For those of you who are avid Beast Wars fans (like me!) this fic is placed just before 'Code of Hero'. So Dinobot's not dead yet (thank any and all the Gods) and he hasn't been cloned yet either (thanking the Gods again). Thus that means that no one has reached transmetal two status (which is good, cuz I thought some of them looked downright ugly)
For those of you who aren't avid Beast Wars fans..........What's the matter with you?!?!?!
Words between ~ ~ are telepathic thoughts. Don't look
at me like that, we've got a psychic pokemon in the gang! It's not my fault
I tell you!
Now normally you'd think that seeing a brown and tan raptor doing patrol in the middle of a canyon while reporting his findings (or lack of) into a hidden communicator and being rather mouthy about it would be a strange sight to see. You'd be right. But of course, in the Beast Wars, a raptor who walks and talks (and later transforms into a robot in order to blow you up) is a general daily occurance. No really. It is. Of course said raptor becoming a crash mat for a screeching Elf and a dazed Immortal who have just fallen out of a transdimensional portal....now that's weird!
"Oh Goddess Above....what hit me?"
"That was kinda fun! Let's do that again!"
"NO!!"
"Aww...."
"By the Pit! Will you get off of me!?!"
Lashana gasped as she was unceremoniously shoved aside and yelped as she slammed face first into the sandy ground. I always wondered what eating dirt was like.... NOT! With a snarl, she lept to her feet and spun to face.....a full grown raptor?! "Oh geez, not Jurassic Park again! Duncan! Your stupid talisman's a piece of shit!"
"It is not! Besides, you broke it!"
"I did no-- Sweet flamin' shit! Where's the rest of it?!" She stared down at the piece of the talisman she had clutched in her hand and frowned. "It must have broken apart when Zel, Mewtwo and I were pulled into the portal. Well, crap. Isn't this just fine and dandy?"
"If you don't mind.... Could you stop your senseless babbling?!"
Duncan yelped and leaped into the Elf's arms, clinging to her franticly. "It's a talking raptor!!!"
Lashana rolled her eyes and dropped the Immortal, leaving him to slam onto the ground. "Get a grip you idiot. Gods....I don't know how you've managed to survive this long...." She sighed and brushed dirt off of herself before gazing over at the raptor. "I'm guessing that you're Dinobot....right?"
"How in the Inferno did you know that?" he demanded, the killing claw on his right foot twitching slightly.
"It's a long and annoying story," she muttered sourly as she looked at her surroundings. "Ugh.... Why oh why couldn't we have landed in a nice shady forest?"
"Um....Aren't you even a little freaked about the talking raptor?" Duncan whispered, ducking behind her when said raptor snarled irritably.
Lashana sighed in exasperation. "Duncan. I live with a draconian, a giant winged snake that talks, a coffee addicted chimera, a cloned psychic pokemon that looks like a cross between a kangaroo and a cat, and my Soul-Bonded is an eight an a half foot tall Digimon. And that's just the annoying ones. A talking raptor is not very high up on my 'to be freaked out about' list, okay?"
"Point."
She sighed again and looked over at Dinobot, noting that he looked like he was about to either have a fit or simply transform and beat the living daylights out of them. "Sorry. I know this is kinda....bizarre...."
"This is normal compared to some of the stuff we've been through," Duncan muttered under his breath, wincing when the Elf glared at him. "I'm shutting up now."
"Anyway. Like I was saying. I know this seems sorta strange....but there is a good reason for it....kinda."
"Oh, really? And what pray tell would that be?"
"Well.....the condensed version is that I was supposed to come here to rescue one of my.... er.... friends. See, we saw this message that they were trapped in the Pred base and, so, y'know, we tried to grab the nearest portal over here. But between this idiot-"
"Hey! I resent that!"
"Cope! So between him and his thieving side-kick, we all got pulled into a portal and seemingly seperated. What's worse is that since the talisman was broken in the process.... I'm betting that we can't leave until we get all the pieces together."
"You seriously expect me to believe that?" the raptor growled, crossing his arms over his chest as he glared at her.
"Um....yes?"
"I think not."
"Well, Christ on a crutch, what the hell do you want from me?! Oh, the flamin' hell with this! C'mon Duncan, let's get the hell out here!" she yelled as she spun around and stalked across the canyon.
Duncan glanced from the retreating Elf to the silent raptor, shrugged, and headed after the Elf. "How are we going to get out of here? It's a canyon!"
"No shit!" she growled as she grabbed his arm, quickly shoving her piece of the talisman into her jeans pocket before looking up at the edge of the canyon high above them. "RAYWING!"
"Holy shit!"
She cackled at Duncan's scream of surprise and exerted a bit more power, gaining speed as she flew upwards. "Now all we have to do is find Mewtwo and Zel, fix the talisman and go home."
"Oh that'll be a cinch," the Immortal muttered sarcasticly.
"You want me to drop you, sarcasm-boy?!"
"No! No! I'm fine, thanks!"
"Hmpft."
The raptor watched in slack-jawed shock as the two landed on level ground, his claw automaticly rising to tap his comlink. "Uh...Dinobot to Optimus. We....we have visitors....really strange ones."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH--" CRASH! "Ow....my head...."
Zelgadis lay there for a moment, content to stay limp while his head radiated it's dislike of being used as a cushion for his fall. What happened? The others.... With a grunt that was more of a painfilled wheeze, he forced himself into a sitting position and looked around, blinking at the numerous bubbling lava pits around him. "Well....this is a cheerful place."
A sharp sting in his hand made him gaze downwards, frowning when he saw that he had been clutching the talisman hard enough that it had cut into his chimeric skin. That's new. Nothing's been able to-- Oh no! Where's the rest of the talisman?! "It must have broken apart in the fight...." he whispered out loud. "But then....where are the others?"
"I assure you that they will not escape us, nooo."
The chimera blinked and looked up...right into the face of a big metallic purple T-Rex. His reaction was hysterical at best. "HOLY SHIT! IT'S BARNEY ON CRACK!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Stupid desert, and stupid chimeras, and stupid whistling immortals, and stupid portals and stupid cheap talismans and....GODDAMMIT DUNCAN STOP WHISTLING THAT SONG!!!"
Duncan pouted. "What's wrong with the 'Star Wars Theme'?"
"I'll tell you what's wrong with the Star Wars Theme! What's wrong is that you've been whistling that bloody tune for the past three miles!! Non stop!!!" Lashana yelled, accenting the rant by scooping up a rock and throwing it at him, growling when it missed.
"So I've got healthy lungs. What's wrong with that?"
Count to ten. 1...2....3.... "Duncan?"
He paled at the calm voice and slowly started backing away as she stalked towards him, a rather disturbing evil look in her eyes. "Y-yes?"
...4...5...6...."Duncan, I am tired, I am hot, and lost in a desert with no way home." ...10.....then go over there and kill him.(It really was rather amazing how cheerful her inner voice sounded at these times of emmense stress) "So. If you don't stop singing that freakin' song..." she ran forward and grabbed his shirt collar, snarling as she slammed him up against a nearby boulder. "I'm gonna rip out yer lungs an nail 'em ta yer forehead!!! Understand??!?"
He squeaked.
"What was that?!"
"Y-yes ma'am!"
She dropped him and spun to continue walking towards a distant jungle, muttering things that she'd like to do to the immortal (that can't be repeated for fear of psychologically scarring the fanfic reader's minds), while the silent and ever wary Duncan followed at a safe distance.
"I swear, there are days where I could really use a lifetime supply of tylenol..." she muttered under her breath as she kicked at a small stone. "Or at least a nice large chocolate sundae....aw geez I'm making myself hungry."
"Lashana?" When she didn't seem like she was going to spin around and disembowel him, Duncan figured that it was safe to keep talking. "Um....why don't we fly over there? Or at least use a portal?"
She sighed wearily. "One : I can't fly that far. Not while I'm carrying you anyway, it'd use up all my energy. Two : I can't use my portals. They got all fubared when I went through that funky 70's reject of a portal."
"Oh."
Ever the one for intelligent conversation, aren't you, Duncan. Oh Lords but I wish that Blackwargreymon was here! She reached up and tucked her unruly hair behind her ears, wishing that she had thought to keep a hair elastic with her as the dry hot wind sent her bangs into her eyes. This bites.
"Here," Duncan murmured as he quickened his pace to walk by her side, holding out one of his spare ribbons for his hair. "Take it."
"Thanks," she sighed, gratefully picking it out of his hand and using it to tie her hair up into a loose panytail. "We need a better travel agent."
He chuckled. "At least we didn't lose our luggage," he grinned, elicting a soft laugh as the Elf gently elbowed him in the side. "So...no more Star Wars, huh?"
"Oh, you can whistle that all you want. Just as long as you're aware that what I said before still stands," she said as she gave him one of her fanged grins.
"Ah. Well, considering that I'm rather attached to my lungs....and that this is a new shirt...." he paused and pretended to think for a moment before breaking out in a song. " 'It's a small world, after all! It's a small world, after all!' "
"Oh, if only I had my sword with me," she growled as she smacked him upside the head. She stopped walking seconds later, head cocked. "What in the worlds..."
"What?" he frowned, looking at her worriedly.
"I hear....an engine?"
He smirked. "It's a bird! It's a plane! No it's--"
"A neon blue and silver transmetal ape on a flying snowboard."
".....it's a WHAT?!?!"
She snickered at his high-pitched incredulous yelp and grabbed his arm. "Hold on."
"No! No more insane flying!" he sobbed as he tried to wriggle free, whimpering when the ground abruptly fell away. "Noooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Stop whining! Big baby...." Lashana glanced back at the Maximal and gave him a little dainty wave before she bared her fangs in a feral grin and shot towards the distant jungle, Duncan's screams of terror adding to the insanity of the moment. "What was that? Faster?"
"NO!!"
"Okay then!"
"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~Lashana? Zelgadis? Anybody?~
Mewtwo sighed from where he was flying above a lake and shook his head slightly. ~Wherever they are... they're beyond my psychic reach. Dammit.~ He looked down at the shard of the talisman in his left hand and frowned. ~They have to be around here somewhere. I just have to keep looking.~
Amethyst eyes full of new determination, the pokemon focused
his powers and increased his flight speed, shooting upwards into the white
clouds high above until only a shimmering blue trail of psychic energy
gave any indication of where he had vanished to.