Title: Waiting -Part Two-
Author: Hidden Willow
Email: willow4614@hotmail.com
Pairing: L/L
Rating: PG
Summary: Lex and Lana struggle with their respective decisions.
Disclaimer: I don't own Smallville or the Smallville characters.
Author's note: Forget what I said. "Tempest" does happen. This takes place a few days after "Waiting" and a few days before "Tempest". Thank you to all who left me such nice feedback =)
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He glanced outside the window for a moment, leaning gently against the frame. It was what others might consider a pretty view, but he rarely gave it much thought. For him a view should consist of something-- anything-- to look at and there wasn't much outside. There's wasn't much in Smallville.
Nonetheless, it was a view that on most days calmed him. He had to admit the quiet, gentle mood of the town had seeped into him over the months. It was the kind of tranquility that never existed for a moment in Metropolis or in himself.
But today the sky looked disgustingly beautiful. It was the shade of blue that got to him. Even when he closed his eyes the darkness gave way to that damned shade.
Pushing away in disgust, he moved back to his desk intent on getting back to work. He had enough things on his mind as it was.
Ignoring the blinking light of the phone, he settled himself into his chair and turned on his laptop. He already knew who had left the messages. For the past few days his work had consisted of fending off his father's attempts to lure him back to Metropolis.
The very idea made him want to let out a bitter laugh. After being exiled to the ends of the Earth, his father wanted him to join him at his side once again.
Not that any of his father's little games surprised him. It was only that each time left him more weary. He wasn't about to give up-- it wasn't that kind of weariness-- it was just that he felt like a part of himself fell away with every round. And in the end, he would be the last one standing, but really what would be left?
What would be left? That was a good question, but one he never let himself answer on the several occasions that fear flitted through his anxious mind. It was only a fear. There was no certainty. There was no sense of doom. There was nothing. That's how he made it.
But there were times when he genuinely felt he had a chance away from all that. He saw it in Clark. He had never met someone like him before. Someone so untouched it was as though no matter what happened he would never be corrupted.
The very idea of someone like that was foreign to Lex. So eventually he put behind the swirling mystery surrounding the car crash because staying friends with Clark was more important. He could admit it. He was fueled by the foolish side of him that believed if he just spent enough time with Clark he'd have peace. Silence. Sometimes he almost believed things would be okay.
Clark had that kind of calming effect on people. Lana was drawn to him for that very reason and all the reasons Lex had. They wanted to be saved. But would Clark be able to save them? Or would they have to save themselves?
It was a question Lex pushed aside as he quickly typed in the password on his laptop as it finished booting up. His fingers grazed his brow as he waited impatiently for the page to load. At this rate he wouldn't be able to get anything done. His concentration had been shot all day as his mind ran between what to do with his father and trying to make sense of the feelings he had for one Lana Lang.
It was with a sigh of frustration that he greeted the gentle tapping at his door. Taking it as a sign from the heavens that nothing would indeed be done today, he closed his laptop with an angry click.
"Come in," he barked out.
The door slowly pushed open as Lana came in. Sensing the tension in the room, she unconsciously pulled against the straps of her book bag. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything important," she said sincerely.
"No worries," he said, quickly overcoming his surprise. He thought he was going to have time to sort things out in his head before he had to see her. He could only offer a hollow smile as he asked, "So what's the occasion for this rare visit?"
Her eyes slide away from his, slightly disappointed from his empty greeting. It was with a shake of her head and an inward laugh that she pushed away her ridiculous disappointment.
"I was in the neighborhood," she said with a shadow of smile, both knowing that wasn't likely. "Figured I'd stop by and give you a proper thank for you for treating us all to dinner the other night."
"No problem," he said dismissively. "You guys need to save your money for the dance."
"Clark told you about that?"
"Didn't have to. It's a small town. I think the dance ranks up there as the biggest event in the past year."
"A simple school dance top your arrival? Doubtful," she teased.
"That's true," he joked. "You going with Whitney?" he asked casually.
"Yeah." She waited a beat for the inevitable remark, but none came. No little comment about her boyfriend? That was new.
"Dress all picked out?"
"I have one in mind."
"What color?" he asked, genuinely curious.
"Blue." He could feel the edges of his mouth quirk up at the information, barely containing a very uncharacteristic dumb grin.
"What? Do I wear that color a lot? Do I look bad in blue?" she asked concerned, her eyebrows furrowing with worry. That only seemed to amuse him more and agitate her in return.
"Blue's perfect," he said, placing his hand on her shoulder.
Lana took his assurance skeptically, her eyes burning into him at the thought he was trying to pacify her.
"I mean it," he added seriously as he reluctantly let his hand fall away.
She nodded her head after a beat, feeling herself get sucked into the suddenly serious mood.
The ringing of the phone broke the unusual spell over them, but Lex made no move to answer it.
"Aren't you going to get that?" she asked, her eyes slipping past him to the phone.
"It's my father," he said as way of explanation, his demeanor turning frigid.
"Avoiding him?"
"He wants me to go back to Metropolis," he stated.
"Metropolis? But that's... not here," she ended dumbly just as the phone abruptly stopped ringing.
"No, it isn't," he said dryly.
"Well, I guess that's a good thing for you, right?" she said apprehensively. "But then why are you avoiding his calls?"
"I've learned something early on. Whatever my father wants is most likely *not* in my best interest. This is no exception."
"But isn't this what you wanted? To get out of here since day one?"
"I've made my place here. He knows that."
"So now he wants you back in Metropolis with him, why?"
"I'm not doing things his way. He doesn't like that. He has certain... expectations. He wants me to be the kind of man he is."
"Every father wants their son to walk in their footsteps."
"It's more than that. If I'm not like him, if I'm not his heir, than I'm competition. Actually, I've always been both. *That's* why he wants me within grasp. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, Lana," he ended coolly. Lex turned to sit down, waving a hand for her to do the same.
Lana lowered herself down to the seat, disturbed by what he had said. She knew his relationship with his father was complicated, but she never thought it was this bad.
"I doubt he thinks-" Lana began.
"I rather not waste my time talking about him," he interrupted. "I have to deal with him soon enough as it is."
She nodded slowly. If he didn't want to talk about it there wasn't a good chance she could get him to open up.
Switching gears, he smiled apologetically. "So a dance, eh? Glad to see Whitney is up to that."
"Oh, yeah," she continued reluctantly. "He's been doing great lately. The last couple of days he's been walking around so determined. Like he knows exactly what he wants out of life and how he's going to get it," she said, her enthusiasm dipping with each word.
"You think he's only pretended to come to terms with his father's death?"
"No. I think he has accepted it, he really has. And I- you know when I first heard I thought I would be able to help him out because...I've been there."
Her eyes were downcast as she spoke. He knew that even the small mention of her parents brought all the memories back. He understood that.
"But I was so young when it happened. Whitney has 17 years of memories and it makes it that much harder. But he's handling everything so well. I never did. I still haven't."
"What do you mean?" He asked, watching her carefully.
"Look at me. I haven't let go. I thought I had, but I haven't." Her hand wavered up to her necklace unconsciously as she spoke before she even noticed. "This necklace. The Talon, even. I've been holding on so tightly to the things around me so nothing will change. And all I keep thinking back to is the person I could have been if things had gone differently. Maybe that person..." Maybe that person would have been strong enough, she thought to herself. She shook her head as she considered it.
Standing up quickly, a trace of embarrassment on her face, she said, "I'm sorry. I keep doing that. I keep spouting my mouth about all these things to you. I don't know why."
"It's okay, Lana." He was already on his feet as he spoke. Just as she turned to leave, he shouted out to confess, "I do, too."
Turning back to him, her almond eyes looking at him curiously, she asked, "Do what?"
"Wonder about the kind of person I could have been. I know if my mother had been around I would be a better person right now. I don't blame her for dying or for my failures, but I wonder. When I let myself."
He rolled up his left sleeve to show her his watch. "My mother gave this to me." Lana's delicate fingers reached out to touch the face of the watch as she studied it. "The memories of her I cherish, but I can't let the past hold me back. I can't let it control me."
"Control is important to you," she stated simply as her fingers slide away.
His pulled his sleeve back down and said with slight disdain, "You make me sound like a robot."
"No, it's a good quality. People have to control themselves. You can't let yourself get swept away every time you feel something," she said thoughtfully. "If you do you end up hurting everyone around you and yourself." The words barely found their way out as she found herself distracted by Lex's stare. Had she said something wrong?
He looked at her in surprise. She had said everything that had been on his mind all day. Wanting something despite better judgement, and knowing he'd have to let it go. But he knew she hadn't meant it that way. She probably meant Clark. She probably meant a lot of things. She kept so many things tucked away for fear of the unknown and the costly consequences. Control was important to her, too.
"That doesn't mean you shouldn't ever let yourself get swept away," he responded.
"When was the last time you were?" she countered.
"Oh, it feels just like yesterday," he smiled secretively.
She smiled ruefully. "I should probably go. You have a lot of work to get back to."
"It was nice seeing you."
"Yeah, you too," she said softly.
"Lana," he called out as she headed for the door. She turned and looked at him expectantly. There were a dozen things he wanted to say. "Let me know how the dance goes," he said instead.
"Sure." She paused as she reached out for the doorknob. "You're father...you really aren't like him. Don't let him make you think differently."
She was down the steps and out the door in an instant. She sighed in relief as she met the cool, clean air of the afternoon.
She could still feel the pounding of her heart that had been echoing loudly inside her all day. She wanted out of the life she had set up for herself, but she didn't know if she could let go.
Lex was trying, though. He was fighting against the future his dad had guided him towards for so many years. But in those years, traces of Lionel had grown in him in the form of bitterness and contempt. It was exactly what could lead him in his father's footsteps. She just hoped he learned how to let go, too.
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