under her right eye from his damned wedding band. She bears the pain of his miserable life.
It's not her fault, but he makes it her fault. That's how much he loves her.
He spits his curses in a rage and leaves, slamming the door behind him. She waits until she can no longer hear the engine's dim roar. She knows he's gone for the night, and she sighs in relief. She sits up and reaches for the phone, dialing the only number that she can remember, the only number she needs. He drives over right away. He won't wait. He doesn't care if Eddie comes back. He's coming to save her. He's coming. He falls to the floor and gathers her in his arms. He asks her where Lindsey is. She weakly answers: Not here. He lifts her easily and carries her out to the Tahoe, laying her across the backseats. He takes her to his townhouse and cleans her up. She is safe for the rest of the night.
It's not his problem, but he makes it his problem. That's how much he loves her.
xii / Betrayed
She asks him how he knew. His eyes reveal the guilt he feels. He should have told her, but he didn't and now she stands in front of him questioning his friendship. He says he saw them walking down the Strip one night a week ago. Why didn't you tell me? she wonders, You should have told me. He apologizes. He doesn't know what to say to her. He was never really good at comforting people.
xiii / Storm
Maybe it is his joy in finding out she is finally getting a divorce from her bastard of a husband. Maybe it is her idea of moving on with her life. Maybe they are both just lonely. No one knew who initiated it, but before they could get a grip on their senses, their hands and mouths took control over them. He peels back her jean jacket from her shoulders and it twists its way to the floor. She gasps loudly as he backs her sharply into the kitchen counter. He exhales her name in her hair; I've missed you, he says. She pulls him closer, kissing his lips, her hands running through his peppered gray hair. His hand slips between her legs and the tips of his fingers brush against the inside of her thigh. Is Lindsey home? he asks.
Outside, the wind and rain pounds heavily against the windows of her house; a thunderstorm in Sin City. Lightening strikes down an oak across the street. It falls through the power lines, causing a blackout in the whole neighborhood.
With the sudden darkness, their other senses heighten to compensate for the lost eyesight. They strip each other of their clothing, and crash on top of the table in her dining room. In the milky afterglow of the lightening, he sees for the first time the injuries her husband had inflicted on her; the red scars on her arms and shoulders, the bruises on her ribs, both recent and ancient. He hovers above her body, looking her over. His hand strokes her cheek lightly; she looks up at him. Her eyes fill with something neither a writer, an artist nor a musician could describe even with their ability to express the inexpressible. The look on her face comes close to making him want to burst into tears for her. He kisses her; I promise, he says, I swear he'll never hurt you again. She holds on to him tightly as he makes love to her and silently thanks some higher power for the shadows of the room that obscure the tears that slide down the side of her face. She closes her eyes and arches her back up to meet him as his thrusts deepen.
The thunder roars disapprovingly at them, shaking the house as if the whole world were against them. They don't hear it. They don't feel it. They don't care if all the earth condemns them. No one can tear them apart except themselves.
xiv / Walk On
The morning sun's hot rays slant in through the window. She wakes up to an empty bed. She doesn't quite remember how she got up there. The last place she remembers is on the dining room table downstairs. She reaches out and feels the bed sheets beside her. They are cool to the touch. He's not there, and she knows he's not just in the bathroom or kitchen. He's gone. She sits up and wraps the sheets around her naked body. She passes a hand through her tangled hair and looks out her window. One Tahoe, just one, and it's hers. She isn't surprised. It is a typical Grissom thing to do: run. But this time, she will wait for his return no matter how long it takes, because once, he waited for her.
THE END
Disclaimer: These characters belong to whomever they belong to, which, may I add, is not me.
Rating: PG13 to R. (violence, drugs, some sex, the sort) I'm not your mother; read at your own risk.
Summary: "A most beautiful ruby red...."
A/N: CATH-CENTRIC [C/G]
Ruby Red
"A most beautiful ruby red...."
- Third Eye Blind
i / Bloodshot
She tells him she shouldn't be here. She sits on the edge of his bed with her back towards him, buttoning up her shirt. He doesn't answer though he knows he has only a few minutes to convince her to stay here with him instead of returning to her boyfriend's place. He knows that's where she's planning to go as soon as she leaves him. He wishes he could stop her. She turns her head slightly to see him lying in bed watching her. Tears well up slowly in her eyes, obscuring her vision, but she doesn't let them fall. He sits up and moves toward her. He places a hand on her forearm. She tenses up at his gentle touch. His eyes beg her to stay though no words express his plea. She shakes her head. He touches her face, making her look at him. He asks her when she started using cocaine. He's referring to her bloodshot eyes; the thin red lines.
She doesn't answer, but she doesn't have to. He thinks he already knows, but in fact her coke habit isn't from Eddie. She tries to explain, but he doesn't feel like listening. She tells him he doesn't know Eddie the way she does. Inside, he retorts that he knows enough to hate the guy. He can't express this though. She shakes her head again and says it was a mistake for her coming here. He answers that she still came; that has to mean something. It doesn't though, not to her. He stands. He is nearly shouting: You can't tell me that didn't mean anything to you because I know it did. He sighs and sits beside her on the bed again. He tells her she wouldn't have come to him if she weren't looking for him. She explains that she lost control; that was all; nothing more. With excessive boldness, he suddenly kisses her passionately. He challenges her: Let's see if you're willing to lose control again. His words are harsh, but his touch is calm, not desperate. He pulls her into him and deepens the kiss. She doesn't move away though she knows she should. He lets go of her and she gasps that she should leave. He nods. He knows he has lost. He would never force it on her.
ii / Apples
She drives home. She had indeed planned to go to Eddie's, but she can't, at least not directly after having been with Grissom. She arrives at her apartment and silently thanks God that she's alone. She goes into the bathroom and slips off her clothes, the soft scent of Grissom's cologne still lingering. Turning on the shower, she steps into the tub and gradually raises the temperature of the water until she can barely tolerate it. She stands without flinching, letting the hot water pound against her back, making her skin raw and red. She tosses her head back and stares at the foggy ceiling. She closes her eyes, trying to forget what her mind won't allow her to.
Just as she gets out of the shower and dresses, Eddie calls and tells her he's coming over. She doesn't want him to, but she agrees; she doesn't want to cause suspicion. He arrives; she greets him at the door with a kiss. He asks her what's going on; she never kisses him at the door. Her heart skips a beat, but she rolls her eyes and sarcastically apologizes for missing him. He grins and presses his lips against hers. I missed you too, he says into her mouth. His tongue twists with hers. They break away and he collapses into her couch while she switches on the stereo for Led Zeppelin. He asks her if she has anything to eat. She shrugs and tosses him a crisp red apple from the kitchen counter. He wonders why she's so out of it. She tells him she has to go to work tonight; the French Palace. He curses, then bites miserably into the apple, but she smiles and says they better make the best of the little time they have. She straddles his lap, surprising him and herself at the same time. He beams back and tells her he doesn't deserve a girlfriend like her.
The bright red apple slips out of his hand without his knowledge and now lies half eaten and forgotten on the floor.
iii / Nameless Face
A while later she wakes up in bed to find herself beside him thinking of someone else of whom we all know but shall leave anonymous for her sake. She doesn't know why she thinks of him. Everyone craves for what they don't have, or can't have. How is she any different? Except, with this case, that isn't the explanation at all. The one whom she desires represents to her the love she denied herself all her life, just because she didn't think she was worthy of it. Here it is presented to her, yet still, she is afraid to accept it. She is a stripper. He is a scientist. She is an extrovert. He hides behind his classical music and bugs. The differences can go on forever. Maybe the differences are what draws her to him, or him to her; opposites attract.
She turns her head to see the digital clock on her nightstand. The neon red numbers glare angrily at her in the dark. She has an hour before she has to go to work.
iv / Ribbon
She hangs over the side of the bathtub. A ribbon of blood streams across the white porcelain. She brushes her nose with the back of her hand, but still, her blood drips. She can almost taste it in the back of her throat. This is the way Eddie finds her.
He sighs and cleans her up. He asks her if she ever considered rehab. She retorts: Who's got the money for rehab? He tells her he'll pay for it if she's willing to try. She shakes her head and answers that she can't let him do that for her; it's not his problem. He gathers her up into his arms and holds her. He wants to help her get well, and he'll do anything to make her better. She says she's condemned to be this way with or without the cocaine. This is the way she was born, She states simply, You can't change me, Eddie. Whether it's plain stubbornness or determination, he insists on helping her. She smiles weakly at him.
He believes in her and she can see that. Nobody has ever believed in her before.
v / Only the Good Die Young
Eddie walks in with her on his arm. He starts talking to the bartender there. She meets Jimmy who has just entered in the French Palace to greet her with the case of the week. Every Friday night he tells her about his most interesting case to get her opinion. She has what she calls "women's instinct" with an outside unbiased perspective. She's correct most of the time too. Jimmy compliments her and says the city could use more women like her helping out down at the station. She laughs at the idea of being a cop and continues to paint on her shiny, ruby red lipstick. He asks her if she would ever consider working for the PD. She shakes her head; her strawberry blond hair follows the motion. Billy Joel says "only the good die young", she quips. He chuckles and says no one's asking her to lock herself to a Catholic convent; she's not as bad as she thinks she is. She laughs again: No, I'm worse.
Nobody can change her or her mind; well, at least nobody at the French Palace at this instant.
vi / Partners in Crime
Eddie proposes an idea to her. It's not a road trip he proposes, but marriage. She kisses him and informs him of his insanity. He charms her with his playful smirk and tells her he wants her to be his wife. He grows excited. We'll make the next Bonnie and Clyde, he exclaims jumping up from the couch. He says he already has some paint in his trunk and if she accepts they'll literally go paint the town red. She shakes her head. He asks her if she's refusing. She tells him that she's not saying no, she's simply unsure. She promises she'll think about it. He doesn't want her to think about it though. He wants an answer. He puts his arms around her waist and pulls her close, kissing her lips lightly. He tells her if she says yes, he'll whisk her off and elope. She still isn't sure; she says marriage isn't just something to do spontaneously, it takes a lot of serious consideration. He extracts himself from her. His hand reaches to his jacket pocket and he draws out a dark velvet box. Her eyes are wide in surprise. He slowly lowers himself to one knee in front of her and tells her he's thought about it a lot already, and that it's not just a spontaneous idea. She's speechless. He opens the box to present to her a diamond engagement ring; Will you marry me? he asks. She breaks out into a grin. She doesn't say a word, but she grabs his shirt collar and kisses him deeply. May I assume that's a yes? he finally ventures with a raised eyebrow.
vii / Broken Heart Disease
They eloped the next morning. The place they got married in was not the grand church she had dreamed of as a little girl with a pillow case as a veil on her head, but a small secluded chapel in the middle of the Strip. She didn't seem to care though; she was marrying a man she loved and who loved her back. She was happy. The following day, things went back to normal. Eddie went to work, and she was left to herself until the evening when she had to dance at the Palace, but until then, she had free time on her hands. She had decided to tell Grissom; she had to.
She stands at his door now, ruminating over how she would break it to him. Would he hate her? Would he be happy for her? Would he alienate her? What would he say? What would he do? Oh, the joy of an endless list of unanswered questions. She rings the doorbell to his townhouse, half wishing he were there, half wishing she weren't there. Ambivalences and ambiguities are a pain in the ass, she thinks as she waits. The door opens quietly to reveal Grissom, hair standing up and foggy eyes.
Jeez, you're a mess, she tells him. He thanks her. His voice is an octave lower tainted by afternoon sleepiness; he did work nights after all. He asks her why she's here. She counters with a question of her own: Why? I can't come here just to have some company? He replies with a negative; either A) she wants something, B) she wants to say something, or C) something's wrong. She tells him today she has come with a B. Oh really? is his simple reply. He sounds curious and indifferent at the same time, if that's even possible. He stands across the kitchen's island counter from her and he waits patiently. She meets his eyes and slowly lets it all out in one long breath.
After a moment of scanning for sarcasm in her voice and finding none, he turns away. Within a stride he reaches the refrigerator and opens it to take out a carton of orange juice. Still rummaging through the shelves, he congratulates her. He never looks up. She moves towards him but he slinks away, trying to escape her. He unscrews the orange juice and tries to drink out of the carton, but she, in a very motherly fashion, grabs it from him, takes out a glass, and pours some out for him. She offers it to him. He grasps the glass tightly, trying to crush it in a failing attempt to alleviate his overwhelming flow of emotions. Why? he blurts out. She sighs and answers: Because he asked me to and because I love him. He wonders aloud why her response was in that sequence and not "because I love him and he asked me". She doesn't want to deal with him right now. She retorts that both are true statements and the sequence makes no difference. He asks her if Eddie loves her. Of course he does, she tells him. He shakes his head, But are you happy?
viii / La Figlia Che Piange * (Italian: "The weeping girl")
He is heartbroken. She says she'll still be his friend. Nothing could stop her from caring about him. It's not enough for him though; he wants more. She tells him he's too late. She wanted more years ago, and he didn't. That's not her problem she informs him. He nods. He knows; it's his. To be fair, she says, I never said I loved you. "The last twist of the knife", he quotes, Boy, what a way to kick me when I'm down. She apologizes; she didn't mean it that way. He shrugs it off; the damage is done. He doesn't want to listen to her explanations. They are empty and hold no meaning for him. He doesn't care. I don't know what to do when you're like this, she says angry and defeated. He doesn't answer. She curses him and stalks out his house, slamming the door loudly.
She steps out into the pouring rain and makes her way to her car. She wants to get away but all she can do is sit there. She cries. She cries for foul timing; their ill-fated relationship; his inability to express his emotions; her impatience to wait for him; everything that had led them to this moment in time: her sobbing bitterly in the car, watching him at the window, him reciting his T.S. Eliot to himself at the window, watching her in the car.
"So I would have had him leave,
So I would have had her stand and grieve,
So he would have left
As the soul leaves the body torn and bruised,
As the mind deserts the body it has used.
I should find
Some way incomparably light and deft,
Some way we both should understand,
Simple and faithless as a smile and shake of the hand."
ix / Battle Scars
As a sign of "reconciliation" Grissom informed her on an opening at the crime lab. Without thinking twice, she applied and was accepted. Eddie was happy for her until he learned that Grissom had a part in it. Eddie, at this time, only knew of Grissom as scientist affiliated with the LVPD, not as his wife's former lover. She was not planning to divulge this information any time soon, or on her will. Eddie was jealous enough. This was the time when things really began to start up, not just for her, but everyone.
Grissom, without her knowledge, keeps an eye on her. He watches her hobble around the lab. It kills him every time. Sleeves and band-aids can hide her scars, but nothing can conceal the pain in her eyes. He repeatedly questions her, knowing all too well what happens after dark. She won't tell him. Instead she mindlessly shrugs it off and forces convincible smiles for her coworkers. Grissom sees past them though. He knows her like she knows him. He tells her she can't allow this to go on. She ignores him.
He wants her to leave her life behind, but, no, she can't. She has someone else to think about now.
x / Flawless
Lindsey Willows was born nine months later. She was flawless. Despite both her mother and Grissom's innermost fears, the hate that Eddie inflicted never penetrated her. She had a shield that could protect her and her mother, and as sad as it is, she was the most powerful weapon both her parents would use in the near future.
Things seemed to settle for a while. The era didn't last long though.
Lindsey's early life was marred with violence and anger. She never understood it. She never knew why in the middle of the night her mother would come into her room and cry. She never found out the reason behind her mother's wincing every time she received a hug in the morning before school. She never realized her father was the source of the hurt that inflicted her mother. She never understood it. She was five years old after all. All she knew was to never talk to strangers, always wash your hands before you eat, and that her favorite color was red.
xi / Razor's Edge
The room spins. She lies broken on the hardwood floor. He raises a bottle and hurls it at the floor near her head. It splinters into pieces, spilling its golden contents to pool around her. It soaks her hair. He slaps her hard across the face, drawing a dark red line of blood under her right eye from his damned wedding band. She bears the pain of his miserable life.
It's not her fault, but he makes it her fault. That's how much he loves her.
He spits his curses in a rage and leaves, slamming the door behind him. She waits until she can no longer hear the engine's dim roar. She knows he's gone for the night, and she sighs in relief. She sits up and reaches for the phone, dialing the only number that she can remember, the only number she needs. He drives over right away. He won't wait. He doesn't care if Eddie comes back. He's coming to save her. He's coming. He falls to the floor and gathers her in his arms. He asks her where Lindsey is. She weakly answers: Not here. He lifts her easily and carries her out to the Tahoe, laying her across the backseats. He takes her to his townhouse and cleans her up. She is safe for the rest of the night.
It's not his problem, but he makes it his problem. That's how much he loves her.
xii / Betrayed
She asks him how he knew. His eyes reveal the guilt he feels. He should have told her, but he didn't and now she stands in front of him questioning his friendship. He says he saw them walking down the Strip one night a week ago. Why didn't you tell me? she wonders, You should have told me. He apologizes. He doesn't know what to say to her. He was never really good at comforting people.
xiii / Storm
Maybe it is his joy in finding out she is finally getting a divorce from her bastard of a husband. Maybe it is her idea of moving on with her life. Maybe they are both just lonely. No one knew who initiated it, but before they could get a grip on their senses, their hands and mouths took control over them. He peels back her jean jacket from her shoulders and it twists its way to the floor. She gasps loudly as he backs her sharply into the kitchen counter. He exhales her name in her hair; I've missed you, he says. She pulls him closer, kissing his lips, her hands running through his peppered gray hair. His hand slips between her legs and the tips of his fingers brush against the inside of her thigh. Is Lindsey home? he asks.
Outside, the wind and rain pounds heavily against the windows of her house; a thunderstorm in Sin City. Lightening strikes down an oak across the street. It falls through the power lines, causing a blackout in the whole neighborhood.
With the sudden darkness, their other senses heighten to compensate for the lost eyesight. They strip each other of their clothing, and crash on top of the table in her dining room. In the milky afterglow of the lightening, he sees for the first time the injuries her husband had inflicted on her; the red scars on her arms and shoulders, the bruises on her ribs, both recent and ancient. He hovers above her body, looking her over. His hand strokes her cheek lightly; she looks up at him. Her eyes fill with something neither a writer, an artist nor a musician could describe even with their ability to express the inexpressible. The look on her face comes close to making him want to burst into tears for her. He kisses her; I promise, he says, I swear he'll never hurt you again. She holds on to him tightly as he makes love to her and silently thanks some higher power for the shadows of the room that obscure the tears that slide down the side of her face. She closes her eyes and arches her back up to meet him as his thrusts deepen.
The thunder roars disapprovingly at them, shaking the house as if the whole world were against them. They don't hear it. They don't feel it. They don't care if all the earth condemns them. No one can tear them apart except themselves.
xiv / Walk On
The morning sun's hot rays slant in through the window. She wakes up to an empty bed. She doesn't quite remember how she got up there. The last place she remembers is on the dining room table downstairs. She reaches out and feels the bed sheets beside her. They are cool to the touch. He's not there, and she knows he's not just in the bathroom or kitchen. He's gone. She sits up and wraps the sheets around her naked body. She passes a hand through her tangled hair and looks out her window. One Tahoe, just one, and it's hers. She isn't surprised. It is a typical Grissom thing to do: run. But this time, she will wait for his return no matter how long it takes, because once, he waited for her.
THE END