You're No Gentleman!
"Why it's you again, this is really a most pleasant surprise ma'am," Hank was quite proud of the fact that he managed not to stutter.
He wasn't exactly lying either because although unexpected and just a little awkward he'd been secretly hoping to see the mysterious woman again. She was just as beautiful as he remembered with the pale almost alabaster skin, those enchanting violet eyes and those two splendid; being a gentleman Hank quickly averted his gaze to the woman's face. Again it was a good thing he didn't know he'd just been checking out Sinister let alone had found them attractive or it would have given the phrase 'love your enemy' a whole new meaning. Managing to compose himself he smiled trying not to show too much fang and extended his hand for her to shake. He could catch a faint almost indistinguishable smell and wondered whether it was her perfume, indeed it was perfume of a sort or rather pheromones.
"I apologize for my rather lackluster attire, if I'd known we were going to have a visitor I would have changed," mumbled Hank trying and failing to produce a witty conversation opener. It was so hard to think of anything in the presence of this woman.
"Oh I've already seen you smart Hank, may I call you Hank? The T-shirt shows off your muscles very nicely and all that lovely soft blue fur. May I have permission to stroke your fur, I want to see if it's as silky smooth as it looks," gushed Sinister turning on the charm.
This was actually the first time Sinister had ever seen Hank in casual attire, usually he'd just been in his usual trunks during combat or smartly dressed for one of his public appointments like earlier that day. Hank's rather scruffy appearance contrasted strongly with Natalie's who had dressed to kill so to speak. Sabretooth had certainly enjoyed helping her to choose the costume; his tongue had been hanging out of his mouth when Sinister had put on that little black cocktail dress, not to mention the naughty lingerie she was wearing underneath. Hopefully it wouldn't become necessary to show Hank the lingerie as unlike Sabretooth or Remy Hank wasn't controlled by his testosterone. Essex admired Hank's brilliant mind but despite being a woman now she still felt uncomfortable about the thoughts of kissing men. If they knew who she really was the men would be rather uncomfortable as well and Remy would probably have hung himself.
"You want to stroke my fur? Well stars and garters, you may but try not to ruffle my fur too much, it takes a lot of work to get it this immaculate."
Hank found that surprisingly a lot of women were attracted to him and it seemed for most of them the blue fur was part of the appeal. They always seemed to want to run their fingers through it, to stroke him and see if his fur was really that soft. Hank didn't really mind being stroked and quite enjoyed it sometimes as long as it was with his permission. After all he wasn't a dog or a cat although occasionally people assumed that because he looked like an animal they could treat him like one. The only people he usually allowed to stroke him were the people he was closest too. Usually Jubilee who knew full well that sending him into a state of bliss made him that more susceptible to her suggestions, Cecilia Reyes was the person he most liked to stroke him at the moment and those surgeons' fingers gave her a light delicate touch. As for Bobby, Hank's shoulder had ached for days when his friend had fallen asleep while watching the television and leaning back found a perfect substitute pillow. Hank just hadn't had the heart to wake him not even when Bobby had mumbled something about teddy bears and hugged him so tight around the neck he nearly choked.
Now as the fingers gently brushed the silky blue fur along his forearm he found he'd never felt quite this level of pleasure from a simple touch before. He literally purred with the sybaritic pleasure of the stroking just like a giant cat or like Sabretooth when he'd got a nice juicy steak.
Natalie Essex smiled as she'd finally vindicated her theory of Hank's popularity with women; it was the fur after all. Now regrettably she couldn't spend all day stroking the fur no matter how pleasurable it might be she had the important task of persuading Hank to help her. She repeated the sob story she'd given Rogue knowing Hank would be an even softer touch; she hardly even needed to turn on the tears. She simply told him about being a mutant and her unwanted gift. She expressed hope that Hank would help her, despite his bestial looks he was the first true gentleman she'd come across in a long time.
"My hirsute atavistic bestial visage isn't aesthetically displeasing to your feminine sensitivities beauteous gentlewoman," murmured Hank.
"No you're really rather cute. Oh please kind sir will you help me?"
"Stars and garters ma'am, indubitably I shall,"
The lounge
"What are they doing now Jubes, you said you could hear him purring," whispered Bobby.
"Yeah I think she was like stroking him and oh man, they're probably going to be like making out soon. That is like so disgusting, I mean not that I'm jealous or anything but I don't see why some fancy trash that Sabretooth had should get her hands on my Hank," hissed Jubilee.
Jubilee would be the first to admit she had a jealous streak, she was well known for her sharp tongue and acid comments although she usually reserved them for Logan's many female companions. Usually with Hank she didn't bother and she tolerated Cecilia since she was an X-Man. She just didn't trust this woman, for all they knew she could have been working with Sabretooth; it might even be Mystique in there snuggling up to Hank. No woman was going to hurt her friend not while she was there to protect him, if she thought she could win Hank's heart with her feminine wiles she'd have a firecracker and a Popsicle to deal with. There was no way in hell that Jubilee and Iceman were going to let her get her hands on lovely cuddly, furry, bouncy, witty Hank. As far as Jubilee was concerned the woman could go back to Victor Creed and leave her friend alone.
With their ears pressed against the door, they were too busy listening to the conversation and pulling faces at the cloyingly sweet simpering from Natalie. They didn't notice the kitchen door opening and someone nearly as hairy but a lot gruffer than Hank enter the room. They didn't notice the heavy thud of his boots, the hiss of him unsheathing his adamantium claws or even his abrupt cough. Frustrated with them not paying attention Logan resorted to a low menacing growl.
"Oh man, oh man, help its Sabretooth," shrieked Bobby diving behind the sofa in sudden panic.
"Oh Wolvy, you nearly gave me a heart attack," scolded Jubilee.
"Sorry darlin but I just wondered what the flaming hell ya thought ya were doing with yer ears ta the door like that."
"Well Hank's in there talking to this woman, you know the one that Sabretooth was after. I think they're starting to get all snuggly," said Jubilee not bothering to keep the disgust out of her tone.
Logan growled again deep in his throat sending Bobby cowering further back behind the sofa. Adamantium claws extended and retracted as Logan wrestled with his feral half, trying to keep a berserker rage in check. He'd already had to see of one woman who'd bring Hank nothing but trouble without having to contend with another. No woman was going to hurt Hank if a certain feral had anything to do with it, like it or not Hank was going to get his protection.
"Leave it ta me darlin,"
Jubilee smiled and stepped aside as a determined Logan opened the door to confront Natalie. One way or another it would all be over in a few minutes.
A few minutes later in the kitchen
"My, those pheromones really are quite potent," said Hank as he gave his chin a thoughtful scratch. He tried and failed to restrain his laughter and his booming chuckled resounded through the room.
The arrival of an angry Logan snarling and with his claws extended had panicked Natalie causing her to jump up into Hank's arms. A glare from normally mild blue eyes had stopped Logan cold and the feral had immediately felt deeply ashamed. While he'd as happily disembowel a man as look at him sometimes he certainly didn't like upsetting a lady. He'd looked somewhat sheepish and began to apologize when he'd sniffed the air catching the heady scent of the pheromones. Hank had felt their potency earlier and with the heightened sense of smell possessed by Logan the effect on him was considerably more powerful. His hazel eyes had lit up and a pleasant smile had spread across his hirsute vaguely lupine face. Before Natalie knew what was happening Logan was kissing her deeply and passionately.
"Please Hank try and stop him, this is bringing back those awful memories, please get the feral off me," begged Natalie.
"Of course ma'am," said Hank somewhat contritely.
He gently but firmly managed to grab Logan's arm and pull him away from Natalie just in time as an outraged Jubilee came storming into the room. She'd caught a glimpse of Logan, her Logan kissing that woman and calling her darlin, which was all too much for Jubilee who decided it, was time that Natalie Essex knew where she stood. Five foot of angry Chinese American teenager, blue eyes glittering with rage, yellow coat flying about her stormed into the room. Firstly she went over to the unfortunate Logan and kicked hard in the shin causing a loud echoing clang followed by a yelp as she nearly broke a toe on the adamantium.
"Hey what did ya do that fer darlin," grunted Logan more surprised than hurt.
"Leave it Logan and don't you bother with a fancy scientific explanation Hank because I'm not in the mood," snarled Jubilee turning to Natalie.
"Oh hello you must be the lovely Jubilee, my friends told me all about you," said Sinister desperately in a friendly a tone as she could muster.
This was like a red rag to a bull though and the fireworks erupted from her fingertips, far more powerful than usual due to her anger. Natalie shrieked as she was nearly blinded and then hurled across the room her dress in tatters. She banged her head against the wall and her scream of pain was loud enough that for a moment the X-Men thought that Banshee had paid them a visit. Logan snarled a curse as he found his muttonchops had been singed off and Hank was desperately trying to put out his fur which had been set alight.
"Like maybe I overdid it just a little," muttered Jubilee weakly as she blushed crimson.
Main door
Hearing the commotion in the kitchen and deciding that the sofa just wasn't safe enough Bobby decided it was time to make a quick getaway. Maybe he'd go to the swimming pool and ice it up, and then he could hide in ice form and hopefully escape any further craziness. Better yet maybe he ought to just say take a trip to New York and come back in a few hours when hopefully things would be back to normal. He just hoped that the next day would be more relaxing with something boring like having to foil Mystique's or Magneto's latest attempt at world domination. Actually Bobby thought arm wrestling Juggernaut or taking on Apocalypse all on his own would be safer than hanging around here at the moment.
He tiptoed to the door thankful that with his sneakers he could move stealthily when he had to. All that sneaking down at night for a midnight snack had paid off. He made his way to the door and to safety and just as he opened it he got the shock of his life.
"Hi Bobby have ya seen Natalie Essex?" growled Creed politely.
The sight of a clean shaven, freshly scrubbed Sabretooth with neatly trimmed sideburns and wearing a neatly pressed tuxedo with a carnation in the buttonhole was the last sight Bobby had expected to see. The fact that Sabretooth was giving him a slightly goofy but definitely amiable grin was all too much for Bobby to cope with.
"Oh man, I just can't take it any more," wailed Bobby before bursting into tears.
"Hey take it easy bub," said Creed soothingly reaching out to give Bobby a friendly pat on the back and a comforting hug if he needed it.
Not unreasonably Bobby fainted dead away.
"Oh darn," growled Creed.